Hey its me again, sorry we haven't updated for a while, it's my fault, I'm too lazy! I'll just go ahead with the fic and stop boring you now!
BlackRibbon xxx"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Harry screamed flinging his fist down onto the table, and his pumpkin juice flew out of the vibrating goblet, and coincidentally went straight back in again, forming no mess at all.
"Whats the matter?"
Ron gasped, dramatically, with a mouth full of radishes.
"Fucking Malfoy is getting on my fucking nerves I wish he'd fucking die!"
Harry was now making a compulsive revolting sound like a constipated donkey.
"Calm down Harry, when I get mad about something I think of happy thoughts"
Oliver Wood smiled settling down on the bench next to him.
"Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens…"
Oliver whacked Ron round the head, sending him to the ground, radishes and all.
"Not that you twerp! Like Quidditch, and magic, and drugged up hippies doing the fandango naked in a crowded lagoon"
The Gryffindor table, actually lets be more dramatic, THE WHOLE HALL went silent as they heard Oliver's statement. Professor Dumbledore was the only one not looking at him…he was imagining Snape doing the fandango naked in a crowded lagoon…Oliver went a bright shade of red as he realised everyone had heard him,
(The scene momentarily pauses in a freeze frame, for a tiny addition of Hermione's logic corner.
"The fact that everyone had heard was actually very unpredictable and really impossible. A normal boy with a very soft Scottish accent speaking in a normal calm voice could not possible be heard among the stupid ramblings of idiotic Hogwarts students in the hall. But since this is a fan fiction we can get away with things like that!"
Freeze-frame end.)
"So who wants Muffins!"
He exclaimed loudly picking up a tray from under Neville's corpse a carrying it off through the hall. No one actually got a muffin, or realised that Neville was dead and castrated upon a candlestick on Gryffindor table. But hey, it's Neville. He's meant to go un noticed.
LATER THAT DAY
Oliver was still in hiding, no wonder thinking about those naked hippies, and in case you're wondering, Dumbledore's still thinking about what he was thinking about.
But now our little fic places us in the scene of Gryffindor Common Room, where Seamus is stroking Dean's hair absentmindedly while thinking of his puppy Devon back home, Ron was trying to get all of the radish skin out of his teeth, Hermione was thinking of an appropriate moment to add another short interlude of 'Hermione's Corner' and Harry had calmed down from his rampage, which you can read again if you scroll to the top of the page.
"Who's up for scrabble?"
"I DON'T WANT TO PLAY SCRABBLE YOU F"( SH A""£()!"
Ok, maybe Harry hasn't calmed down. It was at this very moment that Bagel ran through the door throwing radishes in every corner.
"Happy Radish day everyone, had you forgotten! I marked it very clearly on the message board!"
"We know,"
Fred said, dramatically
"You actually painted it onto the message board"
Bagel was at a loss for what to say, so she threw a radish into Fred's mouth before throwing him out of the window, dramatically. George gasped and jumped after him, dramatically. Then the common room went quiet, tee hee bet you thought I was gonna put dramatically! Zanthee was busy in hospital wing having her whatevernumberthedesperateimpregnatedwomanishaving child. Draco and Snape where having a bitch fight over cauldrons in the dungeons, and Gerard was having a kilt fitted at Diagon Alley.
"I WANT SOME SUGAR!"
Harry screamed. He was chained to a bed and all his friends where watching over him.
(Interlude of Hermione's corner:
"Since the author is to tired for her own good, the lousy idiot forget to mention there's a scene change, basically what happened was Harry got hyped up on sugar after biting in the giant candy whomping willow that Dumbledore replaced the old whomping willow with, because basically the candy version is nicer. And now he's on a bloodthirsty mission to obtain sugar. To save him from himself and Professor McGonagall we chained him to his bed in Gryffindor common room. But because this is a fic, the authors can get away with adding stupid interludes to fill in huge gaps of story they couldn't be arsed to write."
Interlude finito)
"WHO LIKES MY SPORRAN!"
Gerard burst through the door in his new kilt; it was made of the finest cotton and designed in the pattern of the Butler clan. Bagel had fainted in a corner and Zanthee was still in labour, because this is as I have stated many a time, a FIC I can keep her in agonising labour as long as I wish. Draco was now impaled upon a spike in Snapes bedroom, and Snape was busy making anti aging potion, which is the solution to why he looks so young. As we always say, Alan Rickman's so diabolically British, its sexy.
"Yes the sporrans lovely, but we're having a slight problem with Harry"
Said Fred, who had miraculously survived the thirty four-story fall mentioned earlier in the chapter.
"Like I care what's happening to Harry, I'm going to go flaunt my Scottish stuff in the Slytherin common room"
And so he did.
Bagel soon came round from her fainting ordeal, and the only things she could say where,
"He's so diabolically Scottish it's sexy"
And
"I miss Gerry"
Now because I can't be bothered to write any more I'll leave you with this:
Gerard is flaunting his stuff in the Slytherin common room
Harry is chained to a bed, screaming for sugar
Ron is still trying to get the radish skin out of his teeth
Fred and George miraculously survived there thirty-four story fall, and are in their joke shop with many a broken rib.
McGonagall is looking for Harry, don't ask why.
Dumbledore's still thinking about you know what.
Snape is taking a bubble bath with a rubber duck named Brian.
Draco and Neville are both dead. Sorry but that's the way it is.
Seamus and Dean are now both on a weekend break in Ireland. Seamus feels so happy he could be a leprechaun…again.
Bagel is still in her sedated state saying, "He's so diabolically Scottish it's sexy" and "I miss Gerry"
Zanthee is still in labour. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA