AN: Could take place some time between season 7 and 8. After Emily stops dating Leslie Garland, definitely before episode 8x14 Toronto's Girl Problem. (Title of the fic inspired by this episode).
Opinions about homosexuality and bisexuality mentioned in the fic represent opinions from 1890s and 1900s.
Emily took a deep breath and decisively knocked on the door of Julia's office. Maybe it would be better to talk somewhere in private considering the topic she wanted to talk about but on the other hand, Emily hoped that this professional environment would make the discussion less awkward.
"I ... have a perhaps strange question," Emily finally arrived at the point after they greeted each other.
"Then ask, Emily. You know that I love all mysteries and puzzles and searching for answers," Julia turned to her and smiled.
"I don't think this is the usual kind of riddle..." Emily said in a quieter tone and this finally spiked Julia's interest.
She moved her chair slightly forward, closer to Emily and told her calmly: "Ask me anyway. You can trust me."
"You know that I was dating George and then," Emily vaguely gestured around, not wanting to say "Leslie" aloud. Julia nodded.
"I've noticed that...," Emily sighed. "That I've been watching women lately. Noticing their clothes. Let me explain it better. I don't mean looking at the bell-shaped skirts and interesting hats and thinking where I could buy one. I'm looking at the clothes and imagining the body shapes underneath. I'm also looking at their chests, and I can't even lie to myself that it's purely from a doctor's or coroner's point of view, to watch people's breathing or whatever," Emily was talking quicker and quicker, her voice going higher. She swallowed and continued before Julia could say a word.
"I'm not watching their breathing. I'm watching their breasts, Julia. I'm watching women and their breast and not only that. I'm imagining things. How would it feel if I kissed a woman or if a woman undressed me? I'm certainly going crazy. It must be a psychological disorder. I don't know what to do, Julia. I read about the hypnosis therapy of the German doctor; I forgot his name. Do you think that-" Emily was breathing hard. "That I would need it? I don't want that. It's nothing really bad, right?" she pleaded.
Julia took Emily's hands into her own.
"Doctor Albert von Schrenck-Notzing," Julia remarked automatically. "You need to calm down. You are certainly not crazy. That's a fact I know for sure."
Emily looked at her uncertainly.
"Homosexuality though, or bisexuality, haven't been sufficiently scientifically analysed. Though if it calms you down, certain animal species display homosexual behaviour. Freud himself believes that humans are born innately bisexual and emphasises that homosexuality is not a disease!" Julia said.
"And yet just a few years ago Oscar Wilde was imprisoned for it. And that was only in a book, The Picture of Dorian Gray," Emily remarked gloomily.
"As I said it's a phenomenon in the society and science that hasn't been discussed much, we have a lot to learn yet. Though I strongly believe that love is love, be it between a man and a woman or between two women or two men for that matter," Julia argued. "Love is a complicated matter, we, and I don't mean as scientists, but we as people falling in love always learn something new, something about whom we are attracted to, what we want and what we don't want to."
"So, you think it's not a reason to be concerned?" Emily asked.
"Well, I can imagine that you are confused and afraid. I just think that you shouldn't worry on top of everything else that there's something wrong with you."
Emily nodded shyly and then smiled. "I'm so relieved. I was so worried. I mean of course I won't be talking with random people about it because it wouldn't be safe but just the knowledge that you know and don't think it's wrong. Thank you so much!" Emily whispered.
"Do you know how long you'll be there?" Julia asked William who has been packing clothes and other necessities into his suitcase.
"I don't know for sure. Until we solve the case or get enough traces and evidence at least." "Shouldn't I go with you?" Julia asked and hugged William from behind.
"Crabtree is going with me and there's no body to examine. Though I'd love to have you with me, you'll be more needed here at the clinic," William explained.
"You are right. I have so many patients," Julia sighed. "And I'm sure you and Crabtree will solve the case in no time!"
"I hope so," William mumbled. "Now let's go to bed, we are leaving early."
Julia unannounced came to the city morgue. Emily quickly pushed the thought away that Julia came to take over the morgue because she, Emily, was morally untrustworthy or something. "Julia wouldn't do that," Emily reprimanded herself and smiled.
"I've been thinking," Julia stated simply and was randomly touching some objects in the morgue, the only sign she was, in fact, very nervous.
"When you were describing the other day how you were looking at women and their shape and breasts and imagining what a kiss felt like... I realized that this thought had crossed my mind sometimes, but I've never really thought about it. And of course, there's William," she trailed off.
x-x-x
"So... what a kiss feels like," Emily swallowed and took a step closer to Julia.
"Yes, just a kiss," Julia whispered and also took a step closer.
They didn't touch each other with any other body part, they just touched with their lips, at first lightly. Then Emily raised her hand and jerkily, as if she were a puppet and someone was carelessly pulling the strings moved her arm upwards. Finally, she put her hand on the back of Julia's head and pressed her on herself more tightly. Julia slightly opened her mouth...
x-x-x
Emily finally breathed again. "That was... That was..."
"... more than science, perhaps," Julia finished the sentence and left the morgue.
Julia tried to concentrate on her work the next day but then after lunch she finally decided and went to the city morgue again.
This time, Emily only widened her eyes and didn't even greet Julia.
"I'm so sorry to bother you at work again, I just wanted to talk to you, because of yesterday," Julia began.
"Do you want me to assure you that it won't happen ever again?" Emily asked uncertainly, even though it wasn't her who took the first step yesterday.
"I don't think it will happen again," Julia smiled lightly. "Though I'm not here because of promises... I'm here to talk to you if you want to talk to me..."
"Of course," Emily exclaimed and pulled on Julia's arm and led her to the table in her office. "I don't want one kiss to ruin our friendship or make things awkward," Emily continued.
"Neither do I. I guess I was just curious and because I'm not one for having prejudice I took advantage of your confession, which upon consideration I shouldn't have because you came to me as to a doctor for medical advice…"
Today, Emily was the calmer one. She made Julia tea and confessed... "I'm still glad you did it. I think I showed you clearly enough I wasn't against it," Emily winked.
"I have to admit that I wasn't watching you the way I described to you but only because I was too worried that you might notice or that I'll scare you away... But I imagined many times. So, I shall be happy that I don't have to rely just on phantasies, but I'll have a memory too."
"Oh, Emily... Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"You are my mentor, my predecessor on this position, my dear friend... Maybe I was afraid of losing all of this. And of admitting this... And even if I had said anything and you hadn't been mad at me, it wouldn't have changed anything..."
"That is… true. Though knowing is always the state of mind I prefer. And to be completely honest with you, it wasn't just curiosity. When you told me how you looked at the women's clothes and breathing and breasts... I might have recognized myself in this too. Only very very rarely, but you are indeed wearing some beautiful clothes," Julia said.
Emily took a sip of tea first. "Indeed, knowing is always better," she smiled.
"And now while we have resolved this, I can invite to tea and some desserts this evening. We can discuss the suffrage movement you are so fascinated about," Julia said
"We'll have so much to talk about!"
"Yes, I'm so excited about it! Imagine, Julia, all women having their right to vote and to be voted!" Emily exclaimed.
"You'll have to come to one of our meetings. You should get to know Lilian Moss, she's fearless!"
"Oh, I'll be looking forward to it, some day," Julia smiled gently.
Emily took a sip of tea and a bite of the cake. She quickly licked of the tiniest bit of jam from her upper lip.
It was just a millisecond but suddenly she felt the atmosphere in the room changed. It was strange, if anything, this action should have affected Julia, not Emily.
The air was heavy, Emily was aware of every breath she took, of the way her chest was moving, of the rising and falling of her necklace. She couldn't look at Julia feeling too embarrassed but on the other hand certain that Julia would notice in a moment even without Emily looking at her.
"Emily, are not feeling well," Julia didn't ask, she announced it.
Then Julia stood up from her chair. "Do you think this would help?" she asked and untied the ribbon on Emily's blouse around her neck.
Julia's hands weren't cold but on Emily's hot skin they felt like ice water running down her throat. Emily finally raised her head and looked up to Julia into her eyes.
"This would also help," she whispered and kissed Julia.
She first embraced Julia but then raised her hands higher, played with her hair and removed some pins from Julia's hairdo. Some of the strands fell down.
Julia supressed the sigh of surprise and instead leaned into the kiss even more. Absentmindedly she began unbuttoning Emily's blouse. Emily's hands were everywhere. In Julia's hair, on her shoulders, waist, fighting with the belt, buttons, and the skirt.
x-x-x
Then they needed to catch their breath and a moment of clarity came. Emily noticed a telegram on the table. "
William wrote. He's solved the case and is coming tomorrow," Julia whispered as if someone could hear them.
Emily stopped in the middle of her move. "Of course! William is returning. This means that... This means that we have to st-..."
"Yes, we should ...," Julia awkwardly gestured around .
Emily coughed.
"We have to ..." Emily started again trying not to look at Julia.
x-x-x
Julia looked at the door of the bedroom. Emily followed her gaze.
"We have this night!" they exclaimed in unison.
AN:
A Sapphic person (also known as Woman Loving Woman (WLW), LBPQ (Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Queer), and Difemina) is a woman, or woman-aligned person who is attracted to other women or woman-aligned people. The masculine counterpart to sapphic is achillean.
Source: wiki/Sapphic
On Albert von Schrenck-Notzing's and Freund's opinions: news/gay-conversion-therapy-origins-19th-century