Fall to Pieces
Chapter Twelve
Disclaimer: Ok, ten hours is too much... how about five? Five's not too much to ask for is it? That's only the equivalent of five episodes... a lot can happen in five episodes, but hey! Please!
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At the park she fought to keep her cool, it had become almost too hard to even be around him lately. Outside of work, that was. When she was at work she could put her game face on, when she was at work he was nothing more than her partner. She wasn't sure how she did this, but she did, by the grace of God she did.
They sat together on a bench while the girls played, and every now and then Becca or Cassie would call the two over to them, wanting the adults to play along. Maybe swing them, or go down the slide. Olivia was use to this; they were of course, her children. But, she was surprised how natural Elliot seemed with this girls, she found herself wondering what kind of father he would be.
So, while he pushed the two girls on the swings she sat back on that same bench and watched. The girls were laughing at something that he said and he had a goofy grin on his face, it was a rare sight. Most of the time, when he was around children it was because of work and they had gone through some form of abuse. Elliot had to be professional and closed off then, to see him open and playful with her children was, to her, amazing. Becca looked over at her, waved, then called out to her. She stood up from the bench and walked across the park to where they were.
"What is it, hon?" She asked as she took over for Elliot, pushing Becca while he continued to push Cassie.
"I'm hungry," she told her as a matter-of-factly. Olivia laughed at her bluntness.
"Ok, what to you want to eat?" There was really no use in asking, she always wanted the same thing.
"Booger King!" She cried out.
"It's Burger Kind, Becca!" Cassie scolded, flying past them on her swing.
Olivia smiled, "You want to go now?"
"Yeah!" Becca and Cassie both called out.
"All right, then." She stopped Becca's swinging and picked the girl up, holding her on one hip. "Umph, Becca, you're getting a little too big for this."
"Uh-uh," Becca said, resting her head on her mothers shoulder.
Elliot did the same with Cassie, but instead let her climb on his back. They walked towards Olivia's car together, the girls laughing and giggling the whole way.
They drove to the nearest burger king and decided to go inside to eat rather than go through the drive through. While they ate Becca and Cassie talked Olivia and Elliot were relatively silent. Olivia was once again trying to keep her cool, since she was way too close to Elliot for comfort. She focused on her daughters' conversation, or rather tried to focus on it. Thankfully, the girls ate quickly and didn't ask to play in the restaurant's playground, they were sleepy from playing the whole day.
So, on the way back to Olivia's apartment the two dozed in the backseat, Becca snored lightly and Cassie mumbled in her sleep. Olivia and Elliot shared smiles every time they did so.
When Cassie laughed Olivia looked back at her, she was still asleep. "She gets that from me," she told Elliot. "I've talked in my sleep since I was a little older than she was."
"What about the snoring?"
She smiled, "Chris's father, the only tolerable relative that he has. Lucky for the man, he saw the same thing in Mary that Chris has, and left her only a year after Chris and I married. I miss the guy, I wonder what he's doing now. He's met the girls a few times, but that was when Becca was just born." She pulled into her parking space and turned the car off, "Will you help me with the girls? I don't want to wake them."
"Ok," he said, nodding. The quietly got out of the car and they each picked a sleeping girl up into the arms, Olivia had Becca and Elliot carried Cassie. They carefully made their way to her apartment and laid the girls down in their separate beds, neither girl stirred.
Olivia lead Elliot back into the living room and asked him if he wanted anything to drink.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm fine, thanks."
"Suit yourself," she walked into her kitchen and made herself a coke, then walked back into the living room and sat next to him on the couch. "So... Elliot, why exactly did you come today? 'Cos, I gotta tell you, I'm not buying the whole "I just wanted a walk in the park" excuse."
"I just wanted to see you, is there something wrong with that?"
"You know damn well it is, Elliot. My God, I know I'm in the middle of a divorce, but technically I am still married. It's not easy being around you outside of work, Elliot, it's just not. I can't be around you and not think about..." She trailed off, stopping her sentence there.
"Think about what, Liv? What is it that's so horrible that you can't bear to think about it."
"That's not it," she said, shaking her head. "Please don't do this to me, Elliot. Not now, I can't deal with all of this. You know what it is I can't think about and you shouldn't either, not yet, not while I'm still married to Chris. Please Elliot, just drop it."
"Drop what?"
She shut her eyes in frustration, "This whole discussion! God, Elliot, you're not an idiot, you know what I mean."
"What is so wrong about talking about it? I really don't see anything, Olivia. So please, inform me!"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because!." she yelled. She lowered her voice, hoping that she hadn't waken the girls. "Because, Elliot. I'm afraid of it."
"Afraid of what?"
"I can't. Please, Elliot," she pleaded with him. "Not now, not today."
"Why not?" He repeated.
"Because I love you!" She yelled. As soon as she did her hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. She hadn't meant to say that, it just sort of popped out. Cursing herself she sat in silence while Elliot sat with his jaw dropped, a shocked look on his face.
"Well, uh..." he said slowly, his voice raspy. "Well-"
"Don't." She stopped him. "Just ... leave."
"What?" He asked, confused. "Why?"
She shook her head, "Go, Elliot. Please, just go."
"Olivia, I'm not goi-" He started to say, his own head shaking.
"Elliot!," she stopped him. "Leave, before I say anything else I'll regret."
He furrowed his brow, "You can't honestly regre-"
"Go!" She said once more, sternly. He gave up with trying to convince her otherwise and stood, walking towards the door. He stopped in front of it and turned around.
"We're not finished with this conversation," he told her. "Believe me, not even close."
"I know," she said, her voice small and weak. "Just, not today."
Without another word he turned around and left her apartment. She sighed and lied down on her couch, staring up at the ceiling.
What had she done?
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What had he done?
He left her apartment, but lingered in the hallway for a couple of minutes, his back resting against her door. He should have listened to her when she begged him not to get into that conversation, he knew that it was something that needed to wait. But, in his selfishness he pushed it aside. He wasn't thinking about how it would effect her, and now he regretted starting the whole discussion.
But, she had said she loved him!
Granted, afterwards she told him she regretted saying so. But, still, he knew that in telling him this she was being genuine. He could see it in her eyes after she realized what she had confessed. And, although he felt like a dick for bringing up the whole idea, nothing would take away how he felt when she had said that.
He finally got the sense to walk away, she needed time, and he needed time. He wished she would have let him finish what he wanted to say, he would have told her how much he loved her, too. But, that was what she intended on preventing. This he knew, it made so much sense. Now that he knew she loved him if she knew he loved her things would start up, although these things were desired by both the timing was all wrong. He would have to wait to tell her how he felt.
As he pulled away and started to drive home he thought of when he had kissed her, almost a month before. He told her he had done so, so that she wouldn't forget about him. That was a lie. He had kissed her out of pure selfishness, which was something he realized he needed to work on. He knew that she was going through a rough time, but still all he could think about was kissing her. So, he had done so. Looking back he realized how much of a mistake that had been, too.
But, she loved him! Didn't that make everything better? The feelings he had for her were returned, now he knew for certain. So, wasn't he justified in kissing her earlier? Had she even loved him then? Did he make a mistake in kissing her? Should he have waited?
He pulled into his parking space and turned his car off, then sat staring at the steering wheel. How was he going to face her at work tomorrow? She had stopped the conversation at such an early time, how could he go to work knowing she loved him and pretend like he didn't love her? It had worked up until then because he wasn't sure how she felt, but now that he knew things were that much more complicated. It wasn't going to be a walk in the park, that was for sure.
What had he done?
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A/N: I'm just going to say that I'm not very happy with this chapter, so if you're not very happy with this chapter I understand. It's all right, but I know I've had much better. And, trust me, it'll start to speed up.
Chapter Twelve
Disclaimer: Ok, ten hours is too much... how about five? Five's not too much to ask for is it? That's only the equivalent of five episodes... a lot can happen in five episodes, but hey! Please!
XXXX
At the park she fought to keep her cool, it had become almost too hard to even be around him lately. Outside of work, that was. When she was at work she could put her game face on, when she was at work he was nothing more than her partner. She wasn't sure how she did this, but she did, by the grace of God she did.
They sat together on a bench while the girls played, and every now and then Becca or Cassie would call the two over to them, wanting the adults to play along. Maybe swing them, or go down the slide. Olivia was use to this; they were of course, her children. But, she was surprised how natural Elliot seemed with this girls, she found herself wondering what kind of father he would be.
So, while he pushed the two girls on the swings she sat back on that same bench and watched. The girls were laughing at something that he said and he had a goofy grin on his face, it was a rare sight. Most of the time, when he was around children it was because of work and they had gone through some form of abuse. Elliot had to be professional and closed off then, to see him open and playful with her children was, to her, amazing. Becca looked over at her, waved, then called out to her. She stood up from the bench and walked across the park to where they were.
"What is it, hon?" She asked as she took over for Elliot, pushing Becca while he continued to push Cassie.
"I'm hungry," she told her as a matter-of-factly. Olivia laughed at her bluntness.
"Ok, what to you want to eat?" There was really no use in asking, she always wanted the same thing.
"Booger King!" She cried out.
"It's Burger Kind, Becca!" Cassie scolded, flying past them on her swing.
Olivia smiled, "You want to go now?"
"Yeah!" Becca and Cassie both called out.
"All right, then." She stopped Becca's swinging and picked the girl up, holding her on one hip. "Umph, Becca, you're getting a little too big for this."
"Uh-uh," Becca said, resting her head on her mothers shoulder.
Elliot did the same with Cassie, but instead let her climb on his back. They walked towards Olivia's car together, the girls laughing and giggling the whole way.
They drove to the nearest burger king and decided to go inside to eat rather than go through the drive through. While they ate Becca and Cassie talked Olivia and Elliot were relatively silent. Olivia was once again trying to keep her cool, since she was way too close to Elliot for comfort. She focused on her daughters' conversation, or rather tried to focus on it. Thankfully, the girls ate quickly and didn't ask to play in the restaurant's playground, they were sleepy from playing the whole day.
So, on the way back to Olivia's apartment the two dozed in the backseat, Becca snored lightly and Cassie mumbled in her sleep. Olivia and Elliot shared smiles every time they did so.
When Cassie laughed Olivia looked back at her, she was still asleep. "She gets that from me," she told Elliot. "I've talked in my sleep since I was a little older than she was."
"What about the snoring?"
She smiled, "Chris's father, the only tolerable relative that he has. Lucky for the man, he saw the same thing in Mary that Chris has, and left her only a year after Chris and I married. I miss the guy, I wonder what he's doing now. He's met the girls a few times, but that was when Becca was just born." She pulled into her parking space and turned the car off, "Will you help me with the girls? I don't want to wake them."
"Ok," he said, nodding. The quietly got out of the car and they each picked a sleeping girl up into the arms, Olivia had Becca and Elliot carried Cassie. They carefully made their way to her apartment and laid the girls down in their separate beds, neither girl stirred.
Olivia lead Elliot back into the living room and asked him if he wanted anything to drink.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm fine, thanks."
"Suit yourself," she walked into her kitchen and made herself a coke, then walked back into the living room and sat next to him on the couch. "So... Elliot, why exactly did you come today? 'Cos, I gotta tell you, I'm not buying the whole "I just wanted a walk in the park" excuse."
"I just wanted to see you, is there something wrong with that?"
"You know damn well it is, Elliot. My God, I know I'm in the middle of a divorce, but technically I am still married. It's not easy being around you outside of work, Elliot, it's just not. I can't be around you and not think about..." She trailed off, stopping her sentence there.
"Think about what, Liv? What is it that's so horrible that you can't bear to think about it."
"That's not it," she said, shaking her head. "Please don't do this to me, Elliot. Not now, I can't deal with all of this. You know what it is I can't think about and you shouldn't either, not yet, not while I'm still married to Chris. Please Elliot, just drop it."
"Drop what?"
She shut her eyes in frustration, "This whole discussion! God, Elliot, you're not an idiot, you know what I mean."
"What is so wrong about talking about it? I really don't see anything, Olivia. So please, inform me!"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because!." she yelled. She lowered her voice, hoping that she hadn't waken the girls. "Because, Elliot. I'm afraid of it."
"Afraid of what?"
"I can't. Please, Elliot," she pleaded with him. "Not now, not today."
"Why not?" He repeated.
"Because I love you!" She yelled. As soon as she did her hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. She hadn't meant to say that, it just sort of popped out. Cursing herself she sat in silence while Elliot sat with his jaw dropped, a shocked look on his face.
"Well, uh..." he said slowly, his voice raspy. "Well-"
"Don't." She stopped him. "Just ... leave."
"What?" He asked, confused. "Why?"
She shook her head, "Go, Elliot. Please, just go."
"Olivia, I'm not goi-" He started to say, his own head shaking.
"Elliot!," she stopped him. "Leave, before I say anything else I'll regret."
He furrowed his brow, "You can't honestly regre-"
"Go!" She said once more, sternly. He gave up with trying to convince her otherwise and stood, walking towards the door. He stopped in front of it and turned around.
"We're not finished with this conversation," he told her. "Believe me, not even close."
"I know," she said, her voice small and weak. "Just, not today."
Without another word he turned around and left her apartment. She sighed and lied down on her couch, staring up at the ceiling.
What had she done?
XXXX
What had he done?
He left her apartment, but lingered in the hallway for a couple of minutes, his back resting against her door. He should have listened to her when she begged him not to get into that conversation, he knew that it was something that needed to wait. But, in his selfishness he pushed it aside. He wasn't thinking about how it would effect her, and now he regretted starting the whole discussion.
But, she had said she loved him!
Granted, afterwards she told him she regretted saying so. But, still, he knew that in telling him this she was being genuine. He could see it in her eyes after she realized what she had confessed. And, although he felt like a dick for bringing up the whole idea, nothing would take away how he felt when she had said that.
He finally got the sense to walk away, she needed time, and he needed time. He wished she would have let him finish what he wanted to say, he would have told her how much he loved her, too. But, that was what she intended on preventing. This he knew, it made so much sense. Now that he knew she loved him if she knew he loved her things would start up, although these things were desired by both the timing was all wrong. He would have to wait to tell her how he felt.
As he pulled away and started to drive home he thought of when he had kissed her, almost a month before. He told her he had done so, so that she wouldn't forget about him. That was a lie. He had kissed her out of pure selfishness, which was something he realized he needed to work on. He knew that she was going through a rough time, but still all he could think about was kissing her. So, he had done so. Looking back he realized how much of a mistake that had been, too.
But, she loved him! Didn't that make everything better? The feelings he had for her were returned, now he knew for certain. So, wasn't he justified in kissing her earlier? Had she even loved him then? Did he make a mistake in kissing her? Should he have waited?
He pulled into his parking space and turned his car off, then sat staring at the steering wheel. How was he going to face her at work tomorrow? She had stopped the conversation at such an early time, how could he go to work knowing she loved him and pretend like he didn't love her? It had worked up until then because he wasn't sure how she felt, but now that he knew things were that much more complicated. It wasn't going to be a walk in the park, that was for sure.
What had he done?
XXXX
A/N: I'm just going to say that I'm not very happy with this chapter, so if you're not very happy with this chapter I understand. It's all right, but I know I've had much better. And, trust me, it'll start to speed up.