Another Chance
I'm Kenshin Himura. I guess I can also be called the Battousai, although not anymore. Yes, I was considered the best assassin ever alive, killing without any thoughts or emotion. My life was pretty much meaningless—the order came, I killed. Same routine every day. I had grown so used to killing that I did it more like an unemotional puppet rather than a decent human. I've changed, however; you, the reader, probably know that.
I've kept the vow I had made to my wife. No, not Kaoru—we are married, but I mean my first one—not her. Tomoe. I had killed her fiancé, and finally her, but she loved me anyway to the very end. Her deep love for me changed me. She transformed me from the feared Battousai to who I am today. I had sworn to her that I would not take any more lives, and I haven't. I am not living a pointless life as an assassin, thanks to her. She saved me. She changed me into an actual human being. So is it any surprise that I often wake up in the middle of night, thinking about her?
I suppose I'm in love with Kaoru, but that can't stop me from thinking about Tomoe, especially since I've come across a White Plum. You see, White Plum was her favorite perfume. I could smell its gentle, sweet scent long before Tomoe arrived at my side. I have grown used to it, but after she died—murdered by my own hands—I forgot about it. So it surprised me greatly when wondering in a market one day, I caught its faint scent. For a split second, I almost expected her to appear from the crowd, the beautiful smile I had grown to love still upon her lips. Then I remembered; she was dead. She couldn't come back. But still, I missed her. I longed to see her again, even in the form of a perfume. So I ran, ran toward the origin of the source, knocking down quite a few people in my hurry. I didn't stop to apologize; my mind was swirling with the thoughts of Tomoe.
It turned out to be a merchant who was trying to sell his last bottle of White Plum. He opened the bottle and allowed its scent to spread. Breathlessly I gazed longingly at it, recalling the memories attached to its scent. I only managed to break out of its trance when a lady opened her purse to buy it from the merchant. I rummaged through my own moneybag, and desperately pushed all its contents at the seller. The lady looked at me weirdly; the merchant looked at me weirdly; even a passerby stopped to stare. (Indeed, the sight a man buying a bottle of perfume is peculiar—but I didn't care very much then) The lady was firm; she also was fond of the perfume, apparently. But I pleaded as if my life depended on it. I guess her more generous nature gave out—she allowed the merchant to hand me the bottle, and gave me a small smile and said, whoever you're giving this to, you must love her a lot. I didn't have time to think about her words right then; I was too busy muttering my thanks. With the bottle safely tucked inside my shirt, I ran back toward Kaoru's dojo. And that is how I came in possession of a bottle of White Plum.
I thought having it and smelling it secretly at night would get rid of my longing for Tomoe. But I was wrong. It only increased it, heightening it until it began to completely take over all my thoughts. By day and night, my mind was filled with the memories and thoughts of Tomoe. Her voice, her smile, her graceful ways, and the memories she and I shared occupied me. I could think of nothing else but her. Scenes replayed in my head again and again at night, as I lay on the floor, with the bottle of perfume carefully tucked under my pillow. The first time I met her—the conversations we shared—our marriage—children playing—our life in the countryside—the day she died—the first time I met her—
It was a never-ending cycle.
As expected, I couldn't sleep at night. My strength slowly declined, as well as my sword techniques. Kaoru once asked me what was wrong. I could only shake my head and say, I'm fine. But the truth was, I wasn't. She didn't ask again. I think she realized that whatever I was going through, I wanted to do it alone. I was very grateful for that, but I also wanted to share my thoughts with someone else. However, that wasn't possible. I doubted that there was anyone alive that I could talk to about Tomoe. It's a problem I have to face by myself.
Late at one night, as I lay awake as I often did nowadays, a sudden realization hit me. She wouldn't want me to live this way. She didn't give up her life for me to mourn her forever, to drown myself in my sorrow. She wouldn't want me to wither up, pining away for her. She wouldn't want me to live a sad life, wrapped up in grief. She had wanted me to be happy. She had wanted me to have a life I never had as an assassin. This was not a happy life. With only a hint of hesitation, I grabbed the bottle and raced toward the nearest bridge.
I was planning to pour the White Plum into the river. I was going to, but when I peered down at the river, Tomoe's face flickered on the running water. Suddenly, I clutched the bottle to my chest without thinking. I couldn't let her go, I thought. Not like this. Not so soon. The perfume was all I had left of her. I couldn't let her go like that. And so I crouched against the bridge, wanting to cry but not allowing myself to. I don't know how long I stayed like that; I think I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes, the sky in the east was turning faint red, alerting me of approaching dawn. I knew that Kaoru was going to be worried, but right then, I didn't care. I didn't care for anything but keeping the perfume near me.
I looked down at the river again. In the dim light, the river seemed to have acquired an unearthly shine. The water glittered and twinkled at me, like a sea of deep amethyst. As I stood, mesmerized by its beauty, a voice reached out to me.
Kenshin.
It made my chest clench and ache painfully.
Kenshin. . . .
I recognized it to be Tomoe's voice, but the whisper was coming from the river.
Kenshin. . .Kenshin. . .Be human. . .Be happy. . .
I closed my eyes, listening to the gentle murmurs.
Kenshin.
The voice held a musical quality. It was definitely her voice, only perfected. Something that could only be achieved by a great sacrifice. I knew then, what to do.
This time, without the slightest of hesitation, I opened the bottle, and allowed the contents to spill out. The liquid caught the morning ray, glistening in a pleasant way. I watched the perfume mixing with the clear water, a sort of gentleness welling in my heart. This is what you wanted, isn't it, Tomoe? You wanted this, right? You wanted me to be happy. . . .
I don't know how I got back to the dojo. All I remember is Kaoru running out in the midst of all the light, worried tears sparkling in her eyes. I remember hugging her, and her being surprised.
Whoever you're giving this to, you must love her a lot. The lady's words echoed in my head as I held her. I thought of the river and the voice.
Yes, yes I do. I always will; they say first love never fades.
But there's Kaoru. I am happy with her.
Be happy.
You gave me another shot at life. I'll not waste it.
-End