So sorry it took so long, but here it is!

Chapter Eighteen:

Harry leaned casually against the doorframe, eyeing Tonks sceptically.

"Why are you all dressed up?"

Tonks glanced at him absently, her head tilted slightly as she struggled to put on her earrings.

"I'm not dressed up!"

Harry rolled his eyes, smirking slightly.

"Sure you're not, Tonks. I see people walking round in sparkly black dress robes all the time."

A flush began to creep into Tonks' cheeks, and she fumbled with the clasp on her necklace.

"It's just… well… I'm going on a… date, if you must know."

"Uh huh," Harry crossed his arms. "With who?"

Tonks was bright pink now, and it clashed horribly with her electric blue hair.

Tonks mumbled something under her breath.

"I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch that."

"I'm… I'm going out with…"

"… Yes?"

"With Gilderoy Lockhart."

Harry burst out laughing.

"Y-You're going out with that git?"

Tonks glared at Harry.

"He's not a git! He's very sweet!"

Harry shook his head in bemusement.

"Well, when you come to your senses, I'd be happy to turn his hair green again."

Harry grinning, left, shutting the door behind him.

"THAT WAS A HORRIBLE PRANK!" Screamed Tonks from behind the door.

Harry, chuckling, set off down the hall.

.

"So, Ginny – be in bed by ten-"

"Mum!"

"Yes, ten, Ginny. No buts. We'll be back by tomorrow. This is a very important Order meeting… And whatever you do, DON'T LEAVE THE CASTLE! Now…" Mrs. Weasley absently straightened Ron's tee shirt. "If you need us, we'll be in contact by floo… but only for emergencies. Understand?"

Everyone nodded.

"We've got some baby sitters for you-"

"MUM!"

"- Don't worry. It's no one too bad. Tonks… and… erm… Lockhart."

"LOCKHART?"

"Yes. Tonks informed us she'd miss the Order meeting to take care of you. We'll fill her in later. Night night."

The remaining teens stared in horror after Mrs. Weasley's retreating form.

"Oh no no no no no no no no!" wailed Harry mournfully. "Not Lockhart!"

Fred slung an arm around Harry's shoulders, staring wistfully off into the distance.

"Oh, Harry!" said George dramatically, also slinging an arm round Harry. "Do not despair… just think of the possibilities!"

Fred nodded, turning his star-struck gaze on Harry.

"Yes… pink feathers… blue hair… all the colours of the rainbow!"

Harry, playing along, gasped.

"P-Pink feathers?" he asked wistfully.

George nodded solemnly. "Yes, dear Harry."

Harry, fanning himself madly with his left hand, fainted into Fred's arms.

Hermione rolled her eyes, turning to the others.

"We won't prank Lockhart. We are going to be responsible adults! Aren't we?" asked Hermione forcefully. Everyone avoided her eyes. "Aren't we?" she asked again, sounding slightly desperate.

"… And I bravely grabbed the little boy – risking my life in doing so – and carried him out into the arms of his parents…"

"Fascinating," said Tonks dully, stepping into the Entrance Hall, with Lockhart following dutifully behind her.

"Yes! Yes, I know! And then I approached the old hag, and said-"

Whatever Lockhart had told the old hag, Harry never found out, because Lockhart suddenly spotted the disbelieving looks the teens were giving him.

"Hello!" cried Lockhart brightly.

Tonks grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him to the side, pushing Harry against a wall and holding him there.

"Save me," said Tonks desperately, giving him a pleading look. "Save me from this hell hole."

"Tonks, dearest!"

Tonks plastered a fake cheerful look on her face before turning back to Lockhart.

"Yes… erm… Sweetie poo."

Harry couldn't take it any more. He burst out laughing, clutching his ribs in a futile attempt to breath.

He wasn't the only one.

"SWEETIE POO?!" roared Fred and George in unison. "SWEETIE POO?!"

Even Hermione was chuckling softly.

Tonks blushed madly, her fists clenched.

"Well, Harry," murmured Rosie into his ear. "How about we give Lockhart one more surprise? Just to… say how much we loved having him to stay."

Harry couldn't agree more.

.

"And then… Lily will come and wham!" Ron punched his fist into the air to emphasise his point.

Hermione jumped as a loud crack resounded in the room.

"Down here, sirs."

The speaker was a house elf. He had huge bright green eyes that seemed much too large for his face. Hell, his eyes were bigger than Dobby's!

He bowed deeply, his long nose touching the floor.

"Mistress Nymphadora Tonks requires you's to be in the Great Hall for dinner."

And with another crack, he was gone.

Evil grins spread across their faces, and all, simultaneously spoke one word.

"Perfect."

.

The group entered the Great Hall, looks of pure angelic innocence plastered on their faces.

"What are you up to?" demanded Tonks suddenly, giving them a suspicious glare.

Harry, who was the culprit of Tonks' glare, looked behind him to see who she was talking to. When Harry saw no one, he turned back to Tonks, looking shocked.

"Who me?" Harry asked, sounding highly offended. "Why, my dear Tonks, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Tonks' glare didn't falter once.

"I know you're up to something, Potter, and I will get to the bottom of it."

"Dreadful, dreadful. Blaming poor innocent school children. Harry Potter, no less. Nymphadora, you should be ashamed!"

"Gilderoy?" said Ginny sweetly. "Would you like me to pour you a drink?"

Lockhart looked as if Christmas had come early.

"What manners! That would be lovely!"

Taking a large sip, he flashed her a charming smile.

But… Lockhart didn't smell of his expensive cologne any more.

He smelt of meat.

Ron was hiding behind the door, struggling to hold on to Lily's massive body. Harry had told her not to harm Lockhart too much. But if she did…

Good riddance.

Fred, turning subtly to Ron's hiding place, gave him the thumbs up.

Ron let go of Lily.

Lily let out a burst of speed as she smelt her prey. Lockhart screamed bloody murder.

"SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!"

Can't get our hopes up.

At that same moment, Hermione… erm… accidentally spilt a purple liquid onto the floor.

Right behind Lockhart.

Lily pounced on Lockhart, sending him backward into the hissing potion.

Almost immediately Lockhart sprouted hundreds and hundreds of fluorescent pink feathers.

And he was a girl.

And Lockhart, not noticing the new look he… or she… was sporting, backed away from Lily.

"Ahem."

Harry stopped laughing immediately. He knew that voice anywhere…

Harry turned around slowly, cringing at the sight of his father, leaning against the wall.

The hall had gone deadly silent. Even Lily had stopped advancing on the pink-feathered Lockhart.

Sev rose his eyebrows slightly.

"What is going on here?"

"Professor," said Harry quickly. "Well, you see, erm… Lockhart kinda-"

"I saw what happened," Severus hissed, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Twenty points to Gryffindor."

"But professor!" cried Ron, almost hysterical. "It's not even term yet-… hang on a second."

Ron looked at Sev with wide eyes. "Did you just say… to Gryffindor?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest.

"I may hate Gryffindor, Weasley, but I hate Lockhart more." Severus inclined his head. "Twenty points to Gryffindor."

Severus smirked at Lockhart, who was now whimpering, his/her eyes fixed on Lily.

"I-I hate this castle!" said Lockhart feverishly in his/her new feminine. "I'm getting out of here!"

Lockhart bounded up, sprinting toward the door.

Fred, grinning like a maniac, yelled: "THE FEATHERS SHOULD DISAPPEAR IN A WEEK OR SO! I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHEN YOU'LL TURN BACK INTO A BLOKE, THOUGH!"

Tonks hugged Harry tightly, crushing his ribs.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!"

Severus came up and pulled Tonks off Harry. Harry let out a deep breath.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't suffocate my so – one of my students," Severus said in a low voice. He rounded on the others.

"If any of you say that I awarded Gryffindor points, I will completely deny it, take fifty points from Gryffindor and put you in detention for the rest of the year. Understand?"

Fred and George grinned.

"We don't go to Hogwarts any more!"

Severus' eyes narrowed.

"I'll tell your mother about this prank."

The twin's eyes widened.

"Right." Said Fred… or George. One of them.

"We swear-"

"That we-"

"Will never-"

"Ever-"

"Ever-"

"Breath-"

"A word-"

"To anyone-"

"STOP THAT!" yelled Harry and Severus in unison.

Harry blushed, but Severus merely glared at the stunned faces.

"Harry," hissed Hermione into his ear. "You and Snape… you're really alike."

Severus turned and started toward the door, with (of course) the impressive (or so Sev thought) billowing of his robes. At the door, Severus turned and fixed them with an icy glare. Beside Harry, Ron audibly gulped.

Thinking that he was now going to give them a major telling off for the prank on Lockhart, Harry feared the worst.

Opening his mouth, Severus hissed:

"Your mother says it's time for bed."

AN: Heh. Review, please.

Dan-rad: thanks for the review!

SnakeDynasty: I'm really glad you changed your mind about my story! Cheers!

LadyLily3: Sorry it's taken so long! Glad you like it!

Robbly: Familiar! I thought about that at first… then I kinda forgot… thanks so much for your suggestion! I kinda made Harry nickname 'Little Angel' cause of his wings. But Sev doesn't know about the wings yet! Harry's not really angel material though, is he? Thanks!

Anonymous: Oh… sorry for the miss spell. Thanks for telling me!

Anonymous: Erm… I don't really know about all the dates of it all and stuff. Sorry.

Volleypickle16: Thanks!

SmellyCat-190: Well I'm flattered that you're flattered that I'm flattered! Erm… okay, I'll stop. I'm really glad you're amused by my story! Hope you like this new chapter!

Mjk306: Thanks!

aalikane: sorry the chapters short. I'm kinda confused as to when the Order should find out about Nightmare and Shadow. It's fun them not knowing, but it will be fun to see their reactions when they find out. Any suggestions?

Jeangab057: I'm glad you like Sora!

Athenakitty:

Will Harry have fighting words with the new teacher? That's for me to know and you to find out.

Will the new teacher get pranked and out of Hogwarts? No.

Will somebody's prank turn Lockhart into a girl? Yep!

Permanently or have him a combo of the two? Not permanently.

A misfired spell causing Lockhart turning into a female, every odd week? Nah.

Remo Con: Glad you like!