Part 13
AC 198, August 14th, L2 Colony Cluster, Sweeper's Junkyard
"EARTH TO QUATRE", Duo yelled at the top of his lungs.
Quatre jumped and looked up, slightly puzzled.
"What ?"
"You haven't been listening, have you ?", Duo asked, frowning.
Quatre blushed.
"I'm sorry, Duo, I was … lost in thoughts."
"I noticed. Ya've been lost in thoughts since your Ice Prince left, ya know ? Which means all night, since ya didn't have any sleep and don't try to tell me you did, I know better, and all day after that !"
Wufei didn't add anything, but his look was enough.
"I'm sorry", Quatre said again. "I didn't mean to worry you. I just … I miss him", he finished miserably.
"Aww, Cat, come here", Duo said, opening his arms.
Quatre climbed on the couch beside Duo and snuggled in the offered embrace.
"He said he would come back", Duo said, stroking Quatre's hair gently. "He would not lie to you, would he ? You'd know right away if he tried anyway."
"He needs some time", Wufei cut in.
Both Duo and Quatre looked at him incredulously.
"What ?", Wufei asked. "It's not because I don't trust him that I can't understand what he's going through !"
Duo's eyes widened a bit more, but Quatre just shot a little smile at Wufei.
"I know he needs time", he said sadly. "It's not every day someone throws something like this into your lap. You must think I'm selfish. I completely turned his world upside down, and I'm still complaining because he's not there."
"It's not selfish, Cat", Duo said seriously. "It's just … Let's say Wu and I are a lil' worried to see how much you get involved in this, and how fast, now ain't we, Wu ?"
Wufei nodded. Quatre hugged Duo tighter.
"Thank you, really. But don't worry to much about me. I can handle it. I'll just have to remember that the world was not created to please Quatre Winner, that's all, and that not everything can go as I wish."
Even Wufei felt the fear hidden behind those words. The Chinese young man got up and closer to the couch.
"Quatre", he said very seriously, "don't be afraid. Deep inside, you know he will come back to you, don't you ?"
Quatre nodded, but his face was still sad and weary.
"So stop moping around like a woman and get ready for your training session", Wufei ordered.
"I am NOT moping around", Quatre protested.
"Really ?"
"Well, maybe a little", Quatre admitted.
"So come and get your ass kicked", Wufei said, getting up. "It's one of the best remedies I know for that kind of things."
"Who said it's my ass who's going to get kicked ?", Quatre asked indignantly.
"I did. I am the trainer. I have every right to kick your ass if I think this is going to do you any good."
"Better listen to him, Cat", Duo said.
"Oh no", Quatre whined. "I knew it ! You two are teaming up against me ! I should have known !"
"Are we teaming up against him, Maxwell ?", Wufei asked deadpan.
"Oh, we're SO teaming up against him for that one, Chang", Duo guffawed. "I think ya're absolutely right, we need to do something to get him out his miserable state, and a good beating may be just what he needs !"
"Allah, save me !", Quatre prayed.
"Does Allah know taekwondo ?", Wufei asked.
"I don't think so", Quatre answered, completely puzzled. "Why ?"
"Well then he can't save you. Go get dressed, I'm waiting for you outside."
O.O.O.O.O
They all went to bed early that night. As much as they were trying to deny it, they were tired. Duo had even said that Quatre looked like a dug-up corpse, earning a half-hearted glare from said corpse. Yet, Duo was right, Quatre felt exhausted, both physically and mentally.
'Note to self : never ever again a training session with Wufei after a sleepless night', he thought while crawling into the guestroom's bed.
Since they were supposed to leave for L3 the next day and all needed sleep, they had wisely agreed that sleeping crammed in Duo's bed was not an option this time. So, Duo had prepared his guestroom and his couch.
As tired as he felt, though, Quatre was unable to go to sleep for a long time. He kept turning in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position and groaning in the process. He eventually drifted off to an uneasy sleep …
… Only to be woken an hour later when the presence in the back of his mind manifested itself, stronger than ever. The green-blue eyes shot open and Quatre turned to the window almost instinctively to discover a dark figure silhouetted against it.
"Heero !", he said under his breath as he got up to open the window.
"Can I come in ?", the Japanese man whispered.
"Of course. We have to be quiet, though. Duo probably won't wake up, but Wufei is on the couch in the living room just across the hall. I don't want to give him a heart attack if he hears a noise and finds out you crept into my room again and he didn't notice."
Heero nodded and climbed silently into the room. Without leaving him time to react, Quatre took his hand and dragged him to the bed, making him sit on it. Then he perched himself just beside him. Right at that moment, Heero noticed his quite disheveled look and the dark circles under his eyes.
"You look worn out. What happened ?"
"Oh, I … didn't sleep well last night. Didn't sleep at all, in fact."
"Why not ?", Heero frowned.
Quatre sighed and took Heero's hand in his, absentmindedly rubbing it with his thumb.
"I had too much on my mind. I had you on my mind. And from what I felt, you probably didn't sleep much either."
"No", Heero admitted. "I … I had a lot to think about."
"Do you want to talk about it ?"
"Hai", Heero replied hesitantly.
There was a long pause. Heero looked at Quatre more closely. The Arabian was watching into the night, still rubbing his hand and patiently waiting for him to be ready to talk.
"You said you could feel my pain, but not know why I was in pain", Heero started.
"That's right. You need to tell me if you want me to know."
"I have been trying to decide if I would tell you … before I realized that it was not for me to decide."
"What do you mean ?"
"I just remembered what it was, seeing my pain in your eyes. I remembered that haunted look, and your tears, and your scream. And I wondered if I could possibly have so much pain in me and not feel it. Because that's how it has been those past two years. I didn't feel my pain. I didn't feel anything else, for that matters."
Heero paused for a moment, trying to find his next words. Talking about feelings, or about himself, had never been his forte. Yet, somehow, Quatre's presence made it a bit easier.
"You were hurting so much that other night. For me. Instead of me. So I think you have a right to know why."
'And you need to hear yourself saying it aloud to be sure it's true and not just a nightmare', the little voice in his head said.
"I am happy that you trust me enough to do this", Quatre whispered. "It's not often that I meet people who are ready to share that kind of things."
"I think we already share much more than that, don't we ?"
Quatre shot him a radiant smile.
O.O.O.O.O
Afterwards, Heero thought he didn't remember speaking so much about himself, and being listened to with so much attention. For almost two hours, he spoke in a low whisper, telling everything he could remind himself of. The first years of his life that had gone into oblivion ; the fact that he couldn't remember any family ; the years spent with Odin, training and learning to become a professional assassin, and yet being loved by someone for the first time ; that mission that had gone wrong and led to Odin's capture ; and then, that awful day when Odin had been executed. And the more he talked, the more he started to feel the mind-numbing pain that he had been trying to ignore. It felt like being stabbed, having a knife enter your heart slowly, inch by inch, so painfully that it was almost breathtaking. And in the same time, he could see that same pain reflected in Quatre's eyes as the young man grasped his hand.
"After Odin died, I … I just tried to ignore the fact that I was left alone. I carried on with my existence as if nothing had changed. I went on missions, and I sort of took Odin's place in the trade, but I pretended he was not really gone. I forced myself not to think of it."
Suddenly, Quatre held his hand up and cupped Heero's cheek with his other hand.
"That must have been so lonely", he whispered.
"Yes, but, I knew that if I allowed myself to feel this, I would completely break down, so I did what I thought was best."
Heero closed his eyes for a moment.
"Then, I met you", he said very low. "And nothing was the same anymore."
"Do you regret it ?", Quatre asked.
"No. There's no way I could have kept on like this. I would have cracked up sooner or later."
Quatre let out a deep sigh. Looking more closely at the face of the young man, Heero noticed that the his eyes were bright with unshed tears.
"You can feel it again ?", he asked hesitantly.
Quatre nodded.
"But it's not like the last time. You are beginning to find peace now. Because you were able to talk about all this. But you are still very bitter and confused."
Quatre kneeled on the bed so as to face Heero.
"You must wonder why I was so drawn to you, even after what I told you, don't you ? I myself wonder. We seem to have nothing in common, and yet … it was you I chose. It was your pain and your cry for help I heard, and you heard mine."
"I didn't …"
"I know, you didn't really, but I'd like to try something. I explained to you that I think our bond is special. I can feel you, and you can feel me too. Will you try … do you want to feel me ? My soul ? Do you want me to show you what it's like ?"
Heero's eyes widened a bit. It was one thing to hear Quatre speak about empathy and listen to his explanation of his own loneliness, but what was it really like, to feel someone else like this ?
"Do you trust me, Heero ? I trust you. I am ready to give you the key to my soul, for you to see and understand why I need you so much, as much as you need me. I know it does not look like it. I know it looks like I have everything anyone could dream of. And yet, I told you, sometimes, even in the middle of a crowd, I feel so alone that it's like I could scream out and no one would listen. No one, but you."
Heero took the time to gaze at Quatre's face. The blond young man was waiting expectantly, his face radiating hope and trust and a little bit of sadness. Heero finally nodded. Quatre took his hand again.
"You don't need to concentrate too much since I'm just beside you. Just close your eyes, try to breathe freely, and … call me."
Heero didn't object at the strange instructions and did as he was instructed. Without really knowing how, he summoned that little presence at the back of his mind, and suddenly, everything blurred. A wave of alien feelings washed through him and took possession of his mind, telling him of emotions he knew weren't his. But somehow, they filled his mind in a way that was just unbelievable. They spoke of joy, of love, of sorrow too, and of that poignant loneliness. They spoke of hurt and healing, they spoke of compassion. They mingled with his own feelings, so that he became unable to say where his mind stopped and Quatre's mind began. It should have been disturbing, but it wasn't. Heero felt oddly complete, because he knew he could cure that emptiness he felt. And then, the feelings reached out to him, telling him that they could help him too, and that he would never be alone again.
All too soon, though, the weird sensation stopped. Heero shook his head to clear his vision. It's only at that moment that he felt the moisture on his cheeks. Quatre smiled again, a weak and tired smile. He touched Heero's cheek kindly.
"Maybe we shouldn't have done this while we're both tired. I know for a fact that this drains energy out of you. But … I … I wanted you to know."
Heero's voice was caught in his throat, so he just nodded. He wasn't prepared when Quatre just snuggled in his arms and rested his head in the crook of his neck.
"Just hold me, please, Heero. I don't want to be alone tonight."
Heero's arms closed around Quatre's body as they both lied down on the bed. After a few moments, Quatre's breath became even, and Heero understood he was sleeping. But he did not leave. He did not want to. He felt good here, bathing in Quatre's warmth and listening to him breathing, watching him as he slept, so confident in his arms.
'How could I ever have imagined I would find him one day ?', he thought. 'You're caught, now, Yuy. Very neat, the way you fell into the net that had been prepared for you.'
And against all caution, Heero fell asleep.
O.O.O.O.O
Heero stirred with the first lights of the artificial day. It took him a minute to remember exactly where he was, why he was here and why he had someone sleeping in his arms. Quatre hadn't moved all night. He had probably needed the sleep as much as Heero if not more. And the Japanese man found himself very reluctant to let go off the blond burden he was carrying. But he knew he had to go, preferably before any of the other occupants of the house would come in. Being accepted as an ally was one thing. Being found in Quatre's bed was another. Heero had a feeling that Duo would not really mind, but Wufei would probably.
So, very carefully, he disentangled himself from Quatre and got up. Quatre made a little disappointed sound when he felt the loss of warmth and curled into a tight ball, but he didn't wake up. Without knowing why, Heero smiled. That was a curious sensation, to smile just because you felt like it. Not unpleasant, but new. Kneeling beside the bed, Heero brushed light blond bangs from Quatre's face, studying it as if to engrave his features in his mind. Quatre looked a lot younger than eighteen when he was sleeping.
Very slowly so as not to wake Quatre up, Heero placed a feather-like kiss on his forehead. He traced the outline of the white face with a long finger, before getting up again. He looked for something in his pocket, and took out yet another card. He had already written down enough info for Quatre to be able to contact him any time, but now, there was something missing on it. Seeing a pen on the desk by the window, Heero grabbed it and quickly added a line on the card. Then, he put it down on the pillow he had been sleeping on.
With a last longing look to Quatre, Heero opened the window and slipped out in the cool morning of L2.
When Quatre woke up, he knew instantly that he was alone in the room. He swallowed his disappointment back. Heero had said he needed to be on L3 before they would arrive, and of course that meant he needed to leave before they did. But still, Quatre couldn't help missing waking up in Heero's arms. He had slept so peacefully last night. He had felt so good, so secure.
'There will be other times', he thought. 'Plenty of times. I must let him do what he thinks is best.'
Sitting up in bed, his eyes were attracted to something on the pillow next to him. A card from a game. Quatre smiled. He had kept the first aces of spades Heero had left in his various rooms, and changed the rules when he had given him that ace of diamonds with Duo's address. Apparently, Heero had taken the hint quickly.
The card on the pillow was an ace of hearts.
Quatre picked it up. Heero had scribbled an e-mail address, and a number that looked like a cell phone number, except it was not like the ones Quatre was used to. And below was a little sentence in Japanese, the characters written in a different color than the rest.
'Itsuka aeru ashita wo sagasou.(1)'
Just at that moment, the door burst open and Duo bounced into the room.
"Hey, Q-babe, you awake ?"
Quatre rolled his eyes.
"I am, but what would you have done if I hadn't been awake, Duo ?"
"Jumped you and tickled you until you begged for mercy, what a question !"
Quatre smiled and went back to looking at the card. Which of course had the result of Duo noticing it.
"What's that ?"
"Oh, Heero left this last night. I think this is a phone number, and there's an e-mail address too."
"Good, that means ya can call him now ! … Wait a minute, what exactly do you mean by 'last night'?"
"Yes, I think I would like to know too", Wufei said from the door.
Quatre sighed and rubbed a point between his eyes.
"You promise me you're not going to start ranting and shouting or anything of the kind if I tell you ?"
"Is there a reason why we should start ranting or shouting or anything of the kind ?", Wufei asked.
"I'm not sure. I suppose I can't know until I tell you."
Both Duo and Wufei looked at him, apparently not decided to move until they would get some kind of explanation. Quatre sighed again, and decided to let it all out.
"Heero came here last night. Yes, I know you didn't hear him come in", Quatre added quickly before Wufei could say anything, "and that's not the point. He just came here to talk to me and leave me a way to contact him, that's all."
"But, Cat, you look like you just found this when you woke up", Duo said.
"I did. I don't know when he left."
"Let me sum this up", Wufei said, very calmly, a bit too calmly in Duo's opinion. "He came here, you talked, and you fell asleep with him in your room."
"Actually, we … I …"
"Cat, did he sleep with you in 'your' bed ?", Duo asked, apparently supremely amused by the whole situation.
"Well, yes", Quatre said. "We were both tired, and I didn't want him to leave, and he didn't want to go either, so …"
"I can't believe this", Wufei said. "Were you even planning to tell us about it ?"
"What was there to tell, Wufei ?", Quatre snapped. "We slept. I had a good night of sleep because someone I love was holding me in his arms. Is that what you wanted to hear ?"
Wufei blushed a little.
"I .. I'm sorry, Quatre, you're right. It is none of my business. I shouldn't have asked."
"Wufei …"
Quatre extended his hand and invited the Chinese man to sit on the bed.
"It's okay", he said. "I know you're worried, but I was in no danger. You said that you would try to trust him. He was here almost all night, and I'm still there. He left me his number and he left to be on L3 before us. That's all."
Wufei nodded.
"I am still sorry", he said. "I should not doubt you like this. And your private life is yours to lead as you wish. I have no right to criticize it."
"Then, let's say I forgive you for this and we all forget about it, okay ?", Quatre said with a smile.
"Hey, but no !", Duo protested. "I don't want us to forget all about it ! I want details !"
"No way !", Quatre said firmly. "Besides, there's really nothing to tell. I swear we just slept."
"Well, I kinda thought so", Duo said with a shrug. "If you'd done anything else, I'd probably have heard ya anyway, the walls are kinda thin here, that was always the problem when Hilde and David came to spend the night !"
"Duo, you'll never change", Quatre laughed.
"Hey, you're happy, I'm happy, Cat. But I want details once there are details to be shared, okay ? That is what will make my happiness even more complete."
"We'll see", Quatre answered. "As long as you don't forget that he is mine and I don't share him."
"Damn ! Well, can't blame me for trying, uh ? Oh, I guess I'll just have to ask Wu to entertain me, then !"
Wufei turned a brilliant shade of red.
"Don't even think of it, Maxwell ! And my name is Wufei, damn it !"
The preparations to leave were made fairly quickly. Duo entrusted his keys to one of the neighborhood kids, who ran off to give them to Hilde. And then, a limousine arrived to pick up the three young men and lead them to the spatioport.
O.O.O.O.O
As soon as Quatre stepped out of the limo, he was literally jumped on by Jason Cradler, the WEI representative in charge of transportation. It looked like the man had been waiting for his young boss for quite a long time, and now that he was here, he intended to make him climb in the shuttle and send him to his father safely. In fact, Jason Cradler was praying for no problem to occur while the Winner heir was in his charge. Which was a lot to ask, especially since Quatre did not really consider that Jason was in charge of anything concerning that trip, as Wufei soon noticed.
"Mr Winner ! The shuttle is waiting for you door 5 ! I have arranged …"
"I will not be taking the shuttle, thank you, Jason", Quatre interrupted. "You should have called me before making any arrangements, I would have told you."
Jason Cradler paled.
"But Mr Winner, your father …"
"My father won't give a damn of how I came on L3 as long as I arrive on time, Jason. So stop sweating like this, for Allah's sake ! My friends and I will take the Speeder. When can it be ready ?"
"You can take it right away, Mr Winner", an helpful assistant said. "It has been refueled."
"Good."
"I will tell the flight attendants …", Jason started.
"No, Jason", Quatre interrupted again. "We don't need flight attendants. The flight will be less than 5 hours, I think we can manage by ourselves."
"Then, should I tell the pilot of the shuttle to get ready to depart with you, sir ?", Jason asked.
"No, thank you."
"What ? But … Mr Winner, surely, you'll need a pilot to …"
"Duo can pilot, can't you, Duo ?"
Duo's face lightened with pleasure.
"No kiddin', Cat ? You will let me pilot that Beauty in Outer Space ? Man, I love you, ya know it ?"'
"I think I heard you tell it quite some times", Quatre laughed. "And I know how to pilot it myself in case there's a problem. So let's go, shall we ? Jason, please see that our luggage is transported into the Speeder, we will leave as soon as everything is ready."
And Quatre left, followed by Duo and Wufei, leaving behind a very confused Jason Cradler.
O.O.O.O.O
"You really can pilot that thing, Maxwell ?", Wufei asked as they climbed into a swift little spaceship.
"Sure thing, Wu ! I did it once, but only on a training ground. Ya'll see, that baby is fast !"
"Why do I get a feeling I should be worried ?", Wufei asked himself, loud enough to be heard.
"Aww, Wu-man, come on ! Don't you trust me ?"
"Just give me a reason why I should entrust my life to someone who takes a malign pleasure at maiming my name, Maxwell ?"
"Don't worry, Wufei", Quatre said. "Duo is a great pilot. Although he does have a tendency to like acrobatics."
"I should have known", Wufei moaned.
The three young men went into the cockpit, and settled down.
"Why didn't you take the WEI shuttle, Quatre ?", Wufei asked. "I don't think you're that eager to go to L3 that you can't stand a trip in the shuttle because it would be too long."
"I just thought it would make our arrival on L3 less obvious, in case someone is waiting for us in the spatioport on L3", Quatre answered seriously. "The company shuttles are easily recognizable. As you yourself stated it, there's no need to make our enemies' job easy, is there ?"
"I see you sometimes listen to what I say", Wufei said with a smile.
"I told you from the beginning that I didn't intend to play with my life. I just don't want to be crushed by unnecessary security measures."
"That was well thought, actually. You're being more cautious than I expected you to be."
"Well, I have reasons to. I have so much things to do with my life, Wufei. It can't end now. It just can't."
Wufei studied Quatre's face. It was determined, and yet, there was something softer in the green-blue eyes. 'Now you have someone to live for', Wufei thought. 'Someone you want to protect, and who wants to protect you. Someone that is more important than anything else in the world in your eyes. I remember what it is like, Quatre. That feeling that you are invincible because the person you love loves you back. I just hope he will bring you what you need.'
"Ready, gentlemen ?", Duo's voice interrupted. "Your captain, Duo Maxwell, welcomes you aboard this ship ! Please fasten your seatbelts before we take off ! No smoking in the cabin, and the toilets are at the back ! If …"
"Save us the speech and get started already, Maxwell !", Wufei groaned.
Quatre was right, Duo was a good pilot. The ship took off smoothly. But once they reached Outer Space, the American let the engine roar to its full power. And it turned out Quatre had been right about the other point too. Duo didn't like using the autopilot, and Wufei was beginning to think he had probably made a mistake eating that much at breakfast when Quatre's cell phone rang.
"Quatre Winner", Quatre said as he picked up.
"Hello, it's Relena here !"
"Relena ! Hi ! I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I have been very busy lately !"
'That's the understatement of the year', Wufei thought with a smile.
"I just wanted to be sure you were going to be at that reception tomorrow. I really would like to see you again."
"Actually, I'm on my way to L3 right now. I should arrive in something like five … let's say four hours", Quatre rectified after checking their speed on the computer screen next to Duo.
"Good ! My brother called me and he told me he is going to be there also, so you can meet him."
"I'd be very happy to. And actually, I was told my sisters would be here also."
"When you say 'your sisters', you mean all twenty-nine of them, Cat ?", Duo asked from his seat .
"Who is that ?", Relena asked.
"It's Duo", Quatre answered. "He's a friend, and he's piloting the shuttle so he shouldn't listen to private phone conversations at the same time", he added sarcastically.
Duo stuck out his tongue at Quatre.
"I see."
"Poor girl", Wufei said low. "She doesn't know what's in store for her."
"Excuse me a minute, Relena", Quatre said before turning to his two friends. "You two are far too loud for anyone to have a civilized conversation with a friend on the phone. I'm going in the back compartment, so don't disturb me unless Duo starts playing Star Wars, okay ?"
And he went away. Duo tried not to laugh, without much success.
"Duo ?", Wufei asked in a worried tone.
"Yup ?"
"I know I am going to regret this, but what did Quatre mean exactly by 'playing Star Wars'?"
Duo grinned mischievously.
"Well, if you don't know, I suppose I'll have to show you !"
O.O.O.O.O
(1) I'd say let us all cheer L-sama for this, but I actually took the sentence from Heero's character song Flying Away. But Laurence-sama still checked the translation. It means 'I look forward to the tomorrow when we can meet again'.