Buffy was about to look into Dawn's English textbook to see if she could help her with her homework when the sound of the doorbell interrupted her.
"Xander?" Dawn asked.
"No, he'd let himself in," Buffy moaned and raised herself up from the couch. She had a busy patrol, "be right back."
Dawn nodded, turned to watch her sister leave the room and pulled a face at the voices coming from the hall.
"Cordelia," Buffy uttered in wonder.
"Buffy," the ex cheer leader returned the greeting, but then there was an uncomfortable silence as they looked from one to the other, "Angel came here a few days ago, but he didn't check back with us since. Is he here?"
"No. But I know where he might be," the slayer picked up her jacket again, "Dawnie, I'm sorry, I promise I'll help you when I'm back…"
-
As they approached the same spot she listened to the vampires a couple of days ago, they heard the two again.
"…pooling around the beaten body, sopping off of the crumbling walls…" Spike was mumbling again, "…incredibly, awfully lifeless...dark blood sodden...insides steaming in the cold evening air," Spike whined quietly, "do you remember?"
Angel stared at the wall, trying hard not to get engulfed by the same feelings Spike had been fighting with, "yees…no. Not really. You don't have to remember each one. Just…"
"... it was frosty, wet," Spike continued, disregarding Angel, "my hands were glossy with all the blood that kept bucketing out of her huge, wide open cuts... I fancied..." His voice trailed off to a whisper as he down at his hands, "…someone was hoarse…"
"Spike, please, you don't have to be like Dru. There is a way out of this madness, take my lead…"
"…'twas on the long Berlin road wasn't it Angel? The children of the orphanage? Air revolting with groans, the priest who called upon your name…"
Angel took a shallow, quivering, nervous breath. He couldn't take it any longer. He did this to himself for decades in the past and hell, he still did it sometimes. He certainly can't stand by Spike if he was going to do this to himself for that long. He will go mad instead, or as well and then his whole family line will turn out mad. How ironic. He couldn't take it anymore. The sting in his heart was too much to deal with and he just had to get out. He looked at his surroundings, the school basement. There was something so inherently wrong about it. He wondered why it felt so pulling towards itself, but however it was, he had to get out of these surroundings. He stood up, and walked out the door, leaving Spike to mumble to himself, alone. He could do that very well alone by himself. The older vampire's nostrils were filled with the scent of memories and past kills, so much so he missed the smell of her past slayer and current seer, recollections making him sickened. Even so, he felt light-headed from the lack blood from a no feeding policy operated by the two of them down there in madness and the pain that was gripping his heart. Blinking back tears, he stumbled forewords, towards a voice calling out his name, "Cordy? What you doing here? I didn't expect you."
"Are you ok?" Cordelia steadied him.
"F-fine," he lied, "yeah I…." But he stopped. Cordelia always figured out his lies, "sorry, my mobile doesn't work down here and I found Spike pretty suicidal and nuts…A fool will go with his soul, wherever it goes, but the wayward ill-nurtured thug is my childe and I'm responsible for him…" Secretly he questioned his own
words. All of them actually. He really didn't think he would be fine if Spike just uttered on more word. And about his childe, he was concerned, nervy, and even a little scared. Especially because of the amount of caring about him in his own soul.
"Is that why you didn't tell me you were here?" Buffy chipped in, without actually expecting an answer. It was pretty clear what the answer would be. Angel has been avoiding her for years now. She gestured towards the door her ex boyfriend just got out from, "is he still suicidal?"
Angel shied away. He pulled both hands down his face, worn out, "I don't think he would actively seek his own death."
"But?"
"I don't think he'd actively keep away from it either," he said while listening out to Spike's quiet voice rhyming as if he was writing a poem, so inaudibly it was only due to his vampire ears he could hear it, "eyes gawk unclear into the flame light, teeth drain the rich, bitter blood and the body slowly dies with lab coats all around," reminding him of a certain Moscow scenario he was very keen on forgetting once and he suddenly felt light headed. He leaned against the wall to steady himself.
"Are you ok?" Cordelia asked quizzically, "do you feel sick? You look like you feel bad," she asked concerned. Buffy was deep in thought, trying to figure out whatever was she was meant to do with Spike now.
Angel put on a smile, "yeah. Just a little dizzy."
"Why don't you go outside for a bit," Cordelia said, "it'll do you good," she added.
"Yeah, I think I'll do that."
Buffy just noted the concern in the other woman's voice and looked at her to find her steadying Angel and leading him up, "I'm going in," she let them know, referring to the room Spike was in. Angel looked shaky right enough, but he wasn't her concern right now.