Hey, everyone! Thanks for all the reviews, and I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this one in a long time. I hope this helps.
Please leave me a review, and happy new year!
"Hey, Mon." He was surprised at her sudden entrance, but then again, it was her apartment.
"Hey." Surely, she thought, she could have thought of something better to say.
"Sorry I was sitting here...I just...Everyone else is over at our apartment and I just needed some...peace and quiet. Something's going on over there and...well..."
She smiled at sat down next to him. "It's okay. This is practically your home, too."
"Thanks."
Slowly, his hand crept across the featherd pillow sham towards Monica's arm. She smiled at the his initiave, realizing that the two had not shared any true contact since that one fateful night.
The blue of his eyes seemed like some sort of enigma, the sheen of light shining over them made them reveal everything and nothing at once.
"Chandler," her voice wavered slightly as she said his name and knew what she had to tell him. "I need to tell you something."
Immediately, he retreated. Just the mere tone in her voice made him suspect that the news wasn't good. She was hesitant and afraid, insecure and questioning...so unlike the Monica he knew.
"What is it? Is it bad news?" Chandler's heart sunk at his suspicion that Monica was about to tell him she had found someone new. They were'nt a couple...they weren't an item. Yet a part of him was so enamored with her that he found it hard to talk. His face flushed a deep red when he thought of her, his hands became clammy, his voice stuttered...all of these were a symptoms of lovesickness.
She examined his words carefully. "No...not bad news. Well, it depends on how you take it. It's more like news, an announcement, if you will. There's just something that we need to talk about."
"Okay, Mon. I'm not going to lie to you, but before you start...there's something I have got to tell you." He took a deep breath and began. "Two months ago, I was at the lowest point in my life. I was depressed, anxious, wanting everything that I couldn't have. On that night, I walked across the hall in search of some comfort food or some sympathy from a friend. What I got was much more...and you know what I'm talking about. I don't know if you regret it at all...but I don't. That was one of the most amazing nights of my life, and I don't want to forget about it. So...whatever you've got to say, just know that I'm in this now. I can't just see you everyday and not say anything about it. These past couple of months, it's been killing me. Do you know how hard it is not to brag that I've slept with you?"
Her soft lips gave into a grin. "Chandler, that's really sweet. Thank you. That night was really special for me, too-"
"-but..."
"I'm pregnant"
----
Joey shook his head in dismay and bit his bottom lip. "Okay, don't freak out on me...but it's Emily."
"What? What about her?" Ross paced up and down the trail between the bathroom and the kitchen.
"Well, okay. Here's what happened," Phoebe began. "You know that number she left us? To her uncle's house?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Well, it's a fake number," Joey ended abruptly.
Rachel pretended to be amazed. "Well how did you know that?"
Joey shook his head apologetically at Ross. "It's the number to the pizza place I order from every Friday."
Ross searched the room with hurt in his eyes. "That doesn't mean anything! It's...just a coincidence. Maybe she did it on accident."
"That's what I said," Phoebe nodded along, "until I found this." As Rachel's eyes widened, she pulled out the infamous tape of Colin's conversation with Emily.
"What's that?"
"A tape of Emily...talking to Colin. Her ex. Dude, I'm so sorry." Joey walked across the room and tried to comfort his friend.
"Did you...listen to it?"
"Yes." Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel all looked at each other. Each one had just uttered yes, proving to Ross that they all had known about Emily's possible affairs.
"All of you did?"
"I found it," said Phoebe. "And then I made Rachel listen to it. And Joey did after her."
"Oh." How could she be cheating on him? Emily, the stable one. Emily, the sweet English girl who enjoyed visits to the countryside and staying with her uncle. "So, I guess there's no uncle, huh?"
"Sorry, sweetie." Rachel sat beside Ross, resisting the urge to comfort him with her kisses. Had he forgotten what had almost happened outside the apartment?
"So...what now?" Joey had never been the subtle one, and he wanted to know how Ross was going to deal with this situation.
"I guess I'll have to talk to Emily when she gets back."
"Well, that's not for another four days, right?" Rachel self-consciously brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.
Phoebe took a deep breath, not wanting to admit this next piece of knowledge. "That's the other thing...Emily called here about an hour ago. She's on her way back...she should be here in about an hour."
Ross looked over at Rachel, seeing the hurt flash in her eyes. "Thanks, guys. I don't know what I'm going to do...Hey, Rach. Come outside for a minute. I want to talk to you."
She followed in his footsteps one by one, tracing the patterns of the worn linoleum as she traipsed.
Once outside the apartment, Ross shut the door. "You knew about Emily this whole night?"
She fidgeted nervously. "Well, sort of."
"Sort of?" He looked at her inquisitevely. "You listened to the tape."
"Yeah. I did." She looked down at the floor in shame. "And the whole time I was wondering how she could do this to you."
"Was it bad? The tape, I mean. Are you sure she cheated on me?"
"Well, she did keep referencing to 'one night' they had had not too long ago. But, Ross, you should listen to it."
"I don't want to."
"But you should. She's your wife. You need to talk to her and find out what really happened. She'll tell you, Ross." Rachel couldn't believe the words she was saying, but then again, she knew that once Ross found out what Emily did...he would leave her for good.
"I just can't believe she would do this."
"I'm so sorry, Ross," she said as she stepped in closer towards him. "I mean-"
"Stop. Don't apologize for her." With that, he kissed her fiercely on the lips, wanting to forget their past and his future. All he cared about was then, now, the moment he had been waiting for all night.
Rachel ran her fingers through his hair, down his back, and towards his face again. When she finally pulled away, his face was bright red.
"God, Rach, I shouldn't have-"
"Shhh..."
"But I'm married." His voice was high and frantic, realizing what he had done.
"It was just a kiss, Ross."
"I know...but still. What if we were wrong about her cheating?"
"We weren't."
He stared into her eyes. Her eyes: he knew them so well. The outlines of the middle, the flecks of colors that would play upon different surfaces in the dim lighting. He saw understanding, excitement, and hurt all sewn together into one expressive shade of blue.
He was ashamed for kissing her, but a part of him regretted pulling away so quickly. After all, there was still a little bit of her face he had left to kiss.
'Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on'
Her emotions were everywhere, freefalling through the air like a cannonball. A part of her squealed out in delight. 'Ross just kissed me!' Yet another part, the mature, adult, part of her conscious recoiled. 'He's married. This is just like when he cheated on you with Chloe. You're becoming the new Chloe when it comes to Ross and Emily. What if it's all a big misunderstanding, just like it was with you and Mark?'
'Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball'
For a moment, they stared at each other, neither knowing what to say. It was confusing, this complex game of love and betrayal.
"Do you really think she cheated on me?"
"I don't know, Ross. I mean, it all adds up...but it all added up that I cheated on you years ago."
"And you didn't."
"No. I didn't."
"But I did...God, I'm such a terrible person! Maybe this is what I deserve, Emily cheating on me. Maybe she'll hurt me in the way I hurt you."
"But that's not fair! You shouldn't have to be hurt by her. You don't need to be hurt as badly as I was."
The impact of her words, whether intentional or not, hit him like a cannonball. He always knew he had hurt her, but sometimes he forgot how badly she must have felt. "I'm sorry, Rach...for hurting you."
She smiled sadly, realizing that for once, she had to accept it. "That's okay, Ross. I think we can all be adults now, whether we're ready or not. Love comes and goes, but friendship stays." Her heart was breaking with each word that denied her present love for him. "I'm glad you're in New York."
"Me too."
"Are you going to go back? You know...if we're right about everything?"
"I don't know....I just don't know anymore."
Rachel looked at her watch. Emily would be there in twenty minutes. "Well, hey, that's okay. Half the time I don't know anything."
He smiled back at her. "Sometimes I think none of us know what we're doing here."
"You know, she probably didn't cheat on you," Rachel lied through her teeth. She didn't know if it was better to make him feel better or to tell him the truth and break his heart.
"I hope not...but that helped me, Rach."
She nodded back, wishing she didn't have to be so damn respectful of his marriage, whether in jeapordy or not. She wanted to grab him like he had done to her...she wanted to wish back all of the pain and kiss away his agony. And most of all, she wanted to tell him how she really felt.
Ross headed back into Joey and Chandler's apartment, contemplating the fate of his marriage, and Rachel followed him. Each wondered what was in store for them as far as life went. Yet when they tried to imagine, neither knew.
'Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know'
I hope somebody liked this chapter! lol.
Mel