My soul mark was a sore spot. Most of the girls walking around Forks High had common soul marks. Since I knew what majority of their bedrooms looked like, a bunch of them thought I was theirs. They all wanted to know what mine said, they wanted to see what words I've carried since birth. Some of them argued over which was mine. Even more wondered why no one has ever seen it.
The words were printed in an elegant script above my heart. The placement made me ache even more than the words themselves. It was decided the moment I was born that I was never going to be good enough, not even for the one person I was made for. Whoever they were, I hoped they were suffering as much as I was. I hoped their life was a miserable hell the way mine was.
I rolled out of bed and found the house empty like usual. Charlie left for work as early as possible to keep from seeing his pitiful child. Renee shipped me up here when I was 12. I was too sad and introverted to fit in with her happy-go-lucky step kids and husband. Phil and his two brats weren't horrible, but they weren't far off; saccharine and optimistic about the future.
Christmas break ended yesterday and my 'dark cloud of misery,' as Renee called it, sent my step family back to Phoenix early. Who was I to allow anyone the smallest semblance of happiness when I would never see it? I would be a self sacrificing idiot to allow a single smile in this household when I couldn't even fake one.
The day followed the same routine as every day before it. Shower, dress, eat, drive to school. The sky was dark grey and the parking lot of Forks High was full. My usual crowd of 'friends' were waiting when I hopped from my rusty red Chevy. I hoped they burned too, I hoped they felt as dejected as I did.
I could hear everyone speaking, but it was just white noise. It was like that everyday. I caught a few things, there was a new family in town and they were apparently extremely beautiful. They were the Mullins or something like that. I had class with one of them before lunch, a leggy blonde with a scowl that rivaled mine. She looked too old to be a high school student, but just barely.
We shared a desk, but I didn't speak to her. Mrs. Bear told her to introduce herself and for some reason I wanted to listen.
"My name is Rosalie Hale. My family and I moved here from Michigan." She seemed irritated by the whole affair and I could understand. She had a graceful walk and an aura as dark and uninviting as my own. We continued that way for weeks, sharing a desk and not speaking. Passing each other at lunch and ignoring each other.
Her scowl grew deeper when she witnessed my interactions with each of my conquests. She chose the worst day of the year to finally tell me how she felt about it. Valentine's Day was a nightmare of carnations and roses that I tossed out the moment I received them. She watched me push a bouquet back into Lauren Mallory's arms and that seemed to be the last straw.
"You're disgusting." Her words stung as bad as the pulsing letters on my chest. I heard them loud and clear and suddenly every sound around me was audible. The water in my ears was drained and the world began to turn and I finally felt like I existed in it. She was mine, but I would be damned if I didn't return the pain I was cursed with. I knew my next words would be the ones she carried every second before we met and every second after, so I chose them wisely as if they weren't already decided.
"I don't want you." They left me with a growl and a bone deep ache that left me breathless. Her eyes widened and a gasp escaped her with anguish. I wanted to apologize immediately and I knew I would actually mean it. I wished I could erase those words from existence and try again because the pain in her eyes was mirrored in mine and I knew we'd spend eternity hurting each other.
What did her parents think when they saw those words burned into their precious newborn? Did they know she would grow up hating people? Did they know she would only watch movies where the protagonist died just to see love fail someone else the way it failed her? I wished this suffering on her my entire life and my wish came true, but I wished I could take it back. I wished the tears in her eyes weren't the same tears welling in mine.
My mouth opened to beg for forgiveness, but my shattered heart rattled my chest and pushed a nearly inaudible sob into the air. It begged for her to come closer, it begged for her to heal the life time of pain I felt. It promised to mend her in return, to keep her safe from the cold world we walked.
She seemed to understand it. Somehow she looked into my eyes and knew what I meant, knew what I needed.
"I'm Rosalie." She whispered, a soft sound that seemed so loud to my once deaf ears.
"I'm Bella." My lips curled into what I hoped was a smile. Her hand patted mine and she felt warm, so very warm. "I'm sorry."
"I am too." She wiped a tear from my cheek. She breathed a sigh that was so heartbroken, but I could hear her hope. I could feel it filling me and I wondered if we could be okay. I wondered if we were too broken to ever be whole again.
"I've waited a long time to meet you." Her hand fit perfectly in mine. Her thumb stroked over my knuckles with a tenderness I never expected to experience.
"Come to my house after school and I'll tell you how much longer I've waited for you." She smirked, a small curl at the corner of her lips that was so very fragile, but a good start for us. I nodded and students began packing up to leave class, shattering the bubble we built around us. I looked around and saw the moving bodies as people, I heard their laughs and their conversations. I felt alive even through the cracks in my soul.
"Are we going to be okay?" I wondered aloud, the mist of tears in my eyes again.
"I hope so."