Talking makes the whole situation suddenly more real then they're both able to stand. So they stop talking or at least... saying something.
On the horizon the sun has almost finished its setting, there's only little light left, that lights up the surroundings of Katie's lodge.
Jessie notices that talking is almost as unbearable as silence is. The rushing of the sea and the wind which blows through the palm-trees are all she hears right now... not enough to distract her from the fact that she's sitting next to Katie, only a few inches apart. Close enough to sense her warmth, to smell her... close enough to start wanting to fall upon her. Just a short hug is all she wants. But this hug would immediately make her addicted again... she would want more, the second she feels Katie... that is for sure. So, probably hugging her isn't such a good idea.
For a few seconds Katie stares at the black bag lying in the sand. Was she really that addicted that she can't stand the thought of trying to get to sleep without? She holds back the impulse to pick it up again. Why? Jessie. Jessie doesn't want her to smoke. And she's right... she doesn't need it... somehow... Jessie's here now, but that doesn't necessarily mean she'll be here, when Katie has to sleep. She won't fall asleep in her arms, she will just fall asleep with the knowledge that Jessie was close... somewhere on the island... lying in another bed... not loving her... not talking to her... so she needs it to fall asleep? To ease the pain? Her body stiffens, she's so damn close... I can almost feel her... look at her! She still the most gorgeous girl on earth...
"Hi yourself." Jessie suddenly says quietly.
"What?" Katie asks flustered. She still can't believe that this angel sitting next to her it able to speak.
"You said something with... aloha... and I thought aloha means hi or something... so I said hi."
Katie smiles. If they were together, she would have kissed her for this one sentence. Just because it was so sweet... She nods.
"Yes... aloha can mean hi. It means a lot of things... sometimes it's just used to express a certain mood or feeling..." and sometimes it means love.
She doesn't dare to say this out loud. Jessie wouldn't want it. She doesn't seem to be very angry or irritated and for now that's all that counts. But at a second thought: She must be at least disappointed... and telling her now that she still loves her, that she regrets all she did, that she wants her back couldn't be a good idea.
"I suppose your Hawaiian is pretty good. Can you say some more?" Jessie eagerly asks.
Smalltalk! Smalltalk is a great idea, Jess. They haven't seen for such a long time. She can't simply ignore all the shut doors, run into the house and scream: "Honey, I'm home! Tell me, why you freaked out and left me!"
"'Ae," but suddenly all she remembers contains the word aloha or at least means something extremely ambiguous, "o ke aloha ka 'iu, nau ko'u aloha, " damn, Kat! What's up? There's more Hawaiian you know..., "e hoomau maua kealoha... and Owai kau inoa?"
Great, one of the brightest persons you know is sitting next to you... and you dare to declare your love in a foreign language she might speak. Dumb Singer! Really, really dumb! She's sitting next to me for just a couple of minutes and my mind is completely blank already. All Katie could think of was... Jessie... loving Jessie... wanting Jessie to love her... Jessie... talking to Jessie... spending time with Jessie... and some more Jessie...
Jessie laughs. She has noticed Katie's confused and kind of bewildered expression, while speaking. Seeing her stutter some foreign words was the cutest Jessie has seen for some time.
"There was a lot of aloha... so, you said all different kinds of hi... good morning, good night... something like that, did you?"
"Somehow... yes... something like that... well, ok the last meant: What is your name? But yeah... well... no one really speaks Hawaiian here... it's just kinda cool to pepper your language with a few Hawaiian words... nothing more."
Ok, ok... Jessie doesn't speak Hawaiian. Would have been a really weird coincidence! But who knows?
"It's a beautiful language." And it's even more beautiful, when you speak it.
And then again, they fell silent. Everything feels awkward and so wrong. Jessie already suspects that it had been idea to actually visit Katie. She obviously doesn't want to talk... couldn't she at least say: I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. She doesn't even have to say that she isn't in love anymore, that's fairly obvious... Jessie just wants an excuse, a simple excuse for messing everything up when they were at their best.
Katie senses that something develops into the wrong direction. But, what should she do? She couldn't run away again, even though she felt like doing it. She will never again let Jessie go. I have to say something! Say something! I'm sorry? Too early... too early... what was the last I said? Bye, Billie! Am I allowed to call her Billie?
Suddenly she stands up, she smiles at her former girlfriend.
"Do you wanna see my house? I mean it's kinda small... and a bit messy... and... a bit rotten from the outside... probably the inside, too... but..."
She raises her eyebrows and looks at Jessie. Jessie is speechless. She's still sitting on the veranda watching Katie in amazement... and in shock... She wants me to come inside!
"You don't wanna see it? It's ok... I mean... I hate living there... I don't like it... I just thought..."
Katie shrugs her shoulders. So Jessie didn't want to see her house? What does that mean? No love, no friendship? Just anger... thanks!
Jessie stands up.
"No, no! Of course I want to see it." She answers, surprised by herself... That sounded a bit to excited, didn't it?
They talked about everything except for what they did for the last months... except for happened one and half year ago... except for their relationship...
Later that night Katie brings Jessie to her lodge. Well, actually they have arrived at Jessie's lodge a couple of minutes ago, now they're standing on the porch, staring at each other.
Being this close to Katie without being able to touch her, was sweet torture. Jessie savours every moment and hates every second at the same time. Why was everything so difficult? Why couldn't they just continue where it ended? In fact it seems as if nothing has changed... Katie was still the same... deep down somewhere below all her cool surfer chick attitude, below her... frustration... behind her mask... Jessie knows there is still Katie, she can see it in her eyes. They have talked like they always used to... about everything that came to their minds... they laughed a lot... they understood. But something was missing and it was not just the hugging-and-kissing-part.
All of a sudden Katie looks down to her feet and whispers something.
"What?"
Katie doesn't dare to say it out loud somehow... the louder, the more real.
"Ua kaumaha au."
It doesn't seem so hard to say it on Hawaiian. She can practise saying it a few times on Hawaiian... and then... someday she can probably say it in English. She smiles to herself and quickly, before Jessie has the chance to ask her what it means, adds.
"I'm glad you're here, Jess."
Jessie nods and her heart was quietly screaming for joy. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore, but she enjoys my company... so there might be a chance... for... whatever!
"Me, too. I'm glad you're here, too." She smiles at Katie, seeing how her face lightens up.
Could she? Could she really... her thoughts are starting to ramble through Jessie's mind. Suddenly everything was happening too quickly... and too slowly... or... was something happening? There wasn't anything happening! She just said that she was glad to see her, that wasn't really a declaration of love... but... could she? Her body was so damn tense... every fibre wants to... every single one of them...
"Ahmm... Katie... may I... may I...can we... I mean, can we hug? Just because..."
Jessie couldn't believe what she just said. Did she really ask Katie to hug her? Katie left her... ex-girlfriends definitely don't hug... never... Then Katie's body crashes into her... a fierce hug... a bone-crashing hug... full of sweetness... tender like a first kiss. Ok, ex-girlfriends do hug... hug... hug... oh, my god. Her mind becomes completely blank. She's consumed by Katie's warmth, by her arms wrapping around her shoulders and then Jessie tries to pull Katie even closer, caressing her spine..
Suddenly everything is brighter, warmer... more beautiful. Katie almost felt the happiness creeping up her body. The closer Jessie pulls her, that happier she gets. Why does Jessie want to hug her? Is there... is there still something... even though they haven't talked about what happened yet? Maybe all those things didn't matter. I don't want to let her go... I don't want to. What am I doing here, I'm hugging the ex-girlfriend I left... and it feel's so damn good...
Without really noticing it Katie nestles her head at Jessie's neck, causing Jessie to shiver, when she feels Katie's lips on her skin and Katie's breath at her ear. She couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand being so close to Katie without knowing what is really happening and more important: without knowing what has happened when Katie left her.
Jessie breaks free of their embrace.
"I should... I should go now..." She stutters.
Stay calm, Kat! Nothing happened, you simply hugged her... a bit too powerfully, maybe... but she asked for it, didn't she? She wanted to hug. Was it more than a hug? A goodbye-hug on the porch... nothing more... even though it felt like coming home... at last.
Katie hides her hands deep down in the pockets of her jeans, her gaze has again wandered to her feet. She couldn't look Jessie straight into the eye. She doesn't want to see Jessie's expression... she doesn't want Jessie to see her embarrassment. Memo, Kat: Hug her like an old High School friend! Otherwise you'll scare her away. You left her... you can't expect her to still love you or fall in love with you all over again.
While Jessie searches for the keys, she has only on wish, that Katie looks at her. That she can see in her eyes what was going on... but she doesn't. So what? No love? Just friendship... maybe Katie didn't want to hug so close. But she started it, didn't she? I'm freaking out! I'm already making up things... she started... I pulled her close... and she kissed my neck, didn't she? No... it wasn't a kiss... she just touched my skin... nothing more... But what if it was a kiss?
"Do we see tomorrow?" Katie says silently, still staring at the ground... The roads kinda dusty here... oh, god... focus, Singer!
She wants to see me! She wants to see me!
"Yes, of course!" Jessie smiles.
She would have smiled at Katie and would have loved to see a smile in return, but Katie was stilling evading Jessie's gaze.
Jessie and Eli are lying on a huge bath towel in the sand. The sun is already burning, even though it is early in the morning. Jessie's mood has lightened up extremely, but she still isn't sure what was happening. She has talked to Eli after Katie left, but he had no idea, too.
"Sis, sun lotion time! You'll get one hell of a sunburn... and I don't think Katie will like that. Look around, she's used to all these tanned beauties here."
Jessie sits up and lets Eli help her with creaming her back.
"Thanks, Eli. Are there more compliments to come?"
"No... well, you know I think you're a bit skinny, but..."
He starts to laugh, when Jessie turns around, furiously grabbing the sun lotion and splashing some of it onto his boxer shorts. Then she smiles at him.
"I don't think the girls here are extremely beautiful. Look at the one over there!" She nods towards the shore.
Eli shrugs his shoulders and continues creaming Jessie's back with sun lotion.
"Don't know... yeah... ok... her hair is a bit too blonde... and she's... what about her!" Eli points at a girl passing them.
"Aww... no, she's walking like she's a prostitute...disgusting! And the shirt she's wearing is too small..." Jessie lays back onto the towl.
"And what's with the one over there? The one pulling her board onto the beach... with the white Lycra-Shirt. She's hot. Wow! Look at those legs... damn... baby... I'm your man! Don't tell me you don't like her!"
He looks at his sister and all she does is... hitting him.
"Eli, are you short-sighted? That's Katie!"
He grins. "Ok, that answers the question if you like her!"
Katie notices them and waves. Then she walks to Rome who is standing close to her, they start to talk... obviously about Katie's hurt shoulder, because Rome starts to examine it.
Jessie sighs.
"I don't know what to do. I'm falling for her again... I don't care about how she hurt me... I just... want her."
"Speaking of liking her... so you do," he grins, "look at this gorgeous girl... and this bikini... damn, it's small, isn't it!"
"Be serious!"
He turns towards her.
"Sorry... Jess. I just don't know what to tell you... just: Go for it! It's okay. You can sort things out. Maybe there's still something between you two... I don't know-"
"Hey, brah!" A voice interrupts Eli. It's Rome. He sits down next to them.
"Hey Rome! What's up?"
"Ah... nothing. I just wanted to say hi! Great day, isn't it?"
Eli and Jessie nod.
"Yes, of course... but why?" Eli smiles at his friend.
"Why? Because my baby isn't in pain anymore. Seems it's just a bruise... not a dislocated shoulder."
Jessie notices how Rome looks at her... it's a creepy glance... like... Wait! Did he just say baby? That's not happening, Jess, it's not happening.
"You mean, Katie?" Eli asks, sensing that something was wrong... Did he just say baby? Why was Rome calling Katie baby?
"'Ea!"
Jessie has fallen silent. Baby? That's disgusting! Hearing a guy call Katie... oh, my... oh, my... don't tell me...
"Are you two... I mean does Katie know... you call her..." Eli stutters and earns a laugh from Rome.
"Of course, brah," Rome completely ignores Jessie, "we're... well, we're kinda involved... do you think a guy like me wouldn't pick up a chick like her?"
Jessie's heart breaks the second she hears the word "involved". That's the reason why Katie was so distant... she is with this... this guy. It makes her sick. Katie couldn't possibly be in love with this... with this something... he's talking about her as if she was some piece of meat.
"I... well... I don't know. I just thought..."
"Don't think, brah! Get yourself a girl and have fun, like me."
Rome stands up. "You'll excuse me, guys. See ya!"
And with this he leaves. Jessie is close to passing out. Katie not only stopped loving her... she fell in love with a man... a man... she lied... last night. What was last night? That was so close to... to what? It felt good, great... amazing... it was right... the felt simply... sickening. She has to leave. Leave the beach! The island! Katie! Everything!
Without saying a word Jessie stands up.
"Hey Jess! Eli!" Katie's voice shouts.
They look up. Katie is coming. Jessie doesn't know what to do... give her a clip round the ears? Shouting and creaming at her for hurting her twice... the second time even more than the first time... she almost forgot... She left me! She left me! And I thought we could just go on!
"Hey... am... Jessie... I wanted to," Katie notices Jessie's angry expression, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing!" Jessie growls.
"Nothing... so you don't want to have lunch with me?"
Katie immediately feels that there was something extremely wrong. Why is she barking at me? I haven't done anything? Just because I'm here? Did she remember what I did... that I left... oh, damn... I knew it would have been to good... too good to be true...I screwed it... I totally screwed it. Suddenly Katie is close to crying.
"No! Definitely not!" Jessie stated, without looking at Katie, and rushes off the beach.