I: Ponderings

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Why was I created an Android?

I repeated this question to myself for many a day now, and for many reasons...

But there were two main reasons for my continued deliberation, and neither was too positive.

I firstly wanted to know what it was that allowed non-mechanical beings, like the Humans and Newmans, for example, to use the gift of "magic." It had always irked me, in the back of my central processor, or the androidal equivalent of a mind, that although we were granted enormous strength as robots, as well as a massive potential for memory and learning, that we could never use this wonderful creation...this "magic..."

And I had always loved to see it so.

From the very start, the very first Foie spell I had watched a little Newman girl throw, I was entranced. I wanted to know what it was, and then, as she threw them more and more, in a smiling dance of sorts, I realized that she was completely enjoying every moment of this newfound freedom.

I would also watch my friends...yes, my human and newman friends, as they too would dance, throwing massive orbs of fire, or creating the very jolt of lightning from nothingness...and as I would hold my position, shooting my rifle from the sidelines, I would watch them fight the monsters from positions slightly further up than mine, and almost gleefully throwing about their mystical powers, repelling every one of the enemies...

And over time, I wanted to also know that joy, to play with the dimensional realities, wondering if there were ever a way for me to just "try" that magnificent phenomena for myself...

And sadly, as I slowly came to realize that I would NEVER get to know that feeling, it made me rather cynical, and mostly, unfriendly to those who could relish that joy, the thing which I wanted so and could never touch, for all the eternity I knew.

But it was perhaps the other reason which really made me question why, the why's of being an Android...

And that one thing was "emotion" namely, a tender affection called "Love."

I guess you could say that emotion wasn't exactly out of an Android's reach, with the new "Sentimentality Chips" being sold on the market...

However, realizing that these things, at least to others, were considered "far from reality" I never thought to bring it up to those I cared about most...my group of friends...

But especially to him.

The leader of our group, the charismatic HUmar...the one who would run to the front with the other Androids, and just dance among both friend and foe, throwing mystical magics about the battlefield while aiding his allies at close range with a wonderful spell called "Resta..."

It made me want to be human, or even Newman, so that I could join them...

To be one with those I cared about...

And to be able to feel emotion freely, to be with someone, sharing the joy and bliss of an emotion I only knew vaguely as "love..."

It would lead me on the trip of a lifetime...and ultimately, to my own demise...

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