Fall to Pieces

Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Not mine, yadda yadda yadda.

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She pulled her hand out of his and folded her arms across her chest, "Nothing." She said, "We don't do anything because I'm still in the process of getting a divorce. God, Elliot, how many times do I have to tell you?"

He sighed, "Until it doesn't sound like an excuse to distance yourself from me." He tugged her at her hand and intertwined their fingers again, "I'm not letting you go, Olivia...don't even try to push me away."

"I'm not trying to," she told him, looking away. "What I'm going through right now you couldn't even imagine. For Christ's sake, Elliot, I'm just now going through a divorce!" She tried to pull back, but Elliot kept hold of her. "Things aren't as easy as 'I'm in love with you so everything's going to work out in perfect', you're dreaming if you think it is. I can't just embrace the way I feel, Elliot, because up until a few months ago I wasn't allowed to love you, up until a couple of months ago I was married to Chris. Hell, I still am married to Chris, which is why we can't do anything right now." She pulled away again, this time he let her go. Scooting back she continued, "Do you get it?"

"I understand that this isn't easy on you," Elliot told her, "but it's not easy for me either. I wasn't the only one who couldn't have certain feelings, and for the same reasons. When you and Chris were still together I had to keep myself from feeling anything for you, because I knew that there could never be anything between us, I didn't expect you to feel the same way for me and I sure as hell didn't think you would ever leave him. I thought that you were happy, so I kept my distance, and it wasn't exactly the easiest thing I've ever done. So, before you go and tell me that I have no idea how hard things have been for you maybe you should stop to think how this has been effecting me."

She sighed, "I never said that it was easy for you, Elliot. I said that it was a whole hell of a lot harder for me."

"I don't doubt that," he said. "But how will you know that things won't get easier if you don't try? Who knows, maybe things will surprise you, maybe things will only get better from here."

She rolled her neck, popping it. "What if they don't Elliot? What if they just get worse and worse? What happens then?"

"Then we make things better." He scooted closer to her, picking up her hands in his. "I love you Olivia," he told her, cupping her face in his hands. "If somewhere along the line something goes wrong we'll get through it, I love you too much to give up if we hit a bump in the road. You should know at least that much."

She covered one of his hands with her own, "I'm scared, Elliot." She confessed, "What if we can't work through things? What if we turn up like Chris and I?"

He stroked her cheek soothingly, "I promise you, Olivia, we won't turn out that way." He leaned in closer and kissed her on the forehead, "I swear."

"What if you're wrong though," she said. "You can't know for sure that if we start something it won't end horribly. I don't want to be hurt again, I've gone through it once, I didn't like it."

"I would never hurt you," he said dropping his hands from her face.

"How can you be so sure?" She asked, her eyes wide and brimming with tears he knew she would never allow to fall. "What if it's non intentional? The truth it, Elliot, that you can't see the future so you don't know what is going to happen."

"I love you enough to know that I would never willingly hurt you, Olivia, that's proof enough for me. Yes, things might not be perfect, but whatever happens I know that we could get through anything. You just have to be willing to try." He paused, searching her eyes for some indication of her feelings, all he could see was confusion. "If you're not ready, Olivia, just tell me. I'll wait for you."

She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek, furiously she brushed it away and broke eye contact with him, looking down at her hands folded across her lap. "That's just it, Elliot." She said, her voice thick and shaky, "I'm not sure if I'm ready or not. I just ... I need some time to think things over, get my bearings straight, I've got a lot of things to deal with right now." She looked back up, her brown eyes were dark and shimmering with the held back tears, "I'm sorry."

Cupping her face in his hands again he kissed her gently on the lips, "Don't be." Letting go he stood up from the couch and walked to the apartment door, pausing only when he got there to take one last look at her. She covered her mouth in a vain attempt to hide a sob and looked away, more stubborn tears streaming down her face.

He opened the door to the apartment and stepped out into the hallway, closing it softly behind him. As he walked down the hallway he ran a hand over his head and massaged his neck. Opting to walk down the stairs rather than taking the elevator he took his keys from his pocket and let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

He needed a beer.

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Throwing the beer bottle into the garbage she cringed at the loud clanging noise that followed. How did he have this effect on her? How could he leave her feeling complete, unadulterated happiness and yet at the same time empty and alone? She wiped away another defiant tear and grabbed another beer from her fridge, she just needed to think, and boy did she have plenty of things to think about.

This is all his fault, she told herself, if he wasn't so damn perfect in the first place I wouldn't so much of an emotional wreck.

Which, was both true and false in its own way. Of course it was her fault that she couldn't make up her mind, but it was also his fault for giving her this ultimatum of sorts. Taking a sip of her beer she walked in long strides to the living room, her mind going over various incidents that had occurred all in the past couple of months; the fight with Chris, kissing Elliot in the hallway of his apartment, their discussion the night she bought her apartment, confession her love to him, him shooting Rotherson, then telling her how he felt, then their conversation nearly three hours prior. Slumping down on the couch she glanced at the clock, it was already after two in the morning, there was no way she would be getting any sleep anytime soon.

What good was she doing by running away from him anyway? It only delayed the inevitable, she knew that there was no way she could forget how she felt, for the simple fact that she didn't want to forget. So, how was this helping? Drinking beer whilst thinking about her options didn't exactly have the best of results. Was he right? If she finally allowed herself to be happy would things get better? What would happen if they got worse, could they get through any obstacle? What if they couldn't? How would that change things at work? Would she be able to pretend like there had never been anything between they whilst working along side him? No, that wasn't possible. But, things not working wasn't an option, like he had said, they would make things work no matter what should come their way.

She took a long drag of her beer, emptying it. Setting it down on the coffee table in front of her she sighed, why did love have to be so damn frustrating? Figuring that there was no answer to that question she gave up on trying to figure it out, and went back to her thinking things over.

It was going to be a long, long night.

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He dropped the beer bottle into the garbage and watched it as it fell, then clang with the other bottle lying haphazardly in the can. It was his fourth that whole night, deciding four was enough he left the kitchen empty handed, turning the light off as he did so. Lying down on his couch he began to feel drowsy, it was almost three in the morning, he should have gone to sleep long before.

It wasn't long before he was starting to drift off to sleep and shortly after that snoring fairly loudly on his couch. At half after four he was awaken to the sound of rushed knocking at the door to his apartment.

Opening his eyes wide in an attempt to wake up further he slid off of his couch and made his way to the door. When he looked out the peephole he was surprised to see Olivia on the other side, looking highly agitated. Confused he opened the door to let her in, it must have been raining outside because she was soaked.

"Olivia?" He asked, "What is it?"

She walked inside and stood in the middle of the apartment, arms folded across her chest, shivering. She didn't say anything, just stood there, staring at him with a strange intensity.

He took a step towards her, then another. She watched him walked to her, her head cocked to one side, obviously thinking about something. She continued to shiver, but said nothing of being cold. When he got close enough he could see her teeth chattering. "Olivia, you're freezing," he said placing a hand on her arm, "let me get you something to change into."

She wrapped her arms tighter around her body and nodded, he could feel her watching him as he walked to his bedroom. Grabbing some sweat pants and a t shirt for her to change into he wondered where the girls were. When he walked back into the living room she was still standing exactly where she had been, her brown eyes following him as he neared.

As he handed the clothes to her his hand brushed against her arm, he noticed her tremble and she pulled back, looking away.

"Olivia?" He questioned. She just shook her head and walked off towards the bathroom. Confused he walked into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. As he was doing so he heard footfall behind him and turned to see Olivia standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, one arm lying at her side the other across her chest. Her eyes darted around the room before they settled on him.

"I've been thinking," she said as their eyes locked.

"Oh?" He asked, "What about?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, "What you said earlier...about how you can't really know how something is going to turn out unless you try."

He took a step closer, expecting for her to move back. She didn't. "And...?"

"And," she said, "I've come to a conclusion."

"Really?" He stepped closer again, again she didn't move. "What did you find?"

She licked her lips and furrowed her bow. Sighing she said, "That...maybe you were right."

"Huh..." he said, "Imagine that."

This time she was the one to step closer, "Earlier, when I said I needed time..." She trailed off, looking over his shoulder at something unimportant.

"I remember," he said, crossing his arms across his chest.

She began to chew on her lower lip, still looking over his shoulder. "I may or may not have been telling the whole truth."

"Oh?"

She looked back at him, their eyes locked and she stepped closer again. "I, uh, I think that I'm ready."

He took a step forward, "You think?"

She stood straight and nodded, "I'm sure."

"You're ready?"

She smiled, "I'm ready."

The space between them had been significantly closed, and she stood a step or two away from him. "And..." he said, closing the gap between them, "you came to this ... revelation just now?"

"About half an hour ago," she said, nodding, "yeah."

"Well," he said, smiling. "What do you propose we do about this epiphany of yours?"

She shrugged, "I haven't really thought about it." Then, smiling she nonchalantly added, "You could always kiss me and make up for lost time."

"Good idea," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him. Grinning she rested her forearms on his shoulders, her fingers intertwined behind his neck. Leaning forward he closed the small gap that existed between them.

At first the kiss was soft and gentle at first, but Olivia pulled him closer and parted her lips to deepen it, Elliot made no objections. When they broke away they were both breathless and panting for air. Elliot ran a hand through her short hair and pulled her back into another deep, passionate kiss, this continued for many minutes, accordingly.

By five o'clock in the morning they were in the living room, Elliot was sitting on the couch and Olivia was lying sideways with her head on his lap while he played with her hair. Her eyelids felt heavy and she began to drift off to sleep, as did Elliot.

When she was almost asleep he yawned loudly, causing her to snap back awake. She slowly rose and looked at him, "It's Saturday, you know. We don't have work."

He smiled, "I guess I forgot."

"Go to sleep. I'll come by later."

"What about you? You've got the girls, how are you going to get any sleep?"

"They're at Heather's house, I gave her some money to take them to a movie. I'm going to go home and sleep."

"Why waste the time?" He asked, "You can stay here, take the guest bed."

She nodded and kissed him, "I'll see you when I wake up then."

He kissed her back, "Yeah. Sweet dreams."

She smiled and slid off of the couch, sleepily padding across the hardwood floors and towards the guest room. Pausing momentarily outside the room her mind flashed back to when Elliot had kissed her in the hallway, causing her to shiver. Smiling to herself she opened the door to the room, thanked God that it had no window, and slid under the covers of the queen sized bed that was located in the middle of the room.

It had been a long, long night.

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A/N: Alright, so it took me forever to update but I took my day off of school and wrote this chapter, even though I was tempted to stop and sleep (woke up a bit early, well for a day off at least). Anyway, tell me what'cha think.