The days continued to pass at an exaggerated pace. I followed at all of my friends' heels in turn and watched over them at they continued to stall looking for the Shikon by feigning interest in small village tasks. I bit my lip guiltily every time Shippo asked when they could leave and Sango looked away, unsure of how to answer—I knew it would be a million times harder for them to find the shards without their shard detector. My death had by no stretch of the imagination been anyone's fault, including mine, but I still felt responsible. If only I had moved—
But no. Beating myself up about it all would not help. I had decided that much in the beginning.
I had managed to write another note since the first—the newest said "You need" in scrawly, uneven, huge letters that were barely even legible. I had been hoping to improve so that they would recognize my handwriting and so that would help to convince them when the time came—but no such luck. It was lucky that I had even managed to form the words at all. The nausea and dizziness were getting a little easier to bear, but it still wasn't my favorite pastime. I preferred to avoid it when possible—returning to my normal, invisible, non-solid form an instant before I blinked out, that sort of thing. There was a trick to it, and I found myself mastering it pretty quickly.
The day dawned chilly and bright. Inuyasha murmured something softly in half-sleep and stretched below me upon his branch, yawning and opening his eyes a slit. The sun had only just peeked over the horizon in a thin pink line, but already the hanyou was rousing himself. He rubbed his face a little and then stared off in the direction of the village where a few farmers were stirring and leaving their sleeping wives and children for a hard day's work in the fields. I felt myself smile, as he did—that tiny wistful smile that told me he was somewhere else than in his painful reality. I saw fantasy glisten in his amber eyes and wondered what he was thinking about.
Becoming ghost girl hadn't made any more of a mind reader out of me than otherwise, though, so I didn't know. Darn.
As most mornings, Inuyasha sat there on his perch, unmoving and scarcely breathing as he pondered whatever it was his brain had created, until what Kagome guessed was around six o'clock. Then, he slipped down and landed neatly on his feet at the base of the tree and headed off in the direction of Kaede's hut. With a little yawn of my own (out of habit, I guess), I hovered down and followed close behind him. We walked through the reviving village square. A few villagers actually called greeting to Inuyasha, and he, as always, walked on as though he heard nothing. My slightly good mood faded a little.
Up until lately, he had never been able to give them much more than the common courtesy, or they him—unless you counted saving their village from demons. It served to reason that he was a little hesitant now to accept the fact that they were starting to tolerate him—he had never even been treated as an actual person before, so it probably seemed like a ploy to someone as cautious as Inuyasha. He was suspicious, and little blame to him. Anyone would be if they had been treated like that all their life—like they were nothing, like they meant nothing.
"You do mean something, Inuyasha," I whispered, and he glanced back tiredly for a second, as though he had heard me. But he hadn't. I knew that.
We entered through the flap-door as always, just as Miroku and Sango finished tidying their beddings on the opposite corners of the one room hut. Kaede sat in the center of the floor with a large stewpot on the fireplace, stirring her large wooden spoon unfailingly. Shippo was seated at her knees, a piece of paper and his two raggedy remaining crayons in his lap, coloring doggedly away as if to save the world.
"'Morning, Inuyasha." Sango straightened from her work and gave him an effort at a smile, and he glanced at her before sliding to sit, cross-legged, in his typical pose against the wall.
"Good morning, my friend," Miroku said with a yawn, coming to sit close and accept the wooden bowl Kaede offered. "Sleep well?"
"Yeah," Inuyasha answered with a shrug, looking away before the monk could see the tiredness in his eyes. Liar, I thought lightly, but Miroku just closed his eyes and slurped a few breakfast noodles contentedly as if to say, If you won't tell, then I won't ask.
Soon, Shippo took some stew too, and Sango and Kirara, and lastly Kaede herself. Inuyasha only held the bowl that they handed him, clutching it tightly as if to absorb its warmth into his body. His shoulders were tense, and I could tell something was bothering him. Something had been gnawing at him for days. The others had noticed—they knew him well, like I did—but they hadn't said anything, assuming that he would bring it up when he felt the timing was right. Inuyasha was never one to sit back and swallow his opinions. They knew he would speak his mind eventually.
He didn't disappoint. Halfway through breakfast, the hanyou abruptly placed his bowl on the wooden floorboards with a clank that caught everyone's attention as they pretended to not be paying attention to him. "We can't stay here forever," Inuyasha said in a low voice, surprisingly quiet for something he had repressed and mulled over for days. "We have to get on with the quest again. And soon."
"What?" Sango asked, and he looked away.
"Don't play stupid," he muttered to the floor. "You both know it as well as I do, so stop pretending." Sango fell silent, for once looking the part of an obedient, defeated housewife. She poked her noodles around in their bowl as Miroku said slowly, "What do you have in mind, Inuyasha? Neither Sango nor I have heard any rumors of any jewel shards. We can't just go charging out into the forest without a place to start." Not without someone who can see the jewel, his eyes said, but the monk himself didn't say it. He didn't need to. It was in everyone's eyes. I looked guiltily at the floor.
"We don't have much choice," Inuyasha said solemnly. "We can't just sit by and watch Naraku collect the rest of the Shikon no Tama."
"But..." Everyone's eyes turned to Shippo as he whimpered the word. Though his eyes were still stubbornly upon his drawing, they were filling quickly with tears. "We...we can't... not without.... "He looked at Sango and Miroku helplessly, asking for their assistance, but when neither said anything, he turned back to Inuyasha. "We can't go," he said loudly, as if they were all being ridiculous. "We can't go like nothing ever happened! We can't go without... w-without HER!"
I looked between all of my friends, last of all to Inuyasha, expecting him to lose his temper and yell, as was typical for him, but I was surprised. He stared wordlessly at his now-cold breakfast before saying, in a quiet voice, "We have to, Shippo. Kagome wouldn't have wanted for us to give up and let him win." Shippo fell silent then, looking like someone had slapped him, and said nothing else. What else was there to say? He knew Inuyasha was right. He knew I wanted them all to be well and happy, free of the Shikon Jewel's curse once and for all.
"You're right, Inuyasha," Sango said at last, tiredly, breaking the silence to everyone's relief. "I guess we'll just have to play it by ear for a while. When do we leave?"
"First thing tomorrow," said the half demon without hesitation or feeling, and I suddenly knew what he must have been thinking and planning about for the last few days. The others nodded gravely once, while Shippo and Kaede only stared, one unreadably and one numbly. As if that was the cue he had been waiting for, Inuyasha stood abruptly and walked out of the hut at a brisk pace. I hesitated a second then followed, hover-walking as I had learned to.
I guess it was a good thing that my friends were moving on and forgetting some of their grief over my death, but I realized quickly that it was not good in one respect: they were leaving the village first thing in the morning, and my note plan was still premature. They weren't very likely to get any meaning out of the phrase "You need see me." It might be mistaken for any number of things—a village child practicing their hand, perhaps, or Shippo trying to write a note to an unknown girlfriend. I had worked so hard to write those notes... but they weren't ready to be spotted yet. And there was no way I could muster up the energy to write the remaining notes all at once today, before they left in the morning. It seemed hopeless.
I would have to come up with a plan.
A smarter one than the first.
That night I returned to Kaede's hut while everyone was preparing for bed. Sango had left the front pocket of my bad unbuttoned, so while their backs were turned, I quietly shifted the notes out from underneath and levitated them into the pocket. It took considerably less energy than I had thought, so I decided to try one last attempt at contact before I gave it up for the night.
Inuyasha had been sleeping in the God Tree since I'd died, as if he were watching over the well to see if I would come back through it. My heart ached for his quiet mourning sorrow that was so obviously taking its toll on him. While he looked healthy enough, but the pat weeks of little eating had made him thinner, and he was actually asleep when I reached him. Not that it was a bad thing, or a deep sleep that would keep him from being alert—it was probably for the best that he could rest a little; he hardly ever slept, and nine out of ten times when he did it was right after the night of the new moon. And Inuyasha was an infamously light sleeper—the slightest noise or motion awakened him. It was futile to ever try to sneak out in his presence.
I floated up the tree to the branch he treated like a bed and slowly lowered myself down there to rest near the tips of his feet. His features were so soft and relaxed... I bit my lip sympathetically and stopped my hand where it was an inch from his face. I couldn't touch him, I reminded myself. I couldn't touch a living thing, only objects... and yet, I wanted to try. My transparent fingers trembled and the starlight shone through them. I leaned forward, hesitantly, and touched my hand to where, if they were solid, would've been the side of his face. My fingers slipped through, and I felt a quiver of cold; Inuyasha must've felt something too, because he shuddered a little.
Encouraged, I swallowed. "Inuyasha," I said quietly. Then, forcing my voice to rise, "Inuyasha, it's me. Kagome. I'm still here, and you've got to see me. You've got to consciously acknowledge the fact that I'm here."
My head ached that familiar ache in the back of my brain, the same feeling that told me I was using up my ghost energy. Whatever I was doing, it was supernatural. I'd heard once that people are more receptive to the dead when they're asleep... so maybe he would catch some of that. Maybe it would help me.
It would be best if he would wake up—even if only for a second—and see me. I reached forward again and touched his face with both hands, holding them there this time. Dizziness attacked, but I ignored it, focusing on trying to hold on to the solid, living mortal before me. It felt as if my energy were passing into him, and suddenly, my fingers were warm, if only for a moment.
In that split second, Inuyasha's eyes snapped open and he stared straight at me. His eyes widened in surprise as they had that day in the stream and I knew that I had done my job. With that accomplishment on my mind, I was finally willing to relinquish my tiring job. I released his face and embraced the darkness that came rushing up to greet me. I hadn't been quick enough to stop it just before this time, I thought, but it was worth it. My impression had been made.
When I could see again I realized I was hovering a few feet below Inuyasha's branch, lying horizontal as if in some sort of bed. I could see the hanyou's expression—panicked, dazed, confused. "Kagome?" he whispered, and I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. I hovered back up to his branch and sat where I had sat a few moments before, my ghost legs curled underneath me as I watched him sadly. How lonely and bewildered he looked, glancing incredulously about the moonlit clearing as if he expected to see me down there, waving banners at him.
"You...you've got to stop haunting my dreams like that, Kagome," he told me, sternly, as if he knew I were sitting right there, and it might've sounded like a normal scolding if not for the tremor in his voice. "It's bad enough that I can't sleep when we're off on the quest... you've gotta let me move on." I stared at him with wide eyes, with the moonlight shining through my body, and nodded.
"You're right," I told him, my voice quiet. "It's not fair for me to keep bothering you while you're trying to move on like I would've wanted...but I'm trying to get back to you. And it shouldn't be much longer," I added brightly, hoping to somehow reassure us both. "Your mother thinks that I can do it, and so do I. You'd never let me down. And you just saw me, just now! That's a start!"
"I could've sworn you were...there," he said dazedly, almost as if he were answering me. His words were soft and pained, and for the millionth time I felt my heart go out to the halfling. We both sat there, still and silent, for several heartbeats, until at last he leaned back resolutely against the branch and closed his eyes as if to block out his sadness. I stared at him for another full minute before floating up to the branch above to hover and get some "sleep" myself... though ghosts can't really do that, and all I could do was wonder and think over it again and again until morning finally came.
Would everything turn out okay?
Should I just give up?
I contemplated calling out to Inuyasha's mother again, to ask her to reconsider the bargain, but she hadn't answered the last time, and besides... I didn't want to sound ungrateful. And I wanted this chance, didn't I? I wanted to be able to be with my friends again; to hold Shippo in a hug again; to tousle Miroku's hair after one of his attacks on Sango; to take another walk with Inuyasha, just happy to have him near. Then, he sometimes seemed far away, like when he was thinking of Kikyou again....but never this far away. He had never been so far from my reach.
He was just a foot below me, but I might as well have been in the celestial plane.
My eyes filled with tears and I cried, for once not being mindful of Inuyasha's perfect hearing. Below me, in a fitful half-sleep, the inu-youkai slept on until daybreak the next morning.
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Tailz: Ah... super-mondo-hugo sorry for not updating this story in so long! Before Not Too Late and O.D.D. it was by far my favorite... but in the midst of the other two it got neglected. I'm so sorry! I looked down there today and realized that I had almost a hundred reviews on this story, which hadn't occurred to me before...not that THAT'S the only reason I updated. I remembered my neat plot plan and I wanted to get this thing on the road! So expect some more updates soon (right now I'm working on the one for Strangers with Cars....it should be done shortly.) Until then, TTYL, and sorry it's so short! R/R, please, and make Tailzy's day!