Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Luckily for Dudley the "bloody racket" that had woken his father during the night had been caused by Harry's owl. Dudley had a very good time at breakfast as he got to hear Vernon shouting at Harry twice. First because of the noise his owl had been making and then because Harry said the word "magic" at the kitchen table.

After breakfast Vernon drove into town to pick up dinner jackets for Dudley and himself to wear to the dinner party. Dudley still hadn't been able to convince his parents to let him go out for the night. Not that he hadn't tried: At breakfast when Vernon suggested that they try to include some compliments in the dinner conversation Dudley suggested saying that he had written about Mr Mason when he had to write about his hero at school. Dudley had been sure that this comment would cause his father to lose his temper and tell Dudley to clear off for the night. But all that happened was that his mother burst into tears and hugged him while Harry tried not to laugh.

Dudley decided to spend the day taunting Harry. He found his cousin in the back garden staring at the hedge.

"I know what day it is" jeered Dudley. He thought he saw a pair of eyes in the middle of the hedge but it must have been his imagination because when he looked again they had gone.

"What?" said Harry.

"I know what day it is" repeated Dudley walking over to him.

"Well done. So you've finally learned the days of the week" said Harry not taking his eyes of the hedge.

Dudley was going to punch Harry for that remark, but he thought it would be more fun to remind his cousin that everyone had forgotten his birthday. If he was lucky he would get to do both.

"Today's your birthday. How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you got any friends at that freak place?"

Dudley expected Harry to say that his school wasn't a freak place. In fact this was the reaction that Dudley wanted because he now wanted to know more things about Harry's school. Things that he could never learn for himself by looking at the contents of a trunk. He wanted to know what the teachers were like; what wizards did for fun; if there were any more giants like the one he had met last year. But Harry just told Dudley "Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school"

Dudley didn't have a comeback because he knew that Harry was right. He said the first thing that came into his head.

"Why're you starring at the hedge?"

He thought that Harry would say something like "the hedge is much better looking than you". Instead he said he was trying to think of a spell to set it on fire. Dudley immediately faked a look of panic.

"You can't. Dad said you're not allowed to do magic. He'll chuck you out and you haven't got any friends to take you"

Dudley knew that Harry had friends at his school. He remembered a tall boy with red hair and freckles and a girl with bushy brown hair at Kings Cross. He waited hoping that Harry was going to tell him about these friends, for he wanted to know what they were like and what sort of work their parents did. He supposed that witches and wizards must have more interesting jobs than being a director of a drill making company. But Harry just started saying nonsense words.

It became apparent to Dudley that his taunting was having absolutely no affect on his cousin, but he wanted Harry's day to be as unbearable as his evening was going to be. He tried a different approach. He ran into the house howling "MUUUM! MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"

It worked. Petunia gave Harry a long list of chores to do. Dudley lazed around the garden eating ice creams and watching Harry work until his father called him inside to get ready for dinner.

"Go and have a shower" ordered Vernon "and wash your hair. I've put your jacket on your bed and your mother's ironed a shirt for you"

Dudley stomped upstairs.

"Make sure your shoes are clean" Vernon yelled after him. "And put on a tie"

After Dudley had showered and changed his clothes, Vernon retied Dudley's tie and told him to go and comb his hair.

"I'll fix it for you, popkin" said Petunia stepping forwards.

Dudley scowled. He hated being called "popkin" even worse than that was "Ickle Dudleykins". His aunt Marge called him these things too, but at least he got paid to put up with it from her.

Petunia not only combed Dudley's hair, she also adjusted his collar, although Dudley couldn't see any difference and spent at least five minutes tucking in his shirt.

"Mum, I can do it" he complained thinking that this was even more embarrassing than all the names his mother had for him. Finally his parents were satisfied with his appearance. But Vernon had more instructions for the evening.

"Don't take more food without offering it to the Masons first and make sure their glasses are always filled. And Dudley, don't slouch. Keep your back straight when you walk. Go on I want to see how you do it"

Dudley walked down the hall thinking that his clothes combined with this particular way of walking made him look like a penguin.

The dinner party was, surprisingly, not as dull as Dudley had predicted. First a lot of banging and yelping came from Harry's room. Vernon blamed this on Dudley leaving his television on.

"They're stupid if they believe that" thought Dudley. He secretly hoped that Harry had dropped something heavy on his foot. Then after the main course there was a loud crash in the kitchen. Everyone rushed in to investigate to find Petunia's pudding destroyed and Harry, white faced, covered from head to foot in whipped cream. Vernon immediately shooed the Masons back into the dining room while he explained that he had kept Harry upstairs because meeting strangers upset him. The very worst thing was the owl that swooped in and dropped a letter on Mrs Mason's head. Mrs Mason screamed and ran out of the house. Mr Mason leapt to his feet.

"My wife is mortally afraid of birds!" he shouted "Is this your idea of a joke?" Then before anyone could answer him, Mr Mason stormed out after his wife.

Vernon shook the letter open and scanned it. Then, purple faced, he advanced on Harry and gave him the letter to read. It came as a shock to Dudley to learn that Harry was not allowed to do magic away from his school. Vernon locked Harry in his room with the promise that he would never to back to his school.

Three nights later Dudley was woken up by his father shouting, "HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

Dudley ran into Harry's bedroom just in time to see three red haired boys dragging his cousin into the back seat of an old blue car. The two older boys were identical twins. The younger one was the tall boy that Dudley had seen at Kings cross. It wasn't until Harry's friend shouted "Put your foot down, Fred!" that Dudley realised that the car was parked in the air. Dudley and his parents hung out of Harry's window as the car sped towards the moon.

"Well we er may as well go back to bed" said Vernon when the car was out of sight. "Good riddance, I say"

Dudley went back to bed wishing that his father's car flew.

The end.