I'm scared.
Can you tell?
I think you've always known. You can see right through my flimsy façade. Honestly, I think you're the only one that can. There's nothing I can do to stop this. I can't understand it.
How do you do this to me?
All you have to do is look at me and I can feel my flaws showing through. You can see them all, how disgusting, how filthy I am.
Why is it like this?
You act like my friend. You smile and joke, cheer me on. I can't comprehend why you do this, I have nothing to give.
What do you want from me?
I'll never be what you want. I can't change myself for you. The scars, the distant past, will always be an open wound, no matter how hard I try, I can't mend.
Why do you make me feel this way?
You make it feel alright. You make it bearable. You make it so I can get up each time I fall down and move on. But it's not enough. I want more from you. I want you to tell me it's alright to go on. I want you to tell me that you'll always be there, no matter what.
But I don't deserve this, do I?
I've betrayed you countless times, but you always forgive each and every transgression.
Why is this?
You call me your friend. A friend wouldn't do what I have done to you.
How can you mend the scars that I cannot?
My heart is ice. If it cracks, it will shatter. Then I will have no reason to go on anymore. Sometimes, I wonder, if it's even still beating inside of me. It can't be, or I wouldn't do this to you. The one who means so much to me.
Would you touch me?
I want you to touch me. I don't want to feel this numb sensation all over anymore. I want to feel more. I want to feel your warmth.
If I told you how I felt, would you reply the same?
I can't tell you. Never. I have no option. I can seek some solace in your happiness. Be happy for me too.
Is this the end?
I feel the darkness gripping me tightly round the neck. I'm gasping for breath. I'm reaching for you.
Will you be the one to rescue me?
No. You won't. And it's my fault.
Because I never told you those three simple words.