DISCLAIMER: The characters, story, universe, etc. of Neon Genesis
Evangelion belong to GAINAX. They're not mine, and I make no claim to
them.
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Foreword: I know I should have explained this earlier. Anyway,
just in case you didn't know, "-san" is the rough equivalent of "Mr."
or "Ms.", and is the formal way to refer to someone who is either of
equal or lesser standing than yourself.
"-sama", on the other hand, roughly corresponds to "lord" or "lady",
and is an honorific used in reference to people who are superior to
you.
I say this now because it only really becomes significant in this
chapter...
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" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics
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Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Chapter 11: The Moon Revealed
Ariel slowly walked up to the coastline, the sand shifting under her
bare feet.
She'd just made it back to the camp, along with the others. As far as
she knew, Shinji and Asuka were already busy explaining what had
happened to everyone who wanted to know. The others were relaxing,
glad to finally be back home.
The return trip had not been a pleasant experience. The MP Eva's Sea
of Dirac had absorbed the Humvee and the SUV they'd brought along with
them, leaving the group with only two vehicles to get everyone back.
Of course, there had been fewer people to bring - another result of the
Eva's attack - but they had still done a pretty good imitation of a can
of sardines. A dirty, tired, and very irritable can of sardines.
Ariel herself had been crushed into the middle of the car's back seat,
fighting for space with four other people. It had been an experience
she would just as soon not repeat. Ever.
Now, though, she had other matters to attend to. She made it to the
tide of LCL and stepped in, walking out into the liquid. It slid along
her naked form, inching up until she was up to her chin. She paused,
forcing herself to relax before continuing on, submerging her head.
After a moment, she took a 'breath' of the liquid, confirming that she
could survive down here. Slowly, she knelt down on the sandy bottom.
She paused, struck by a moment of doubt, but reminded herself of what
she had to do. She might as well get started. She knelt there
squatting on her heels for a minute or two, clearing her mind of
anything and everything. It was impossible to force something like
this; she just had to let go.
The dull yellow light filtering through her eyelids faded to black, the
sloshing of the waves in her ears became silent; the world around her
had ceased to exist. Her emotions, doubts, and thoughts slowly faded as
well, enveloped by her single purpose to become one with the many who
were one. At the edge of her consciousness, she was dimly aware that
she had brought her hands parallel and apart, as if in a strange prayer
to a forgotten god.
She could barely hear them: She could hear them: murmuring, indistinct
voices in the back of her head. They were the voices of the Lilum, the
ones that had not yet returned from the sea of LCL. That was her
signal; she slowly brought her hands together. Now she was ready.
She opened her eyes, but there was nothing. Frustrated, she heaved the
mental equivalent of a sigh. Had she lived too long a human? Behind
her she heard the crashing of the waves, growing louder, and in front
the subdued whispers of those who lay waiting for the day they might
return. So now she was stuck in the void between the world of the
physical and the world of the soul. It was a mistake she could never
have made in her previous life.
Trying to concentrate, she tried her best to forget herself, forget
what she was, forget about existing separately; there was only one.
She, and..._it_, they no longer existed separately. There was only
one.
The barrier of her heart weakened drastically, and she was suddenly
pulled forward, too fast for her to react. Quickly she stopped its
weakening; just enough to sustain her body and avoid being swept away
as the light, the warmth, the oneness engulfed her.
This time, when she opened her eyes, she no longer had them.
In this place, there were no individual bodies, no individual minds, no
individual existences. There was only one mind, the mind of all those
who had been joined into the final angel at Third Impact. Likewise, the
souls of the humans had been united into an state where, she remembered
hearing once, "where you exist everywhere, and thus exist nowhere."
She felt the place, its very presence tugging at her delicately
protected soul, imploring her to join them. She brushed them all aside,
and held on to the tenuous balance she had on remaining herself.
Asserting her individuality would forcibly eject her from this place;
subduing it too much would result in her being trapped here a second
time, perhaps never to return.
To her mind's eye she was underwater, but she felt no cold. Above her,
a bright blue light shone, wavering and shifting with the waves beyond.
From that light fell small drops of glowing light. Around her were
countless indistinct glowing patches of shimmering colours, some so far
in the distance they were almost stars, against a background of blue.
Below her the blue gradually darkened, until it dropped off into
forbidding darkness. An entrance into a greater prison than this,
perhaps, but Ariel was not here for the sightseeing.
The Room of Gauf was infinite in measure, yet spanned not a micrometer
of physical space. It was pointless to go search for those whom she
sought, for she could not stay in this state forever and she had very
little time to waste.
Caught up in her thoughts, she did not notice that she had already
brushed by several glowing lights. Coming close to one, she knew that
each contained a human soul, caught up in dreams of joy, terror, or
peace; whatever it desired to feel. Some were near the surface, ready
to re-emerge into the world. Others seemed to be slowly sinking, afraid
to return to the pain of life. She thought that perhaps another human
would feel that emotion known as 'pity', seeing such a fear of reality
in those souls. But, in this state...she felt nothing. Only here
could she be truly reminded that she was not like the Lilum. It was an
assertion of superiority that was simultaneously encouraging and
unsettling.
Pushing back these extraneous, time-wasting thoughts, she pictured
those she wanted to find. It was not so much a physical image - a soul
has no real form - but more a feeling she knew could only be associated
with the objects of her search. As soon as she latched onto that
distinct sensation, of being in their presence, she felt her
surroundings change.
This part of the Room of Gauf was different from that which held those
who were still dreaming. It felt...colder, somehow, and the
surrounding blue was darker than before. It also felt painfully
familiar; this place was not a consensual prison, but a place to
confine those who had been forcibly exiled from the rest of the world.
This place had served as her prison where she had sat for a meaningless
eternity, barred from ever returning to reality and yet forced to hear
the thoughts of the Lilum, ever reminding her of a world she could
never reach. The bitterness of this memory called up her deep-seated
hatred for that monster Zero, the one who had confined her and her
brethren here, content to let them rot for all time. She allowed
herself a brief moment to think about what she would do to Zero, given
half a chance - specifically, if that pathetic hybrid Tabris could be
gotten out of the way. Simply killing her would be too forgiving.
Condemning Zero to a place like this, a dark prison so deep that she
could never return...that would at least be a start. It made her
quiver with anticipation, even knowing it was just a dream.
Beneath her lay the yawning maw darkness, now uncomfortably closer, but
still a safe distance away. However, there was no sign of the ones she
sought. No glow of a soul, nor the distant whispers of thoughts. Where
had the others gone? Had they foolishly destroyed one another in a
struggle for power? Supposedly it was impossible for one being to harm
another in this place, but if anyone could find a way, it would be the
former Angels. Had they left for some other place? No, Zero and
Tabris had assured her that the only ways out of here were to become
human, or to usurp one of the bodies of those accursed Evangelions. So
they had to be here. But where?
She again called up the sensations of those she wanted to find. She
poured all of her thoughts into re-creating that feeling, their very
essences. If she did it for long enough, she might just find her way to
them.
At first nothing happened. Then, she felt as if she was moving, at an
ever-greater pace by the second. Soon she was near a cluster of a few
shimmering lights. They seemed to recognize her, as they began to come
closer. Suddenly, two of them came close and rested by her, and she
found herself uttering their names.
^Ramiel...Sandalphon.^
^Yes, Arael. It is us.^
She was a little caught off-guard by the use of her real name, but
remembered that it was the only name they could possibly know her by.
^Yes, Arael. It has been too long.^ Ariel recognized this voice as
Ramiel's, by the feeling of security it carried. The other, then, with
its sensation of vigor and youth, had to be Sandalphon's.
^What news of the Lilum world do you bring to us?^ Ramiel asked.
^I fear that will have to wait another time, my brethren. Please, tell
me what has come to pass here.^
^You are cruel, Arael,^ Sandalphon muttered. ^An eternity has passed
since you were here, and you bring no news.^
^You do not understand; I cannot remain here for long. Please, tell me
what the others are doing. What are they planning to do with the
copies of Father? I must know, and you are the ones who can tell me.^
Ramiel answered. ^It is a long tale, and there is much even we do not
know. Some of the others have withdrawn to consider what they will do,
others have flocked at the promise of a second chance. Still others
have gone...and they have never returned. What has become of them?
Have they taken the form of a lilum as you have? I will freely admit
that we fear for their safety. Though we may not be in agreement on
all issues, we are the only companions we will ever have in this time
of exile. We can no longer even feel those who departed our
company...please, give us tidings of Sahaquiel, Bardiel, and Leliel.^
Ariel felt some compulsion to break the news more easily to her
friends, but the pressure of her time constraints pushed away all
concern for formalities. She could only be blunt.
^The others you speak of are...gone. They were annihilated, by the
Lilum, and by their own folly. They dared challenge the Lilum again
with the bodies left behind from the apocalypse, and they were killed.
No, the true term is 'obliterated'. They have ceased to be.^
Ariel could sense shock from the two, but it was only a pale mirror of
her own, when she had found out for herself how far the others could go
in their vain quest for lost power. She couldn't help blaming Zero for
their deaths; whether or not the Angels had been correct in their mad
quest for vengeance, she _had_ been the one to destroy them.
After a moment of silence, her brethren spoke again. ^We grieve for
your loss, brother,^ - again, Ariel was surprised, until she remembered
that before she'd left, 'gender' had been a foreign concept to her -
^We grieve that they wasted their last chance on a road that should
never have been pursued. It is a shame they did not realize that
revenge brings nothing.^
^I grieve as well, for there will never be more of our kind. Father and
Mother are gone. But we yet live, and while there is nothing we can do
for them except make our peace, we still have a choice.^
^Would you have us return with you?^ Sandalphon asked, a hint of
naievety in his...its voice.
For a while, Ariel didn't know what to say. She considered the offer,
but decided there was still much for these to do here.
^No, my brethren. For now you could do more good by remaining here.
But, please tell me why our fellows must tread the fruitless road of
vengeance.^
Now it was their turn to pause. But slowly, they began to tell their
story. Ramiel spoke first.
^Before you left...before we learned our names...before we were even
released into this communal state of exile, this affair had begun. You
see, not all of us were imprisoned away from the others. Some of us
were bunched together, where we spent an eternity tortured by the
dreams of the lilum. To alleviate our pain, we spoke amongst
ourselves, of why we were sentenced to this fate. Some of us believed
it was what we deserved. Some believed we were tricked into this, that
there was no way a petty facsimile could dare perform this blasphemy
against us. Among those a few cried revenge, and more rallied to their
calls. When we were freed...^
Sandalphon, seeing its companion trail off, picked up the story. ^That
was when the first of the Servants of the Lilum, otherwise known as the
Evangelions, were found. Those who wanted vengeance saw them as
opportunities, and often withdrew among themselves to discuss plans
they would not share with us. Then, one of us decided to enter one of
the Servants, and that one never returned.^
^You would think that would have given them pause, but rather it only
made them redouble their efforts. Still more left, and did not return.
The two of us thought it was madness to again contest the Lilum, but
something continued to pressure them into going. Those who go tell no
one of why, nor of who sent them. But we believe we know who is
sending them, though not why.^
^Armisael.^ Ariel said, simply. It was not a question.
There was only silence.
^No need for hesitation,^ Ariel continued. ^I'm right, aren't I?^
^How did you...^ Sandalphon began.
^It spoke to me before I left. There was little doubt in my mind who
could possibly be orchestrating this travesty.^
A mental sigh from Ramiel. ^Yes. Yes, brother, you are correct.
Armisael was the first to speak of vengeance, and argued vehemently for
it. He said if we were to succeed, it would be we who would survive,
and not the Lilum. He said we would bring down Armageddon onto the
Lilum and this planet, a destruction so complete there would be nothing
left. Aside from that, we know very little. He crowds those loyal to
him very closely, and those who disagree, or hesitate for a moment to
observe as we did, are cast out and branded traitors to our kind.^
Ariel tensed a little, but did not say anything. ^Armisael? What are
you doing?^ she wondered, subtly manipulating her AT field so as to
keep that thought private.
^We did consider following you into the world as you did, but we were
afraid. We thought it best if you told us of how...the Lilum are
treating you. Or perhaps they do not know what you are yet?^
^Well...no, they are not aware of my existence. Not yet.^ She
hesitated, thinking about the way Asuka and Shinji both looked at her,
as though they _almost_ recognized her face. ^For the most part,
anyway,^ she added on.
^Then can we take our place in the world of the Lilum? We long to
escape this prison, and that is the only key. Armisael draws more to
him, despite those who die, and we wish to be free of his influence.^
^No. As I said, there is still much you can do here. Can you reach
any of the others for me?^
^Yes,^ came Ramiel's voice, more confident than it had sounded just
moments before. ^They may not listen readily to us, but we can reach
them.^
^Good. Tell them to...stand back and wait a while. Tell them _not_ to
go to the copies of Father. Do anything you can to keep Armisael from
sentencing those to die. Find out what you can of Armisael's plans.
Anything before our time runs out.^
^We will do what we can. But Armisael is a clever one. Out of all of
us, you and it were the strongest when it came to affairs of the mind.
Armisael can virtually read our thoughts. What concerns me is that it
may also be capable of changing what we think.^
Ariel shivered quietly, remembering the time Armisael had tried to
break into her mind. She'd been able to fight off the attack, and had
naively assumed that the others would be able to do likewise. But she
hadn't taken a second to think that perhaps she'd been the best
equipped to fight off Armisael's strike.
She couldn't help thinking, just for a moment, that perhaps if she had
remained here, the others would have had someone else to rally behind,
someone strong enough to resist Armisael. Then perhaps this nightmare
would not be happening. Maybe she could stay here, abandoning the
world of the living so she could give her brethren a chance to think
for themselves...
Suddenly, at the edge of her awareness, Ariel felt the presence of
something dark. It flickered away, but it left an impression on
her...a feeling of absolute cold. Something was out there, but she
could not tell _where_; the uncertainty only compounded her sudden
feeling of dread.
^What was that?^ There was no answer from her companions, but they
slowly began to leave. The yellow glow of LCL began to impinge on her
'reality', as her concentration faltered.
^Ramiel? Sandalphon? Where are you going?^
^You do not have much time. You must leave this place.^
^Why?^ Another flicker, and the feeling was stronger this time.
^Go, brother! It is coming for you!^ The lights vanished into the
blue.
^What? I see noth-^ She had no sooner thought those words when suddenly
a wall of white overwhelmed her, blocking out sight of everything else.
Something latched onto her, and she could not move. She screamed, but
it died in her mind as she felt something latching onto her essence and
causing to flicker wildly. Her very soul was being drained, and she
heard some words that were slowly fading away with her consciousness...
^Ah...the traitor has returned. You will make an excellent - ^
But before it could finish speaking, Ariel's entire world exploded.
* * *
Kaoru clamped one hand down over Ariel's mouth as her eyes opened and
she screamed. He managed to muffle most of the sound, but the
intensity was such that he felt his entire arm vibrate.
A sharp curse came from Kensuke, standing close by. "What? What's
wrong?"
"She's just a little surprised, Aida-kun," Kaoru said, soothingly. "No
need to worry."
Kensuke got to one knee, bringing him down to Kaoru's level. "Is she
OK?"
"I'm no doctor," Kaoru warned. "But..." - he paused to take his hand
from her mouth and let her gasp in air - "...I would wager that she
will be fine."
Kensuke seemed to sag a little at this, as tension flowed out of him.
"That's a relief. But..." - his eyes wandered down to the girl's body
before he caught himself and looked away - "what was she _doing_,
anyway?"
Kaoru's eyes went down to the girl as well, though his locked with
hers. The girl was still shuddering with each breath, but she was
still able to focus on him long enough to see the sharp look he was
giving her. It only took a moment, before she slammed her eyes shut
again, tears of pain and frustration leaking from the corners.
"Probably just swimming," Kaoru said, looking back up to Kensuke, who
was still politely looking the other way. "She's been confined to the
back seat of a car for the past several hours, remember."
"Yeah, I guess. Makes sense," the other boy said, turning his head to
look out at the sea. He'd found Kaoru walking this way and had decided
to tag along; a walk had sounded about right after the claustrophobic
ride back to the camp. They'd gotten here just in time to pull Ariel's
limp form from the LCL. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but
Kaoru had somehow gotten the girl to come to her senses.
"I guess this particular sea is a bit more dangerous than you'd
expect," Kaoru said. "Be honest with yourself, Aida-kun. When was the
last time you were in it?"
A corner of Kensuke's mouth quirked upwards. "Probably not since I
dragged myself out of it."
"Exactly." Kaoru looked back to to Ariel. "This girl would do well to
stay out of that sea, wouldn't she?"
"Well...Ariel, I hope you're OK," Kensuke said, quietly.
At a glance from Kaoru, Ariel managed a nod.
"I'll...I'll go wait over here, 'til you get dressed, okay?" Kensuke
said hesitantly, before getting back to his feet and starting off.
"I'll be with you in a moment, Aida-kun," Kaoru called after him.
"I'll just make sure she stays awake."
"All right."
"I'd ask what you were attempting, Fifteenth," he said quietly, almost
before Kensuke had gotten out of earshot. "But I suppose questions can
wait. Being snapped back to your physical form so rapidly...you must
be in a world of pain, now."
As the girl moved to sit up, he leaned over to whisper into her ear.
"Be thankful I take it upon myself to keep an eye on you," he said
quietly to her. "And also know that you are walking on _very_ thin
ice, Fifteenth."
Ariel glanced over at him, saying nothing. But Kaoru could still see
the impotent anger behind her eyes. Smiling a little smile to himself,
he rose to his feet and joined Kensuke a few meters off, as they waited
for Ariel to regain her composure.
* * *
"...so where the hell's my truck?" Lewis was asking, the next morning.
The man's face and voice were as casual as could be, but Shinji
couldn't help feeling that he would have little problem killing for the
truth. Luckily for them, they had nothing to hide.
"Don't look at me," Asuka said, crossing her arms and leaning back
against the wall where she was standing. "Not our problem if the Eva
likes your hardware."
"It _is_ your problem, little girl," Lewis growled out, glancing
briefly over at Asuka. He looked back to Misato and Ritsuko, closing
his eyes for a moment and collecting himself. Asuka, on the other
hand, bristled at the 'little girl' comment. She stepped forwards,
fists clenching, only just held back by Shinji physically stepping in
front of her.
"Just hang on," Shinji whispered to Asuka.
Asuka glared past Shinji, her face a stormcloud as she looked over at
the American commander. "Move it, Shinji," she whispered. "He can't
call me that."
"Please, Asuka. Just wait until we can explain to him - "
"OK, OK," the girl said, waving him off. But Shinji could tell from
her voice that she was anything _but_ OK. Asuka went back to leaning
against the wall, though she still stared daggers at Lewis. Shinji
resumed his place standing next to her, glad that - for once - he
wasn't on the receiving end that stare. He would probably have to
listen to her rant about Lewis for the next hour, though.
Ritsuko stood. "I'm afraid there was little we could do. The Eva we
encountered could manipulate a Sea of Dirac." Upon seeing the blank
look from Lewis, she quickly covered herself. "It's something akin to
a black hole, to use a very rough analogy." At this, Lewis slowly
nodded at her, before gesturing for her to go on.
"Now, as we can see..." she said, rewinding the video camera's tape.
The screen flickered with static as the images went in reverse, before
Ritsuko hit the play button, putting things back into motion. On the
screen, the white Eva was up to its waist in its Sea of Dirac, quickly
sinking into the blackness. After it vanished, the view rippled as an
AT field came into being over the small encampment they'd set up for
the battle. And immediately, the ground vanished, becoming a pit of
the most impenetrable black, swallowing everything it touched.
"This is still just unbelieveable," Lewis said, looking away from the
TV and up at Ritsuko. "I can't say I've ever seen anything that'll do
_that_ to its target."
"There _is_ a scientific theory backing up the existence of a Sea of
Dirac, sir," Ritsuko began.
"Yeah, I'm sure," the man said, nodding. "But I'd never read it. If I
wasn't so sure you hadn't tampered with the camera, I'd get the boys to
put you all away." He glanced at the other three, throwing them a
smile that showed a little too much teeth to be friendly. Then, he
glanced back at Ritsuko. "So where's my truck, then?"
"Look right...here," Ritsuko said, hitting the pause button. The image
froze, allowing her to point to an indeterminate shape on the edge of
the screen. "Unfortunately, Aida-san didn't get a good shot of it.
But you can see the edge of your Humvee here," she said, her finger
brushing up against the image on the screen. Even though only a corner
of steel could be seen, there was still no mistaking the blocky shape
of a Humvee.
"And here, we can see it beginning to sink down," Ritsuko continued,
starting the tape again. "Unfortunately, we don't see much," she said,
as the view shifted away, scrolling the truck entirely off the screen
as Kensuke had gone to film another portion of the encampment. "But I
can...personally attest that the Humvee was, for the greater part,
absorbed," Ritsuko continued, fighting down the memory of shadowy death
coming to take her away.
Lewis blinked. "It ate my truck?" he asked, slightly perturbed.
"I can't say it truly 'ate' your vehicle," Ritsuko said, sitting down
again. "But yes, most of the Humvee was lost in the Sea of Dirac."
Lewis looked at her. "It _ate_ my truck?"
Ritsuko let out a brief sigh. "Yes," she said, simply. "You could
look at it that way, if you want."
The American commander let out a low whistle. He rewound the tape and
started watching it again from the beginning.
A very still silence followed, as the Major rewound the tape and played
it again. His eyes seemed to be roving, searching for any hint, any
sign that he would not have to deal with the full meanings of this,
that there was something out there that both he and his men with all of
their vaunted weapons were utterly powerless to destroy. The only
sounds for a while were the recorded screams and unearthly cries
emanating from the TV. No one dared bother him in his rumination.
Suddenly the Major shut off the set and reached into his pocket,
searching somewhat frantically for something. Taking out a cigarette,
he fished around for a lighter and finally found it. He then ignited
the flame with a "clik-chik", lit his cigarette, and took a long, deep
drag as he closed his eyes, savouring the calming smoke in his lungs
and throat. He did it as if it were a routine action, very much
rehearsed, but then he sputtered and began to cough violently. Clouds
of blue smoke filled the tent until he steadied himself, then hawked in
his throat and spat. The gob of spittle splashed against the tent
wall, inches from Ritsuko's head. It didn't perturb the former
scientist one bit, though she did step away. Lewis then took the tape
out of the VCR and began to critically examine it, as if he found
something intensely interesting with his own reflection in the clear
plastic. He stared for a while at it, deep in thought.
When he raised his head again, he said: "I guess I have no choice _but_
to believe you. But it'll take more than just one tape and a missing
truck to convince the brass back home. What's left of the old medal-
clanking farts anyway. It's an excuse, at the least, for me to get
more supplies that you can use."
There was a visible release of tension from around the room, along with
a brief exchange of smiles between everyone. They began to file out,
one at a time, each thinking about what would happen next; though they
all had things they wanted to ask of the American commander, they could
see that Lewis wasn't paying attention.
Misato was the last one out. Looking back, she could see the man still
sitting in his chair, staring forlornly at the dead gray surface of the
TV screen, moving his glowing cigarette between his teeth and taking
long drags. Finally, he shook his head and spoke to no one in
particular.
"It ate my truck."
The cigarette seemed to be shrinking at a fast rate.
"It _ate_ my truck."
Now the burning edge was dangerously close to his lips.
"It _ate_. My _truck._"
He spat the cigarette off into a corner where it hissed impotently on
the ground. He covered his eyes with one hand, slumping in his chair.
"Son of a _bitch_."
He was interrupted in his ruminations as Misato walked up to him.
"Yeah?" he asked, looking between his fingers at the woman.
"Major, there's something me and the others were talking about on the
way back, and we think it might help us out. Even more than whatever
you can bring in from the States."
"This oughta be good," Lewis said, leaning back in his chair and
tilting it up on its back two legs. "What is it?"
"Well, first of all, can you bring in a lifting helicopter or two?
Something that can lift up a lot of weight."
Lewis shrugged. "Probably, if I asked real nice. What for?"
Misato grinned. "Well, you see..."
* * *
"You _sure_ this is safe?" Lewis was asking, days later.
Ritsuko and Misato nodded in unison. "It is standard operating
procedure to drop from high altitude," Ritsuko answered. "As opposed
to landing and offloading. The equipment can handle the shock of
impact."
"Yeah, but that hole's making me wonder..."
"There is evidence that, even when damaged, they can still survive a
high-velocity impact without suffering much further damage. This small
drop presents very little danger."
Lewis shrugged. "It's your problem if it breaks," he said. "Just
thought I'd check, first." He raised a radio up to his mouth. "OK,
let 'er rip," he said, in English.
Above their heads, four powerful lifting helicopters simultaneously
released their lifting cables, letting their cargo drop. A vague
shadow on the ground suddenly began to grow larger and larger until,
with an ear-splitting CRASH, a large, metallic, and white humanoid form
replaced it on the ground, its once bright red eyes now dull and dead.
The broken body of Unit-04 had been lifted up from the place it had met
its demise just a few days earlier. The Americans had managed to carry
it here without much trouble, and now, it had finally reached its
destination. It rested limply where it had fallen, no further damage
readily noticeable.
Lewis scratched his head, watching. "Guess you people make your robots
good, huh?"
"Actually, Unit-04 was made in America," Misato commented.
Lewis glanced at her. "Really?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Misato's jaw clenched as it dawned on her what she'd just said. "Well,
that is...uh..."
Lewis let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "Oh, get off it. What
would I do with a giant robot, anyway? Let's just say we're loaning it
to you or something."
Misato nodded. "All right, then. There's a few things we're going to
need from you, then."
"Shoot. Just eyeballing it, I'd say you need a mechanic," Lewis
replied, looking at the Eva's chest. A hole large enough to accomodate
a semi truck had been punched through, front to back.
"Yeah," Misato said. "Fixing that would be nice, but I don't know
where you're going to get materials."
Lewis shrugged. "Maybe we'll get lucky. But, bare minimum, what does
that sucker need to work, anyway?"
"We'll need to run a few tests," Ritsuko replied, cutting off Misato.
"But we can assume that the S2 engine is beyond repair."
"Which means...?"
"We'll need to run it off of external power. Major, can you
appropriate a large generator?"
"_How_ large, exactly?"
Ritsuko told him.
Lewis's jaw dropped. He just stared at the doctor for a few seconds,
before he started shaking his head. "Sure," he said comically. "Just
let me get my portable nuke reactor out here, and we'll be set." He
stopped joking around and gave Ritsuko a withering stare. "If I had
that kind of power on tap, I'd have the whole camp lit up, lady. Is
there an alternative?"
"The batteries," Ritsuko said, unruffled. "Though they'll only last a
few minutes, and we'll still need to improvise a way to charge them up.
But I'll figure something out."
"Right. So what else?"
"Well..." Ritsuko replied, putting one finger to her mouth in thought.
"Supposing the Dummy Plug inside is serviceable, we should be able to
use the Eva. Perhaps Nagisa or Rei could control it remotely." She
shrugged. "If all else fails, we'll modify the Dummy Plug to
accomodate a human pilot."
Lewis snorted out a laugh. "Right. Where're you gonna find someone
dumb enough to climb into that thing?"
Misato cut in. "Doesn't matter to _you_ does it?" she asked, with a
smile.
Lewis returned the grin. "Quite true," he replied. "So now what?"
"We start running tests, Major. And you start bringing in everything
you can get."
* * *
Shinji looked out the thin plastic window of what had become the
"medical tent", out at the land beyond.
It had been a couple of weeks since they'd returned from the last
battle. In that time, the Americans had brought in all manner of
weapons; mortar launchers, missile batteries, anti-aircraft guns, and
even a few tanks. Lewis still wasn't satisfied.
He turned away from the window, eyeing Ritsuko in the tent. "But that
still doesn't answer my question, Akagi-san."
Ritsuko let out a low sigh. "It's all I have to work off of," she
said. "Though I'll admit it's all just theory and postulation."
"Yes, but..." Shinji began, looking back out the window. "You said the
Eva was tracking AT fields. How'd it find Rei, then?"
Ritsuko smirked. "You sound just like your father, when you say that."
Shinji closed his eyes. He shook his head at her observation, but he
continued. "Maybe. But Rei was almost absorbed by that..._thing_, and
I have no idea of why. How could it find her like that?"
"As I said previously, Ikari," Ritsuko began, "the first theory is that
the Eva was saw her earlier and then remembered her location the next
time it appeared." She paused, making sure to finish the sentence so
that anyone would be able to tell she didn't believe the theory, sound
though it might be. "The alternative," she continued, once she'd felt
the tension had built up enough in Shinji, "is that Rei was herself
generating an AT field strong enough that she could be noticed."
Shinji shook his head, opening his eyes again. "But that's just...not
_possible_," he said, his voice desperate. "She's just a normal girl,
now! I thought that was how it went. No more Angels, right?"
Ritsuko looked at him, taking a seat as she tried to relax. "Can you
really say that, in all honesty?" she asked, her voice going cold.
"You saw the attack pattern of the last one. _You_ of all people
should have been able to recognize it." Her voice almost sounded
accusatory, blaming Shinji for not accepting what was right in front of
him.
"But...but that pattern changed, Akagi-san. When its chest blew up
like that, it - "
"I think that was the Dummy Plug inside the Eva taking over. Whatever
had been suppressing it earlier had either died or otherwise gone
dormant, so the Dummy could take control of the Eva again." She
paused for a moment, letting that sink in before she continued. "But I
am willing to believe that there was some external influence on the Eva
before the Dummy took over. That, plus the other two, both followed
patterns of the numbered Angels."
Shinji nodded, looking away from her. Ritsuko didn't say anything; she
didn't need to. Finally, Shinji found words to speak.
"That's another thing, Akagi-san. How's the work going on the Eva?
The white one, I mean."
"It's far from functional," Ritsuko replied, shrugging. "Without any
kind of advanced facilities, I doubt we'll ever be able to repair it.
But if we can charge its batteries, it should be able to move for a
brief time. The problem then is just the control factor."
"Yeah..." Shinji said, trailing off. "Do you think Kaoru-kun will be
able to control two at once?"
"You should ask _him_, Ikari. I don't know myself."
Shinji blinked. "Right..."
"Right now my biggest concern with Unit-04 is that the programming of
its Dummy Plug may have been corrupted by whatever was suppressing it
in the first place. So unless we can get an intact copy of Rei or
Nagisa's personal data to rewrite it, there's too much danger to try
starting it again."
"Yeah, I...what?"
"Yes, Ikari?"
"What do you mean, Rei or Kaoru-kun's 'personal data'?"
Ritsuko cocked an eyebrow, looking at him. Shinji saw a smile tugging
at one corner of her lips. It was not a warm one. Actually, it was
more of a smirk than a smile, as if she was keeping a secret from him
to torment him. He would never have expected Ritsuko to ever enjoy
something so childish, but he had to know.
"Akagi-san, please."
She finally nodded. "I forgot, you didn't know. The basic program for
the Dummy Plug was based off of data taken from those two. NERV's
version was based on Rei, while those in the Production Series Evas
were based off of Nagisa."
Shinji just kept staring at her, his face disbelieving.
"Actually, come to think of it," Ritsuko said, bringing one finger to
her chin as though just remembering something. "I'm interested in what
we'll find inside Unit-04's Dummy. Unit-00 is much the same as it is;
a reconfigured Production Series Eva. But when I ran tests on Unit-
00's Dummy plug, I found it had been reprogrammed. If Nagisa's
personal data was ever there, it isn't there now."
"And..." Shinji asked, fear and curiosity battling within him.
"And...and who...I mean _what_, is in there, now?"
"Rei's data," Ritsuko said bluntly. "I'd know it anywhere."
Shinji went quiet at this. He was quite obviously not thinking over
what to say in response; the boy didn't have words to express his
feelings. The shock of what Ritsuko had so offhandedly revealed was
written all over his face.
"Don't worry about it too much, Ikari," Ritsuko said casually, almost
too casually, as if she was hiding something. There was nothing on her
face that told of it, though. She turned away, looking at the papers
laid out on a nearby table. She wasn't at all interested in the
papers. She'd turned to hide her smile, which had grown.
"The computer 'mind' of the Dummy Plug is far from a perfect copy of
its basis. It's impossible to truly digitize a human mind or soul."
"Yes, but..."
Shinji was unable to finish his statement. His eyes lost focus as he
sank into thought. Ritsuko pretended not to care. Finally, Shinji
shook his head.
"Well, th...thanks anyway, Akagi-san," he said, heading for the tent
flap.
Ritsuko shook her head, letting a short bark of a laugh escape her,
almost before he'd left.
^Could almost convince myself he was his father,^ she thought. ^Now
that was almost _too_ enjoyable. Gendo was never so easily shaken.^
* * *
On the other side of the camp, Asuka and Hikari were taking a walk.
"It's moving pretty fast now," Hikari was saying. "I wouldn't believe
it, if I didn't see it happening right in front of me."
"Uh huh," Asuka said, lacing her fingers together behind her head.
"Me, _I'm_ not surprised the Americans wanna show off all their toys."
Hikari replied with just a smile.
"I mean, _look_ at all that," Asuka said, gesturing in the general
direction of the American camp, to the mass of tents, scurrying
soldiers, and hundreds of tons of cold steel that now formed the
growing American camp. It was a veritable legion, enough to conquer the
entire island of Japan and then some. Most of the military hardware
looked ready to open fire on any target, at any time. "That's just a
waste, Hikari. Not like it'd actually be _worth_ much."
Hikari shrugged, staring at the ground just in front of her feet.
"Maybe. But I think it's nice that they want to help."
Asuka snorted and looked away. "Their commander's just pissed about
his truck, that's all."
"Hm."
They continued walking, in silence for a while.
"So..." Asuka began, slowly. "So...how're you doing, then?"
Hikari smiled again. "Not much longer," she said, quietly. "A few
days ago, I went to see one of the doctors the Americans have. He said
not much longer, before..." she trailed off, her grin expanding.
Asuka nodded. "Good luck," she said, simply. "I hope that baka Touji
knows what he's getting into."
Hikari rubbed her stomach. "He does," she said, a warm smile widening
on her face. "He does."
Sensing that Hikari was about to go mushy, Asuka quietly took a step
away from her old friend. She glanced over at the still-prone form of
Eva-04. The once-mighty but now fallen giant lay face down in the
dirt, embedded in its own impact crater. It also happened to be the
site of almost as much activity as either camp. Heavy equipment had
been shipped in over the past few days, along with as many engineers as
the Americans had been able to scrape together.
It was a little strange...its head was turned an exaggerated angle to
its side, and its hands lay open and unresisting at its sides. It
looked almost comical, as if it had somehow slipped and fell, but its
staring, dull, red, eyes were anything but dead. Though the gaping
hole in its chest plates reassured Asuka that Unit-04 was now harmless,
the eyes seemed a little too bright for a dead creature. They
possessed neither pupils nor whites, but their crimson gaze seemed to
follow her as she walked past it.
"Be interesting if they could get that thing working again," Asuka
said, nodding at the Eva.
Hikari shrugged. "Maybe. But doesn't it bother you?"
It was now Asuka's turn to shrug. "Don't care," she said,
nonchalantly. "Not my problem, not yet anyway."
"You aren't afraid you'd have to pilot it...are you?" Hikari asked,
turning to look at the redhead.
Asuka's eyes widened, and she stumbled on a rock. After she regained
her balance, she found herself looking back at the destroyed
Evangelion. She had accepted some time ago that her Unit-02 was
destroyed. She didn't need a reminder of what Eva brought into her
life...
Though, for a moment, she couldn't help but consider the possibility.
She could see herself at the helm of the monster, once again in control
of the greatest power in the world. Nothing would stand in her way,
and she would be both feared and loved...
^What am I _thinking_?^ she thought, as she returned to reality. Unit-
04 looked nothing like a glorious beast of war, laid out on the ground
as it was. And its white "skin" and red eyes reminded her a little too
much of something else. Or rather, some_one_ else.
She tossed her head and threw Hikari a winning smile. "_Me_? Afraid?
Ha! I'd climb into that thing and teach everyone something about
piloting!"
Hikari nodded, going silent as Asuka put on her old, confident face
that was all too familiar. She knew it was something her friend needed
to keep for now, but sometimes she wished Asuka would just drop the old
routine.
Asuka straightened out, regaining her composure. "Honestly, Hikari,
where do you get these ideas?" she said, trying to sound exasperated,
but unable to keep all the nervousness out of her voice. A moment
passed, as neither of them could think of anything to say.
"Not like I have time to go play around with one of those," she
proclaimed, gesturing at the Eva without looking at it. The note of
regret was still evident in her voice. "We'd need to find someone
else. Of course he'd still have to come to _me_ for his piloting
lessons," she finished. "Baka Shinji might've been able to get one to
_move_ easy enough, but you need real talent to do anything impressive
with an Eva."
"Too bad we don't have aircraft carriers for you to jump around on,"
Hikari commented jokingly, remembering the story Asuka had told her
time and again about her first encounter with an Angel. "That could be
a final exam for an Eva pilot."
"Heh," Asuka snorted. "Maybe." ^Or throw him against a floating
_tank_, that you just _can't_hurt_, and see how long he lasts,^ Asuka
thought to herself. ^But then...what if he actually _wins_?^ She
shook her head to herself. ^Nah.^
"So do you have anyone in mind already?" Hikari asked. "To pilot, that
is."
"Nothing really official. We haven't really talked about it, so the
position's up for grabs if you know someone who wants it."
"I don't know," Hikari replied. Asuka said nothing in response to
this. When Hikari looked over at her friend, she saw the German girl
was looking at her, and in a strange way...
"_No_," Hikari said, simply, shaking her head vigorously. "You won't
get me in one of those, Asuka. I'm your friend, but I don't go _that_
far," she continued.
"Oh, that's fine, Hikari. You've got other things to worry about, I
know. But it _would_ be nice if we could convince someone with some
experience."
Hikari's eyes widened in surprise. "You wouldn't dare."
Asuka shrugged. "Well, he's gotten into one before, you know."
"And we all know how well _that_ went!" Hikari shouted back. "Asuka, I
don't believe you! Do you think he'd _ever_ touch an Eva again?"
"Why don't you ask him? You never know."
Hikari's eyes narrowed in a rage Asuka had never seen in the other girl
before. It was enough to make the German girl back off a step,
reflexively twitching her arms in anticipation of a blow.
Hikari turned away, turning up her nose. "He won't and that's final,"
she declared. "My Touji's never getting close to an Eva again...if I
can help it, anyway."
Asuka smirked. "Yeah, I guess not," she said. ^Not the way you've got
him henpecked, anyway.^
A long, uncomfortable silence passed between the girls, neither of them
saying a word to one another, and each trying not to look and see what
the other was doing. Asuka knew she'd crossed a line somewhere back
there, but she fought off her guilt easily enough, telling herself that
it was for the good of everyone. She _did_ have responsibilities to
the camp, after all.
"Now, I don't know all the details, but I don't think Kaoru-kun would
be able to pilot it, either," Hikari finally said. "Maybe you could
get Rei into it..."
Asuka shook her head violently. "_No_," she said, just as vehemently
as Hikari had, just a moment ago. "If it comes down to that, _I'd_
rather pilot the damn thing."
Hikari gave Asuka a confused look. "Why? What's so bad about Rei
pilot - "
"Wondergirl has other things to worry about, too," Asuka interupted,
returning Hikari's glance with a burning stare. "And that's that."
Hikari paused for a moment, giving Asuka a few seconds to cool off and
herself some time to think it over. "What do you have against Rei,
anyway?" she asked, finally. "What has she ever done to you?"
The look Asuka gave her at that last comment would be burned into
Hikari's mind for weeks afterwards. It was not one of anger; that
would have been almost normal for the German girl. This was something
subtly different, and infinitely more frightening. Asuka's face seemed
almost calm, not twisted into a mask of fury as was often the case.
But the look in her eyes made up for it; the intense stare from those
crystal blue eyes seemed to burn through Hikari. The anger was all
there, but around Asuka's eyes...there were traces of something else.
Sadness, or frustration perhaps.
"That..._girl_ can't tell when she's not wanted," Asuka said in a low
voice, maintaining eye contact with Hikari, who found she was unable to
look away.
"Are..." Hikari paused, wondering if she should tempt the fates. "Are
you still angry about her...you know, saving you way back when?" she
asked, in a small voice.
"Good example," Asuka replied, sarcastically. "She was an intervening
little bitch back then, too. But you know what? She's gotten worse."
These last words were said in a quiet, almost conspiratory tone.
Hikari flinched slightly at Asuka's description of Rei, hating to see
her friend feel that way about someone else. She said nothing;
something told her Asuka had more to say.
"I mean...it's taken me _two_years_ to get this far," Asuka began,
angrily. She started walking quickly, forcing Hikari to nearly run to
keep up, holding her bulging stomach with both hands.
"I've had to _work_ at it, you know?" Asuka continued, apparently
unaware of how quickly she was moving, or how Hikari was struggling to
stay even with her. "Every...god-damn _day_, I've had to work at it.
Like I'm pulling _teeth_, for Christ's sake. But I look back and I've
really gotten somewhere. The kid actually had balls in him. Who knew?
But now this...conniving little..." - Asuka muttered a long word in
German, which Hikari could only guess at the meaning of - "...comes in
and she's just..._taking_ him away, like it's no trouble at all!"
Her head whipped over to look at Hikari so fast she must have nearly
broken her own neck. "Is that fair?! Tell me, really, doesn't she
_know_ it's not fair to just waltz in and _steal_ someone's..." she
broke off, ending in a barely contained shout of frustration, which
came out between clenched teeth.
Hikari was, by this point, panting. She'd been exempt from the
physical labor nearly everyone else had been doing for the past months,
and it showed. "Asuka, could you...please...slow _down_?"
Asuka finally noticed that her friend was running to keep up, and
halted so abruptly that Hikari nearly fell over in her effort to stop.
"Sorry," Asuka grumbled out, almost too quiet to hear. She started
again, at a slower pace. Hikari followed alongside her, breathing
hard. The girl had a wealth of questions to ask of Asuka concerning
this recent outburst. But she knew from experience that at times like
this it was best to stay quiet. Asuka at the moment seemed calm, but
Hikari had a suspicion it was the kind of calm seen in an active
volcano.
"I've actually got a question," Asuka began. She continued before
Hikari could say anything. "When did she become 'Rei' to you, anyway?"
As an experienced mediator in arguments, Hikari knew to choose her next
words carefully. She gave herself time to think by taking a few more
deep breaths.
"I just...thought she looked lonely," she finally said. "A little
different from before. It's not like she doesn't care about other
people, anymore. More like...she might want to know people a little
better, but she doesn't know how to do that. And...I _am_ the Class
Rep, Asuka. It's my job to make people feel accepted."
At first, Asuka said nothing. Then:
"Suit yourself," she commented, the nonchalance in her voice much too
blatant for it to be genuine.
Hikari went quiet. There'd been something in Asuka's voice when she'd
said that. In the time Hikari had known her, Asuka had gotten mad at
her for the smallest things, and sometimes even for no fault of her
own. But though Hikari could sense the girl was angry - Asuka was
almost radiating fury - something sounded different about her. There
was no explosion of anger, this time; instead it was as though, in the
space of time it had taken Asuka to say those two words, she had gone
from being a trusted friend to being a complete stranger. Hikari felt
a sick feeling come over her, as she wondered if something
irreplaceable had just been lost.
"Asuka, I'm sor - "
Asuka held up a hand, signaling for her to stop. "No. It's okay,
Hikari." No trace of warmth when she said her name. "If it's _that_
important to you, go ask Ayanami what my problem is with her. She'll
know." Asuka paused. "She's just plain _dense_ to everything around
her, but that, she'll know."
Another pause from Hikari. "Asuka, will you just listen? I didn't
mean to hurt you."
Asuka nodded primly. "Yes, I know."
'But you did anyway.' The words begged to be added on.
"I think I'll catch up with you later," Asuka said, halting. "I've got
some...work to do."
Hikari looked at her friend...or ex-friend. ^No, she wouldn't give up
that easily. She's just mad.^ She mostly believed herself. Mostly.
She nodded slowly, managing to keep her eyes dry but could not keep the
sadness out of them. "Well...all right, Asuka. I'll...see you later."
* * *
"Good shot," Kensuke remarked.
"It's nothin'," Lewis replied, lowering the rifle, not bothering to
blow off the smoking barrel. He held the gun off to the side without
looking. "This one's good," he said, in English. "Next."
A soldier waiting nearby took the rifle and handed Lewis another,
similar gun. As this was happening, the hapless bird Lewis had
targeted earlier finally hit the ground. Lewis loaded a bullet into
the gun.
"Where'd you learn how to shoot like that?" Kensuke asked, amazed.
"Practice, kid," came the reply, the Major smoothly switching back to
Japanese. He squinted and squeezed the trigger. Another sharp gunshot
rung out, and another bird hit the ground. "Lots and lots of it," he
finished, almost wistfully. "Me and my old man'd go out and do this
all day, way back when." He paused, lost temporarily in some old
memory. "This one's good, too," he finally said, holding out the gun
to the soldier.
A drawn-out "Cooooooool," was all Kensuke could say. His eyes followed
Lewis' practiced hand motions as the man loaded a bullet into the next
gun. The man didn't even have to look at what he was doing.
Lewis smirked, noticing the attention he was getting. But before he
could take aim, he was interrupted. The roar of an engine, followed by
the squeal of protesting tires, sounded not five meters from them.
Lewis turned, raising his sunglasses long enough to get a look at the
new arrival. It was his new truck, a banged-up Land Rover. It had
arrived in the past few days, along with the other equipment.
"How'd it go?" he asked.
Shinji, looking quite shaken up, managed to crawl out of the driver's
seat of the Land Rover. "Oh, it's OK..." he said, before sitting down
hard on the ground.
An American soldier got out of the passenger seat and said something in
English to Lewis. Whatever they said must have been funny, because
both men started laughing, in the derisive manner when the laugh is at
someone else's cost. Lewis passed the soldier a pack of cigarettes out
of his shirt pocket and then turned back to the boys.
"What was that?" Kensuke asked, after checking to make sure Shinji was
really okay.
"Just a friendly bet," Lewis remarked, smiling. "We gotta use cigs
though...not like the paper stuff's really worth anything, anymore.
Makes me feel like I'm a prison inmate, or something."
"I guess," Kensuke said, before kneeling down next to Shinji. "So
how'd it go?"
"Oh, I just _almost_ flipped over the Major's truck," Shinji said,
trying to smile.
Kensuke raised his eyebrows. "How'd you pull that one off?"
"That soldier was insane..." Shinji remarked, getting up. "Kept making
me go faster when I didn't think I could. Until he told me to turn,
and I forgot to hit the brakes first, and, well..."
Kensuke looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. He managed
to give Shinji a nod before turning back to Lewis. "Aren't you worried
they're gonna wreck your truck?"
Lewis flinched, having been just about to fire off another shot. He
lowered the gun and looked down at Kensuke.
"Oh, yeah," Shinji said, remembering. He bowed ceremoniously to Lewis.
"Thank you, sir, for letting me use your personal vehicle."
Lewis waved him off, smiling. "Actually, I'm _hoping_ one of you
manages to wreck that damn machine," he said to Kensuke, tilting his
head towards the Land Rover. "That's bureaucracy for you, kid," he
continued, shaking his head. "I asked for another Humvee, and they
sent me a friggin' _Land_Rover_ instead. Figure if I can destroy this
one, too, maybe they'll wise up and give me what I asked for in the
first place."
Kensuke blinked. "I guess that makes sense..."
Lewis glanced over at Shinji. "So what do you think of our...heh...
'crash' course in driving?"
Shinji nodded. "I guess it's the quickest way to learn," he said.
"But it's really stressful."
"Welcome to the world, kid," Lewis said, raising the rifle up again.
Kensuke waited until Lewis had fired another shot before he took a
breath to speak. Lewis, having missed the target this time, didn't
notice until Kensuke started talking.
"Uh...Major..." he began.
"Yeah?" Lewis said angrily. He held out the rifle to the nearby
soldier, muttering something in English, presumably about the gun's aim
being off. He received the next gun and started loading in a bullet.
"I was just wondering, but do you think Shinji here _is_ really just a
kid?" he asked, gesturing at Shinji, who was giving Kensuke a surprised
look. Lewis, for his part, just looked down at the boy waiting for
him to finish.
"I mean, I know he's young..." Kensuke tried to begin, but trailed off
at the gaze from the Major. It was mostly in his head, but having seen
Lewis calmly pick birds out of the sky, _and_ still holding a loaed
rifle, he found his resolve was faltering.
"But he's been responsible for why you're still alive, right?" Lewis
asked, a note of cynicism evident in his voice, even through the
American accent.
"Kensuke, you don't have to - "
"No, no," Lewis said, cutting Shinji off. "Your pal's just tryin' to
help you out, and I gotta respect that." He looked back to Kensuke.
"Because I can see when someone's grown up, that's why," he said. At
that, he turned back to the rifle, flicking the safety off and glancing
back up to the sky.
"What d'you mean by that?" Kensuke asked, momentarily forgetting his
defense of Shinji out of interest in what the Major was saying.
"Just gotta look for it, son," Lewis said. Apparently unsatisfied with
the targets in the sky, he lowered his gun without firing. "It's the
way they move...the way they look at things, I guess. Kinda gives away
something about them." He paused, glancing around. "Like, uh...well,
damn. Right over there," he said, pointing.
Both of the boys turned, to see Ariel walking a slow circuit around one
of the handful of tanks parked in the American camp. One hand was
reaching out to trace the cold metal surface as she walked by it.
"She's got it," Lewis continued. "I can see it, even if you can't."
"You mean she's..." Kensuke began. He turned a little red. "...known
the pleasure of a man, so to speak?"
Lewis laughed loudly. "Dunno about _that_, son," he said, amicably.
"But I wouldn't be surprised if she's killed someone before."
Both of the boys blinked in unison, disbelieving. "But she's..._our_
age," Kensuke said. "How could she..."
Lewis shrugged. "Dunno."
The Major glanced at Shinji, who looked like he was about to say
something.
"And not just killed someone out of weakness," he continued, keeping an
eye on Shinji from behind his sunglasses. "Or because someone else
told her to. No...she had to have _wanted_ to do it, if only a little
bit."
Shinji calmed down quickly, all trace of what he'd been about to say
vanishing from his face.
"So don't get it mixed up," Lewis said, pointing a finger at Kensuke.
"Killing someone don't make you a man. Most people can't handle it,
and they go a little crazy. You know, staring off into space, whacking
off over comatose girls, stuff like that."
Shinji somehow went pale _and_ blushed at the same time. Kensuke
wished he had his camera, to get that expression on tape. He also made
a mental note to ask Shinji what was the matter, later on of course.
Then he looked back over to Ariel. A bird had come down from the sky,
landing on her outstretched hand as though called by her. Even as he
watched, a second bird came down and landed on her shoulder. Ariel
didn't seem surprised in the slightest, and even looked pleasantly
amused, as if it were something that, although nice, happened every
day. She smiled, and cupped one of the singing birds in her hand. In
Kensuke's eyes, nothing seemed more right...
^The girl's practically glowing,^ he thought.
"Except she's got amnesia, from what I hear," Shinji said. "If she
_had_...you know...then she wouldn't remember it."
Lewis shrugged, rolling his eyes at the apprehension both boys were
showing. He took aim again. This time, at a target much closer to the
ground. "Figure I can pick that one off her shoulder?" he asked,
throwing Kensuke a mischievious glance.
Kensuke's eyes widened. "NO! Wait, don't!"
Lewis laughed. "Oh, c'mon," he said, clapping the boy on the back.
"I'm not _that_ crazy," he said, as he lowered the gun.
Kensuke still watched the man warily. Shrugging, Lewis took aim at the
sky again. "You boys need to lighten up. Why don't you come by here
around sunset? With all this new stuff, my men feel like showing off a
little. Good way to relax. We even got some barbecues ready."
"You mean you have fresh meat?" Shinji asked, incredulous. "Where are
you getting that from? What kind of meat?"
Lewis pulled the trigger, and another bird dropped out of the sky.
"Whatever that was," he said, jerking his thumb towards the plumetting
corpse.
Not too far off, Ariel's eyes tracked the trajectory of the shower of
blood and feathers that, until recently, had been a bird. She closed
her eyes and shook her head slowly, before throwing the three boys an
accusatory glance and turning around, making a point not to pay any
attention to them.
* * *
The Americans had not only shipped in engines of war. Now that it was
clear they were going to be staying awhile, they'd brought in enough to
make their camp into something more hospitable. Among the
'essentials' were things the Japanese had not seen in a long while.
Barbecue grills, generators, stereos, and refrigerators could be found
among their equipment. The sheer novelty of this was more than enough
to draw several of the Japanese survivors over to the American camp, as
the sun began to set.
"OK, who wants a cold one?" Lewis asked loudly, holding up a few
bottles.
"Ha!" Asuka said, turning away and putting her hands on her hips. "I'm
not going near that fermented piss you Americans pretend is beer!"
"Actually, Ms. Soryu," Lewis said, checking the label on the bottles,
"this particular sample of fermented piss comes from Germany." He
paused. "But, if that's how you feel...c'mon, Katsuragi, let's get
plastered."
"OK!" Misato answered, smiling broadly as she joined the Major, walking
off towards another part of the camp. Asuka was currently fighting off
an impressive blush.
"Way to handle foreign relations, Asuka," Touji commented, giving the
girl a thumbs-up while at the same time struggling to sound like he
wasn't about to laugh his ass off.
"Shut up!" Asuka shouted, whirling. Her face was still quite red.
"Yeah, Touji, that was mean!" Hikari chimed in, coming to stand
alongside Asuka.
"Er...OK, OK..." the boy said, holding up both hands as he backed away.
Hikari and Asuka quickly fell to talking with each other, presumably
about how annoying Touji was.
The boy in question caught his breath and turned to Kensuke and Shinji,
who were both looking at him with eyebrows cocked.
"I'll be glad when this is over with," Touji said, sitting down on the
ground. "I mean, all of five minutes ago, she was on _my_ side! What
a crappy time for a mood swing..."
"Actually, I think that's just Hikari being a girl," Kensuke commented.
Touji shrugged. "So, when...uh...when is the...you know..."
"Lewis says they'll probably be bringing a priest in soon," Shinji
commented. "Can't wait, huh?" he asked, smiling at his friend.
Touji blushed, while trying to look sufficiently angered by the
comment. "I just..." he stuttered, "...well, I know Hikari's gonna be
even worse if she...you know...if we're not..."
"Yeah, I follow," Kensuke said, sitting down next to Touji and giving
him a hearty slap on the back, though with not nearly the same force
the American commander could get. "But believe it or not, you're
lucky, man."
"Heh," Touji said, grinning a bit. "Maybe." He paused, then glanced
over at Kensuke. "So how 'bout _you_, then?"
"Wha?" Kensuke asked, giving his friend a confused look.
"You know," Touji said, putting on a sly expression. "Anyone you sweet
on?"
"Huh? Me? No, no..." Kensuke replied, shaking his head vigorously.
"Not nice to lie," Shinji cut in, offhandedly.
"What?" Kensuke shot back, turning a little red in the cheeks.
"Don't think I didn't notice you earlier," he said. "You were ogling
that Ariel girl."
Kensuke just stared at his friend.
"Ooh, good taste," Touji said, glancing over at the white-haired girl.
"Definitely," Shinji commented. "I mean, you've seen how she hangs
around the American gear all the time. She's got a thing for war
machines, Kensuke. Sounds like she's right up your alley."
"Wasn't her _interests_ I was talking about," Touji said, crossing his
arms over his chest. "More like her...'endowments', eh?"
Both he and Shinji laughed at this comment. Kensuke continued
blushing.
"B...but guys, you're crazy," Kensuke said, defensively. "Get off my
back."
"What is it?" came a new voice.
This voice belonged to Hikari, who was just walking up, having finished
talking with Asuka. "Shinji," she said, jerking one thumb over her
shoulder, "Asuka says you're a real baka for leaving her alone to go
off with your pals, and if you don't get your butt over there right now
you're sleeping outside again."
"Those exact words?" Shinji asked, nervously.
"Uh huh."
"Oh, man," Shinji said, shaking his head. He turned to Touji and
Kensuke. "Sorry guys, but I gotta go. I'll finish talking to _you_
later," he added on, pointing to Kensuke as he left.
"Now, what was that?" Hikari asked, interested.
"Oh, just talking about that Ariel chick Kensuke's hot on," Touji said,
casually.
"Hey!" Kensuke said, angrily. "I never said anything like - "
"Oh, that's so sweet!" Hikari chimed in, cutting him off. She stepped
between him and Touji, looking Kensuke in the eye. "She's a little
weird, I'll admit, but from what Asuka tells me, she really is a nice
girl."
"Yeah, I mean she's..." Touji said, trailing off as he cupped his hands
under his chest, mouthing the words "a big girl" to his friend. The
grin on his face left no room for doubt as to what 'big' meant in this
case.
"What was that?" Hikari asked, turning to look back at Touji. Touji,
for his part, lowered his hands quickly and looked nonchalantly up into
the sky, trying to whistle.
"_Anyway_," Hikari said, turning away from Touji again, "like I said, I
think she's a very nice girl, and if you could get her to open up..."
Kensuke was only half-listening, since as soon as Hikari had turned
away from him, Touji had gone back to highlighting what he judged to be
the most enticing parts of Ariel. Kensuke couldn't fight off a smile
at the naughty joke.
Hikari stopped abruptly and whirled on Touji. She took a big breath.
Kensuke, drawing from experience, plugged his ears.
"IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO THOSE _BASKETBALLS_ SHE CALLS BREASTS, THERE
IS NO WAY THOSE THINGS ARE REAL, SUZUHARA!!!!!" Hikari shouted at the
top of her lungs.
"What was that?" came the last voice Hikari had expected to hear, as
a tanned hand fell on her shoulder.
"YAAAH!!!" Hikari screamed, turning quickly. Sure enough, Ariel was
standing there, looking at Hikari with an interested expression.
"H...how'd you do that?" Hikari asked, quickly.
"Do what?" Ariel asked, innocently.
Hikari blinked, shaking it off. "Well, I...that is, Ariel-san, I..."
"Your theories concerning my body are slightly off, Horaki-san," Ariel
said, calmly. "If you need me to demonstrate..." she said, beginning
to unbutton her shirt.
"NO!" Hikari shouted, grabbing Ariel's hands. "No, you don't, I'll
just...take your word for it," she said. "Uh...bye," she finished,
walking off, but not before grabbing Touji by the ear and dragging him
along with her.
"Uh huh..." Kensuke said, watching Touji get towed off to what would
undoubtedly be a scolding he would not soon forget. He swallowed,
turning back to the girl in front of him. "Well, Ariel-san..." he
began, nervously. "Do you want something to eat?"
Ariel nodded. "Certainly," she said. "I am interested in this...what
is the word...'hamburger', the Americans say they are grilling."
"Well, then, let's check that out."
* * *
The sun had already descended past the horizon by the time the
Americans had finally stopped their work for the day and started
relaxing a bit. As time dragged on, night descended on the encampment,
drawing its cloak of stars over them and forcing them to rely solely
upon the flickering oranges and reds of the fires for light. But only
a few people took this as their cue to go to bed. Most everyone else
stayed, enjoying some of the night air.
Somehow, Asuka finally managed to get her hands on some of the beer the
Americans had with them. Just as Lewis had said, it _did_ in fact come
from Germany. But the girl was still determined to double-check with a
taste test.
Asuka vibrated as she lowered her bottle. "Oh, yeah..." she said, in a
low voice. "That's it, all right."
"Uh...Asuka, I don't think we should - "
"Have some fun, baka Shinji," Asuka replied, cutting him off. "Here,
you have this one."
Knowing it would be worthless to try arguing with her, Shinji glumly
accepted the beer. He quickly took a drink, choking down the bitter
brew at a look from Asuka. He quickly concluded that that was about
all he'd be able to take, and quietly set the beer down off to the side
where he hoped Asuka wouldn't notice.
He actually didn't mind all that much. It was nice to be able to relax
like this. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was back
in Tokyo-3, sitting among friends in the place that had become his
home. Actually, if he was in the mood for wishful thinking, he could
even feel at home here, where he was. His friends were all here, and
they were all enjoying themselves, for the moment. They were able to
be themselves, able to forget for a little while the apocalypse that
had come just a few years earlier. Touji and Hikari had finally
stopped arguing long enough to sit down and get something to eat.
Kensuke had disappeared off somewhere, probably to go ogle the tanks
some more. Misato was off getting drunk - an endeavor Asuka seemed to
be joining her in, as the girl opened up a second beer. Self-
consciously, Shinji nudged his a little further away.
That only left the pair of children who Shinji hadn't even thought
would show up for this nighttime gathering. Neither Kaoru nor Rei had
seemed fond of large groups of people, but yet they'd both appeared
some time ago, walking in together. Kaoru had stayed long enough to
say hello to Shinji, and then he, too, had disappeared. As for Rei...
Rei had been greeted the moment she'd come in, as several other people
at the camp led her away to get some food and, presumably, to ask her
questions about the most recent battle. Shinji was pretty sure they
wouldn't get any, since Rei hadn't been able to answer similar
questions from Ritsuko earlier.
But the odd thing was, many of the people who'd approached her had been
calling her "Ayanami-sama". It was very interesting...
Rei had kept her usualy aloof attitude through it all. But Shinji
quietly hoped she could find some friends in all that mess. The girl
deserved a break.
That was what was going through his mind when he finally saw her again.
She'd apparently shaken off that small crowd and was again keeping to
herself, walking slowly in between groups of people. From a distance
of perhaps a dozen meters, she caught Shinji's eyes, recognizing him
instantly. He waved to the blue-haired girl, and she turned to face
him. He beckoned to her with his free hand.
But all she did was just look at him coldly, as she had in the past. He
gestured to her again, but she simply shook her head slightly and
walked on, leaving him where he was. She walked off to the side and
going into a nearby tent the Americans had recently set up.
Shinji blinked, not understanding. Glancing over at Asuka, he saw that
the girl was busy speaking with Hikari. At least the brown-haired girl
was staying away from the beer. Satisfied that he wasn't leaving Asuka
alone, he got up. Asuka, caught up in her conversation - and
presumably already feeling the effects of the booze - didn't notice.
He headed for the tent.
He found Rei inside, sitting quietly by herself in a small folding
chair. Her hands were crossed in her lap, her face placid as she
looked out the plastic window of the tent. Shinji froze for a moment,
seeing this. Again, it was almost like they were back home. He could
remember walking into the classroom in Tokyo-3 innumerable times. And,
more often than not, Rei would always be there, stuck in her
characteristic position, looking disinterestedly out the window.
But then he returned to himself, realizing where he was standing.
"Uh...Ayanami..." he began.
* * *
Rei had not been as oblivious as she may have seemed. She knew Shinji
had come into the tent, though she was quite confused over why he had
paused like that, just before talking. But that confusion couldn't get
in the way, now. She didn't want to have to deal with this.
^I should ignore my feelings,^ she thought. ^They cannot be allowed to
destroy the life I have.^
She tried to ignore the voice that disagreed with her in the back of
her head, she kept herself as still as possible, though her hands
seemed warmer than before. It was easiest to do nothing, but that was
no guarantee Shinji would leave her alone. Her voice carrying the
barest hint of irritation, she said:
"What do you want?"
Only silence answered her. She waited, but Shinji said nothing. If she
was answered with silence, then she too would say nothing, but she
sensed that this time was different. He would not have come to her for
nothing, like his father. What would he ask of her this time? To die?
She could die at any time she chose. She would simply have to walk
back out into the sea, and then let herself go. She could make her
death permanent, ceasing to exist completely beyond any chance of
return. But he had said nothing yet.
What did he think of her using the Eva, she wondered. She could die
there. In battle, all it would take was a lucky shot, a missed step,
or something from the Dummy Plug's hands. If he asked her to continued
with that, she would see no reason to refuse. Fighting with Eva was
something she was accustomed to doing; for a long time, perhaps even
now, it was all she'd had. Death was a part of that, and for that
reason she did not fear death. In fact she remembered desiring it at
one point in her lives.
^But he is not the Commander.^ She reminded herself. ^Ikari-kun may be
in command of this area, and he may even ask others to die for him, but
he is _not_ the Commander.^ Yet still, Shinji made no answer.
What if she was to look him in the eye? Would that break the wall of
silence they had built between them? Suzuhara had said it would help,
and it might.
But she could not will her body to move. All she had to do was turn
around and face him...and she could not go through with it? What was
wrong with her? Was it the weakness of fear, or something deeper? She
hoped that this was only temporary.
"How are you doing?" Shinji ventured, finally saying something.
"I am well," came the curt reply.
"Oh..." Shinji said, slowly. He paused for a moment, shifting back and
forth on his feet.
^Do not linger here,^ Rei thought at him, the thought unable to resolve
itself into spoken words. ^You...are frightening me.^ She paused.
^Is that true? Is his presence frightening? The emotions it
evokes...I do not understand them.^
"Sorry you got dragged off like that," he said, nervously. "I know you
must not've liked that. Having to be the center of attention, I mean."
"I managed."
"Uh...yeah." He paused again. "Look, Rei, I...I'm sorry you had to go
through that. Those people probably just wanted to know what you
did...last time." He seemed hesitant to say it: 'in the last battle'.
Rei didn't know whether that was encouraging or not.
"I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again," he finished.
^What is he trying to accomplish?^ Rei thought, confused.
"I know you...don't like being around people much, and you don't like
being bothered by people you don't want to talk to."
^Has he not realized that I still wish to be alone?^
"I'll understand if you want to leave now. I don't think you'll be
missing much, except maybe everyone embarassing themselves," he said,
smiling nervously.
^This tone of voice...I believe I have heard it somewhere before. What
is the word for it...^
"But you shouldn't have to put up with it if you don't want to.
Sorry..." he said, momentarily at a loss for words. "...I guess I just
want you to know I'm sorry...and I'll try to snap them out of it, if I
can..."
^That is the word, 'pity',^ Rei finally concluded. ^Is this his pity
for me?^ Rei thought, looking Shinji over as he finally stopped
talking. Apparently the boy had realized that he wasn't getting any
kind of response from the girl.
^So, the little invalid's trying to get some pity out of Shinji-chan?^
the memory of Asuka's voice resounded clearly in her mind.
^Pity...no, I do not want to be pitied.^
Finally, some words managed to escape Rei's mouth. However, as she
found out very quickly, words have an odd way of coming out in the way
you least expect them to.
"Your pity is not what I want, Shinji-kun."
Her eyes widened as soon as she'd closed her mouth again. _That_
hadn't been what she'd intended to say.
Shinji turned away, slightly put out by the rejection. But then it
clicked in his mind what Rei had said. Her heartbeat accelerated as he
turned back towards her, his face a swirl of confusion. Rei fought the
urge to put one hand to her heart, trying to force it to slow back down
to its regular pace.
"Then...what _do_ you want then, Rei?" Shinji asked, slowly.
Though he'd called her by that name several times recently, since the
day she'd said it was all right, for some reason the word 'Rei' struck
a chord in the girl, this time. Maybe it was the way he said it, the
word coming off his tongue so easily this time that it was as though
he'd been calling her Rei since they'd first met. For whatever reason,
Rei felt her throat close up. This time, she couldn't resist the urge
to bring one hand up to her throat, as though trying to feel the
obstruction with her fingers.
The question Shinji asked was tearing through her mind, looping around
again and again, completely annihilating all hope of coherent thought.
^I do not want to say...^
^What do I want?^
^I cannot...he is...^
^What do I want?^
^I must...I must not...or I...^
^What do I want?^
Rei felt herself trembling. It was not a sensation she experienced
often; even when the most recent attacker had nearly devoured her, she
had kept her calm. What was it that could unsettle her like this?
But she already knew the answer. She could feel it inside of her; that
sensation of cold isolation, of perpetual loneliness, was finally
cracking. It was slowly slipping away, like a dying tide, pulling back
and finally giving her release...
Yet the thought was almost too much to bear. It frightened her,
keeping her from talking, even as Shinji's look of curiosity turned to
one of worry, watching the silent girl in front of him.
* * *
Shinji didn't know what to do, at the moment. He was slowly realizing
that maybe his question had been out of bounds for him. Rei had never
really _wanted_ anything, so asking her a question like that was
confusing the poor girl. He could see the confusion in her face, even
as she turned away from him, trying to hide her failing mask from him.
A few minutes passed, during which the distance seemed to grow between
them. Rei remained sitting in her chair, and Shinji didn't move from
where he was standing. But even with that in mind, it seemed Rei was
slipping away from him, the distance between them growing a little more
with every heartbeat. And there was nothing he could do; it was her
choice, after all. But he did not want her to fade away on him.
"S...sorry, Rei," Shinji said, bowing slightly in deference to her. "I
shouldn't have bothered you with that. Sorry you had to put up
with...all that," he finished, gesturing in the general direction of
the tent flap. ^Please don't hate me for it,^ he mentally added on.
He was a little surprised by this thought, but soon found that it was
genuine. He hadn't started calling her Rei just because he liked the
name.
He turned to go. "I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," he said.
"I have not answered your question yet, Ika...Shinji-kun."
Shinji turned around quickly. "No, that's..." the last word died in
his mouth, as he looked back at the girl. The look of confusion was no
longer there. Rather, it had been replaced by a determination that
teased at long-repressed memories in his mind. He vaguely remembered
seeing that expression on her face, that look of quiet determination
which told him she would never fail in her appointed task...what was it
again? The details of his life before Third Impact were lost in a
stuporous haze. He was not sure he even _wanted_ to remember them, but
he wracked his brain for an answer. Yes...her task was to protect him,
and she had thrown herself in the line of fire to do so; but she had
not failed. He remembered rushing to her side, asking her if she was
okay...and he remembered she did something important in her
answer, but nothing else came to mind. The rest of the memory faded
before he could recall it; and yet here she was, with the same face.
The same look of strength, of a calm resolution he was sure he'd never
be able to achieve.
"What I...want..." she began. But her drive seemed to falter on that
last word. The tightness in her mouth began to flow out, and the
hardness of her eyes softened.
"I...I want...to understand why I feel this way..." she said, her
expression melting completely.
"Feel...how?" Shinji asked, curious. Another memory tickled in his
mind, that he had been one of the select few who had seen this girl
_ever_ show any feeling. Oddly enough, remembering that time she'd
been supposed to protect him made him wonder what a smile would look
like on her face. He couldn't help wondering if she was about to show
emotion again. Not wanting to miss it, he took a step towards her.
However, this move prompted Rei to further close up, pulling her arms
close to her body, the fingers of one hand brushing her chest as she
looked away from him.
"Rei, what's wrong?" he asked, trying to sound soothing.
Rei looked up. Just as she did this, the moon finally made its
appearance, as the clouds parted and allowed its pale light to shine in
through the window the girl was sitting next to.
Somehow, Shinji knew in the back of his mind that no matter what
happened to him, no matter how many of his memories turned to dust and
blew away with time, even if the whole planet were burned to ash, that
he would never forget what he saw that night. For one brief instant,
Rei's face was cast into sharp relief by the glimmer of the full moon.
For a moment her face lay in shadow, but the clouds continued to draw
back, revealing more and more of her face. As the darkness was stripped
away, he was caught by those crimson eyes, the same eyes that had been
his chief nightmare in the apocalypse, the same eyes that had held him
entranced countless times before, the same eyes that were looking at
him quietly now. And as he was drawn in, he saw, for a brief flash,
Rei. Not a part-angel monstrousity, not the mistress of a monster
who could destroy them all in a wink, not the impenetrable wall of ice
that had stopped his every effort to get through, but Rei. Only Rei.
And she was...
^My God...she's beautiful.^
And, as life is prone to irony, as soon as he realized the meaning of
those words, the moment passed. And once again he saw Rei sitting in
front of him, her face smooth and unreadable. No, wait, now she was
standing; she'd apparently gotten to her feet in that brief moment.
The girl came slowly, taking a step towards him, her hand rising from
her side.
"Shinji-kun..." she began.
It was too much. He couldn't believe what he'd just thought. He
couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't believe that Rei was
still coming towards him. How close did she intend to get? How close
did he intend to _let_ her get? But she was still coming closer, her
hand still rising up, and he could do nothing.
^no...^ A voice in his head whispered. Was it his? He didn't know, her
hand had already passed his shoulder and was reaching for his neck.
^_No_...^ The whisper became a pained moan, urging him to move away.
But he could not. He was paralyzed with fear and with something else,
as her hand came slowly to his face, making the hairs on the back of
his neck stand on end with shivering cold as she came closer, her lips
parted to say something. He could feel the warmth of her hand, now very
close to his cheek and causing the skin to awaken with its own heat, in
anticipation of the contact...
Suddenly the protests were given voice through him.
"NOOOO!" His scream split the night.
Rei was taken aback, her face puzzled, but that no longer mattered to
him. He ran out of the tent as fast as he could, nearly tripping over
things in the dark, not caring where he went so as long as it was away.
He ran away in fear, away from what might been, away from the light of
the camp, and away from the light of the moon across the sky that
haunted him with its question of...
Rei watched the spot where he'd been. She slowly lowered her hand,
which had just begun to rise up, to hesitantly reach towards Shinji, to
do the unthinkable, for her. To touch him. Just to feel that contact,
like she had not so long ago...
But now...
"Why?" she asked the space where Shinji had been only seconds before,
her soft voice full of confusion, and pain.
She somehow ended up on the ground, her legs no longer possessing the
strength to hold her up. She lay down, onto her back as she stared up
at the nondescript ceiling of the tent. Her mind unable to answer the
questions raging through it, she closed her eyes, feeling the wetness
building behind her eyelids.
* * *
Kaoru had been pulling a sort of double watch since he'd come here.
He'd kept an eye on Ariel the whole time, even more suspicous of her
after what he'd seen happen to her at the coastline. But he'd also
tried to watch Rei. It had troubled him to see her taken away like
that. He hadn't been able to follow, not without quitting his
observation of Ariel. Figuring that Rei could watch after herself,
he'd let her go.
Then he'd seen Shinji follow Rei into that tent, an event he'd watched
with a _very_ interested look on his face. But this interest had
collapsed when he'd seen Shinji go sprinting out, a few minutes later.
He stayed there long enough to watch Shinji vanish into the darkness,
still running even as he passed out of sight. He mulled it over for a
few moments, pretending to listen to the conversation he'd been having
just minutes ago.
He mentally shrugged, unable to figure out what had just happened. He
glanced back at the tent, fairly certain that he hadn't yet seen Rei
leave it. Excusing himself, he went over to it.
She was inside, just as he'd suspected. Rei lay there as if she had
collapsed from exhaustion, the simple blanket lying uselessly to one
side. She was bathed in the soft light of the moon. He could see from
the entrance that her eyes were closed. So, she'd just fallen asleep.
It did seem a little odd for her to choose _now_ to rest, especially if
something had just made Shinji run out. But then again, Kaoru knew
that he hadn't been able to sleep well for the past few days. The
death of the last Eva, right when he'd felt its S2 engine erupt, had
sent a shock through him, as though every bone in his body had been
shattered and then put back together in an instant. He'd been left
breathless for a long moment, almost too long. The memory of that
sensation, called up by seeing Rei here, still made him close his eyes
in fear. What had that feeling been?
Not just that, but the last Eva had nearly destroyed Rei, the only
other person in this entire encampment which he truly had something in
common with. He could remember seeing the girl, looking through Unit-
00's optics as though they were his own eyes. He'd seen her sinking,
as though into quicksand, only infinitely more deadly. And then
she'd...
What had Rei done, anyway? Even he wasn't sure. But he _did_ know
that it wasn't right to leave her here like this. If nothing else,
someone was going to kick her out when they found her sleeping in their
tent.
He knelt down next to her, looking her over to try to gauge how best to
do this. The girl was lying on her back, eyes closed and face
peaceful, the rise and fall of her chest almost hypnotic. Kaoru
watched her for a while, wondering if she was even really asleep.
Finally, he decided he may as well try to wake her up. It would be
much easier than trying to carry her all the way back to their shelter.
He reached out to touch her shoulder. But before he could even make
contact with her, he heard a soft sound, so quiet that it could have
been his imagination: a gasp, coming from Rei.
He pulled back, looking the girl over again. Her face was no longer
demure. Her lips were tight, as though concentrating hard on
something. Her eyes, though still closed, were twitching erratically,
becoming tight and then relaxing again, over and over. Again, as
though she were concentrating. Or as though she were being beaten.
"Rei?" he asked, quietly. No response came from the girl, except for
another soft gasp, her lips parting just long enough to let out the
noise.
Kaoru leaned forwards, reaching out to see if he could shake her awake
or somehow calm her down, but he froze, mid-motion. He felt it: a
tickling in his mind, of something that was not truly him taking
action.
But the only time he ever felt something like that was when he was
controlling an Eva...
* * *
Shinji's thoughts were a tumult as he got away from the American camp.
He had stopped running a few hundred meters back, his legs refusing to
keep up that pace any longer. But he was still walking as quickly as
he could
His entire will was focused on _not_ thinking about what had just
happened, but, as these things tend to go, that was the one thing he
_couldn't_ forget. Every other second, Rei's face would flash in front
of his eyes.
^No..._no_, it was just the booze, that's all.^ Never mind that all
he'd had was a sip. He had no tolerance, so even that much could have
gotten him drunk, right?
The way her hair fell gently across her face.
^No. It was just a brief shot of hormones, that's all. I mean, I _am_
still a male.^
How her skin had seemed to catch the moonlight and almost glow.
^God...no, it had to just be the situation. Anyone would have thought
that way.^
The way her eyes had glistened, as though untold volumes of tears were
hiding behind them, tears she could not or would not ever let free, no
matter how much she may have deserved to.
^What's wrong with me?^
He slammed his eyes shut, trying to blank his mind by blocking out all
external perceptions. But it didn't work too well. Opening his eyes
again, he stared at his feet, as he continued walking aimlessly.
Anywhere, just to get away.
Finally, as his breathing became more labored, he stopped. Looking up,
he quickly recognized where he was. It was hard to miss Unit-00,
on one knee, not ten meters from him. Beyond him lay the sea, the
waves crashing against the cliffs he was now one. The moon was still
in the sky, but it was away from the water. Still, it caused the
Evangelion's face to be hidden in shadow, creating a mask that hid
everything from him.
^How'd I end up here?^ he wondered absently. Without really knowing
why, he started walking up to the sleeping metal giant.
^This was hers..._is_ hers, I guess,^ he thought, putting one hand on
the Eva's foot. ^I wonder if it's really as important as she says it
is. 'Your pity is not what I want.' What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing, I guess. Rei's never really 'wanted' anything.^
The wind suddenly picked up, blowing through Shinji's clothes and
sucking away every last degree of body heat from him. He shivered,
ducking behind the Eva's foot for some cover. What he didn't notice,
however, was that the Eva shuddered, as well. Far above him, its one
eye lit up, glowing a dull red.
^Though she's not always a machine like that,^ Shinji continued
thinking. ^I mean, every once in a while she _does_ look like a normal
girl.^
This thought, of course, recalled the events of the past five minutes.
Shinji closed his eyes again. In doing so, he failed to see the Eva's
left hand twitch, its fingers flexing. The arm began to move, lifting
up and reaching across, towards him.
He turned around and leaned against the foot, his legs feeling too weak
to support him.
^I am _never_ drinking again,^ he resolved. ^It just causes too much
trouble. Damn...what am I going to say to Asuka? Can I even face her?^
A feeling of guilt was there, all right. He couldn't help feeling that
he'd betrayed her, both by going to see Rei and then...what had
happened afterwards. But the feeling was not as strong as he'd have
guessed. It almost felt like he was forcing himself to feel guilty,
because he knew that that's what he should be feeling, in this case.
^I just don't get it,^ he thought, opening his eyes again.
His heart promptly skipped a beat.
There was nothing in front of him. Or rather, that was only what it
looked like, as the giant, metallic hand descending on him blocked out
his view of all else. His mouth opened to scream, to call for help,
but his lungs didn't seem to be working at the moment.
He was helpless to resist as the fingers closed around him, pinning his
arms to his sides and forcing the breath out of his body. His entire
body was enclosed in the grip; nothing except his head was visible.
Struggling to keep breathing against the immovable wall of the hand, he
felt his feet leave the ground. A few pitiful sounds came out of his
mouth, the beginnings of screams which never got any louder than a
whisper.
The whole time, the Eva remained strangely motionless, its arm being
the only thing that moved, and even that was moving slowly, as though
the Eva were dazed. Its head remained bowed, its 'face' aimed at the
ground and still obscured by shadows. But still Shinji could not help
but feel there was some kind of intelligence hidden in that darkness,
something implacable, which he could not possibly understand the depths
of. But from the tightness of its grip, it was showing its malevolence
towards its catch.
As he was brought up to Unit-00's head, it moved, slowly looking up at
him. In moments, he staring into his own reflection in the red pool of
its eye. As the moonlight drove off the mask of shadows, its eye
seemed to drink in the light and begin to glow. The color that only
appeared when its Dummy Plug activated...
He felt a scream coming. He felt it growing in his chest, gaining
strength before finally starting to push its way up his throat.
But just as he opened his mouth to let out the most fright-filled
scream of his entire life, he felt something enter his mind, ramming
itself in like a bullet to the head. He was helpless to stop it, and
once it got into him, he slumped in the Eva's grip, passing out cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Endnote: Damn, a cliffhanger. Guess I better get cracking on the next
section.
About the bird thing: yeah, I know the birds landing on Ariel may be a
bit too much like Disney. But I know from several sources that Arael,
the 15th Angel, was also known as the Angel of Birds. So forgive me
for taking liberties with the name. ^_^
Now, as for all of you who have been waiting patiently (or not so
patiently) for the next chapter of this story, I am very sorry for how
long this has been delayed. I could shower you with excuses, but that
would take up too much space and odds are you can guess what the
problem was anyway (this wonderful thing called real life). However,
you can rest assured that now I have more time to work on this fic and
I'm definitely going to be putting more effort into it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Started: October 6, 2001
Version 1 Ended: November 26, 2001
Version 2 Ended: November 27, 2001
Version 3 Ended: December 26, 2001
Version 4 Ended: April 27, 2002
Version 5 Ended: May 11, 2002
Version 6 Ended: May 12, 2002
(Looks back up at the dates) Damn, I _have_ been slacking off. Well,
I'll see if I can fix that.
As always, thanks go to the Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and
Judging Eagle for prereading. Extra thanks go to the Avatar, who was
the driving force behind this revision and whose extra scenes were
invaluable in rewriting. He is starting to get a reputation for
writing reviews longer than the chapter itself, though...
Also, for those of you who have noticed my web site has gone down (and
I still don't know _why_), my new address is at
http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/srfics/index.html. I'm rebuilding as
quickly as I can, and I'm also setting up a backup site so this doesn't
happen again. All news of my work on the site will be noted at the
above address.
However, my e-mail address (otakusadist@hotmail.com) remains the same.
Evangelion belong to GAINAX. They're not mine, and I make no claim to
them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Foreword: I know I should have explained this earlier. Anyway,
just in case you didn't know, "-san" is the rough equivalent of "Mr."
or "Ms.", and is the formal way to refer to someone who is either of
equal or lesser standing than yourself.
"-sama", on the other hand, roughly corresponds to "lord" or "lady",
and is an honorific used in reference to people who are superior to
you.
I say this now because it only really becomes significant in this
chapter...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Chapter 11: The Moon Revealed
Ariel slowly walked up to the coastline, the sand shifting under her
bare feet.
She'd just made it back to the camp, along with the others. As far as
she knew, Shinji and Asuka were already busy explaining what had
happened to everyone who wanted to know. The others were relaxing,
glad to finally be back home.
The return trip had not been a pleasant experience. The MP Eva's Sea
of Dirac had absorbed the Humvee and the SUV they'd brought along with
them, leaving the group with only two vehicles to get everyone back.
Of course, there had been fewer people to bring - another result of the
Eva's attack - but they had still done a pretty good imitation of a can
of sardines. A dirty, tired, and very irritable can of sardines.
Ariel herself had been crushed into the middle of the car's back seat,
fighting for space with four other people. It had been an experience
she would just as soon not repeat. Ever.
Now, though, she had other matters to attend to. She made it to the
tide of LCL and stepped in, walking out into the liquid. It slid along
her naked form, inching up until she was up to her chin. She paused,
forcing herself to relax before continuing on, submerging her head.
After a moment, she took a 'breath' of the liquid, confirming that she
could survive down here. Slowly, she knelt down on the sandy bottom.
She paused, struck by a moment of doubt, but reminded herself of what
she had to do. She might as well get started. She knelt there
squatting on her heels for a minute or two, clearing her mind of
anything and everything. It was impossible to force something like
this; she just had to let go.
The dull yellow light filtering through her eyelids faded to black, the
sloshing of the waves in her ears became silent; the world around her
had ceased to exist. Her emotions, doubts, and thoughts slowly faded as
well, enveloped by her single purpose to become one with the many who
were one. At the edge of her consciousness, she was dimly aware that
she had brought her hands parallel and apart, as if in a strange prayer
to a forgotten god.
She could barely hear them: She could hear them: murmuring, indistinct
voices in the back of her head. They were the voices of the Lilum, the
ones that had not yet returned from the sea of LCL. That was her
signal; she slowly brought her hands together. Now she was ready.
She opened her eyes, but there was nothing. Frustrated, she heaved the
mental equivalent of a sigh. Had she lived too long a human? Behind
her she heard the crashing of the waves, growing louder, and in front
the subdued whispers of those who lay waiting for the day they might
return. So now she was stuck in the void between the world of the
physical and the world of the soul. It was a mistake she could never
have made in her previous life.
Trying to concentrate, she tried her best to forget herself, forget
what she was, forget about existing separately; there was only one.
She, and..._it_, they no longer existed separately. There was only
one.
The barrier of her heart weakened drastically, and she was suddenly
pulled forward, too fast for her to react. Quickly she stopped its
weakening; just enough to sustain her body and avoid being swept away
as the light, the warmth, the oneness engulfed her.
This time, when she opened her eyes, she no longer had them.
In this place, there were no individual bodies, no individual minds, no
individual existences. There was only one mind, the mind of all those
who had been joined into the final angel at Third Impact. Likewise, the
souls of the humans had been united into an state where, she remembered
hearing once, "where you exist everywhere, and thus exist nowhere."
She felt the place, its very presence tugging at her delicately
protected soul, imploring her to join them. She brushed them all aside,
and held on to the tenuous balance she had on remaining herself.
Asserting her individuality would forcibly eject her from this place;
subduing it too much would result in her being trapped here a second
time, perhaps never to return.
To her mind's eye she was underwater, but she felt no cold. Above her,
a bright blue light shone, wavering and shifting with the waves beyond.
From that light fell small drops of glowing light. Around her were
countless indistinct glowing patches of shimmering colours, some so far
in the distance they were almost stars, against a background of blue.
Below her the blue gradually darkened, until it dropped off into
forbidding darkness. An entrance into a greater prison than this,
perhaps, but Ariel was not here for the sightseeing.
The Room of Gauf was infinite in measure, yet spanned not a micrometer
of physical space. It was pointless to go search for those whom she
sought, for she could not stay in this state forever and she had very
little time to waste.
Caught up in her thoughts, she did not notice that she had already
brushed by several glowing lights. Coming close to one, she knew that
each contained a human soul, caught up in dreams of joy, terror, or
peace; whatever it desired to feel. Some were near the surface, ready
to re-emerge into the world. Others seemed to be slowly sinking, afraid
to return to the pain of life. She thought that perhaps another human
would feel that emotion known as 'pity', seeing such a fear of reality
in those souls. But, in this state...she felt nothing. Only here
could she be truly reminded that she was not like the Lilum. It was an
assertion of superiority that was simultaneously encouraging and
unsettling.
Pushing back these extraneous, time-wasting thoughts, she pictured
those she wanted to find. It was not so much a physical image - a soul
has no real form - but more a feeling she knew could only be associated
with the objects of her search. As soon as she latched onto that
distinct sensation, of being in their presence, she felt her
surroundings change.
This part of the Room of Gauf was different from that which held those
who were still dreaming. It felt...colder, somehow, and the
surrounding blue was darker than before. It also felt painfully
familiar; this place was not a consensual prison, but a place to
confine those who had been forcibly exiled from the rest of the world.
This place had served as her prison where she had sat for a meaningless
eternity, barred from ever returning to reality and yet forced to hear
the thoughts of the Lilum, ever reminding her of a world she could
never reach. The bitterness of this memory called up her deep-seated
hatred for that monster Zero, the one who had confined her and her
brethren here, content to let them rot for all time. She allowed
herself a brief moment to think about what she would do to Zero, given
half a chance - specifically, if that pathetic hybrid Tabris could be
gotten out of the way. Simply killing her would be too forgiving.
Condemning Zero to a place like this, a dark prison so deep that she
could never return...that would at least be a start. It made her
quiver with anticipation, even knowing it was just a dream.
Beneath her lay the yawning maw darkness, now uncomfortably closer, but
still a safe distance away. However, there was no sign of the ones she
sought. No glow of a soul, nor the distant whispers of thoughts. Where
had the others gone? Had they foolishly destroyed one another in a
struggle for power? Supposedly it was impossible for one being to harm
another in this place, but if anyone could find a way, it would be the
former Angels. Had they left for some other place? No, Zero and
Tabris had assured her that the only ways out of here were to become
human, or to usurp one of the bodies of those accursed Evangelions. So
they had to be here. But where?
She again called up the sensations of those she wanted to find. She
poured all of her thoughts into re-creating that feeling, their very
essences. If she did it for long enough, she might just find her way to
them.
At first nothing happened. Then, she felt as if she was moving, at an
ever-greater pace by the second. Soon she was near a cluster of a few
shimmering lights. They seemed to recognize her, as they began to come
closer. Suddenly, two of them came close and rested by her, and she
found herself uttering their names.
^Ramiel...Sandalphon.^
^Yes, Arael. It is us.^
She was a little caught off-guard by the use of her real name, but
remembered that it was the only name they could possibly know her by.
^Yes, Arael. It has been too long.^ Ariel recognized this voice as
Ramiel's, by the feeling of security it carried. The other, then, with
its sensation of vigor and youth, had to be Sandalphon's.
^What news of the Lilum world do you bring to us?^ Ramiel asked.
^I fear that will have to wait another time, my brethren. Please, tell
me what has come to pass here.^
^You are cruel, Arael,^ Sandalphon muttered. ^An eternity has passed
since you were here, and you bring no news.^
^You do not understand; I cannot remain here for long. Please, tell me
what the others are doing. What are they planning to do with the
copies of Father? I must know, and you are the ones who can tell me.^
Ramiel answered. ^It is a long tale, and there is much even we do not
know. Some of the others have withdrawn to consider what they will do,
others have flocked at the promise of a second chance. Still others
have gone...and they have never returned. What has become of them?
Have they taken the form of a lilum as you have? I will freely admit
that we fear for their safety. Though we may not be in agreement on
all issues, we are the only companions we will ever have in this time
of exile. We can no longer even feel those who departed our
company...please, give us tidings of Sahaquiel, Bardiel, and Leliel.^
Ariel felt some compulsion to break the news more easily to her
friends, but the pressure of her time constraints pushed away all
concern for formalities. She could only be blunt.
^The others you speak of are...gone. They were annihilated, by the
Lilum, and by their own folly. They dared challenge the Lilum again
with the bodies left behind from the apocalypse, and they were killed.
No, the true term is 'obliterated'. They have ceased to be.^
Ariel could sense shock from the two, but it was only a pale mirror of
her own, when she had found out for herself how far the others could go
in their vain quest for lost power. She couldn't help blaming Zero for
their deaths; whether or not the Angels had been correct in their mad
quest for vengeance, she _had_ been the one to destroy them.
After a moment of silence, her brethren spoke again. ^We grieve for
your loss, brother,^ - again, Ariel was surprised, until she remembered
that before she'd left, 'gender' had been a foreign concept to her -
^We grieve that they wasted their last chance on a road that should
never have been pursued. It is a shame they did not realize that
revenge brings nothing.^
^I grieve as well, for there will never be more of our kind. Father and
Mother are gone. But we yet live, and while there is nothing we can do
for them except make our peace, we still have a choice.^
^Would you have us return with you?^ Sandalphon asked, a hint of
naievety in his...its voice.
For a while, Ariel didn't know what to say. She considered the offer,
but decided there was still much for these to do here.
^No, my brethren. For now you could do more good by remaining here.
But, please tell me why our fellows must tread the fruitless road of
vengeance.^
Now it was their turn to pause. But slowly, they began to tell their
story. Ramiel spoke first.
^Before you left...before we learned our names...before we were even
released into this communal state of exile, this affair had begun. You
see, not all of us were imprisoned away from the others. Some of us
were bunched together, where we spent an eternity tortured by the
dreams of the lilum. To alleviate our pain, we spoke amongst
ourselves, of why we were sentenced to this fate. Some of us believed
it was what we deserved. Some believed we were tricked into this, that
there was no way a petty facsimile could dare perform this blasphemy
against us. Among those a few cried revenge, and more rallied to their
calls. When we were freed...^
Sandalphon, seeing its companion trail off, picked up the story. ^That
was when the first of the Servants of the Lilum, otherwise known as the
Evangelions, were found. Those who wanted vengeance saw them as
opportunities, and often withdrew among themselves to discuss plans
they would not share with us. Then, one of us decided to enter one of
the Servants, and that one never returned.^
^You would think that would have given them pause, but rather it only
made them redouble their efforts. Still more left, and did not return.
The two of us thought it was madness to again contest the Lilum, but
something continued to pressure them into going. Those who go tell no
one of why, nor of who sent them. But we believe we know who is
sending them, though not why.^
^Armisael.^ Ariel said, simply. It was not a question.
There was only silence.
^No need for hesitation,^ Ariel continued. ^I'm right, aren't I?^
^How did you...^ Sandalphon began.
^It spoke to me before I left. There was little doubt in my mind who
could possibly be orchestrating this travesty.^
A mental sigh from Ramiel. ^Yes. Yes, brother, you are correct.
Armisael was the first to speak of vengeance, and argued vehemently for
it. He said if we were to succeed, it would be we who would survive,
and not the Lilum. He said we would bring down Armageddon onto the
Lilum and this planet, a destruction so complete there would be nothing
left. Aside from that, we know very little. He crowds those loyal to
him very closely, and those who disagree, or hesitate for a moment to
observe as we did, are cast out and branded traitors to our kind.^
Ariel tensed a little, but did not say anything. ^Armisael? What are
you doing?^ she wondered, subtly manipulating her AT field so as to
keep that thought private.
^We did consider following you into the world as you did, but we were
afraid. We thought it best if you told us of how...the Lilum are
treating you. Or perhaps they do not know what you are yet?^
^Well...no, they are not aware of my existence. Not yet.^ She
hesitated, thinking about the way Asuka and Shinji both looked at her,
as though they _almost_ recognized her face. ^For the most part,
anyway,^ she added on.
^Then can we take our place in the world of the Lilum? We long to
escape this prison, and that is the only key. Armisael draws more to
him, despite those who die, and we wish to be free of his influence.^
^No. As I said, there is still much you can do here. Can you reach
any of the others for me?^
^Yes,^ came Ramiel's voice, more confident than it had sounded just
moments before. ^They may not listen readily to us, but we can reach
them.^
^Good. Tell them to...stand back and wait a while. Tell them _not_ to
go to the copies of Father. Do anything you can to keep Armisael from
sentencing those to die. Find out what you can of Armisael's plans.
Anything before our time runs out.^
^We will do what we can. But Armisael is a clever one. Out of all of
us, you and it were the strongest when it came to affairs of the mind.
Armisael can virtually read our thoughts. What concerns me is that it
may also be capable of changing what we think.^
Ariel shivered quietly, remembering the time Armisael had tried to
break into her mind. She'd been able to fight off the attack, and had
naively assumed that the others would be able to do likewise. But she
hadn't taken a second to think that perhaps she'd been the best
equipped to fight off Armisael's strike.
She couldn't help thinking, just for a moment, that perhaps if she had
remained here, the others would have had someone else to rally behind,
someone strong enough to resist Armisael. Then perhaps this nightmare
would not be happening. Maybe she could stay here, abandoning the
world of the living so she could give her brethren a chance to think
for themselves...
Suddenly, at the edge of her awareness, Ariel felt the presence of
something dark. It flickered away, but it left an impression on
her...a feeling of absolute cold. Something was out there, but she
could not tell _where_; the uncertainty only compounded her sudden
feeling of dread.
^What was that?^ There was no answer from her companions, but they
slowly began to leave. The yellow glow of LCL began to impinge on her
'reality', as her concentration faltered.
^Ramiel? Sandalphon? Where are you going?^
^You do not have much time. You must leave this place.^
^Why?^ Another flicker, and the feeling was stronger this time.
^Go, brother! It is coming for you!^ The lights vanished into the
blue.
^What? I see noth-^ She had no sooner thought those words when suddenly
a wall of white overwhelmed her, blocking out sight of everything else.
Something latched onto her, and she could not move. She screamed, but
it died in her mind as she felt something latching onto her essence and
causing to flicker wildly. Her very soul was being drained, and she
heard some words that were slowly fading away with her consciousness...
^Ah...the traitor has returned. You will make an excellent - ^
But before it could finish speaking, Ariel's entire world exploded.
* * *
Kaoru clamped one hand down over Ariel's mouth as her eyes opened and
she screamed. He managed to muffle most of the sound, but the
intensity was such that he felt his entire arm vibrate.
A sharp curse came from Kensuke, standing close by. "What? What's
wrong?"
"She's just a little surprised, Aida-kun," Kaoru said, soothingly. "No
need to worry."
Kensuke got to one knee, bringing him down to Kaoru's level. "Is she
OK?"
"I'm no doctor," Kaoru warned. "But..." - he paused to take his hand
from her mouth and let her gasp in air - "...I would wager that she
will be fine."
Kensuke seemed to sag a little at this, as tension flowed out of him.
"That's a relief. But..." - his eyes wandered down to the girl's body
before he caught himself and looked away - "what was she _doing_,
anyway?"
Kaoru's eyes went down to the girl as well, though his locked with
hers. The girl was still shuddering with each breath, but she was
still able to focus on him long enough to see the sharp look he was
giving her. It only took a moment, before she slammed her eyes shut
again, tears of pain and frustration leaking from the corners.
"Probably just swimming," Kaoru said, looking back up to Kensuke, who
was still politely looking the other way. "She's been confined to the
back seat of a car for the past several hours, remember."
"Yeah, I guess. Makes sense," the other boy said, turning his head to
look out at the sea. He'd found Kaoru walking this way and had decided
to tag along; a walk had sounded about right after the claustrophobic
ride back to the camp. They'd gotten here just in time to pull Ariel's
limp form from the LCL. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but
Kaoru had somehow gotten the girl to come to her senses.
"I guess this particular sea is a bit more dangerous than you'd
expect," Kaoru said. "Be honest with yourself, Aida-kun. When was the
last time you were in it?"
A corner of Kensuke's mouth quirked upwards. "Probably not since I
dragged myself out of it."
"Exactly." Kaoru looked back to to Ariel. "This girl would do well to
stay out of that sea, wouldn't she?"
"Well...Ariel, I hope you're OK," Kensuke said, quietly.
At a glance from Kaoru, Ariel managed a nod.
"I'll...I'll go wait over here, 'til you get dressed, okay?" Kensuke
said hesitantly, before getting back to his feet and starting off.
"I'll be with you in a moment, Aida-kun," Kaoru called after him.
"I'll just make sure she stays awake."
"All right."
"I'd ask what you were attempting, Fifteenth," he said quietly, almost
before Kensuke had gotten out of earshot. "But I suppose questions can
wait. Being snapped back to your physical form so rapidly...you must
be in a world of pain, now."
As the girl moved to sit up, he leaned over to whisper into her ear.
"Be thankful I take it upon myself to keep an eye on you," he said
quietly to her. "And also know that you are walking on _very_ thin
ice, Fifteenth."
Ariel glanced over at him, saying nothing. But Kaoru could still see
the impotent anger behind her eyes. Smiling a little smile to himself,
he rose to his feet and joined Kensuke a few meters off, as they waited
for Ariel to regain her composure.
* * *
"...so where the hell's my truck?" Lewis was asking, the next morning.
The man's face and voice were as casual as could be, but Shinji
couldn't help feeling that he would have little problem killing for the
truth. Luckily for them, they had nothing to hide.
"Don't look at me," Asuka said, crossing her arms and leaning back
against the wall where she was standing. "Not our problem if the Eva
likes your hardware."
"It _is_ your problem, little girl," Lewis growled out, glancing
briefly over at Asuka. He looked back to Misato and Ritsuko, closing
his eyes for a moment and collecting himself. Asuka, on the other
hand, bristled at the 'little girl' comment. She stepped forwards,
fists clenching, only just held back by Shinji physically stepping in
front of her.
"Just hang on," Shinji whispered to Asuka.
Asuka glared past Shinji, her face a stormcloud as she looked over at
the American commander. "Move it, Shinji," she whispered. "He can't
call me that."
"Please, Asuka. Just wait until we can explain to him - "
"OK, OK," the girl said, waving him off. But Shinji could tell from
her voice that she was anything _but_ OK. Asuka went back to leaning
against the wall, though she still stared daggers at Lewis. Shinji
resumed his place standing next to her, glad that - for once - he
wasn't on the receiving end that stare. He would probably have to
listen to her rant about Lewis for the next hour, though.
Ritsuko stood. "I'm afraid there was little we could do. The Eva we
encountered could manipulate a Sea of Dirac." Upon seeing the blank
look from Lewis, she quickly covered herself. "It's something akin to
a black hole, to use a very rough analogy." At this, Lewis slowly
nodded at her, before gesturing for her to go on.
"Now, as we can see..." she said, rewinding the video camera's tape.
The screen flickered with static as the images went in reverse, before
Ritsuko hit the play button, putting things back into motion. On the
screen, the white Eva was up to its waist in its Sea of Dirac, quickly
sinking into the blackness. After it vanished, the view rippled as an
AT field came into being over the small encampment they'd set up for
the battle. And immediately, the ground vanished, becoming a pit of
the most impenetrable black, swallowing everything it touched.
"This is still just unbelieveable," Lewis said, looking away from the
TV and up at Ritsuko. "I can't say I've ever seen anything that'll do
_that_ to its target."
"There _is_ a scientific theory backing up the existence of a Sea of
Dirac, sir," Ritsuko began.
"Yeah, I'm sure," the man said, nodding. "But I'd never read it. If I
wasn't so sure you hadn't tampered with the camera, I'd get the boys to
put you all away." He glanced at the other three, throwing them a
smile that showed a little too much teeth to be friendly. Then, he
glanced back at Ritsuko. "So where's my truck, then?"
"Look right...here," Ritsuko said, hitting the pause button. The image
froze, allowing her to point to an indeterminate shape on the edge of
the screen. "Unfortunately, Aida-san didn't get a good shot of it.
But you can see the edge of your Humvee here," she said, her finger
brushing up against the image on the screen. Even though only a corner
of steel could be seen, there was still no mistaking the blocky shape
of a Humvee.
"And here, we can see it beginning to sink down," Ritsuko continued,
starting the tape again. "Unfortunately, we don't see much," she said,
as the view shifted away, scrolling the truck entirely off the screen
as Kensuke had gone to film another portion of the encampment. "But I
can...personally attest that the Humvee was, for the greater part,
absorbed," Ritsuko continued, fighting down the memory of shadowy death
coming to take her away.
Lewis blinked. "It ate my truck?" he asked, slightly perturbed.
"I can't say it truly 'ate' your vehicle," Ritsuko said, sitting down
again. "But yes, most of the Humvee was lost in the Sea of Dirac."
Lewis looked at her. "It _ate_ my truck?"
Ritsuko let out a brief sigh. "Yes," she said, simply. "You could
look at it that way, if you want."
The American commander let out a low whistle. He rewound the tape and
started watching it again from the beginning.
A very still silence followed, as the Major rewound the tape and played
it again. His eyes seemed to be roving, searching for any hint, any
sign that he would not have to deal with the full meanings of this,
that there was something out there that both he and his men with all of
their vaunted weapons were utterly powerless to destroy. The only
sounds for a while were the recorded screams and unearthly cries
emanating from the TV. No one dared bother him in his rumination.
Suddenly the Major shut off the set and reached into his pocket,
searching somewhat frantically for something. Taking out a cigarette,
he fished around for a lighter and finally found it. He then ignited
the flame with a "clik-chik", lit his cigarette, and took a long, deep
drag as he closed his eyes, savouring the calming smoke in his lungs
and throat. He did it as if it were a routine action, very much
rehearsed, but then he sputtered and began to cough violently. Clouds
of blue smoke filled the tent until he steadied himself, then hawked in
his throat and spat. The gob of spittle splashed against the tent
wall, inches from Ritsuko's head. It didn't perturb the former
scientist one bit, though she did step away. Lewis then took the tape
out of the VCR and began to critically examine it, as if he found
something intensely interesting with his own reflection in the clear
plastic. He stared for a while at it, deep in thought.
When he raised his head again, he said: "I guess I have no choice _but_
to believe you. But it'll take more than just one tape and a missing
truck to convince the brass back home. What's left of the old medal-
clanking farts anyway. It's an excuse, at the least, for me to get
more supplies that you can use."
There was a visible release of tension from around the room, along with
a brief exchange of smiles between everyone. They began to file out,
one at a time, each thinking about what would happen next; though they
all had things they wanted to ask of the American commander, they could
see that Lewis wasn't paying attention.
Misato was the last one out. Looking back, she could see the man still
sitting in his chair, staring forlornly at the dead gray surface of the
TV screen, moving his glowing cigarette between his teeth and taking
long drags. Finally, he shook his head and spoke to no one in
particular.
"It ate my truck."
The cigarette seemed to be shrinking at a fast rate.
"It _ate_ my truck."
Now the burning edge was dangerously close to his lips.
"It _ate_. My _truck._"
He spat the cigarette off into a corner where it hissed impotently on
the ground. He covered his eyes with one hand, slumping in his chair.
"Son of a _bitch_."
He was interrupted in his ruminations as Misato walked up to him.
"Yeah?" he asked, looking between his fingers at the woman.
"Major, there's something me and the others were talking about on the
way back, and we think it might help us out. Even more than whatever
you can bring in from the States."
"This oughta be good," Lewis said, leaning back in his chair and
tilting it up on its back two legs. "What is it?"
"Well, first of all, can you bring in a lifting helicopter or two?
Something that can lift up a lot of weight."
Lewis shrugged. "Probably, if I asked real nice. What for?"
Misato grinned. "Well, you see..."
* * *
"You _sure_ this is safe?" Lewis was asking, days later.
Ritsuko and Misato nodded in unison. "It is standard operating
procedure to drop from high altitude," Ritsuko answered. "As opposed
to landing and offloading. The equipment can handle the shock of
impact."
"Yeah, but that hole's making me wonder..."
"There is evidence that, even when damaged, they can still survive a
high-velocity impact without suffering much further damage. This small
drop presents very little danger."
Lewis shrugged. "It's your problem if it breaks," he said. "Just
thought I'd check, first." He raised a radio up to his mouth. "OK,
let 'er rip," he said, in English.
Above their heads, four powerful lifting helicopters simultaneously
released their lifting cables, letting their cargo drop. A vague
shadow on the ground suddenly began to grow larger and larger until,
with an ear-splitting CRASH, a large, metallic, and white humanoid form
replaced it on the ground, its once bright red eyes now dull and dead.
The broken body of Unit-04 had been lifted up from the place it had met
its demise just a few days earlier. The Americans had managed to carry
it here without much trouble, and now, it had finally reached its
destination. It rested limply where it had fallen, no further damage
readily noticeable.
Lewis scratched his head, watching. "Guess you people make your robots
good, huh?"
"Actually, Unit-04 was made in America," Misato commented.
Lewis glanced at her. "Really?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Misato's jaw clenched as it dawned on her what she'd just said. "Well,
that is...uh..."
Lewis let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "Oh, get off it. What
would I do with a giant robot, anyway? Let's just say we're loaning it
to you or something."
Misato nodded. "All right, then. There's a few things we're going to
need from you, then."
"Shoot. Just eyeballing it, I'd say you need a mechanic," Lewis
replied, looking at the Eva's chest. A hole large enough to accomodate
a semi truck had been punched through, front to back.
"Yeah," Misato said. "Fixing that would be nice, but I don't know
where you're going to get materials."
Lewis shrugged. "Maybe we'll get lucky. But, bare minimum, what does
that sucker need to work, anyway?"
"We'll need to run a few tests," Ritsuko replied, cutting off Misato.
"But we can assume that the S2 engine is beyond repair."
"Which means...?"
"We'll need to run it off of external power. Major, can you
appropriate a large generator?"
"_How_ large, exactly?"
Ritsuko told him.
Lewis's jaw dropped. He just stared at the doctor for a few seconds,
before he started shaking his head. "Sure," he said comically. "Just
let me get my portable nuke reactor out here, and we'll be set." He
stopped joking around and gave Ritsuko a withering stare. "If I had
that kind of power on tap, I'd have the whole camp lit up, lady. Is
there an alternative?"
"The batteries," Ritsuko said, unruffled. "Though they'll only last a
few minutes, and we'll still need to improvise a way to charge them up.
But I'll figure something out."
"Right. So what else?"
"Well..." Ritsuko replied, putting one finger to her mouth in thought.
"Supposing the Dummy Plug inside is serviceable, we should be able to
use the Eva. Perhaps Nagisa or Rei could control it remotely." She
shrugged. "If all else fails, we'll modify the Dummy Plug to
accomodate a human pilot."
Lewis snorted out a laugh. "Right. Where're you gonna find someone
dumb enough to climb into that thing?"
Misato cut in. "Doesn't matter to _you_ does it?" she asked, with a
smile.
Lewis returned the grin. "Quite true," he replied. "So now what?"
"We start running tests, Major. And you start bringing in everything
you can get."
* * *
Shinji looked out the thin plastic window of what had become the
"medical tent", out at the land beyond.
It had been a couple of weeks since they'd returned from the last
battle. In that time, the Americans had brought in all manner of
weapons; mortar launchers, missile batteries, anti-aircraft guns, and
even a few tanks. Lewis still wasn't satisfied.
He turned away from the window, eyeing Ritsuko in the tent. "But that
still doesn't answer my question, Akagi-san."
Ritsuko let out a low sigh. "It's all I have to work off of," she
said. "Though I'll admit it's all just theory and postulation."
"Yes, but..." Shinji began, looking back out the window. "You said the
Eva was tracking AT fields. How'd it find Rei, then?"
Ritsuko smirked. "You sound just like your father, when you say that."
Shinji closed his eyes. He shook his head at her observation, but he
continued. "Maybe. But Rei was almost absorbed by that..._thing_, and
I have no idea of why. How could it find her like that?"
"As I said previously, Ikari," Ritsuko began, "the first theory is that
the Eva was saw her earlier and then remembered her location the next
time it appeared." She paused, making sure to finish the sentence so
that anyone would be able to tell she didn't believe the theory, sound
though it might be. "The alternative," she continued, once she'd felt
the tension had built up enough in Shinji, "is that Rei was herself
generating an AT field strong enough that she could be noticed."
Shinji shook his head, opening his eyes again. "But that's just...not
_possible_," he said, his voice desperate. "She's just a normal girl,
now! I thought that was how it went. No more Angels, right?"
Ritsuko looked at him, taking a seat as she tried to relax. "Can you
really say that, in all honesty?" she asked, her voice going cold.
"You saw the attack pattern of the last one. _You_ of all people
should have been able to recognize it." Her voice almost sounded
accusatory, blaming Shinji for not accepting what was right in front of
him.
"But...but that pattern changed, Akagi-san. When its chest blew up
like that, it - "
"I think that was the Dummy Plug inside the Eva taking over. Whatever
had been suppressing it earlier had either died or otherwise gone
dormant, so the Dummy could take control of the Eva again." She
paused for a moment, letting that sink in before she continued. "But I
am willing to believe that there was some external influence on the Eva
before the Dummy took over. That, plus the other two, both followed
patterns of the numbered Angels."
Shinji nodded, looking away from her. Ritsuko didn't say anything; she
didn't need to. Finally, Shinji found words to speak.
"That's another thing, Akagi-san. How's the work going on the Eva?
The white one, I mean."
"It's far from functional," Ritsuko replied, shrugging. "Without any
kind of advanced facilities, I doubt we'll ever be able to repair it.
But if we can charge its batteries, it should be able to move for a
brief time. The problem then is just the control factor."
"Yeah..." Shinji said, trailing off. "Do you think Kaoru-kun will be
able to control two at once?"
"You should ask _him_, Ikari. I don't know myself."
Shinji blinked. "Right..."
"Right now my biggest concern with Unit-04 is that the programming of
its Dummy Plug may have been corrupted by whatever was suppressing it
in the first place. So unless we can get an intact copy of Rei or
Nagisa's personal data to rewrite it, there's too much danger to try
starting it again."
"Yeah, I...what?"
"Yes, Ikari?"
"What do you mean, Rei or Kaoru-kun's 'personal data'?"
Ritsuko cocked an eyebrow, looking at him. Shinji saw a smile tugging
at one corner of her lips. It was not a warm one. Actually, it was
more of a smirk than a smile, as if she was keeping a secret from him
to torment him. He would never have expected Ritsuko to ever enjoy
something so childish, but he had to know.
"Akagi-san, please."
She finally nodded. "I forgot, you didn't know. The basic program for
the Dummy Plug was based off of data taken from those two. NERV's
version was based on Rei, while those in the Production Series Evas
were based off of Nagisa."
Shinji just kept staring at her, his face disbelieving.
"Actually, come to think of it," Ritsuko said, bringing one finger to
her chin as though just remembering something. "I'm interested in what
we'll find inside Unit-04's Dummy. Unit-00 is much the same as it is;
a reconfigured Production Series Eva. But when I ran tests on Unit-
00's Dummy plug, I found it had been reprogrammed. If Nagisa's
personal data was ever there, it isn't there now."
"And..." Shinji asked, fear and curiosity battling within him.
"And...and who...I mean _what_, is in there, now?"
"Rei's data," Ritsuko said bluntly. "I'd know it anywhere."
Shinji went quiet at this. He was quite obviously not thinking over
what to say in response; the boy didn't have words to express his
feelings. The shock of what Ritsuko had so offhandedly revealed was
written all over his face.
"Don't worry about it too much, Ikari," Ritsuko said casually, almost
too casually, as if she was hiding something. There was nothing on her
face that told of it, though. She turned away, looking at the papers
laid out on a nearby table. She wasn't at all interested in the
papers. She'd turned to hide her smile, which had grown.
"The computer 'mind' of the Dummy Plug is far from a perfect copy of
its basis. It's impossible to truly digitize a human mind or soul."
"Yes, but..."
Shinji was unable to finish his statement. His eyes lost focus as he
sank into thought. Ritsuko pretended not to care. Finally, Shinji
shook his head.
"Well, th...thanks anyway, Akagi-san," he said, heading for the tent
flap.
Ritsuko shook her head, letting a short bark of a laugh escape her,
almost before he'd left.
^Could almost convince myself he was his father,^ she thought. ^Now
that was almost _too_ enjoyable. Gendo was never so easily shaken.^
* * *
On the other side of the camp, Asuka and Hikari were taking a walk.
"It's moving pretty fast now," Hikari was saying. "I wouldn't believe
it, if I didn't see it happening right in front of me."
"Uh huh," Asuka said, lacing her fingers together behind her head.
"Me, _I'm_ not surprised the Americans wanna show off all their toys."
Hikari replied with just a smile.
"I mean, _look_ at all that," Asuka said, gesturing in the general
direction of the American camp, to the mass of tents, scurrying
soldiers, and hundreds of tons of cold steel that now formed the
growing American camp. It was a veritable legion, enough to conquer the
entire island of Japan and then some. Most of the military hardware
looked ready to open fire on any target, at any time. "That's just a
waste, Hikari. Not like it'd actually be _worth_ much."
Hikari shrugged, staring at the ground just in front of her feet.
"Maybe. But I think it's nice that they want to help."
Asuka snorted and looked away. "Their commander's just pissed about
his truck, that's all."
"Hm."
They continued walking, in silence for a while.
"So..." Asuka began, slowly. "So...how're you doing, then?"
Hikari smiled again. "Not much longer," she said, quietly. "A few
days ago, I went to see one of the doctors the Americans have. He said
not much longer, before..." she trailed off, her grin expanding.
Asuka nodded. "Good luck," she said, simply. "I hope that baka Touji
knows what he's getting into."
Hikari rubbed her stomach. "He does," she said, a warm smile widening
on her face. "He does."
Sensing that Hikari was about to go mushy, Asuka quietly took a step
away from her old friend. She glanced over at the still-prone form of
Eva-04. The once-mighty but now fallen giant lay face down in the
dirt, embedded in its own impact crater. It also happened to be the
site of almost as much activity as either camp. Heavy equipment had
been shipped in over the past few days, along with as many engineers as
the Americans had been able to scrape together.
It was a little strange...its head was turned an exaggerated angle to
its side, and its hands lay open and unresisting at its sides. It
looked almost comical, as if it had somehow slipped and fell, but its
staring, dull, red, eyes were anything but dead. Though the gaping
hole in its chest plates reassured Asuka that Unit-04 was now harmless,
the eyes seemed a little too bright for a dead creature. They
possessed neither pupils nor whites, but their crimson gaze seemed to
follow her as she walked past it.
"Be interesting if they could get that thing working again," Asuka
said, nodding at the Eva.
Hikari shrugged. "Maybe. But doesn't it bother you?"
It was now Asuka's turn to shrug. "Don't care," she said,
nonchalantly. "Not my problem, not yet anyway."
"You aren't afraid you'd have to pilot it...are you?" Hikari asked,
turning to look at the redhead.
Asuka's eyes widened, and she stumbled on a rock. After she regained
her balance, she found herself looking back at the destroyed
Evangelion. She had accepted some time ago that her Unit-02 was
destroyed. She didn't need a reminder of what Eva brought into her
life...
Though, for a moment, she couldn't help but consider the possibility.
She could see herself at the helm of the monster, once again in control
of the greatest power in the world. Nothing would stand in her way,
and she would be both feared and loved...
^What am I _thinking_?^ she thought, as she returned to reality. Unit-
04 looked nothing like a glorious beast of war, laid out on the ground
as it was. And its white "skin" and red eyes reminded her a little too
much of something else. Or rather, some_one_ else.
She tossed her head and threw Hikari a winning smile. "_Me_? Afraid?
Ha! I'd climb into that thing and teach everyone something about
piloting!"
Hikari nodded, going silent as Asuka put on her old, confident face
that was all too familiar. She knew it was something her friend needed
to keep for now, but sometimes she wished Asuka would just drop the old
routine.
Asuka straightened out, regaining her composure. "Honestly, Hikari,
where do you get these ideas?" she said, trying to sound exasperated,
but unable to keep all the nervousness out of her voice. A moment
passed, as neither of them could think of anything to say.
"Not like I have time to go play around with one of those," she
proclaimed, gesturing at the Eva without looking at it. The note of
regret was still evident in her voice. "We'd need to find someone
else. Of course he'd still have to come to _me_ for his piloting
lessons," she finished. "Baka Shinji might've been able to get one to
_move_ easy enough, but you need real talent to do anything impressive
with an Eva."
"Too bad we don't have aircraft carriers for you to jump around on,"
Hikari commented jokingly, remembering the story Asuka had told her
time and again about her first encounter with an Angel. "That could be
a final exam for an Eva pilot."
"Heh," Asuka snorted. "Maybe." ^Or throw him against a floating
_tank_, that you just _can't_hurt_, and see how long he lasts,^ Asuka
thought to herself. ^But then...what if he actually _wins_?^ She
shook her head to herself. ^Nah.^
"So do you have anyone in mind already?" Hikari asked. "To pilot, that
is."
"Nothing really official. We haven't really talked about it, so the
position's up for grabs if you know someone who wants it."
"I don't know," Hikari replied. Asuka said nothing in response to
this. When Hikari looked over at her friend, she saw the German girl
was looking at her, and in a strange way...
"_No_," Hikari said, simply, shaking her head vigorously. "You won't
get me in one of those, Asuka. I'm your friend, but I don't go _that_
far," she continued.
"Oh, that's fine, Hikari. You've got other things to worry about, I
know. But it _would_ be nice if we could convince someone with some
experience."
Hikari's eyes widened in surprise. "You wouldn't dare."
Asuka shrugged. "Well, he's gotten into one before, you know."
"And we all know how well _that_ went!" Hikari shouted back. "Asuka, I
don't believe you! Do you think he'd _ever_ touch an Eva again?"
"Why don't you ask him? You never know."
Hikari's eyes narrowed in a rage Asuka had never seen in the other girl
before. It was enough to make the German girl back off a step,
reflexively twitching her arms in anticipation of a blow.
Hikari turned away, turning up her nose. "He won't and that's final,"
she declared. "My Touji's never getting close to an Eva again...if I
can help it, anyway."
Asuka smirked. "Yeah, I guess not," she said. ^Not the way you've got
him henpecked, anyway.^
A long, uncomfortable silence passed between the girls, neither of them
saying a word to one another, and each trying not to look and see what
the other was doing. Asuka knew she'd crossed a line somewhere back
there, but she fought off her guilt easily enough, telling herself that
it was for the good of everyone. She _did_ have responsibilities to
the camp, after all.
"Now, I don't know all the details, but I don't think Kaoru-kun would
be able to pilot it, either," Hikari finally said. "Maybe you could
get Rei into it..."
Asuka shook her head violently. "_No_," she said, just as vehemently
as Hikari had, just a moment ago. "If it comes down to that, _I'd_
rather pilot the damn thing."
Hikari gave Asuka a confused look. "Why? What's so bad about Rei
pilot - "
"Wondergirl has other things to worry about, too," Asuka interupted,
returning Hikari's glance with a burning stare. "And that's that."
Hikari paused for a moment, giving Asuka a few seconds to cool off and
herself some time to think it over. "What do you have against Rei,
anyway?" she asked, finally. "What has she ever done to you?"
The look Asuka gave her at that last comment would be burned into
Hikari's mind for weeks afterwards. It was not one of anger; that
would have been almost normal for the German girl. This was something
subtly different, and infinitely more frightening. Asuka's face seemed
almost calm, not twisted into a mask of fury as was often the case.
But the look in her eyes made up for it; the intense stare from those
crystal blue eyes seemed to burn through Hikari. The anger was all
there, but around Asuka's eyes...there were traces of something else.
Sadness, or frustration perhaps.
"That..._girl_ can't tell when she's not wanted," Asuka said in a low
voice, maintaining eye contact with Hikari, who found she was unable to
look away.
"Are..." Hikari paused, wondering if she should tempt the fates. "Are
you still angry about her...you know, saving you way back when?" she
asked, in a small voice.
"Good example," Asuka replied, sarcastically. "She was an intervening
little bitch back then, too. But you know what? She's gotten worse."
These last words were said in a quiet, almost conspiratory tone.
Hikari flinched slightly at Asuka's description of Rei, hating to see
her friend feel that way about someone else. She said nothing;
something told her Asuka had more to say.
"I mean...it's taken me _two_years_ to get this far," Asuka began,
angrily. She started walking quickly, forcing Hikari to nearly run to
keep up, holding her bulging stomach with both hands.
"I've had to _work_ at it, you know?" Asuka continued, apparently
unaware of how quickly she was moving, or how Hikari was struggling to
stay even with her. "Every...god-damn _day_, I've had to work at it.
Like I'm pulling _teeth_, for Christ's sake. But I look back and I've
really gotten somewhere. The kid actually had balls in him. Who knew?
But now this...conniving little..." - Asuka muttered a long word in
German, which Hikari could only guess at the meaning of - "...comes in
and she's just..._taking_ him away, like it's no trouble at all!"
Her head whipped over to look at Hikari so fast she must have nearly
broken her own neck. "Is that fair?! Tell me, really, doesn't she
_know_ it's not fair to just waltz in and _steal_ someone's..." she
broke off, ending in a barely contained shout of frustration, which
came out between clenched teeth.
Hikari was, by this point, panting. She'd been exempt from the
physical labor nearly everyone else had been doing for the past months,
and it showed. "Asuka, could you...please...slow _down_?"
Asuka finally noticed that her friend was running to keep up, and
halted so abruptly that Hikari nearly fell over in her effort to stop.
"Sorry," Asuka grumbled out, almost too quiet to hear. She started
again, at a slower pace. Hikari followed alongside her, breathing
hard. The girl had a wealth of questions to ask of Asuka concerning
this recent outburst. But she knew from experience that at times like
this it was best to stay quiet. Asuka at the moment seemed calm, but
Hikari had a suspicion it was the kind of calm seen in an active
volcano.
"I've actually got a question," Asuka began. She continued before
Hikari could say anything. "When did she become 'Rei' to you, anyway?"
As an experienced mediator in arguments, Hikari knew to choose her next
words carefully. She gave herself time to think by taking a few more
deep breaths.
"I just...thought she looked lonely," she finally said. "A little
different from before. It's not like she doesn't care about other
people, anymore. More like...she might want to know people a little
better, but she doesn't know how to do that. And...I _am_ the Class
Rep, Asuka. It's my job to make people feel accepted."
At first, Asuka said nothing. Then:
"Suit yourself," she commented, the nonchalance in her voice much too
blatant for it to be genuine.
Hikari went quiet. There'd been something in Asuka's voice when she'd
said that. In the time Hikari had known her, Asuka had gotten mad at
her for the smallest things, and sometimes even for no fault of her
own. But though Hikari could sense the girl was angry - Asuka was
almost radiating fury - something sounded different about her. There
was no explosion of anger, this time; instead it was as though, in the
space of time it had taken Asuka to say those two words, she had gone
from being a trusted friend to being a complete stranger. Hikari felt
a sick feeling come over her, as she wondered if something
irreplaceable had just been lost.
"Asuka, I'm sor - "
Asuka held up a hand, signaling for her to stop. "No. It's okay,
Hikari." No trace of warmth when she said her name. "If it's _that_
important to you, go ask Ayanami what my problem is with her. She'll
know." Asuka paused. "She's just plain _dense_ to everything around
her, but that, she'll know."
Another pause from Hikari. "Asuka, will you just listen? I didn't
mean to hurt you."
Asuka nodded primly. "Yes, I know."
'But you did anyway.' The words begged to be added on.
"I think I'll catch up with you later," Asuka said, halting. "I've got
some...work to do."
Hikari looked at her friend...or ex-friend. ^No, she wouldn't give up
that easily. She's just mad.^ She mostly believed herself. Mostly.
She nodded slowly, managing to keep her eyes dry but could not keep the
sadness out of them. "Well...all right, Asuka. I'll...see you later."
* * *
"Good shot," Kensuke remarked.
"It's nothin'," Lewis replied, lowering the rifle, not bothering to
blow off the smoking barrel. He held the gun off to the side without
looking. "This one's good," he said, in English. "Next."
A soldier waiting nearby took the rifle and handed Lewis another,
similar gun. As this was happening, the hapless bird Lewis had
targeted earlier finally hit the ground. Lewis loaded a bullet into
the gun.
"Where'd you learn how to shoot like that?" Kensuke asked, amazed.
"Practice, kid," came the reply, the Major smoothly switching back to
Japanese. He squinted and squeezed the trigger. Another sharp gunshot
rung out, and another bird hit the ground. "Lots and lots of it," he
finished, almost wistfully. "Me and my old man'd go out and do this
all day, way back when." He paused, lost temporarily in some old
memory. "This one's good, too," he finally said, holding out the gun
to the soldier.
A drawn-out "Cooooooool," was all Kensuke could say. His eyes followed
Lewis' practiced hand motions as the man loaded a bullet into the next
gun. The man didn't even have to look at what he was doing.
Lewis smirked, noticing the attention he was getting. But before he
could take aim, he was interrupted. The roar of an engine, followed by
the squeal of protesting tires, sounded not five meters from them.
Lewis turned, raising his sunglasses long enough to get a look at the
new arrival. It was his new truck, a banged-up Land Rover. It had
arrived in the past few days, along with the other equipment.
"How'd it go?" he asked.
Shinji, looking quite shaken up, managed to crawl out of the driver's
seat of the Land Rover. "Oh, it's OK..." he said, before sitting down
hard on the ground.
An American soldier got out of the passenger seat and said something in
English to Lewis. Whatever they said must have been funny, because
both men started laughing, in the derisive manner when the laugh is at
someone else's cost. Lewis passed the soldier a pack of cigarettes out
of his shirt pocket and then turned back to the boys.
"What was that?" Kensuke asked, after checking to make sure Shinji was
really okay.
"Just a friendly bet," Lewis remarked, smiling. "We gotta use cigs
though...not like the paper stuff's really worth anything, anymore.
Makes me feel like I'm a prison inmate, or something."
"I guess," Kensuke said, before kneeling down next to Shinji. "So
how'd it go?"
"Oh, I just _almost_ flipped over the Major's truck," Shinji said,
trying to smile.
Kensuke raised his eyebrows. "How'd you pull that one off?"
"That soldier was insane..." Shinji remarked, getting up. "Kept making
me go faster when I didn't think I could. Until he told me to turn,
and I forgot to hit the brakes first, and, well..."
Kensuke looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. He managed
to give Shinji a nod before turning back to Lewis. "Aren't you worried
they're gonna wreck your truck?"
Lewis flinched, having been just about to fire off another shot. He
lowered the gun and looked down at Kensuke.
"Oh, yeah," Shinji said, remembering. He bowed ceremoniously to Lewis.
"Thank you, sir, for letting me use your personal vehicle."
Lewis waved him off, smiling. "Actually, I'm _hoping_ one of you
manages to wreck that damn machine," he said to Kensuke, tilting his
head towards the Land Rover. "That's bureaucracy for you, kid," he
continued, shaking his head. "I asked for another Humvee, and they
sent me a friggin' _Land_Rover_ instead. Figure if I can destroy this
one, too, maybe they'll wise up and give me what I asked for in the
first place."
Kensuke blinked. "I guess that makes sense..."
Lewis glanced over at Shinji. "So what do you think of our...heh...
'crash' course in driving?"
Shinji nodded. "I guess it's the quickest way to learn," he said.
"But it's really stressful."
"Welcome to the world, kid," Lewis said, raising the rifle up again.
Kensuke waited until Lewis had fired another shot before he took a
breath to speak. Lewis, having missed the target this time, didn't
notice until Kensuke started talking.
"Uh...Major..." he began.
"Yeah?" Lewis said angrily. He held out the rifle to the nearby
soldier, muttering something in English, presumably about the gun's aim
being off. He received the next gun and started loading in a bullet.
"I was just wondering, but do you think Shinji here _is_ really just a
kid?" he asked, gesturing at Shinji, who was giving Kensuke a surprised
look. Lewis, for his part, just looked down at the boy waiting for
him to finish.
"I mean, I know he's young..." Kensuke tried to begin, but trailed off
at the gaze from the Major. It was mostly in his head, but having seen
Lewis calmly pick birds out of the sky, _and_ still holding a loaed
rifle, he found his resolve was faltering.
"But he's been responsible for why you're still alive, right?" Lewis
asked, a note of cynicism evident in his voice, even through the
American accent.
"Kensuke, you don't have to - "
"No, no," Lewis said, cutting Shinji off. "Your pal's just tryin' to
help you out, and I gotta respect that." He looked back to Kensuke.
"Because I can see when someone's grown up, that's why," he said. At
that, he turned back to the rifle, flicking the safety off and glancing
back up to the sky.
"What d'you mean by that?" Kensuke asked, momentarily forgetting his
defense of Shinji out of interest in what the Major was saying.
"Just gotta look for it, son," Lewis said. Apparently unsatisfied with
the targets in the sky, he lowered his gun without firing. "It's the
way they move...the way they look at things, I guess. Kinda gives away
something about them." He paused, glancing around. "Like, uh...well,
damn. Right over there," he said, pointing.
Both of the boys turned, to see Ariel walking a slow circuit around one
of the handful of tanks parked in the American camp. One hand was
reaching out to trace the cold metal surface as she walked by it.
"She's got it," Lewis continued. "I can see it, even if you can't."
"You mean she's..." Kensuke began. He turned a little red. "...known
the pleasure of a man, so to speak?"
Lewis laughed loudly. "Dunno about _that_, son," he said, amicably.
"But I wouldn't be surprised if she's killed someone before."
Both of the boys blinked in unison, disbelieving. "But she's..._our_
age," Kensuke said. "How could she..."
Lewis shrugged. "Dunno."
The Major glanced at Shinji, who looked like he was about to say
something.
"And not just killed someone out of weakness," he continued, keeping an
eye on Shinji from behind his sunglasses. "Or because someone else
told her to. No...she had to have _wanted_ to do it, if only a little
bit."
Shinji calmed down quickly, all trace of what he'd been about to say
vanishing from his face.
"So don't get it mixed up," Lewis said, pointing a finger at Kensuke.
"Killing someone don't make you a man. Most people can't handle it,
and they go a little crazy. You know, staring off into space, whacking
off over comatose girls, stuff like that."
Shinji somehow went pale _and_ blushed at the same time. Kensuke
wished he had his camera, to get that expression on tape. He also made
a mental note to ask Shinji what was the matter, later on of course.
Then he looked back over to Ariel. A bird had come down from the sky,
landing on her outstretched hand as though called by her. Even as he
watched, a second bird came down and landed on her shoulder. Ariel
didn't seem surprised in the slightest, and even looked pleasantly
amused, as if it were something that, although nice, happened every
day. She smiled, and cupped one of the singing birds in her hand. In
Kensuke's eyes, nothing seemed more right...
^The girl's practically glowing,^ he thought.
"Except she's got amnesia, from what I hear," Shinji said. "If she
_had_...you know...then she wouldn't remember it."
Lewis shrugged, rolling his eyes at the apprehension both boys were
showing. He took aim again. This time, at a target much closer to the
ground. "Figure I can pick that one off her shoulder?" he asked,
throwing Kensuke a mischievious glance.
Kensuke's eyes widened. "NO! Wait, don't!"
Lewis laughed. "Oh, c'mon," he said, clapping the boy on the back.
"I'm not _that_ crazy," he said, as he lowered the gun.
Kensuke still watched the man warily. Shrugging, Lewis took aim at the
sky again. "You boys need to lighten up. Why don't you come by here
around sunset? With all this new stuff, my men feel like showing off a
little. Good way to relax. We even got some barbecues ready."
"You mean you have fresh meat?" Shinji asked, incredulous. "Where are
you getting that from? What kind of meat?"
Lewis pulled the trigger, and another bird dropped out of the sky.
"Whatever that was," he said, jerking his thumb towards the plumetting
corpse.
Not too far off, Ariel's eyes tracked the trajectory of the shower of
blood and feathers that, until recently, had been a bird. She closed
her eyes and shook her head slowly, before throwing the three boys an
accusatory glance and turning around, making a point not to pay any
attention to them.
* * *
The Americans had not only shipped in engines of war. Now that it was
clear they were going to be staying awhile, they'd brought in enough to
make their camp into something more hospitable. Among the
'essentials' were things the Japanese had not seen in a long while.
Barbecue grills, generators, stereos, and refrigerators could be found
among their equipment. The sheer novelty of this was more than enough
to draw several of the Japanese survivors over to the American camp, as
the sun began to set.
"OK, who wants a cold one?" Lewis asked loudly, holding up a few
bottles.
"Ha!" Asuka said, turning away and putting her hands on her hips. "I'm
not going near that fermented piss you Americans pretend is beer!"
"Actually, Ms. Soryu," Lewis said, checking the label on the bottles,
"this particular sample of fermented piss comes from Germany." He
paused. "But, if that's how you feel...c'mon, Katsuragi, let's get
plastered."
"OK!" Misato answered, smiling broadly as she joined the Major, walking
off towards another part of the camp. Asuka was currently fighting off
an impressive blush.
"Way to handle foreign relations, Asuka," Touji commented, giving the
girl a thumbs-up while at the same time struggling to sound like he
wasn't about to laugh his ass off.
"Shut up!" Asuka shouted, whirling. Her face was still quite red.
"Yeah, Touji, that was mean!" Hikari chimed in, coming to stand
alongside Asuka.
"Er...OK, OK..." the boy said, holding up both hands as he backed away.
Hikari and Asuka quickly fell to talking with each other, presumably
about how annoying Touji was.
The boy in question caught his breath and turned to Kensuke and Shinji,
who were both looking at him with eyebrows cocked.
"I'll be glad when this is over with," Touji said, sitting down on the
ground. "I mean, all of five minutes ago, she was on _my_ side! What
a crappy time for a mood swing..."
"Actually, I think that's just Hikari being a girl," Kensuke commented.
Touji shrugged. "So, when...uh...when is the...you know..."
"Lewis says they'll probably be bringing a priest in soon," Shinji
commented. "Can't wait, huh?" he asked, smiling at his friend.
Touji blushed, while trying to look sufficiently angered by the
comment. "I just..." he stuttered, "...well, I know Hikari's gonna be
even worse if she...you know...if we're not..."
"Yeah, I follow," Kensuke said, sitting down next to Touji and giving
him a hearty slap on the back, though with not nearly the same force
the American commander could get. "But believe it or not, you're
lucky, man."
"Heh," Touji said, grinning a bit. "Maybe." He paused, then glanced
over at Kensuke. "So how 'bout _you_, then?"
"Wha?" Kensuke asked, giving his friend a confused look.
"You know," Touji said, putting on a sly expression. "Anyone you sweet
on?"
"Huh? Me? No, no..." Kensuke replied, shaking his head vigorously.
"Not nice to lie," Shinji cut in, offhandedly.
"What?" Kensuke shot back, turning a little red in the cheeks.
"Don't think I didn't notice you earlier," he said. "You were ogling
that Ariel girl."
Kensuke just stared at his friend.
"Ooh, good taste," Touji said, glancing over at the white-haired girl.
"Definitely," Shinji commented. "I mean, you've seen how she hangs
around the American gear all the time. She's got a thing for war
machines, Kensuke. Sounds like she's right up your alley."
"Wasn't her _interests_ I was talking about," Touji said, crossing his
arms over his chest. "More like her...'endowments', eh?"
Both he and Shinji laughed at this comment. Kensuke continued
blushing.
"B...but guys, you're crazy," Kensuke said, defensively. "Get off my
back."
"What is it?" came a new voice.
This voice belonged to Hikari, who was just walking up, having finished
talking with Asuka. "Shinji," she said, jerking one thumb over her
shoulder, "Asuka says you're a real baka for leaving her alone to go
off with your pals, and if you don't get your butt over there right now
you're sleeping outside again."
"Those exact words?" Shinji asked, nervously.
"Uh huh."
"Oh, man," Shinji said, shaking his head. He turned to Touji and
Kensuke. "Sorry guys, but I gotta go. I'll finish talking to _you_
later," he added on, pointing to Kensuke as he left.
"Now, what was that?" Hikari asked, interested.
"Oh, just talking about that Ariel chick Kensuke's hot on," Touji said,
casually.
"Hey!" Kensuke said, angrily. "I never said anything like - "
"Oh, that's so sweet!" Hikari chimed in, cutting him off. She stepped
between him and Touji, looking Kensuke in the eye. "She's a little
weird, I'll admit, but from what Asuka tells me, she really is a nice
girl."
"Yeah, I mean she's..." Touji said, trailing off as he cupped his hands
under his chest, mouthing the words "a big girl" to his friend. The
grin on his face left no room for doubt as to what 'big' meant in this
case.
"What was that?" Hikari asked, turning to look back at Touji. Touji,
for his part, lowered his hands quickly and looked nonchalantly up into
the sky, trying to whistle.
"_Anyway_," Hikari said, turning away from Touji again, "like I said, I
think she's a very nice girl, and if you could get her to open up..."
Kensuke was only half-listening, since as soon as Hikari had turned
away from him, Touji had gone back to highlighting what he judged to be
the most enticing parts of Ariel. Kensuke couldn't fight off a smile
at the naughty joke.
Hikari stopped abruptly and whirled on Touji. She took a big breath.
Kensuke, drawing from experience, plugged his ears.
"IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO THOSE _BASKETBALLS_ SHE CALLS BREASTS, THERE
IS NO WAY THOSE THINGS ARE REAL, SUZUHARA!!!!!" Hikari shouted at the
top of her lungs.
"What was that?" came the last voice Hikari had expected to hear, as
a tanned hand fell on her shoulder.
"YAAAH!!!" Hikari screamed, turning quickly. Sure enough, Ariel was
standing there, looking at Hikari with an interested expression.
"H...how'd you do that?" Hikari asked, quickly.
"Do what?" Ariel asked, innocently.
Hikari blinked, shaking it off. "Well, I...that is, Ariel-san, I..."
"Your theories concerning my body are slightly off, Horaki-san," Ariel
said, calmly. "If you need me to demonstrate..." she said, beginning
to unbutton her shirt.
"NO!" Hikari shouted, grabbing Ariel's hands. "No, you don't, I'll
just...take your word for it," she said. "Uh...bye," she finished,
walking off, but not before grabbing Touji by the ear and dragging him
along with her.
"Uh huh..." Kensuke said, watching Touji get towed off to what would
undoubtedly be a scolding he would not soon forget. He swallowed,
turning back to the girl in front of him. "Well, Ariel-san..." he
began, nervously. "Do you want something to eat?"
Ariel nodded. "Certainly," she said. "I am interested in this...what
is the word...'hamburger', the Americans say they are grilling."
"Well, then, let's check that out."
* * *
The sun had already descended past the horizon by the time the
Americans had finally stopped their work for the day and started
relaxing a bit. As time dragged on, night descended on the encampment,
drawing its cloak of stars over them and forcing them to rely solely
upon the flickering oranges and reds of the fires for light. But only
a few people took this as their cue to go to bed. Most everyone else
stayed, enjoying some of the night air.
Somehow, Asuka finally managed to get her hands on some of the beer the
Americans had with them. Just as Lewis had said, it _did_ in fact come
from Germany. But the girl was still determined to double-check with a
taste test.
Asuka vibrated as she lowered her bottle. "Oh, yeah..." she said, in a
low voice. "That's it, all right."
"Uh...Asuka, I don't think we should - "
"Have some fun, baka Shinji," Asuka replied, cutting him off. "Here,
you have this one."
Knowing it would be worthless to try arguing with her, Shinji glumly
accepted the beer. He quickly took a drink, choking down the bitter
brew at a look from Asuka. He quickly concluded that that was about
all he'd be able to take, and quietly set the beer down off to the side
where he hoped Asuka wouldn't notice.
He actually didn't mind all that much. It was nice to be able to relax
like this. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was back
in Tokyo-3, sitting among friends in the place that had become his
home. Actually, if he was in the mood for wishful thinking, he could
even feel at home here, where he was. His friends were all here, and
they were all enjoying themselves, for the moment. They were able to
be themselves, able to forget for a little while the apocalypse that
had come just a few years earlier. Touji and Hikari had finally
stopped arguing long enough to sit down and get something to eat.
Kensuke had disappeared off somewhere, probably to go ogle the tanks
some more. Misato was off getting drunk - an endeavor Asuka seemed to
be joining her in, as the girl opened up a second beer. Self-
consciously, Shinji nudged his a little further away.
That only left the pair of children who Shinji hadn't even thought
would show up for this nighttime gathering. Neither Kaoru nor Rei had
seemed fond of large groups of people, but yet they'd both appeared
some time ago, walking in together. Kaoru had stayed long enough to
say hello to Shinji, and then he, too, had disappeared. As for Rei...
Rei had been greeted the moment she'd come in, as several other people
at the camp led her away to get some food and, presumably, to ask her
questions about the most recent battle. Shinji was pretty sure they
wouldn't get any, since Rei hadn't been able to answer similar
questions from Ritsuko earlier.
But the odd thing was, many of the people who'd approached her had been
calling her "Ayanami-sama". It was very interesting...
Rei had kept her usualy aloof attitude through it all. But Shinji
quietly hoped she could find some friends in all that mess. The girl
deserved a break.
That was what was going through his mind when he finally saw her again.
She'd apparently shaken off that small crowd and was again keeping to
herself, walking slowly in between groups of people. From a distance
of perhaps a dozen meters, she caught Shinji's eyes, recognizing him
instantly. He waved to the blue-haired girl, and she turned to face
him. He beckoned to her with his free hand.
But all she did was just look at him coldly, as she had in the past. He
gestured to her again, but she simply shook her head slightly and
walked on, leaving him where he was. She walked off to the side and
going into a nearby tent the Americans had recently set up.
Shinji blinked, not understanding. Glancing over at Asuka, he saw that
the girl was busy speaking with Hikari. At least the brown-haired girl
was staying away from the beer. Satisfied that he wasn't leaving Asuka
alone, he got up. Asuka, caught up in her conversation - and
presumably already feeling the effects of the booze - didn't notice.
He headed for the tent.
He found Rei inside, sitting quietly by herself in a small folding
chair. Her hands were crossed in her lap, her face placid as she
looked out the plastic window of the tent. Shinji froze for a moment,
seeing this. Again, it was almost like they were back home. He could
remember walking into the classroom in Tokyo-3 innumerable times. And,
more often than not, Rei would always be there, stuck in her
characteristic position, looking disinterestedly out the window.
But then he returned to himself, realizing where he was standing.
"Uh...Ayanami..." he began.
* * *
Rei had not been as oblivious as she may have seemed. She knew Shinji
had come into the tent, though she was quite confused over why he had
paused like that, just before talking. But that confusion couldn't get
in the way, now. She didn't want to have to deal with this.
^I should ignore my feelings,^ she thought. ^They cannot be allowed to
destroy the life I have.^
She tried to ignore the voice that disagreed with her in the back of
her head, she kept herself as still as possible, though her hands
seemed warmer than before. It was easiest to do nothing, but that was
no guarantee Shinji would leave her alone. Her voice carrying the
barest hint of irritation, she said:
"What do you want?"
Only silence answered her. She waited, but Shinji said nothing. If she
was answered with silence, then she too would say nothing, but she
sensed that this time was different. He would not have come to her for
nothing, like his father. What would he ask of her this time? To die?
She could die at any time she chose. She would simply have to walk
back out into the sea, and then let herself go. She could make her
death permanent, ceasing to exist completely beyond any chance of
return. But he had said nothing yet.
What did he think of her using the Eva, she wondered. She could die
there. In battle, all it would take was a lucky shot, a missed step,
or something from the Dummy Plug's hands. If he asked her to continued
with that, she would see no reason to refuse. Fighting with Eva was
something she was accustomed to doing; for a long time, perhaps even
now, it was all she'd had. Death was a part of that, and for that
reason she did not fear death. In fact she remembered desiring it at
one point in her lives.
^But he is not the Commander.^ She reminded herself. ^Ikari-kun may be
in command of this area, and he may even ask others to die for him, but
he is _not_ the Commander.^ Yet still, Shinji made no answer.
What if she was to look him in the eye? Would that break the wall of
silence they had built between them? Suzuhara had said it would help,
and it might.
But she could not will her body to move. All she had to do was turn
around and face him...and she could not go through with it? What was
wrong with her? Was it the weakness of fear, or something deeper? She
hoped that this was only temporary.
"How are you doing?" Shinji ventured, finally saying something.
"I am well," came the curt reply.
"Oh..." Shinji said, slowly. He paused for a moment, shifting back and
forth on his feet.
^Do not linger here,^ Rei thought at him, the thought unable to resolve
itself into spoken words. ^You...are frightening me.^ She paused.
^Is that true? Is his presence frightening? The emotions it
evokes...I do not understand them.^
"Sorry you got dragged off like that," he said, nervously. "I know you
must not've liked that. Having to be the center of attention, I mean."
"I managed."
"Uh...yeah." He paused again. "Look, Rei, I...I'm sorry you had to go
through that. Those people probably just wanted to know what you
did...last time." He seemed hesitant to say it: 'in the last battle'.
Rei didn't know whether that was encouraging or not.
"I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again," he finished.
^What is he trying to accomplish?^ Rei thought, confused.
"I know you...don't like being around people much, and you don't like
being bothered by people you don't want to talk to."
^Has he not realized that I still wish to be alone?^
"I'll understand if you want to leave now. I don't think you'll be
missing much, except maybe everyone embarassing themselves," he said,
smiling nervously.
^This tone of voice...I believe I have heard it somewhere before. What
is the word for it...^
"But you shouldn't have to put up with it if you don't want to.
Sorry..." he said, momentarily at a loss for words. "...I guess I just
want you to know I'm sorry...and I'll try to snap them out of it, if I
can..."
^That is the word, 'pity',^ Rei finally concluded. ^Is this his pity
for me?^ Rei thought, looking Shinji over as he finally stopped
talking. Apparently the boy had realized that he wasn't getting any
kind of response from the girl.
^So, the little invalid's trying to get some pity out of Shinji-chan?^
the memory of Asuka's voice resounded clearly in her mind.
^Pity...no, I do not want to be pitied.^
Finally, some words managed to escape Rei's mouth. However, as she
found out very quickly, words have an odd way of coming out in the way
you least expect them to.
"Your pity is not what I want, Shinji-kun."
Her eyes widened as soon as she'd closed her mouth again. _That_
hadn't been what she'd intended to say.
Shinji turned away, slightly put out by the rejection. But then it
clicked in his mind what Rei had said. Her heartbeat accelerated as he
turned back towards her, his face a swirl of confusion. Rei fought the
urge to put one hand to her heart, trying to force it to slow back down
to its regular pace.
"Then...what _do_ you want then, Rei?" Shinji asked, slowly.
Though he'd called her by that name several times recently, since the
day she'd said it was all right, for some reason the word 'Rei' struck
a chord in the girl, this time. Maybe it was the way he said it, the
word coming off his tongue so easily this time that it was as though
he'd been calling her Rei since they'd first met. For whatever reason,
Rei felt her throat close up. This time, she couldn't resist the urge
to bring one hand up to her throat, as though trying to feel the
obstruction with her fingers.
The question Shinji asked was tearing through her mind, looping around
again and again, completely annihilating all hope of coherent thought.
^I do not want to say...^
^What do I want?^
^I cannot...he is...^
^What do I want?^
^I must...I must not...or I...^
^What do I want?^
Rei felt herself trembling. It was not a sensation she experienced
often; even when the most recent attacker had nearly devoured her, she
had kept her calm. What was it that could unsettle her like this?
But she already knew the answer. She could feel it inside of her; that
sensation of cold isolation, of perpetual loneliness, was finally
cracking. It was slowly slipping away, like a dying tide, pulling back
and finally giving her release...
Yet the thought was almost too much to bear. It frightened her,
keeping her from talking, even as Shinji's look of curiosity turned to
one of worry, watching the silent girl in front of him.
* * *
Shinji didn't know what to do, at the moment. He was slowly realizing
that maybe his question had been out of bounds for him. Rei had never
really _wanted_ anything, so asking her a question like that was
confusing the poor girl. He could see the confusion in her face, even
as she turned away from him, trying to hide her failing mask from him.
A few minutes passed, during which the distance seemed to grow between
them. Rei remained sitting in her chair, and Shinji didn't move from
where he was standing. But even with that in mind, it seemed Rei was
slipping away from him, the distance between them growing a little more
with every heartbeat. And there was nothing he could do; it was her
choice, after all. But he did not want her to fade away on him.
"S...sorry, Rei," Shinji said, bowing slightly in deference to her. "I
shouldn't have bothered you with that. Sorry you had to put up
with...all that," he finished, gesturing in the general direction of
the tent flap. ^Please don't hate me for it,^ he mentally added on.
He was a little surprised by this thought, but soon found that it was
genuine. He hadn't started calling her Rei just because he liked the
name.
He turned to go. "I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," he said.
"I have not answered your question yet, Ika...Shinji-kun."
Shinji turned around quickly. "No, that's..." the last word died in
his mouth, as he looked back at the girl. The look of confusion was no
longer there. Rather, it had been replaced by a determination that
teased at long-repressed memories in his mind. He vaguely remembered
seeing that expression on her face, that look of quiet determination
which told him she would never fail in her appointed task...what was it
again? The details of his life before Third Impact were lost in a
stuporous haze. He was not sure he even _wanted_ to remember them, but
he wracked his brain for an answer. Yes...her task was to protect him,
and she had thrown herself in the line of fire to do so; but she had
not failed. He remembered rushing to her side, asking her if she was
okay...and he remembered she did something important in her
answer, but nothing else came to mind. The rest of the memory faded
before he could recall it; and yet here she was, with the same face.
The same look of strength, of a calm resolution he was sure he'd never
be able to achieve.
"What I...want..." she began. But her drive seemed to falter on that
last word. The tightness in her mouth began to flow out, and the
hardness of her eyes softened.
"I...I want...to understand why I feel this way..." she said, her
expression melting completely.
"Feel...how?" Shinji asked, curious. Another memory tickled in his
mind, that he had been one of the select few who had seen this girl
_ever_ show any feeling. Oddly enough, remembering that time she'd
been supposed to protect him made him wonder what a smile would look
like on her face. He couldn't help wondering if she was about to show
emotion again. Not wanting to miss it, he took a step towards her.
However, this move prompted Rei to further close up, pulling her arms
close to her body, the fingers of one hand brushing her chest as she
looked away from him.
"Rei, what's wrong?" he asked, trying to sound soothing.
Rei looked up. Just as she did this, the moon finally made its
appearance, as the clouds parted and allowed its pale light to shine in
through the window the girl was sitting next to.
Somehow, Shinji knew in the back of his mind that no matter what
happened to him, no matter how many of his memories turned to dust and
blew away with time, even if the whole planet were burned to ash, that
he would never forget what he saw that night. For one brief instant,
Rei's face was cast into sharp relief by the glimmer of the full moon.
For a moment her face lay in shadow, but the clouds continued to draw
back, revealing more and more of her face. As the darkness was stripped
away, he was caught by those crimson eyes, the same eyes that had been
his chief nightmare in the apocalypse, the same eyes that had held him
entranced countless times before, the same eyes that were looking at
him quietly now. And as he was drawn in, he saw, for a brief flash,
Rei. Not a part-angel monstrousity, not the mistress of a monster
who could destroy them all in a wink, not the impenetrable wall of ice
that had stopped his every effort to get through, but Rei. Only Rei.
And she was...
^My God...she's beautiful.^
And, as life is prone to irony, as soon as he realized the meaning of
those words, the moment passed. And once again he saw Rei sitting in
front of him, her face smooth and unreadable. No, wait, now she was
standing; she'd apparently gotten to her feet in that brief moment.
The girl came slowly, taking a step towards him, her hand rising from
her side.
"Shinji-kun..." she began.
It was too much. He couldn't believe what he'd just thought. He
couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't believe that Rei was
still coming towards him. How close did she intend to get? How close
did he intend to _let_ her get? But she was still coming closer, her
hand still rising up, and he could do nothing.
^no...^ A voice in his head whispered. Was it his? He didn't know, her
hand had already passed his shoulder and was reaching for his neck.
^_No_...^ The whisper became a pained moan, urging him to move away.
But he could not. He was paralyzed with fear and with something else,
as her hand came slowly to his face, making the hairs on the back of
his neck stand on end with shivering cold as she came closer, her lips
parted to say something. He could feel the warmth of her hand, now very
close to his cheek and causing the skin to awaken with its own heat, in
anticipation of the contact...
Suddenly the protests were given voice through him.
"NOOOO!" His scream split the night.
Rei was taken aback, her face puzzled, but that no longer mattered to
him. He ran out of the tent as fast as he could, nearly tripping over
things in the dark, not caring where he went so as long as it was away.
He ran away in fear, away from what might been, away from the light of
the camp, and away from the light of the moon across the sky that
haunted him with its question of...
Rei watched the spot where he'd been. She slowly lowered her hand,
which had just begun to rise up, to hesitantly reach towards Shinji, to
do the unthinkable, for her. To touch him. Just to feel that contact,
like she had not so long ago...
But now...
"Why?" she asked the space where Shinji had been only seconds before,
her soft voice full of confusion, and pain.
She somehow ended up on the ground, her legs no longer possessing the
strength to hold her up. She lay down, onto her back as she stared up
at the nondescript ceiling of the tent. Her mind unable to answer the
questions raging through it, she closed her eyes, feeling the wetness
building behind her eyelids.
* * *
Kaoru had been pulling a sort of double watch since he'd come here.
He'd kept an eye on Ariel the whole time, even more suspicous of her
after what he'd seen happen to her at the coastline. But he'd also
tried to watch Rei. It had troubled him to see her taken away like
that. He hadn't been able to follow, not without quitting his
observation of Ariel. Figuring that Rei could watch after herself,
he'd let her go.
Then he'd seen Shinji follow Rei into that tent, an event he'd watched
with a _very_ interested look on his face. But this interest had
collapsed when he'd seen Shinji go sprinting out, a few minutes later.
He stayed there long enough to watch Shinji vanish into the darkness,
still running even as he passed out of sight. He mulled it over for a
few moments, pretending to listen to the conversation he'd been having
just minutes ago.
He mentally shrugged, unable to figure out what had just happened. He
glanced back at the tent, fairly certain that he hadn't yet seen Rei
leave it. Excusing himself, he went over to it.
She was inside, just as he'd suspected. Rei lay there as if she had
collapsed from exhaustion, the simple blanket lying uselessly to one
side. She was bathed in the soft light of the moon. He could see from
the entrance that her eyes were closed. So, she'd just fallen asleep.
It did seem a little odd for her to choose _now_ to rest, especially if
something had just made Shinji run out. But then again, Kaoru knew
that he hadn't been able to sleep well for the past few days. The
death of the last Eva, right when he'd felt its S2 engine erupt, had
sent a shock through him, as though every bone in his body had been
shattered and then put back together in an instant. He'd been left
breathless for a long moment, almost too long. The memory of that
sensation, called up by seeing Rei here, still made him close his eyes
in fear. What had that feeling been?
Not just that, but the last Eva had nearly destroyed Rei, the only
other person in this entire encampment which he truly had something in
common with. He could remember seeing the girl, looking through Unit-
00's optics as though they were his own eyes. He'd seen her sinking,
as though into quicksand, only infinitely more deadly. And then
she'd...
What had Rei done, anyway? Even he wasn't sure. But he _did_ know
that it wasn't right to leave her here like this. If nothing else,
someone was going to kick her out when they found her sleeping in their
tent.
He knelt down next to her, looking her over to try to gauge how best to
do this. The girl was lying on her back, eyes closed and face
peaceful, the rise and fall of her chest almost hypnotic. Kaoru
watched her for a while, wondering if she was even really asleep.
Finally, he decided he may as well try to wake her up. It would be
much easier than trying to carry her all the way back to their shelter.
He reached out to touch her shoulder. But before he could even make
contact with her, he heard a soft sound, so quiet that it could have
been his imagination: a gasp, coming from Rei.
He pulled back, looking the girl over again. Her face was no longer
demure. Her lips were tight, as though concentrating hard on
something. Her eyes, though still closed, were twitching erratically,
becoming tight and then relaxing again, over and over. Again, as
though she were concentrating. Or as though she were being beaten.
"Rei?" he asked, quietly. No response came from the girl, except for
another soft gasp, her lips parting just long enough to let out the
noise.
Kaoru leaned forwards, reaching out to see if he could shake her awake
or somehow calm her down, but he froze, mid-motion. He felt it: a
tickling in his mind, of something that was not truly him taking
action.
But the only time he ever felt something like that was when he was
controlling an Eva...
* * *
Shinji's thoughts were a tumult as he got away from the American camp.
He had stopped running a few hundred meters back, his legs refusing to
keep up that pace any longer. But he was still walking as quickly as
he could
His entire will was focused on _not_ thinking about what had just
happened, but, as these things tend to go, that was the one thing he
_couldn't_ forget. Every other second, Rei's face would flash in front
of his eyes.
^No..._no_, it was just the booze, that's all.^ Never mind that all
he'd had was a sip. He had no tolerance, so even that much could have
gotten him drunk, right?
The way her hair fell gently across her face.
^No. It was just a brief shot of hormones, that's all. I mean, I _am_
still a male.^
How her skin had seemed to catch the moonlight and almost glow.
^God...no, it had to just be the situation. Anyone would have thought
that way.^
The way her eyes had glistened, as though untold volumes of tears were
hiding behind them, tears she could not or would not ever let free, no
matter how much she may have deserved to.
^What's wrong with me?^
He slammed his eyes shut, trying to blank his mind by blocking out all
external perceptions. But it didn't work too well. Opening his eyes
again, he stared at his feet, as he continued walking aimlessly.
Anywhere, just to get away.
Finally, as his breathing became more labored, he stopped. Looking up,
he quickly recognized where he was. It was hard to miss Unit-00,
on one knee, not ten meters from him. Beyond him lay the sea, the
waves crashing against the cliffs he was now one. The moon was still
in the sky, but it was away from the water. Still, it caused the
Evangelion's face to be hidden in shadow, creating a mask that hid
everything from him.
^How'd I end up here?^ he wondered absently. Without really knowing
why, he started walking up to the sleeping metal giant.
^This was hers..._is_ hers, I guess,^ he thought, putting one hand on
the Eva's foot. ^I wonder if it's really as important as she says it
is. 'Your pity is not what I want.' What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing, I guess. Rei's never really 'wanted' anything.^
The wind suddenly picked up, blowing through Shinji's clothes and
sucking away every last degree of body heat from him. He shivered,
ducking behind the Eva's foot for some cover. What he didn't notice,
however, was that the Eva shuddered, as well. Far above him, its one
eye lit up, glowing a dull red.
^Though she's not always a machine like that,^ Shinji continued
thinking. ^I mean, every once in a while she _does_ look like a normal
girl.^
This thought, of course, recalled the events of the past five minutes.
Shinji closed his eyes again. In doing so, he failed to see the Eva's
left hand twitch, its fingers flexing. The arm began to move, lifting
up and reaching across, towards him.
He turned around and leaned against the foot, his legs feeling too weak
to support him.
^I am _never_ drinking again,^ he resolved. ^It just causes too much
trouble. Damn...what am I going to say to Asuka? Can I even face her?^
A feeling of guilt was there, all right. He couldn't help feeling that
he'd betrayed her, both by going to see Rei and then...what had
happened afterwards. But the feeling was not as strong as he'd have
guessed. It almost felt like he was forcing himself to feel guilty,
because he knew that that's what he should be feeling, in this case.
^I just don't get it,^ he thought, opening his eyes again.
His heart promptly skipped a beat.
There was nothing in front of him. Or rather, that was only what it
looked like, as the giant, metallic hand descending on him blocked out
his view of all else. His mouth opened to scream, to call for help,
but his lungs didn't seem to be working at the moment.
He was helpless to resist as the fingers closed around him, pinning his
arms to his sides and forcing the breath out of his body. His entire
body was enclosed in the grip; nothing except his head was visible.
Struggling to keep breathing against the immovable wall of the hand, he
felt his feet leave the ground. A few pitiful sounds came out of his
mouth, the beginnings of screams which never got any louder than a
whisper.
The whole time, the Eva remained strangely motionless, its arm being
the only thing that moved, and even that was moving slowly, as though
the Eva were dazed. Its head remained bowed, its 'face' aimed at the
ground and still obscured by shadows. But still Shinji could not help
but feel there was some kind of intelligence hidden in that darkness,
something implacable, which he could not possibly understand the depths
of. But from the tightness of its grip, it was showing its malevolence
towards its catch.
As he was brought up to Unit-00's head, it moved, slowly looking up at
him. In moments, he staring into his own reflection in the red pool of
its eye. As the moonlight drove off the mask of shadows, its eye
seemed to drink in the light and begin to glow. The color that only
appeared when its Dummy Plug activated...
He felt a scream coming. He felt it growing in his chest, gaining
strength before finally starting to push its way up his throat.
But just as he opened his mouth to let out the most fright-filled
scream of his entire life, he felt something enter his mind, ramming
itself in like a bullet to the head. He was helpless to stop it, and
once it got into him, he slumped in the Eva's grip, passing out cold.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Endnote: Damn, a cliffhanger. Guess I better get cracking on the next
section.
About the bird thing: yeah, I know the birds landing on Ariel may be a
bit too much like Disney. But I know from several sources that Arael,
the 15th Angel, was also known as the Angel of Birds. So forgive me
for taking liberties with the name. ^_^
Now, as for all of you who have been waiting patiently (or not so
patiently) for the next chapter of this story, I am very sorry for how
long this has been delayed. I could shower you with excuses, but that
would take up too much space and odds are you can guess what the
problem was anyway (this wonderful thing called real life). However,
you can rest assured that now I have more time to work on this fic and
I'm definitely going to be putting more effort into it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Started: October 6, 2001
Version 1 Ended: November 26, 2001
Version 2 Ended: November 27, 2001
Version 3 Ended: December 26, 2001
Version 4 Ended: April 27, 2002
Version 5 Ended: May 11, 2002
Version 6 Ended: May 12, 2002
(Looks back up at the dates) Damn, I _have_ been slacking off. Well,
I'll see if I can fix that.
As always, thanks go to the Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and
Judging Eagle for prereading. Extra thanks go to the Avatar, who was
the driving force behind this revision and whose extra scenes were
invaluable in rewriting. He is starting to get a reputation for
writing reviews longer than the chapter itself, though...
Also, for those of you who have noticed my web site has gone down (and
I still don't know _why_), my new address is at
http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/srfics/index.html. I'm rebuilding as
quickly as I can, and I'm also setting up a backup site so this doesn't
happen again. All news of my work on the site will be noted at the
above address.
However, my e-mail address (otakusadist@hotmail.com) remains the same.