The Dream

By: Goover

Disclaimer: I don't own Kaitou Kid or any of the other characters in this fic, or any other item mentioned, except for the idea of this fanfic, with a little help from my best friend. You know who you are! huggle

A dog barked.

A lady screamed.

The wind howled.

And no one died.

Yet.

The horror.

The absolute horror.

The worst thing that could possibly happen, did.

And no one could stop it.

It was… It was...

A SCHOOL ASSEMBLY. gasp

Everyone knew what that meant. Kaitou would be chosen, and horrible things would happen. HORRIBLE THINGS! Mostly involving furbys, hair mysteriously turning pink, and Sir Stinky, the elephant. But none of those things would happen today. Today was much worse. They brought in the most horrible thing anyone possible could.

A FORTUNE TELLER. gasp

And she interpreted dreams. double gasp

The day went a little like this….

-Flashback Thingy-

The bell rang, and the entire class ducked and covered, shielding themselves with anything possible. Backpacks, note books, Hakuba's head… Whatever was lying around. Because HE was coming.

"GOOD MOOOOOOOORRRRNING!" Kaitou Kuroba sang happily as he danced into the room, quickly ducking Aioko and her weapon of mass destruction, a.k.a. the mop, whose name was Lemon Sherbet for no reason whatsoever…

"GASP!" the class gasped, and hid some more. Aioko almost slammed Hakuba over the head with her mop, dismantled a desk lamp that was levitating in mid-air, knocked over a bucket of quick-drying cement on three fellow classmates, now living statues, (they are still there today, outside in the front courtyard. The janitor feeds them leftover Hamburger Helper after lunch) decapitated a mashed potatoes sculpture that remarkably resembled Heiji's left ankle, and finally broke the broom in half, then quarters, then eighths, then sixteenths, then it was reduced to dust after several more breakings and several more failed attempts to hit the laughing magician.

"You should work on your aim a bit." The Kid, cunningly disguised as a high school student, told her with a laugh. (He always seems to be laughing…)

Aioko glared the Evil Glare of Ultimate Doom at him. "If you would stop moving, I could hit you!" And then, realizing she no longer had a broom, Aioko was about to reach out and strangle Kaitou when the teacher walked in.

"Good morning class!" The un-named teacher said with a smile. No one answered. No one came out of hiding. The gods laughed. For no reason. "We have an assembly today! WE all need to go to the really big gym, a.k.a. the place of Physical Educational Torture that your gym teacher, who is really an alien, loves to try to murder you during!"

Kaitou leaned over and whispered to Aioko, "Do you ever get the idea that school is a conspiracy?" A nod was his answer.

The unusually happy teacher then lead the small, defensless children into the big cottage, where they were all soon devoured by… Oppse! Wrong story! 0

The unusually happy teacher then lead them all to the gym for the assembly, and everyone sat on the floor with the rest of the people sitting on the floor. Kaitou and company were very careful to sit away from the druggies, (who always snuck out and smoked pot) , the hippies and their disgusting BO and bongo drums, and that one girl with the REALLY BIG sword who always rode the tiger….

Anyway, they sat in anticipation for whatever the hell was going to happen, to actually happen.

Then the lights went out. Aioko instantly blamed Kaitou, and it took him a few minutes to convince her he had nothing to do with it.

Then pink smoke drifted out of no where. Once again, the poor magician was wrongly accused and spent several seconds talking his way out of nothing.

Then little pink piggies flew around and opened some curtains. No one blamed Kaitou. oO

There, on the stage, at a tabled covered in a blue table cloth with silver stars on it, with a crystal ball, sat a bespeckled woman wearing a turban humming something oddly reminiscent of Weird Al's birthday song…

She turned to the crowd and stopped humming. In an overly done, totally fake sounding mystical voice, she announced "I am Madome Dreamy Thing Interpreter! You will all call me Bob! My pshycic mind powers are overwealming you all to do my ever last bidding and eat crab puffs!"

Someone coughed.

"Anyway, I will choose someone and interpret thir dreams so I can end this retarded assembly thing and go home." She added in a very non-mystical voice.

Only one person raised a willing hang to be chosen. Yes. He did. No one really knows if it was a real hand or a plastic one, but a hand WAS raised, in his general direction, and he was chosen, so help me god.

"You, over there with the black school uniform on." The fortune teller/dream interpreter lady said monotonously, not noticing the fact that the ENTIRE school was wearing a black school uniform.

Kaitou jumped up, and in poof of swirly chartruce smoke, appeared on the stage. He was grinning so incredibly huge (the smile took up approximately 2/3rds of his face) the fortune teller/ dream person lady was a bit taken aback. "uh….. You look… Happy."

The Kid Grinned even bigger, if that was even possible. "Uh Huh!" He replied, very happily.

"T.. Tell me the dream you had last night." The lady said, once again in the big, mysterious voice.

"Oh God…" muttered someone in the crowd. Several people ran away sreaming. Some fainted. Others ate their knee caps in fear. Only one person was left unfazed, besides Kaitou (obviously). That person was Aioko. (obviously) She yawned.

Kaitou immedialy after watching, quite proudly too, the people who ran in fear, began to tell his dream. It went something like this:

"Well, first there was this chicken in a bikini dancing around doing the macaraina on Heiji's head, who was wearing a pink ballet tutu, and then the ostrich fell out of the ceiling and landed on the camel, who turned into a deranged furby hell-bent on world domination of the game Momopoly, and Hakuba was singing the Jurassic Park Theme song in English while hanging upside down on the floor suspended by a paperclip on his ear, and Sir Stinky came in and turned all tweed and ate some chocolate chip and mustard cookies and fell into a dark hole, and Akako thought it would be fun too, so she turned into a Sim and jumped in the hole, and Aioko got a new mop and called it Henry and made out with it in the Amazon, and a lion came out of the toilet and was complaining about the lousy service at Denny's, then Nakamori showed up dressed like the Kaitou Kid and ate the lion, then complained about the lousy service at Subway, and the thing in the back of the fridge came to life and took over the world with toothpaste and everyone died. The end." Kaitou finished with a florish, turning several people hair colors and made a dog appear out of thin air and explode.

The dream interpreter lady stared. Then stared. And stared. And blinked. Then twitched. And stared. And twitched. And blinked. And stared some more. Then blew up.

Kaitou bowed to the remaining audience, a.k.a. Aioko, and skipped (yes, skipped) happily back to the classroom.

Aioko exploded.

Then Sir Stinky appeared out of no where and blew up.

And the school blew up.

And the town blew up.

And the country blew up.

And the ocean blew up.

And Canada blew up.

And my hair caught on fire.

And that fire hydrant blew up.

And then, finally, the world blew up.

And the universe blew up.

And the alarm clock went off.

Hakuba woke up screaming.

He pinched himself. "Gawd… What an awful dream!" He muttered, and began to get ready for school.

A little later…

Kaitou cheerfully skipped up to a very paranoid Hakuba. "What do you want?" Hakuba asked warily.

The Kid grinned. "We have a school assembly today!" He announced.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Fin.

Crazy, yes. This was cooked up by me and my best friend during PE. It makes no sense. I love it.