Part 19

When Wufei walked into his room, he found Duo staring at himself in the mirror, violet orbs a bit misted. The elfin face was unusually serious, and Duo seemed to be concentrating to pierce a hole right through the mirror by the power of his will. The young American hesitantly held out his hand and touched his face in the mirror, his features displaying a somewhat awkward expression. It was as if he was not used to look at himself and discovered his own image for the first time. Not really sure of what he had interrupted, Wufei cleared his throat and turned to close the door. When he turned around again, Duo had plastered his trademark grin on his face, but his slightly red eyes and exhausted looks killed the effect, and even he realized it.

"Okay, I'm busted", he sighed melodramatically. "Cat just kicked my ass royally and I cried. Just mention this out of his room and I'll hunt you down wherever you go and kill you several times to make sure you're dead for good. And then I'll kill you once more on top of that to make sure that not even your mom will be able to put the pieces back together. Is it clear ?"

"As crystal", Wufei smirked, and he began to take off his black shirt, tossing it carelessly on the floor before moving to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit. He was halfway there when he realized that Duo was silent, and had been for more than three seconds. So he turned to see what was wrong and discovered …Duo gaping at him.

"Will you stop that already ?", the Chinese man growled.

"Oh, Wu, c'mon, I … you're just fuckin' amazing and I don't know why I couldn't get a look when you strip of your own free will in front of me ! I just can't understand how come you're still single, I mean if I were not me and I saw you in the street I'd be all over you in an instant, and …"

Duo suddenly stopped in mid-sentence and blushed.

"I'm sorry, I really should watch what I'm saying, I forgot …"

"I'm fine", Wufei said a bit too quickly.

Duo raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at the bruise on the side of Wufei's chest and at his worn out face.

"Okay I'm not fine", Wufei admitted wearily, "but if you can wrench your gaze from me so that I can get that med kit and we can put something on your cheek …"

"Go right ahead, buddy !"

It took Wufei some time to find the kit, which led Duo to think it was deliberate. Somehow, the fight seemed to have triggered something in Wufei's mind, and from the look on his face it wasn't pretty. But the Chinese was doing his best to look just as impassive as he usually did, and Duo found himself not wanting to tease him. Which made him grin when he realized how much tired he must have been just to imagine that he could stop teasing Chang Wufei for a moment.

Wufei came back and silently invited Duo to sit with him on the bed. He began to carefully wash the little cut on Duo's cheek. His hands were not even shaking, but Duo shivered nonetheless. Wufei's eyes were … it was like he was not really there, looking at something else right through Duo.

"Hey, Wu, what's wrong ?"

Wufei closed his eyes, sighed, and let his hands fall on his sides.

"I … that fight brought back some memories. Things that I really didn't need to remember right now."

"It was not the first time you killed someone, I can tell", Duo said low.

"No, it wasn't", Wufei confirmed. "But I thought I would never have to do it again. I'm kind of a hypocrite, don't you think ? I didn't like Yuy because he was a killer at first, but the truth is I probably have as much blood on my hands as he has."

Duo hesitated for about five seconds before he said it.

"Wanna talk about it ?"

Wufei looked up at him almost shyly.

"Only if you don't mind", he whispered.

"Hey, of course I don't, what are buddies for ?"

Wufei shifted on the bed, holing his legs up and hugging his knees. Since the beginning of the night and the fight, his insides had been tied into a tight knot. Some of the tension had eased once they were sure Quatre was whole and alright, but now … Now, as loath as he was to admit it, Wufei needed to talk to someone and knew for sure that that someone could absolutely not be Quatre. His friend had seen enough of his pain and had been kind enough to help him, but maybe it was best to do this the old good way, just telling someone you've met about a week and a half ago and who has started the process of becoming your friend by calling you names and being knocked over for it. And, also, Wufei felt strangely warmed by the fact that Duo had asked.

'When I think my own family wouldn't even see me cry and I'm ready to spit it all out to Maxwell. Gods, I must be tired beyond belief.'

Of course, Wufei didn't say any of this out loud, one might be tired but still have an tiny little bit of pride left over the tiredness. So Wufei pointedly ignored the part of his mind who was telling him to fucking sit on his pride and cry if he wanted to. Tears may come later, but the Chinese young man wanted to keep them private. Crying in front of someone embarrassed him as hell, blame it on traditional education. So Wufei braced himself and looked for the best way to tell his story in a way that would allow him not break down nervously until Duo would have left for his own room.

"What do you know about the L5 gang war ?", he said.

If Duo was surprised by the introduction, he didn't show it.

"Not much. I pretty much avoided the place while it lasted, only got a couple of jobs after it was over. I don't go there very often, I've always been told messin' with the Chinese triads was something that could get you very dead, and they got their own salvage business, so … I only got there to repair a fellow Sweeper's ship, poor guy didn't dare ask the people there …"

"What exactly do you know ?", Wufei interrupted.

"Nothin' more than what I heard on the world broadcast news reports, really."

Wufei sighed.

"My family is part of the Long Clan, the one who own L5-A 0206. My wife Meiran was the granddaughter of Master Long. He didn't have any male heir, so he chose me to marry her. Our colony was peaceful, at least, as peaceful as a colony can be when the triads try to challenge the authority of the greatest Chinese warrior clan. There were always some fights, but all in all, no one was killed. We all have a certain sense of honor, and the triads do to. They consider themselves sacred organizations with a duty, and they never kill without necessity. Master Long had some kind of agreement with them and managed to keep the drug and weapons traffic to a minimum."

"What changed all that ?"

"I didn't know it at the time, but after this week, I know that it's Kushrenada. A KI Import opened on the colony and all of a sudden, there were weapons and foreign drugs everywhere on the streets. The triads didn't take it too well and attacked KI employees. I suppose that Kushrenada hired yakuzas, because next thing we know there are Japanese gangs all over the place, and we have a real war on the streets. They shot everyone who was in their way, civilian or not, not matter what, as long as they were not on their side."

Wufei hugged his knees tighter.

"I was running the martial arts school with Meiran. Even going grocery shopping was a fight to stay alive at one point, so you imagine what it was for our students just to come and go to school. We escorted them in the streets, and both Meiran and I did our share of killing in those days. There was no other choice to stay alive, and yet … it wasn't enough. We lost some of our students. Meiran was enraged, she wanted to go outside and beat them all to pulp. I had the hardest time to convince her not to."

"Didn't you tell Cat all that already ?"

Wufei shook his head.

"Why not ?", Duo insisted.

"Even with the little pain I was showing, he could feel it so much it was painful for him. I explained … in a basic way, for him to understand what was going on, and I'm sure he guessed more than he said. But … it's the first time I tell this story to anyone … and when I feel how much it hurts me just to say it, I can imagine what it would do to him. He did his share to help me. The rest is up to me. I won't add my poor little sadness to everything he is going through right now."

Duo dropped the subject quickly, somehow feeling it was not what Wufei needed to talk about.

"So, what happened ?"

"She … I think she went out to escort some students. Alone. She was a hell of a fighter, but I still didn't like her to do it alone, so I went after her. When … when I turned the corner of that street … I arrived just in time to see someone shooting the last remaining student in the head. I can't remember what I did next, except that when I stopped, the men with the guns were all dead on the floor, and I was alone in the street with the bodies of my students and my wife."

Duo's eyes widened. He was truly horrified. But now Wufei was too far gone to stop now. His eyes were strangely glowing, looking inside of himself at the devastating memory that still haunted his nightmares.

"I told Quatre I had found her dead, but that's not exactly true. She was still alive when I found her. She was still conscious, but there was nothing I could do, and she knew it. The moment she looked at me she knew. And she just smiled to me, and told me to be strong for her, and never to forget her. And she bled to death in my arms. I had to watch her die."

A dry sob heaved Wufei's chest, but he fought the tears. Duo's mind was racing, desperately looking for some accurate way to react to that kind of confession. His own childhood had not been a bed of roses, and he knew what it was to watch someone you love fade in your arms. That was what had happened with Solo. But Wufei seemed lost in an endless despair. So Duo did the only thing he knew about endless despair and pulled the Chinese in his arms.

Wufei didn't push him away, but he didn't relax either. He was shivering violently, still reliving the nightmare of the memory. He eventually calmed down enough to realize where he was and blushed a little, embarrassed.

"You feelin' better ?", Duo asked, quickly letting him go as if feeling his tension coming back.

Wufei nodded, and looked up at the American. He was not sure he could stand it if the other one showed pity or anything of the kind, but Duo wore a pained expression that spoke of sympathy and understanding. An expression that was so not like him, and yet who was natural on his face, as if he was wearing it all the time behind the smiling mask.

"If ya ever need to talk, ya know where I am, Wu, okay ?", Duo said very softly.

"Yes …. Thank you."

"No problem. I know what it's like. And you're right, Cat-chan will be seriously busy with his killer, so let's say I will do part of his job. Ya think ya can sleep now ?"

"Yes."

"Good, 'cause I love ya, but I didn't really fancy talking all day after that !", Duo said, yawning and stretching. "I'm off to my bed ! Ya tell the guys if they wake me up before New Year's Day I'll throttle them."

Duo was pleased to see the small smile on Wufei's face. The joke was lame, but he was tired, and Wufei was not in the mood. But then, Duo couldn't resist when he walked out of the room.

"G'night, Wuffiekins !"

"MAXWELL !"

Duo stuck his tongue to the Chinese, and Wufei couldn't hold back the chuckle he had tried to avoid.

"Thank you, Duo", he said again.

"Oh my, but you know my first name !"

Wufei shrugged. Duo laughed and was about to walk out when he seemed to remember something and poked his head into the room again.

"Hey, I may sleep through New Year's Day, but if I wake up before tonight, don't bother to look for me, okay ? If Cat asks you, just tell him I went back to the circus."

"Alright", Wufei answered automatically.

It wasn't before Duo had left that what he had said actually penetrated Wufei's brain, and the Chinese frowned. Why would Maxwell want to go back to the circus ?

O.O.O.O.O

When Quatre came back that night, Heero was standing near the great windows, watching the city lights. He had gone out of bed only half an hour before, surprised to realize he had slept through the day without even stirring. He had crept out of the bed, only in his boxers, to go to the window, and had been caught up by the flow of his thoughts.

He felt Quatre's presence grow as soon as the young man came into the building. But it was another fifteen minutes before Quatre finally opened the door of the suite and came in. The Arabian didn't look surprised to see him up in the dark, watching outside. He just came to him and slipped his arms around his waist, putting his cheek on Heero's shoulder. They greeted each other silently, their minds reaching for each other and revealing in the feeling of completion that washed over them. Until Quatre felt the need to express his greeting a little more physically and kissed Heero lightly on the lips.

"Did you sleep well?", he whispered.

"Hn."

"Ready to talk ?"

"Hai."

"Let's go sit down. I spent my day visiting ruined facilities and I think I lost my legs somewhere on the way."

They managed to go sit down on the bed without letting go of each other, and Quatre settled comfortably in Heero's arms, his head against the muscular chest, listening to the steady beat of the Japanese's heart. The sound was soothing, and curiously made his slight stress headache disappear.

Heero felt it when Quatre began to relax completely and realized he was absentmindedly stroking the light blond hair. He stopped in mid-gesture, not really knowing why he had started doing that in the first place nor if it was okay to go on. Not with all the questions he asked himself. 'Not with that gnawing doubt that maybe he'll kick you out of his life very soon', the little voice supplied, even though nobody had asked its opinion. But little voices seldom wait to be asked to voice their opinion.

"You start", Quatre finally said. "You tell me what happened to you and Duo and Wufei last night."

"If you tell me why you took off", Heero said very low.

"Okay."

So, Heero explained that he had left the L3 embassy to verify Agent Wind's assumptions ; that said assumptions were true and that Lady Une was hiring yakuzas ; that they had met Lady Une and the yakuzas on their way to look for Quatre and had 'disposed' of them ; That they had spent the rest of the night looking for Quatre because they feared Lady Une would find him first.

"You killed them ?", Quatre asked once Heero stopped talking.

There was no reproach in his voice. He was just stating the facts, and if Heero felt a tinge of regret in it, it was mostly because Quatre didn't like the fact that people had been killed to keep him safe, although he understood the necessity.

"We killed them. We had to. I knew their leader. He had something of a personal grudge after me, I'm not sure I know why, but it would have been too dangerous to let them live."

"I know", Quatre sighed. "And it is probably best that no one knows who killed them."

Heero coughed.

"People will know who killed them."

"What do you mean ?", Quatre asked, frowning.

"I left a card on Toshiko's body. I … I want everyone to know that I do not make idle threats. I said I would kill anyone who would put themselves in my way. I am true to that word, and I want them to know it."

Quatre seemed to think this over and to decide it was okay, because he didn't prod more. He didn't ask for gory details, for which Heero was grateful. He just held Heero a bit closer, as if needing to be sure the man was real and not an illusion.

"Your turn", Heero whispered. "You said you wanted to talk."

"Yes. And actually, what I wanted to talk to you about is linked to why I ran off last night."

There was short silence as Quatre considered how he would start this.

"I know you're wondering what this is all about", he said. "I know you think this is strange, and you think it should not be, and you should not feel alright about it. I know something is disturbing you. I want you to tell me what it is exactly."

"I …", Heero started, but he stopped looking for words.

"Say it, Heero. I know it already, but say it."

"What do you see in me ?"

Quatre straightened up to look into Heero's deep blue eyes.

"The other half of my soul", he said very seriously.

"Why me ?", Heero insisted. "We have nothing in common. Our worlds are miles apart. We should never have met. It is pure chance we ever met. So why ?"

"Heero, how do you feel right now ?", Quatre asked, not answering the question.

Heero stopped to consider this. This also was new for him. Not only feeling, but trying to analyze those feelings and make sense out of what they told him. As far away from logic as one could dream. Not a good way to stay alive in his world.

"I … I'm not really sure I can say. I feel … safe. Like I finally found something I've been craving for all my life without knowing I was missing it. Like I was just existing before, and now I'm truly alive. I don't know … I just feel … good. I don't want it to end."

"So why do you bother with why ?", Quatre asked low.

"Because … because …"

"What are you afraid of, Heero ? Tell me, please. Talk to me. I can feel you're afraid. Tell me what's wrong ?"

Heero took a deep breath, and the next thing he knew, words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could even think to stop them.

"Last night, when I arrived in your room and I realized you were not here, and I didn't know how to find you, I … I completely freaked out. I was scared to have lost you for good, and I was scared to be so scared. Because I'm not used to it. Because I never had a reason to be scared before. I … I just couldn't think straight, and I had the hardest time to control myself and try to think logically to find you back. When Lady Une said she was going after you, I almost murdered her on the spot. I … I thought I would never see you again, never hear you again, and … I thought I was going to die if it happened. And I just … I'm so not used to think that way. It put me off-balance. I didn't know how to react. I … I was lost", he concluded.

"I am so sorry", Quatre answered almost immediately.

"Sorry for what ?"

"I didn't mean to scare you at all, I just .. I didn't think any of you guys could have done anything for me in the state I was in. I really needed to be alone and away from my life for a while. I am really sorry I scared you. I should have known."

Heero couldn't find anything intelligent to say, so he remained silent. Quatre suddenly took the Japanese's face in his hands and landed a very soft butterfly kiss on his lips.

"You are here to stay, Heero", the blond young man kept on. "Every people I've ever been drawn to by my abilities has proven to be someone exceptional and became my friend or someone important in my life. It's not different for you. It's … even better as far as you're concerned, because I'm never letting you go away. Not now I found you. I wouldn't stand it."

Heero must have been gaping at that time, because the next thing he knew was Quatre's tongue was exploring the inside of his mouth quite thoroughly. Trembling, he returned the kiss, linking his arms around the slender body in his arms, just as Quatre locked his arms around his neck in a movement that was becoming familiar.

Once they broke the kiss, Quatre settled in Heero's arms again and began to talk, his breath tickling the killer's bare chest.

"I needed to get away because my life is a curse. My name is a curse. My money is a curse. And all of a sudden, I just needed to be … anonymous. Unknown."

Quatre shifted in the tight embrace.

"Most of the people I met since I was born feel compelled to be nice to me because of that name, of that money. They look at me, and all they see is a huge pile of dollars. I've always hated that. I was mad at you first because I thought that's what you saw in me."

"Well, you were probably right", Heero admitted.

"Actually, that explains why I have so few friends. Because I'm not ready for the kind of show people expect of me. I can't be nice to people just because they bow in front of my wealth. I can't pretend to be friendly with people who don't even care who I am. That's all I am in the face of the world. The Winner Heir. I don't even have a first name anymore."

It took a moment to Heero to understand that the sudden sadness and bitterness he was experiencing came from Quatre. But he was beginning to differentiate their feelings a bit better, although having them merge completely was still the best thing in the world.

"Apart from my sisters, Duo and Hilde were the first people who didn't look up to me because of my money, but because they loved me. Just me. That's what made them so special to me. Then Duo helped me with my empathy, and I knew he wasn't doing it just to pay some kind of debt, but because he was truly worried for me. It is the same with Wufei. He doesn't really need me to pay him, he's rich enough, and if I bothered or annoyed him, he would kick my ass and storm off. He couldn't care less about my name, and on top of that he knows what it is to be pointed at in the streets. Relena is just in the same case. She is not impressed by the money and the name, and she actually took the time to look further. Cathy and Trowa took me in without asking question. It was enough for them that I was alone and lost and crying. And you …"

Heero unconsciously held his breath.

"I love you", Quatre simply said. "I don't care what the world has to say about it. They can all go to hell if they don't like it. I love you like I've never loved anyone in my life. What you brought to me, no one else can understand. You make me balanced, you make me steady. You make me believe that there is something worth it in this world. You made me understand that the line between good and bad is thinner than I thought, and that some people occasionally walk across it without being bad people. You …"

Quatre was suddenly lost for words as Heero kissed him savagely. Heero's brain had disconnected somewhere after 'I love you'. Yet he was still taken by surprise as Quatre began to attack his mouth just as savagely. The young Arabian's skin was flushed, his eyes heavy-lidded, and the feeling of his desire was almost intoxicating Heero. It was like an endless circle in their minds. Heero wanted Quatre, knew that Quatre felt it, and that it made Quatre want him too, and then he could feel it again, it was flowing between them, again, and again.

Heero's breath hitched as Quatre left his mouth to begin suckling on his neck, on that little vein that pulsed so hard. He lost all control of his hands as they began to frantically look for their way under Quatre's clothes, impatiently ripping off the buttons when the shirt didn't come off quickly enough for his taste. He was so busy undressing Quatre that he didn't realize he had lost his boxers before the thing was tossed away.

And then, for the second time in his existence (he didn't like to remember the first one), Heero panicked. What the hell did he think he was doing ? He was about to have sex, and from the way it had started, hot, nasty, wet sex, with the son of the richest living man on Earth and in the colonies. Said son was currently feasting on his chest, torturing his nipples in a way Heero had never imagine was possible, god, just how many things could he do just with his mouth ?

Apparently, Quatre felt something was wrong, because he stopped his ministrations enough to steal another fiery kiss from Heero's mouth. He had pinned him on the bed, straddling him to have better access to everything that looked interesting. When he felt the jolt of panic coming from Heero, he breathed in his ear "Don't think, just feel. It's alright. I love you."

Even if some part of Heero's mind was squeaking in horror, it was shut up quite quickly when something Heero did with his hands caused Quatre to emit a strangled mewling sound. All panic forgotten and curious, Heero tried to reproduce the move, and was rewarded with another cry of pleasure. This time, his brain totally overloaded. He wanted to hear Quatre make more of those sounds, wanted to find out what it was like to hear the Arabian scream with pleasure and knowing he was the cause of it. This was so different from any other of his experiences. So new. So much better.

Quatre's hands were all over him, and he was unconsciously mimicking what Quatre did to him. They were both panting now, and Quatre's eyes were strangely misted, looking at something only he saw. There was yet another moment of hesitation as the soldier in Heero took over for a second, wondering what the fucking hell this was all about, and was he really going to do this, just breaking his training after all those years and all. Apparently, Quatre felt that too, and understood what was to be done.

"Make love to me, Heero. Now", he ordered in a husky voice, green-blue eyes plunging into the Prussian blue depths that were blazing with a new fire.

And if there was something that his soldier training had taught to Heero, it was that you never ever disobey a direct order from your superior. Especially not if your superior is the most wonderful blond young man and is sitting on your lap completely nude, and is doing his best to make you lose that last bit of control you thought you had.

"Ninmu ryoukai (1)."

O.O.O.O.O

Duo emerged from a deep sleep closely akin to coma, and wondered for a while what could possibly make so much noise to wake him up, of all people, when he had not had the forty-eight hours of sleep his body required after an adrenaline rush. That is, until he heard the loud moans that were distinctly coming from the room next to his.

'Oh. My. God. Cat's still loud in bed, if I really hear what I think I'm hearin' !'

He tried to stuff his head under the pillow, but this clearly wasn't working, since the mere idea of Heero and Quatre in bed had caused some wicked corner of his mind to supply the visuals that went with the moans. Duo groaned, rolled on his back, and finally decided that the best was to get out of here before he ended up with his ear stuck to the wall.

He got dressed as quickly as possible and redid his disheveled braid. He settled for grabbing a bite on his way instead of calling room service (although the face of the waiter who would have brought him his dinner would probably have been worth it). Leaving his friends a bit of privacy, he left the hotel, not even stopping to see if Wufei was up or not.

"Back already ?"

Duo turned to face the mischievous face of Catherine.

"Hey !", he said, his face lighting. "Glad to see you, that place is just huge, and I had absolutely no idea of where to go exactly."

"Came to see Trowa ?", Catherine asked.

"If it's alright, Daggers Queen !"

"It's alright with me as long as he's fine with it. But you should ask him directly. He's over there, near the lions, as usual. Honest, sometimes, he spends more time talking to them than to us !"

"Thanks !"

Duo started to make his way to the great cages, when Catherine hooked his arm to make him come back.

"That's the end of the season and Trowa will be on holiday at the end of the week, so try to have fun !"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

O.O.O.O.O

Trowa knew he was being watched the second Duo turned the corner. He finished his task without hurrying. If the boy behind him wanted to talk to him, then he would. For the moment, Trowa only knew that he was alone and probably about his age, judging by the sound his footsteps made on the ground. He moved a little so as to be able to see who it was … and almost let his bucket fall.

The boy with the chestnut braid, Duo Maxwell, Quatre's friend, was back, and looking at him with violet eyes full of interest. Or more exactly, he was looking at his ass in the tight torn jeans he was wearing, and not even hiding that he found the view very pleasant indeed. Trowa finished feeding the lion and straightened up, slowly turning to face his visitor and trying to hide his faint blush behind his bangs. Which didn't work that well.

"Hey ! Remember me ?", Duo said.

Trowa nodded.

"Well, I was in the neighborhood and I thought … Fuck, who am I kiddin' ? The truth is, I came back especially from the hotel to see you, because … Okay, I'll spit out the whole truth, because your sis said you might be interested. So, I just wanted to know if that's true or not."

Trowa hesitated for a second, and nodded again, his only visible green eye blazing. Duo smiled widely.

"You got a moment ? There's a nice place down the road, we could have a coffee and speak in peace."

"Sure", Trowa finally said, torn between the desire to rip his sister open and to glomp her because she had had the idea to launch Duo Maxwell after him.

O.O.O.O.O

(1) 'Mission accepted'. Did I really need to translate that ?