Charlie: EEP! SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY! Sorry guys…but I had to dedicate January to basically fishing my AP Chemistry grade out of the void. I had a few half assed chapters done…but I scrapped them. Then writers block set in…and well, you know the deal. Anyways…I'm trying something different with this one. I got the idea from watching "Fairly odd parents." If ya don't like it…it's just one chapter…anyways…I got it from talking to my friend Chris and stuff after comp sci. Enjoy.
It was a cool winter morning when it all happened. Only seven days after Christmas. That day, everything started out as normal. The opposing "CO" decided to go on his usual rounds sniping unsuspecting newbies and camping our major accessways. All in all, being a general asshole. I should've seen it coming when that first shot he pulled off missed my newest rookie by a few feet. But I just thought it was one of his off days…but boy was I wrong.
Living in the twilight zone is an interesting…if not disturbing experience. And I am here to share with you that experience. Blood Gulch – January 1 – Feburary 1 2005.
Right after that first sniper bullet missed, my first reaction was that of indifference. I figured if the sniper managed to miss that bad, it must not be Patric. Boy was I wrong. After a while, the constant wirring of the sniper bullets…though not deadly by a long shot…were getting kind of annoying. So as per routine, I handled the sniper rifle, being the most expierenced soldier there and searched out our culprit. When I saw the red team's demon CO Patric's face staring at me through the other end, cursing about what seems like his lack of ammo, I nearly fainted. The man, usually adept at killing my fresh newbies in his sleep, had just misfired 24 sniper rifle shots on a slow moving column of men. So taking note of this oddity, I reported back to base, but now I was fully weirded out.
Little did I know…more extremities were yet to be seen.
My first impression of Blue base when I got back that day was that it looked more or less like a home than a base. Somehow…someone had put in a welcome mat at the front, disguised the killer koi moat into a friendly pond, and transformed the once metallic looking structure into a modest middle class house. I stared…but since there was no connection between our base becoming a page right out of Martha Stewart and Patric's sudden lack of skill, I decided to ignore it. However…upon entering the base, I discovered the most horrible sight of all.
The base CO, Emily…one of the nastiest sergeants in the blue army…had an apron on and was baking browies. There was also something about her aura. Usually, she would have this no nonsense screw-up-and-it's-push-ups attitude. Today…she had a cute smile plastered on her face, and instead of her regular GI issue uniform…she wore a bright blouse and a dress in rather light colors. Wondering if I was still dreaming, I proceeded to pinch myself. But alas, I was not…and thus marked a month long torture forever known in the history books of the Blood Gulch struggles as "The Twilight Zone."
Right after my freakish encounter with Emily, I had discovered that Blue command has sent supplies crucial to our success, another first in the history of this god forsaken canyon. So I decided to check it out. Arriving at the crate, I discovered mounds of health, ammunition, and brand new weapons ranging from shotguns to stolen covenent technology like the needler and fuel rod cannon. More shocked than I was happy, I armed a marine sniper, with the intent of spying using the sniper scope rather than killing.
After perching myself onto secure and high ground, I used the scope to zoom in onto the evil entity known as Red Base. The first thing I noticed was Patric's lack of authority. His skills had further deterioated to the point where he cannot kill at point blank. Rookies were losing respect for their CO now. The next thing I noticed, was the only girl on the Red squad, an unfortunate merc I knew from High School, and about as girly as my foot, Jessica skipping…in a dress towards someone one at the opposite end of the canyon with a picnic basket.
Doing a rapid double take, I trained my sniper on the figure at the opposite end. Gasping, I saw that it was none other than our very own Emily. Looking closer, I saw that Emily had a picnic blanket set out. Not really wanting to find out more, I once again trained the sniper towards Red base to glean more clues.
The next oddity I gathered was the presence of a copius amount of fresh faces. These were likely newbies that were just dropped off. I was surprised. The average life expantency at Red base for a newbie is around 3.5 seconds. Upon investigating, I confirmed the fact that Patric has lost his skill. At this point…I pondered. There had to be a logical explaination to this series of unusual yet highly coincidential events. As I pondered…one final event led me to my conclusion.
The final oddity came in the form of an explosion. I turned and found the supply tent on fire. Rather than seeing my old high school buddy and Red supply sergeant Chris Liang running from it in fear, I saw something higly out of character for him. Rather than that very unathetic, short-sighted bookworm that I know…he leaped out of the tent with the agility of an olympic decathelete, weilding two Covenent needlers and procceded to brutally slaughter two rookies who were cowering in fear. Apperently, judging from this size and magnitude of the explosion, someone had dentonated three canisters of worthog fuel. However…normally, Chris couldn't care less. However…today he had just flown into a passion and murdered two rookies for the mistake.
Putting one and one together…with everyone acting pretty much the opposite of how they normally act…I can only arrive at ONE conclusion. This Twilight Zone was caused by one suspect…who went back in time and altered the course of history!
Upon arriving at my conclusion, my first act was to thank the lord for not letting me be affected. Then I retreated back to my quarters in Blue base to gather evidence and hopefully, capture the culprit. Gathering my evidence, I made a list of suspects. It was a short list…as there were only few people in this bloody canyon who has survived long enough to commit such an act of heresy.
So working my way down the list, I visited my first suspect: Sgt Emily.
I found her that afternoon, working in her kitchen. She was smiling and humming a cheerful tune. Trying to bottle down my weird feeling of unease that was welling up in the trenchcoat that I had donned for this occation, I approached her.
"Hello Emily…"
"Hiya." She said happily with a smile. "Cookies? They're fresh."
"Thank you…" I sad taking one. These cookies were good, I suspected it was her homemade fudge. I was glad that which ever sicko who did this hadn't altered her skill for making fudge. I continued to question her.
"Okay…where were you on the night of the thirty first?"
"Silly." She said with a giggle. "I was with you, training Smith and Johnson on handling ghosts. Remember? You're so funny."
Okay…I saw that this wasn't going very well.
"Why are you baking cookies…why did you paint this place baby blue, and why the hell are you wearing pink!"
"Well, cookies are good. And I thought this place needed a little fluffyness from all the killing. And don't you think this outfit is just SOOO CUTE!"
Not comprehending what had happened to my CO, I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH EMILY!"
My shaking was in vain. Emily pinched my cheeks and said that I was cute when I act frustrated. Then she proceeded to bake brownies while humming a little tune. I decided to back away from her…slowly. It was obvious that she knew nothing of this, so I scratched her name off my list.
From my experience with Emily, I decided not to question my remaining three suspects until later. I wanted to do a bit of snooping around first, hoping that I could find some clues as to what was going on. After all…with the oddities in the canyon…I was finally free from snipers.
As I wondered around the canyon I found various suspicious occurences. Blood Gulch rock formations had changed from what they were a month ago. There was also a ghost sized crater in one of the canyon walls which led me to believe that that was the spot that the culprit had breached the time space continum right here. I moved in closer to examine the charred rocks. The rocks had a blasted feel. They felt like ordinary rocks that suffered from a blast from a rocket explosion…a little TOO like ordinary rocks that suffered from a blast from a rocket explosion.
The evidence was piling up. Unusual behaviors now this. The mystery was getting deeper by the moment. One suspect was already marked off as a victim. I had but three left, well four. I supposed Johnson could be counted as a suspect. Smith was too stupid to even try this thing though. So I dismissed him as even being involved.
After checking out the smash crater…I went for suspect number two.
Patric Pan, the de facto leader of the Red squad here at Blood Gulch, since their captain was never to be seen. When he saw me coming, he assumed that the Blues were attacking, so he demonstrated his loss of skill by attempting to shoot my with his shotgun. Needless to say, the stray bullets that were even NEAR me got deflected by my energy shield.
"Okay…what do you want?" He asked as I got near.
"Obviously…you've noticed the strange occurences right?"
"Oh gee…ya THINK!"
I sighed in relief. I wasn't the only insane one…or sane one here…depends on the definition of sanity in this canyon…which is usually quite amorphous.
"Well…did you or did you not go back in time and alter the course of history."
"THE HELL DO YOU THINK!" He snapped immediately. "WHY WOULD I MAKE IT SO I CAN'T HIT THE SIDE OF A BARNYARD FROM POINT BLANK! DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO YOU!"
"Well…I suppose it doesn't…" I said thoughtfully. Drat, there goes my second suspect. Just then Johnson and Smith wondered by. Patric took a few potshots at them, but did no general harm. So throwing a few curses here and there, he took off.
I confronted Johnson and Smith. Johnson, being also affected by this strange aura, didn't notice anything. However he has become attracted to our CO…to a point where he's hopelessly in love with her. I slapped my forehead and let him go peek at her…or whatever the heck he wants to do.
Smith I generally ignored. However he did jump around in front of me trying to get me to make him a suspect. I laughed. No self-respecting suspect would be THAT stupid. So I dismissed him. Sadly…as I left…he kept trying to convince me that he was a suspect. Somehow…I don't think "jaywalking" across a tank pathway is illegal in this ring world. So I ignored him for the most part.
Few days later, I was still dry on my search. I had interviewed Jessica, and sadly, I revieced zero feed back. Actually all she did was giggle and try to paint my face or something. It was pretty disturbing. Not to mention the fact she was wearing a pink frilly dress. Scary…
Before interviewing my final culprit, I decided to look around for more clues. Several interesting developments occurred…however when looked from as a whole…it doesn't help at all.
First was the n00b charge. The newbies that Blue base had revieved percieved that the Red CO was practically useless now. So they, without my orders commenced with a newbie charge. Unfortunately, they had not caught on to the fact that Chris had become the super soldier.
Somehow…Chris modified his needlers to accept ammo from a drum…so when he unloaded around five hundred thousand needles unto my rookies…it literally turned the sky purple. The massive explosion caused a rift in the middle of the canyon, and covered the trees with purple soot. Even the sky stayed purple for a few days.
This convinced me that Chris must be the culprit… however, another occurrence convinced me otherwise.
A few days later, I found him burning fantasy books and video games, including his favorite GBA, and his dragonlance books. The Chris I knew would NEVER do that to himself…even IF he altered the course of history. He probably just give himself more games rather then induce himself to burn them. Besides…after considering his character…I decided that he wasn't even the type to care that much to alter his skill.
So…with nearly four weeks of investigation, 5 suspects questioned, and 72 square miles of land searched…I still have no definite conclusion. Hell, I did not even have an indefinate solution.
My only paths now are to continue to search futilly, attempt to reinterate the old Blood Gulch…or just blame it all on Smith who now constantly breaks rules that mothers set for their kids like "Don't eat too much cookies before dinner" or "Don't stay up too late" to try to get me to get him as a suspect. Thought it would be a bsed ending to my investigation…I didn't have energy to do anything about it.
Finally…left with no choice…I decided to try to bring back the old Blood Gulch. Needless to say…nothing would help Patric's sad shooting, giving Chris a book would result in a burning, giving Emily or Jessica anything resembling a weapon and they'll turn it into a "cute lawn ornament."
I was at the end of my wits. January was almost over…and instead of helping the situation, I only exacerbated it. Emily and Jessica had now painted both bases pink and installed curtains. Patric's gun skills are to a point where he shoots himself more often then not. Chris' taste for blood is only matched by the koi fish.
So sadly, I gave up…hoping that I would be able to live in this convoluted world.
Then on Feburary the first, something happened that solved my problem.
I wasn't the only one irked by this new order. Patric obviously also hated it. So, in a last ditch attempt to correct everything…he turned to suicide bombing…
Well…more or less paying the pelican driver who delivers stats to crash it into the Koi pond.
Emily and I were inside discussing cookies and politics over tea. I had to find a compromise between Martha Stewart and Donald Rumsfield when talking to her, and I find discussing pastries actually quite interesting. I never knew what went inside of those cookies.
Anyways…it was then that we heard the HUGE ass explosion. We both looked up…
"What was that?" She asked.
"I don't know…but it sounded like it came from…"
"THE POND!" we screamed in unison.
When we got outside…the pelican driver was on the ground…not quite dead yet. Emily's koi however were no longer alive. I placed a hand on her shoulder, knowing how much she loved her koi. But I saw a change in Emily. Instead of tears of sadness…I also saw pure 100 fury. Emily's pink fluffy dress ripped right off. Amazingly, she had her old outfit underneath, which saved me from the show…whether or not that's a good thing…well, it's debateable.
Emily, without question…pulled out her pistol and shot the driver dead. Then, arming a rocket launcher, she charged the Red base. I saw the carnage even without a sniper rifle.
On the other hand, Jessica once again reverted. She was in a fit because Patric caused her to lose her newfound friend. So once again she donned her sniper gear and began shooting Patric in the leg. Patric, once this act was committed, he seemed to cheer up. His skill returned with his mood as his sniper shots rang true and without fail, my newbies were dead within the hour.
Chris? Well he saw Emily charge at him with demon eyes and a rocket launcher, and barracaded himself in the supply closet, which is rumored to store the world's largest collection of fantasy books. I sighed in relief. Johnson saw Emily in her fit and was once again more scared than infatuated with her. Smith on the other hand, still begged me to be a suspect. I decided to send him into therapy for two weeks.
So after all this passed, I can proudly say that I survived, and solved the mystery of the Twilight Zone. So how did it happen? The world may never know…but who knows…there HAS to be a logical explaination to this. But for now…it is still a mystery to mankind.
Until Later,
Cpl Charlie Wu.
-
"Charlie…you spent WAY too much time thinking about these things."
"WAH!" Charlie jumped as he found Emily looking over his shoulder at his writing. "Don't DO THAT!"
"Heh, come on, you're late! We've got a staff meeting to go to."
"Staff meeting? Aren't we the only staff?" I said puzzled.
"Yeah…but that doesn't mean we can't have a meeting right? Besides, I need someone familiar to tort- err I mean talk to."
"Yeah…wait TORTURE! NUU!"
And thus Charlie was dragged by Emily to an undisclosed location. No one knows what happened…but some people say his body was never found…other say that Emily's son bear a startling resemb-
-
"All right Johnson…you write one more word of that crap and I will KILL YOU!"
Johnson jumped to see two fuming officers standing behind him.
"Ehh…heh…sorry?"
"You've got…three seconds" Emily said looking at her watch. "Before I hand Charlie here a shotgun and arm a rocket launcher myself to turn you into minced meat.
"Uh…before you do anything…I just want to say that I'm REALLY sorry and…"
"Three….two."
"Okay…I'll get outta here." Johnson said as he ran for his life.
The next morning, Johnson was found in the toilets, removing pink paint. Charlie and Emily? Well, lets just say that they find sipping lemonade in the bathroom while holding a whip quite enjoyable.
Poor…poor Johnson…
Charlie: Yeah…bad ending…but it's funny. I liked writing in first person with little dialogue. Well, sorry for the long wait again. RR please. Luv ya lots.