Fall to Pieces
Chapter Nine
Disclaimer: Still waiting for those twenty-four hours ... anytime you want to give them to me, I'm game.
A/N: I couldn't write about the dreams! They were way too "interesting" for my story (which is a PG-13 by the way), but I'll work something out. Nothing too telling, though.
XXXXXXXXXX
The next morning had been ... awkward to say the least. She had woken flushed, her cheeks still burning. She certainly hadn't had dreams like that in years. Not that she was complaining, they were pleasant dreams. Thankfully she had gotten up a little earlier than the girls, so she had been able to return herself to normal, it took a fairly long cold shower, but the girls could be heavy sleepers.
When she brought the girls into the kitchen for breakfast he was already there, sipping on a cup of coffee. The smell of caffeine perked her up instantly, and she took the cup he handed her readily. But, when their fingertips grazed a flood of feelings washed over her. His lips on hers, the strong smell of aftershave mixed with his own unique sent, the feel of his hands on her hips, pulling her further into that kiss for the night prior. Then, there were other things, from her dreams. How real it had felt, his hands roaming her body and hers his. His weight over hers, him whispering in her ear, the heat ... oh, boy. Those were not things she should be thinking of so early in the morning.
"Olivia?" He called out to her, a bemused smile playing on his lips.
She looked down at her coffee cup, "Hmm?"
"You all right?" He inquired.
"Fine," was all she said.
He was about to press further when Becca tugged at her shirt, "Momma?"
Olivia looked down at her, thankful for the disruption. "Yes, honey?"
"I go school? Go wit Cassie?"
Olivia smiled at the hopeful look on her face and picked her up into her arms, "How about we give it a few more years, huh? Let's wait until you're five."
"I two!"
"Yes, Becca, you're two years old."
"I big girl!"
Olivia laughed, "That too." She put her back down on the ground, "Go finish your breakfast, ok?"
"Okey," she said running off towards the table. Olivia picked her cup of coffee back up and ignoring Elliot walked into the living room to check the forecast for the day. She heard him following her as she sat on the couch and looked around her for the remote. It was on the coffee table in front of her. She picked it up just as she felt a warm body sitting a little too closely to her. She didn't acknowledge him, instead turned it to the weather channel and waited for the local on the 8's.
"Liv," he called out to her. She looked over at him.
"What's wrong?"
She shook her head, "Nothing." She turned to the TV and waited, after a few minutes what she was waiting for came on. It was to be a nice day, the highs around late 80's early 90's. She called for the girls, telling them to finish up it was almost time to go. Standing she shut of the television with the remote and threw it haphazardly behind her and onto the couch. Grabbing her coat she pulled it on and called to the girls again, they came running out of the kitchen, Cassie pulling on her bookbag and Becca coming straight for mommy with her arms reaching out, a gesture she knew well. She picked her up and let her rest on one of her hips.
"Whoa, Becca, either you're getting a little big or mommy's getting old."
"Momma old!" She squealed.
"Why, thank you," she said with a chuckle.
"Yooh wecome."
As they drove to drop the girls off at their separate locations her dream was forgotten. For the time being, that was.
XXXXXXXXXX
A week later:
She stood alone in the middle of an empty room, it wasn't large, but then again large wasn't what she was looking for. It would work, she decided. She exited the room and entered another, which was a bit larger. For the girls, she mused. They need more room than I do. The living room was a fairly good size, as was the kitchen/dinning room. There was one bathroom, but again they wouldn't need much and it was a nice, large bathroom with a tub and a separate shower. It wasn't much, but it would do. The best thing about it was that it was centrally located, only a few minutes from Cassie's school and close by Heather's house. And, though she probably wouldn't mention it much, it was only 10 minutes away from Elliot's apartment.
She let the real-estate agent know that she would take the apartment and signed the necessary papers. In two days they could move in. She had already spoken to Elliot, Munch, and Fin of helping her with the moving. She would need somebody with a truck to get the beds and dressers, as well as some other things from the house. Hopefully Chris would be working when they got there the next day, which was a Saturday. But, she doubted it. Maybe she would get lucky.
As she drove down the street that would bring her to Heather's apartment her thoughts drifted to roughly a week before, when she had first told Elliot of her plans to find an apartment, and he had kissed her before she had gone to sleep. Neither of them had spoken of the incident since then, but on occasion she would catch him staring, that same hungry look dancing in his eyes that she had seen that night. Her cheeks would flush and they would both look away. Then, there were times that she would catch herself staring at him, his lips in particular. Reminding herself of how they felt, how they tasted, all this after only two small kisses. She didn't want to know what anything further would have her thinking, which is why she had to leave so quickly. Not that she didn't trust him, she knew that he had only kissed her to reassure her that he would be there waiting for her, she didn't trust herself. If she was behaving in this sort of way after only two kisses what would happen if she took things ... further, on her accord. Because, she knew that if she stayed, that was a likely possibility.
She shook the thoughts out of her head and when the light turned green drove off down the street, then pulled in front of the building that Heather lived in. She buzzed her in, and Olivia began up the two flights of stairs. Which was another good thing about her new apartment, it was on the ground level. As she knocked on the door it slowly creaked open, Cassie was waiting on the other end.
"You get it?"
Olivia nodded, "We move in Sunday."
A large smile appeared on her face and she ran and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist. She laughed and walked into the apartment, searching for Heather. She found her in Grace's room, along with Becca.
"Heather, can I talk to you?"
She looked up from the worksheet she was helping her daughter with, "Sure." She got up from the bed and walked out into the living room with Olivia.
"What is it?"
"I'm moving into a new apartment on Sunday, I know you said that Chris asked your husband the other day if you had heard from me, and I just wanted to thank you for telling him to say that he hadn't. It's gone well so far, as far as me being able to keep the girls away from him, and I don't want them getting hurt; I know he'll end up doing that. Emotionally. But, here's the new address," she handed her the folded up piece of paper in her hand, "the number is there, too. Call or stop by whenever. If I'm home you're welcome."
She smiled, "Thank you, Olivia."
"I should be thanking you, Heather. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here to help me, I wouldn't have anybody to watch the girls. It means a lot to me that you would look after them while I'm working, most people would look at my hours and tell me I'm crazy, hire a babysitter."
"I enjoy the extra company. So does Grace. It's no problem."
Olivia nodded, "I just wanted to make sure you knew how thankful I was."
"I know."
"I should be getting them back to Elliot's house, we've got a lot of packing up to do."
"Right, you go do that."
Olivia went and got Cassie and Becca from Grace's room and they walked down the stairs and loaded into her car. When they got to Elliot's apartment Olivia helped the girls pack some things, leaving out only the outfits they would wear the next day and Sunday when they would be moving in. After the girls had their dinner, showers, and TV time she tucked them into bed and sat out in the living room alone, her head resting on the back of the sofa, eyes staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes she heard heavy footfall and then somebody sitting next to her on the couch, a bit closer than she would have liked.
"You sure you want to do this?" He asked.
"I have to, that doesn't mean I want to."
"Then stay."
She sighed, "Elliot, I can't. You know that."
"I've promised you thousands of times that I wouldn't try anything, not even another kiss."
She shut her eyes with a sigh, "And I've told you thousands of times that it's not you that I don't trust, it's me."
"You think I would take advantage of you're venerability. Because that's what that says to me, that if for some reason you tried something I would cave and let it happen."
"I can be a very convincing person, if I want something bad enough."
They sat in silence for nearly ten minutes before she spoke again; "If you only knew, Elliot, how hard this is for me you'd understand ... you would know why it's so important that I leave so soon. Why I can't risk staying."
"You don't give me enough credit, Liv. Maybe I do understand how hard it is for you to leave, maybe it's hard for me to let you go."
"It's not like you're loosing me forever, Elliot. I'm just getting an apartment. Good Lord, I've lived without you for six years now; somehow I dealt with it then. Why should it be so hard for me to be able to live without you there now? Why shouldn't I be able to go and be a single mother? Is there some reason I should have to have you around all the time?"
He shook his head, "I just thought you'd like to."
"This has nothing to do with whether I'd like to or not, because yeah, I'd really enjoy that. But, I don't have to have it. Not now at least, and I can't have it now, so it really doesn't matter. I just hate how these living situations have made me need you like they have. You're my best friend Elliot and I love you but I don't need you."
He didn't say anything, maybe she had taken him off guard with the 'I love you' but, she really hadn't meant it in the romantically way, it was the platonic love she had been speaking of. It was her love for her as a friend, a partner. The fact that she was beginning to fall for him notwithstanding. She stood up from the couch and started walking off to her bedroom.
He called after her; "Do you mean that?"
She turned around to look at him, "Mean what?"
"Do you love me?"
Damn, he'd caught that. "You're my best friend, Elliot. We've worked together for six years. Of course I love you, you've always been there for me."
"So, as a friend you love me? Nothing else?"
"Elliot," she said slowly, "I'm going through a divorce at the moment. The last thing I want to dwell on is my feelings for you, no matter what they are."
"But, you have feelings for me, other than as friends?"
She shook her head, "I really don't know."
"And you have to go? It's not an option for you to stay?"
"No," she said sadly, "It's not. If I'm ever going to figure this out, if you ever want an answer to your questions, I have to leave. Because if I stay I won't be able to work this out, I'll be stuck on seeing you 24/7. I'm sorry Elliot, but sometimes I just need to be away from you. And it doesn't help me figure out my feelings with you always there asking questions."
"I'm sorry," he said solemnly.
"Don't be," she said shaking her head, "there's no reason for you to be sorry. It's not you, I'm the one with the screwed up life and emotions. I just need some space."
"I'm always here you know."
She nodded, "I know."
He stood up from the couch and walked up to her, pulling her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. He held her in his arms for a good five minutes before she pulled away and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight, Elliot."
"Night, Liv."
She broke away and walked back down the hallway and into the guest bedroom. She listened as he walked down the hallway, into his room, and shut the door behind him. Closing her eyes with the sound of the shutting door she prayed that what she was doing was the right thing. She prayed she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life. Lying down in bed she realized that she was falling in love with him, and it scared the living hell out of her.
Chapter Nine
Disclaimer: Still waiting for those twenty-four hours ... anytime you want to give them to me, I'm game.
A/N: I couldn't write about the dreams! They were way too "interesting" for my story (which is a PG-13 by the way), but I'll work something out. Nothing too telling, though.
XXXXXXXXXX
The next morning had been ... awkward to say the least. She had woken flushed, her cheeks still burning. She certainly hadn't had dreams like that in years. Not that she was complaining, they were pleasant dreams. Thankfully she had gotten up a little earlier than the girls, so she had been able to return herself to normal, it took a fairly long cold shower, but the girls could be heavy sleepers.
When she brought the girls into the kitchen for breakfast he was already there, sipping on a cup of coffee. The smell of caffeine perked her up instantly, and she took the cup he handed her readily. But, when their fingertips grazed a flood of feelings washed over her. His lips on hers, the strong smell of aftershave mixed with his own unique sent, the feel of his hands on her hips, pulling her further into that kiss for the night prior. Then, there were other things, from her dreams. How real it had felt, his hands roaming her body and hers his. His weight over hers, him whispering in her ear, the heat ... oh, boy. Those were not things she should be thinking of so early in the morning.
"Olivia?" He called out to her, a bemused smile playing on his lips.
She looked down at her coffee cup, "Hmm?"
"You all right?" He inquired.
"Fine," was all she said.
He was about to press further when Becca tugged at her shirt, "Momma?"
Olivia looked down at her, thankful for the disruption. "Yes, honey?"
"I go school? Go wit Cassie?"
Olivia smiled at the hopeful look on her face and picked her up into her arms, "How about we give it a few more years, huh? Let's wait until you're five."
"I two!"
"Yes, Becca, you're two years old."
"I big girl!"
Olivia laughed, "That too." She put her back down on the ground, "Go finish your breakfast, ok?"
"Okey," she said running off towards the table. Olivia picked her cup of coffee back up and ignoring Elliot walked into the living room to check the forecast for the day. She heard him following her as she sat on the couch and looked around her for the remote. It was on the coffee table in front of her. She picked it up just as she felt a warm body sitting a little too closely to her. She didn't acknowledge him, instead turned it to the weather channel and waited for the local on the 8's.
"Liv," he called out to her. She looked over at him.
"What's wrong?"
She shook her head, "Nothing." She turned to the TV and waited, after a few minutes what she was waiting for came on. It was to be a nice day, the highs around late 80's early 90's. She called for the girls, telling them to finish up it was almost time to go. Standing she shut of the television with the remote and threw it haphazardly behind her and onto the couch. Grabbing her coat she pulled it on and called to the girls again, they came running out of the kitchen, Cassie pulling on her bookbag and Becca coming straight for mommy with her arms reaching out, a gesture she knew well. She picked her up and let her rest on one of her hips.
"Whoa, Becca, either you're getting a little big or mommy's getting old."
"Momma old!" She squealed.
"Why, thank you," she said with a chuckle.
"Yooh wecome."
As they drove to drop the girls off at their separate locations her dream was forgotten. For the time being, that was.
XXXXXXXXXX
A week later:
She stood alone in the middle of an empty room, it wasn't large, but then again large wasn't what she was looking for. It would work, she decided. She exited the room and entered another, which was a bit larger. For the girls, she mused. They need more room than I do. The living room was a fairly good size, as was the kitchen/dinning room. There was one bathroom, but again they wouldn't need much and it was a nice, large bathroom with a tub and a separate shower. It wasn't much, but it would do. The best thing about it was that it was centrally located, only a few minutes from Cassie's school and close by Heather's house. And, though she probably wouldn't mention it much, it was only 10 minutes away from Elliot's apartment.
She let the real-estate agent know that she would take the apartment and signed the necessary papers. In two days they could move in. She had already spoken to Elliot, Munch, and Fin of helping her with the moving. She would need somebody with a truck to get the beds and dressers, as well as some other things from the house. Hopefully Chris would be working when they got there the next day, which was a Saturday. But, she doubted it. Maybe she would get lucky.
As she drove down the street that would bring her to Heather's apartment her thoughts drifted to roughly a week before, when she had first told Elliot of her plans to find an apartment, and he had kissed her before she had gone to sleep. Neither of them had spoken of the incident since then, but on occasion she would catch him staring, that same hungry look dancing in his eyes that she had seen that night. Her cheeks would flush and they would both look away. Then, there were times that she would catch herself staring at him, his lips in particular. Reminding herself of how they felt, how they tasted, all this after only two small kisses. She didn't want to know what anything further would have her thinking, which is why she had to leave so quickly. Not that she didn't trust him, she knew that he had only kissed her to reassure her that he would be there waiting for her, she didn't trust herself. If she was behaving in this sort of way after only two kisses what would happen if she took things ... further, on her accord. Because, she knew that if she stayed, that was a likely possibility.
She shook the thoughts out of her head and when the light turned green drove off down the street, then pulled in front of the building that Heather lived in. She buzzed her in, and Olivia began up the two flights of stairs. Which was another good thing about her new apartment, it was on the ground level. As she knocked on the door it slowly creaked open, Cassie was waiting on the other end.
"You get it?"
Olivia nodded, "We move in Sunday."
A large smile appeared on her face and she ran and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist. She laughed and walked into the apartment, searching for Heather. She found her in Grace's room, along with Becca.
"Heather, can I talk to you?"
She looked up from the worksheet she was helping her daughter with, "Sure." She got up from the bed and walked out into the living room with Olivia.
"What is it?"
"I'm moving into a new apartment on Sunday, I know you said that Chris asked your husband the other day if you had heard from me, and I just wanted to thank you for telling him to say that he hadn't. It's gone well so far, as far as me being able to keep the girls away from him, and I don't want them getting hurt; I know he'll end up doing that. Emotionally. But, here's the new address," she handed her the folded up piece of paper in her hand, "the number is there, too. Call or stop by whenever. If I'm home you're welcome."
She smiled, "Thank you, Olivia."
"I should be thanking you, Heather. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here to help me, I wouldn't have anybody to watch the girls. It means a lot to me that you would look after them while I'm working, most people would look at my hours and tell me I'm crazy, hire a babysitter."
"I enjoy the extra company. So does Grace. It's no problem."
Olivia nodded, "I just wanted to make sure you knew how thankful I was."
"I know."
"I should be getting them back to Elliot's house, we've got a lot of packing up to do."
"Right, you go do that."
Olivia went and got Cassie and Becca from Grace's room and they walked down the stairs and loaded into her car. When they got to Elliot's apartment Olivia helped the girls pack some things, leaving out only the outfits they would wear the next day and Sunday when they would be moving in. After the girls had their dinner, showers, and TV time she tucked them into bed and sat out in the living room alone, her head resting on the back of the sofa, eyes staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes she heard heavy footfall and then somebody sitting next to her on the couch, a bit closer than she would have liked.
"You sure you want to do this?" He asked.
"I have to, that doesn't mean I want to."
"Then stay."
She sighed, "Elliot, I can't. You know that."
"I've promised you thousands of times that I wouldn't try anything, not even another kiss."
She shut her eyes with a sigh, "And I've told you thousands of times that it's not you that I don't trust, it's me."
"You think I would take advantage of you're venerability. Because that's what that says to me, that if for some reason you tried something I would cave and let it happen."
"I can be a very convincing person, if I want something bad enough."
They sat in silence for nearly ten minutes before she spoke again; "If you only knew, Elliot, how hard this is for me you'd understand ... you would know why it's so important that I leave so soon. Why I can't risk staying."
"You don't give me enough credit, Liv. Maybe I do understand how hard it is for you to leave, maybe it's hard for me to let you go."
"It's not like you're loosing me forever, Elliot. I'm just getting an apartment. Good Lord, I've lived without you for six years now; somehow I dealt with it then. Why should it be so hard for me to be able to live without you there now? Why shouldn't I be able to go and be a single mother? Is there some reason I should have to have you around all the time?"
He shook his head, "I just thought you'd like to."
"This has nothing to do with whether I'd like to or not, because yeah, I'd really enjoy that. But, I don't have to have it. Not now at least, and I can't have it now, so it really doesn't matter. I just hate how these living situations have made me need you like they have. You're my best friend Elliot and I love you but I don't need you."
He didn't say anything, maybe she had taken him off guard with the 'I love you' but, she really hadn't meant it in the romantically way, it was the platonic love she had been speaking of. It was her love for her as a friend, a partner. The fact that she was beginning to fall for him notwithstanding. She stood up from the couch and started walking off to her bedroom.
He called after her; "Do you mean that?"
She turned around to look at him, "Mean what?"
"Do you love me?"
Damn, he'd caught that. "You're my best friend, Elliot. We've worked together for six years. Of course I love you, you've always been there for me."
"So, as a friend you love me? Nothing else?"
"Elliot," she said slowly, "I'm going through a divorce at the moment. The last thing I want to dwell on is my feelings for you, no matter what they are."
"But, you have feelings for me, other than as friends?"
She shook her head, "I really don't know."
"And you have to go? It's not an option for you to stay?"
"No," she said sadly, "It's not. If I'm ever going to figure this out, if you ever want an answer to your questions, I have to leave. Because if I stay I won't be able to work this out, I'll be stuck on seeing you 24/7. I'm sorry Elliot, but sometimes I just need to be away from you. And it doesn't help me figure out my feelings with you always there asking questions."
"I'm sorry," he said solemnly.
"Don't be," she said shaking her head, "there's no reason for you to be sorry. It's not you, I'm the one with the screwed up life and emotions. I just need some space."
"I'm always here you know."
She nodded, "I know."
He stood up from the couch and walked up to her, pulling her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. He held her in his arms for a good five minutes before she pulled away and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight, Elliot."
"Night, Liv."
She broke away and walked back down the hallway and into the guest bedroom. She listened as he walked down the hallway, into his room, and shut the door behind him. Closing her eyes with the sound of the shutting door she prayed that what she was doing was the right thing. She prayed she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life. Lying down in bed she realized that she was falling in love with him, and it scared the living hell out of her.