Author's notes and warnings:

Set in the last episode (24) after everyone has left the injured Souji and the watchful Hijikata alone in the tensai's room.

Although this is set in the last episode, I'm writing other stories that will be placed somewhere in the previous episodes. Since the chapters are independent of each other, it's not necessary to go in order I suppose…ne?

Thank you Xellas M. for the beta work on this chapter. ::huggles::

Usual disclaimer: Not mine and I'm taking liberties with history as well.

Makoto - Reasons

By Moonraven

"Hidoi!" Souji whimpered and ducked under the covers. "Stop making scary faces at me, Hijikata-san!"

"Baka!" Hijikata scowled and leaned over the prone man, his elbows on each side of Souji's head, his body trapping the younger man to the bed. "Why are you always saying things that make me think?"

Souji peeped over the blanket and blinked owlishly at his commander. "Eh?"

Hijikata made impatient noises and frowned. "You are NOT weak. Why did you say that? Why are you always saying stupid things like that out of the blue?"

"Oh…" Souji wiggled but couldn't get the big man off of him. "You're squishing me, Hijikata-san," the tensai protested from under the covers.

Hijikata pulled down the blanket and stared at the flushed face beneath him. "You're so strong…" His chest felt tight at the sight of the beautiful face and he abruptly pushed himself off the younger man. "I don't know anyone who can look death in the eye, yet still offers a smile to everyone he meets…"

Hijikata turned his back to Souji and put his face in his hands. He could once again feel the panic rising from the pit of his stomach at the thought of Souji dying. Last night after the raid, when he had found the tensai covered in blood, coughing, he had thought that his heart would explode out of his chest. He had thought he would surely die if something were to happen to Souji… The relief he had felt to find the young tensai safe was like a dam opening, flooding his senses with warm, tingly, giddy feelings. He had been so glad he hadn't cared that the men had seen him crushing Souji to his chest. He didn't care that they had seen what he'd considered to be a weakness… Souji was his strength and if the young man was gone…he had no reason to care.

"Hijikata-san."

Hijikata took deep breaths as he willed his mind and body under control. Souji was still recovering; there was no need to beat the tensai senseless. Not yet.

"I hate it when you put yourself down," he told the younger man quietly. "Don't do it again."

He could feel Souji staring at his back but he ignored the urge to turn and look into those expressive violet eyes. If he did, he wouldn't be able to think about inflicting pain.

"Ne, Hijikata-san." Souji's voice was quiet and thoughtful. Hijikata turned to see him sitting up in bed, his eyes focused on his hands. "Tetsu-kun asked me some time ago why I picked up my sword...why I became strong. I couldn't tell him then, I was too…afraid." He tilted his head to the side, thinking. "Mou…I don't think I was afraid of what he would think of me…or you…" Souji paused and laughed, his young voice rang out a little nervously. "I think I was more afraid of what you'd do when you found out…" Souji turned and looked him right in the eyes.

"You see? I am weak. I picked up the sword so I could be with you." Souji's voice was low but the eyes that stared into Hijikata's were keen and piercing, like Souji's soul.

"I've had the biggest crush on you since I was nine," he told Hijikata with a small smile. "Maa, don't laugh yet," he protested when he saw the smile lifting the corners of Hijikata's mouth. "I knew you would laugh at me." Souji pouted.

"I'm not laughing," Hijikata told him with a genuine smile. "I'm happy."

Souji blushed and ducked his head. "Anyway…I'm weak because my reason for killing was so I could spend more time with you…make you proud. I did it for love…I think that sucks." Souji made a face and shook his head. "Nothing noble, like justice, or revenge, or anything like that."

"I've heard that love is very noble," Hijikata said softly as he turned back to the tensai. He gently pulled Souji from the bed and onto his lap as he cradled the injured young man. "Shall I say a few Haikus for you?"

Souji squealed and covered his ears, laughing. "No! I'm too sick to laugh. It hurts!"

"Ahou," Hijikata whispered as he nuzzled the slender neck. "I was furious when you let that runt read my poetry, you know."

Souji laughed again despite his protest of pain. "Maa…is that what they're called?"

"Brat," Hijikata growled, his face still buried in Souji's neck. "Only YOU were supposed to see them…no one else."

"And Kondou-san?"

"He never really read it. He knew I write things in there but I knew he wasn't interested in things like that."

"Oh, Hijikata-san." Souji wrapped his arms around the Vice-Commander and sighed. "I won't be here forever…you need to let someone else in."

"NO!"

Souji tensed up, ready to protest but Hijikata began sucking on his neck, making the tensai moan instead.

"Hijikata-san…we can't."

"I don't see why not." Hijikata murmured against the delicious flesh. "I don't care about your consumption, Souji, I never have. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Hijikata-san…" Souji sighed softly; his head tilting back instinctively, allowing the Vice-Commander to do more. "I'm responsible for so many deaths… I don't want to be yours as well."

"YOU are my only choice." …in life and death. That went unspoken but Hijikata hoped that Souji would understand him.

Souji must have, for he froze and when he looked down at Hijikata, his eyes were sparkling violet pools.

"We're warriors, Hijikata-san. Our deaths are meant to be in battles, not on a sick bed."

"Is that why you are so reckless every time you go out on patrol? So you can die in battle?"

Large eyes stared back at him, their expression suddenly shuttered. Hijikata's heart sank. He'd guessed, of course but now he was sure. He knew exactly who would be making patrol assignments from now on – him, so he could make sure that Souji was flanked by top swordsmen at all times.

"Don't be in such a hurry to leave me, Souji. We have so little time as it is."

Souji's expression softened and he leaned in to kiss Hijikata softly on the forehead. "I don't regret my choice in taking up fencing, Hijikata-san. I'm glad I've spent all the time I have with you. Are you still angry that I came along?"

"I wasn't angry. I was…worried." Hijikata ran a thumb across Souji's full lips. He was so beautiful.

Souji's eyes twinkled and laughter bubbled in his voice. "For me or for you guys?"

Hijikata couldn't help but laugh too. Souji's tricks were quite notorious and many of them had suffered immeasurably. "Both."

Souji pouted. "Mou…"

"But I'm glad you're here now," Hijikata told the tensai softly before he pulled Souji down and kissed him full on the lips.

Souji gasped and Hijikata plunged his tongue inside the young man's mouth. Souji tasted like tea and medicine but so did Hijikata. He found that he rather liked the taste.

Souji pushed at his chest and Hijikata reluctantly released the young man's lips.

"Are you insane?" Souji scolded, his eyes fierce. "I told you---"

"I love you."

Souji stared at him, his mouth hung open in surprise. Although he'd never said it before, Hijikata was sure Souji had known.

"I don't care, I love you," Hijikata said again.

"Hijikata-san…"

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" Hijikata lowered the younger man onto the mattress and hovered over him hesitantly.

"Are you asking me to exert myself?" The mischievous smile was back in place though uncertainly still shadowed Souji's eyes.

Hijikata smiled. "Just a little…but it wouldn't be a pointless or unnecessary effort."

"No…but it could kill you…"

"Maybe, but what a way to go," Hijikata said and covered Souji's lips again.

- chapter end -

Note: Um…when Souji asked at the end if Hijikata was asking Souji to exert himself, that's in reference to what Hijikata had said to him in 'Belonging'.

Souji's reason for picking up the sword is based on the assumption that Hijikata was one of the people who trained him – so he was most likely at the dojo before Souji joined. The anime seems to hint at this so I'm going along with it even if reality may have been otherwise.

On another note, if we are to believe that Hijikata wasn't one of the people who trained Souji, we still know that he was Kondou's close friend and was most likely around the dojo quite often.