Wow, thanks, guys, for all the reviews! I moved past 100! Yay! lol. ;) Please let me know what you think of this chapter, and, dare I say it, I think it's almost over!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor the song by Bonnie Raitt.

'Turn down the lights turn down the bed.
Turn down these voices inside my head.'

Flashing buttons taunted Emily as she waited for the elevator to arrive at her floor. She didn't feel like taking the stairs for some reason, and no one ever used the elevator.

In a way, Emily liked to compare herself to the likes of the elevator: both were unwanted, occasionally broken, and before used.

'Oh, shut up. Don't throw yourself a pity party!' She sighed and leaned heavily on the back of the door, watching herself warily in a mirror she had just noticed. Tattered brown hair, wispy from the wind, pale brown eyes that hardly shined, tear stains- partly from relief and a portion from grief- and a mouth that always seemed pulled towards the ground. 'God, I look like I've been run over by a car!' Taking a brush out of her purse, she frantically ran the dull edges of the comb through her hair, trying to make a good appearance again on Ross.

A part of her was nervous about seeing him again; she'd only been away for a few days, yet it seemed equivalent to a lifetime.

Emily sighed remorsefully, as she knew very well that when she returned, Ross would have to find out where she was...and what she'd been doing.

'It's not like I cheated on him or anything,' she reasoned. 'I actually did quite the opposite.' But that didn't deny the fact that she had slept with Colin after they were married. So, technically, she did cheat on him, just not on that particular visit. 'God, I'm an awful person. What kind of wife am I, cheating on my husband? This isn't who I am.'

The elevator chimed, and Emily knew she had to get off. She lagged behind, however, for a few extra moments, gaining her composure and solace, not able to shake the image of his face lighting up when he announced he was taking Rachel to the opera. 'I know I haven't been the greatest wife, but why should I live in her image constantly? Is it too much to ask him to love me again? I'm not the horrible person everyone will think I am.'

As Emily tapped the door ever so lightly, she wondered if she even knew who she was.
-

"Chandler?" Monica pressed on his arm, urging him to speak. "Did you hear what I said?"

It hit him like a brick and stole his breath away. "You're..."

"Pregnant."

He reflected in silence, contemplating what she had said. It wasn't supposed to end like this, no not like this at all. He was freefalling through the memories of his life.

At age five, he was riding his bike up a winding road, his father chasing after him. He suddenly was nine, and his parents were divorcing. Chandler was alone, scared, and tempted by the fates of evil. At twenty-two, he was moving in a new apartment in a new building, in a new city. The world was whitewashed in a batch of fresh paint, and the scent of it made him high on life, but it was good.

And now...Chandler could just tell that this would be one of those memories that stuck in his mind for the rest of his life. Most importantly, his relationship with Monica depended on his reaction. 'Don't screw this up, Chandler. Don't show her how afraid you are. Don't tell her what you're thinking.'

Nervously, Monica gnawed at her nails, her heart doing a rhythmic tap-dance. "Um, Chandler?"

"Right. Wow. Pregnant." One word answers would have to suffice.

"So...what are you thinking right now?"

Damn. She would have to ask that, among many other questions. He used to chide her back when they were friends- they were still friends, weren't they- that she was the queen of questions. There was not a doubt in Chandler's mind that she was also the queen of surprises. "What am I thinking?" He repeated, not even knowing what he was thinking.

"Are you upset?" She looked so small, so feeble, not like the Monica he knew. She slowly moved a lock of fallen hair from her face, curling up into a ball on the couch. She moved closer to the corner and farther from him. She tried again, her tone reaching barely above a whisper, "Are you upset?"

At this, he couldn't help but smile. "Of course not. Come here," he reached for her hand and guided her across the couch. Monica moved in nearer, making her body mold with his. She sighed deeply, several tears escaping from her eyes.

"I was so afraid you'd be angry," she choked out, looking up at him with such honesty it scared him. "I mean, we didn't intend for this to happen, huh?" Sniffing, she reached for a tissue. "I'm just glad you're not freaking out because I probably would have lost it."

"No, everything is fine," he lied. He loved Monica- as a friend. What he felt towards her now, Chandler didn't know. Having never felt love before, he didn't know what to expect. 'If love makes you nauseous, makes you want to run off a cliff in the middle of a tornado, urges you to kill yourself because you don't know what's going on...well, I may be in love!' He silently laughed in spite of himself.

After several minutes, Monica pulled her head up, gazing at Chandler with a look he'd never seen from her before- adoration. "So, in like eight months or so, it'll be you, me, and a little baby, huh?"

His eyes widened as all air supply left him. "Uh...huh." He smiled weakly as she hugged him tighter. A million questions flooded his mind: Where was this going? Are we friends, or something more? Did that night make us officially a couple? "But, Mon, don't you think that we're a little...young to be having a baby?"

Laughing, she grinned. "Chandler, we're adults now, though. It's scary to think about it, but we're headed for midlife."

"Having a baby changes everything": Chandler distinctly remembered the commercial that made him hyperventilate. 'Having a baby...I'm having a baby. Shit, I'm like the guy on the commercial playing with his son. I'm going to have a kid...I still am a kid.'

Her words rang in his ears, "We're adults now!"

Reassuring her with an enthusiastic nod, Chandler couldn't help but wonder: When had his real life started?
-

The knock resounded all throughout Joey and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel all looked at one another knowingly before Ross went to open the door.

And there she was, looking slightly guilty, tired, and unmistakably older. "Hi," Emily whispered, wondering why everyone was so quiet, watching her arrive wasn't that great of a spectacle.

"Hey," Ross said and pulled her into his arms. The stoic hug matched his feelings, and Emily could sense that something was astray. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me too." She smiled, needing to tell him what she had been doing. "Hi everyone," nodded Emily, acknowledging the presence of Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel, of course. Rachel was always there, whether in Ross's subconscious or in the actual room, Emily could never shake her away. Wherever Emily was, she merely trotted in footsteps Rachel had created years before.

"Hi," smiled Joey and Phoebe, trying to eradiate indifference.

Rachel simply waved, a gesture that she didn't even want to give to Emily. What kind of woman would cheat on her husband? What kind of woman would cheat on Ross?

"So, should we go back to Monica's?" Emily really needed to talk to Ross.

"Uh, sure." He wondered why she was so intent on being alone with him. Ross didn't want to know what she had been doing, he didn't want to feel the hurt he'd been feeling and know if it all was true.

They left Joey and Chandler's apartment only to walk in on Monica and Chandler talking.

"Hey, Ross," Chandler jumped up urgently. "Ross is here, Mon, what do you say we go to the coffee house?"

Monica appeared from behind the couch, her face slightly tearstained, but her voice was strong. "Sure, Chandler. I'm right behind you."

And they left, leaving Emily and Ross in an uncomfortable silence.

"Wow, everyone sure is acting weird, huh?" Emily laughed nervously.

"Yeah, tell me about it." He sat down on the still-warm couch, Emily settling in beside him. "So, how was your visit to your uncle's?"

His eyes twinkled suspiciously, Emily noted. Perhaps it was just the lighting in the apartment for it was dark and the lights were dim, but she was sure she sensed sarcasm. "Oh, it was fine. Just fine," she blatantly lied.

"That's good," he shrugged, somewhat indifferently. He would wait for her to confess, but only if he had the patience.

"Yes. It was good. How was the opera?" Emily noticed his face flush a deep red. "Did you and Rachel enjoy yourselves?" This time, it was Emily that spat the sarcasm.

"Yeah. It was a lot of fun."

"That's nice." The silence between them hung low in the air, it could be cut with a knife that possessed the dullest of blades.

"So what did you do at your uncle's place?" Ross asked his question, and Emily gulped. 'This is it. Just tell him.' Yet as she looked in his eyes, she saw something she had never seen before. It was a mixture of raw trust and betrayal, a paradox of emotions that tore at her soul. 'If you tell him now, you'll break this poor man's heart.'

'Just tell me now, Em. I'll believe you. Say anything. Tell me you're cheating on me and don't love me anymore, tell me this is the end. Tell me you want to hurt me and tell me that I wasn't good enough for you. Tell me you still love him, and that will be that. I won't mind. Just tell me.' He silently pleaded, wishing the whole ordeal was over.

'Ross,' she silently thought to herself. 'Why are we together? Do you really love me? I see the way you light up when you talk about her...talk about Rachel. And then I know. There never was room for me, was there?' She rested her head on the inside of his shoulder, a gesture of friendship rather than love. 'God, Ross, I love you so much. But I need to know and I need to tell you. And I don't have the strength to do either right now.'

"Let's talk about it tomorrow," Emily whispered, turning the only source of light- a small beaded lamp- off. The room was drenched in darkness and the two liked it better that way.

Ross nodded and then realized that she couldn't see him. "Okay. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

In the darkness, he sensed she was crying, yet he felt no urge to comfort her. If she did indeed cheat on him, why would he want to soothe her aching cries?

He thought back to the conversation he and Rachel shared not twenty minutes ago:

"Do you really think she cheated on me?"

"I don't know, Ross. I mean, it all adds up...but it all added up that I cheated on you years ago."

"And you didn't."

"No. I didn't."

"But I did...God, I'm such a terrible person! Maybe this is what I deserve, Emily cheating on me. Maybe she'll hurt me in the way I hurt you."

"But that's not fair! You shouldn't have to be hurt by her. You don't need to be hurt as badly as I was."

The impact of her words, whether intentional or not, hit him like a cannonball. He always knew he had hurt her, but sometimes he forgot how badly she must have felt. "I'm sorry, Rach...for hurting you."

'Why do we all hurt each other? Why does our love always turn into heartache?' He pounded on the pillow behind him, trying not to disturb Emily.

He cared about Emily, really, he did. Yet he still cared about Rachel. Love was complicated and knotted his heart in a maze of confusion. He had hurt Rachel, and now Emily may have hurt him. 'How's that for karma?' Bitterly, he thought back to the one night he had cheated on Rachel.

It was so out of character for him, so unlike Ross. He had loved Rachel more than anyone in the world, yet everyone makes mistakes. A part of him wondered if he could forgive Emily for hers and still love her as much as he once thought he did.

'I'm sorry, Ross. I'm so, so sorry. Please try to forgive me,' she silently pleaded, pressing her head tighter into his shoulder.

Outside, rain began to pound at the roof as lightning rang across the piercingly black sky. No stars shone for light. Emily choked back sobs when she realized something that ripped at her heart the way the lightning did at the March New York skyline.

She couldn't make him love her.

'Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

-

Okay, please let me know what you think. One or two more chapters should do it for this one. :)

If you feel like it (and are a Mondler fan) go check out my new fic Hard Candy. :) After this and Love at First Sight (almost done) are over, I'll be coming out with new R/R fics, never fear. ;)

Please review!

Mel