AN: Not mine. I don't remember the last time I put a disclaimer on this story, hmm. But you guys are smart enough to figure it out, right? You realize it's more of a mental illness thing, not a money thing. I have to listen to the voices. . . I wish they paid me something, lol.

Rory jogged into Doose's Market armed with the list her mother had sent her with. Lorelai hadn't been sure who was going to be to what this evening, and she wanted to be prepared for a full on invasion of people. With only five days 'til Christmas, everyone was around and no one had ever been shy about dropping in at the last minute. Luke had been at the diner all day, and she hated for him to have to come home and cook for a crowd, so Rory volunteered to run out to the market. Ella had gone off in search of Billy when the girls got home. Tristan was already at the house, watching movies with Jake, Jules, and Ambrose.

She grabbed a basket, and went about collecting the items on the list. She got milk and bread first, and turned the corner into the next aisle when she saw Jess, up front and in line to pay. She noticed all that lay in front of him was a package of cigarettes. She put her basket down on the counter and grabbed him by the sleeve, hauling him straight out into the cold night air.

"What the hell?"

"You're buying cigarettes?" she half yelled at him.

"Okay, see, we never got married. So this tirade, not happening."

"Jess, what the hell? When did you start smoking again?"

"I never officially quit, more like I drastically cut back," he said, not meeting her eyes.

"Wanna try again?"

"What? I've always had a secret stash. You should ask your husband about his, by the way."

"I'll thank you to leave Tristan out if this, unless those were for him."

"Look, Rory, I quit smoking for you, and then again for Erin—but you know what? Now, it doesn't matter. I don't give a damn. I'm on my own, and I can do whatever I please."

His attitude towards her wasn't something that shocked her. He was hurting, which was blatantly obvious. That didn't mean she was going to take it, however. She made a half-grunting sound, then grabbed him again by the hand and pulled him towards Luke's.

Upon entering the diner, Luke looked up and watched in half-amusement, half-confusion, as Rory dragged Jess up the stairs above the diner to the office. Neither looked amused, more like frustrated and pissed off. He mused that he hadn't seen that skit since before they were dating back in high school, and went about taking orders from customers.

She slammed the door and crossed her arms as she spun around to face him.

"Luke's gonna kill you if that door falls down," Jess commented, looking past her.

"Talk."

"About what?"

"Whatever the hell is wrong with you, Jess! This is me, you can't fool me."

He caught her gaze. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to think about it anymore. He didn't want to deal with it. What he wanted was to be as pissed off as he deserved to be. His marriage was over. He knew it. And he wasn't quite ready for the acceptance phase yet.

"Erin's coming," he said simply.

"Out here? For Christmas?"

"For the kids."

"Oh," she almost tripped over her one word revelation. His emphasis on 'kids' was disheartening. "You mean," she began, not wanting to hear what he was going to say.

"It's over."

"Oh, Jess. No wonder you're pissed."

He let out a sardonic laugh, and shook his head. "I really don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Yeah, well, get in line," she mumbled, sitting down in a chair that had been left behind.

He looked at her oddly, and sat next to her. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just, Ella keeps asking me about you."

"About me?"

"About us. What went wrong with us."

"Oh, that. She asked me, too," he said, looking seventeen and guilty all over again.

She glanced at him, and gave a half smile. "She's going crazy over the whole picking a college and wanting to see her boyfriend thing."

He nodded. "Must be rough."

She had a far off look in her eye, as if in a moment from the past, "It's not so rough," she said softly.

"She asked me an interesting question, one I couldn't answer."

"What was that?"

"She asked if you went to Yale because of me," he informed her, "I couldn't imagine that was true."

"Well, it's not entirely untrue."

He raised an eyebrow. "Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing, I just didn't think you thought so highly of me to give up Harvard."

"I didn't give up Harvard. It's not like I discarded college all together. Yale and Harvard aren't that different," she informed him.

"You don't say," he rolled his eyes. "But it was your dream."

"Well, when you're seventeen and you have a hot boyfriend, it can change those dreams real quick," she admitted, not looking at him in the eye. She was embarrassed, even now, to admit this to him.

"So, I was the reason?"

"Part of it. Not the whole reason. It was complicated."

"I had no idea."

"Right," she scoffed.

"What?"

"You looked up the mileage after I told you. I thought you were planning on making frequent visits."

"I was. At least, for a while."

"Oh. Well, anyway, I think Ella's worried that maybe she and Billy won't last through the transition. I mean, there's a long distance element to it already."

"Like you said, she's seventeen. She'll have other boyfriends."

"I know, but they never like to hear that line."

Jess's smiled faded. "Oh God. I'm going to have to deal with all this stuff with Jules alone."

Rory nudged his arm with her elbow. "Not alone."

He looked to her and smiled. "You guys have done enough."

"You won't be alone in this. Never. We love Ambrose and Jules as if they were our own. And don't pretend you don't feel the same way."

He nodded, grateful, if not feeling deserving of the offer. "You know I do."

"Good. Now come on. Mom's going to kill me if I don't hit Doose's soon. The kids are already at Mom's house. You can help me shop."

"Are you going to let my buy my cigarettes?"

"Nope. Come on, let's go."

&&&&

Ella knocked on the Melville's front door rather impatiently. Sookie opened the door and smiled warmly. "Hey, Pop Tart!"

"Hi, Sookie. Can I come in?"

"Sure, come in! Are you hungry?"

"No, I just came from the mall with Mom and Gramma," she smiled. "Is Billy here?"

"Yeah, I'll go get him," she said, moving down the hall to retrieve her son. Ella clicked her newly manicured nails against themselves, and waited. Moments later, he appeared in the front room, smiling.

"Hey, this is a good surprise," he said, moving closer to her.

She stopped him before he could kiss her. "Can you come out?"

He looked at her strangely, but agreed to go with her. "Yeah, let's go."

They made their way over to the Dragonfly, where she knew they'd be alone in her room for a while. Everyone else was at her grandmother's. She sat on the bed, having not said much on their walk over. He was worried, as he didn't like her behavior. Just last night they'd been crazy for one another, him barely able to resist moving faster than perhaps either were really ready for.

"Ella, what is wrong?"

"I've been trying to decide which college to choose. And the thing is, I can't. It's impossible. I keep thinking about one, then the other pops in, and you know what isn't making my decision easier?"

He shook his head, knowing in a about a second she'd tell him, however.

"What do you want to do with your life, Billy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your life. What do you want?"

"You mean like a job?"

"A career, a family, a general location, anything."

"I'm not sure."

"Oh man," she said softly, almost under her breath. Her tone wasn't encouraging; rather it was full of doubt and unhappiness.

"What does that matter? I'm only eighteen. I don't have to know everything right now," he assured her.

"But you don't know who you are," she said, defeated.

"I'm really not following you, here."

She leaned back against the bed dramatically before pulling herself back up in order to look at him.

"I'm going to go off to college, and say I go to Yale. I go there, thinking I'm going to get to see you, but you're going to have to 'find yourself' and run off to God knows where, and I'll never see you, and we'll break up."

He furrowed his brow, not liking where her mind was going.

"Okay, so then say I choose Sarah Lawrence. I'll be in New York, making it harder for us to make time to get together, and you still have to 'find yourself'. Then we both start accusing the other of being selfish and we break up."

"Wow. We're not good at this relationship thing, are we?" he joked.

She gave him a displeased look and he wiped the smile off his face. He sat down next to her on the bed, and took a moment before asking her his next question.

"Do you want to break up?"

"NO!"

"Then, I am not following you. You're saying that no matter what you do, we're breaking up, so then, what?"

"I don't know. This just seems so impossible."

"Look, Ella, I don't know where all this is coming from, but you can't really make this decision based on me. I told you, no matter what you decided, we'd figure it out."

"But that isn't fair to you," she sighed.

"Hey, I have to make decisions next year, too."

"I know," she said sadly.

"That's it, what is bothering you so much?" he groaned, at her going all withdrawn again.

"This all happened to my Mom. She picked a college that she thought would keep her near her boyfriend. And he ran off across the country on her."

"Oh."

She nodded, and waited for a promise that he wouldn't ever do that to her. He took her hand in his and ran his thumb over the inside of her palm.

"The guy sounds like an asshole," he said softly.

"Don't say that," she replied just as gently.

"You're defending this behavior?"

"No, my godfather."

Billy looked at her strangely, as if something clicked in his brain. "They dated?"

She nodded, and put her head on his shoulder.

"Wow. I never knew that. How did I not know that?"

"They don't talk about it a lot. But that isn't the point. The point is, he didn't know who he was, or what he wanted, and he left his girlfriend, that he loved."

"I can't promise that we won't break up," he began slowly. "But I can promise you that I won't run off on you, especially if I am still in love with you."

She looked up suddenly, wondering if she heard him correctly. Surely she'd misheard him entirely. "What?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he looked into her eyes.

"Oh."

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know."

She nodded, feeling like she had vertigo all of a sudden. That was the first time any boy had ever told her he loved her. Well, it was the first time someone had said it not out of jest. Or from a relative.

"I hope that doesn't make your decision harder. Just know that whatever you decide, I'm going to be happy for you. No matter what."

"Okay. Thank you," she said, still in shock.

He looked at her, unsure of her reaction. She stood rather suddenly, causing him to drop the connection their hands had.

"I should get back, they'll be expecting me."

"Okay. I'll walk you."

"No, you go home. It's the other way."

"I don't mind."

"I'll call you later. Okay?"

He nodded, more unsure than ever of what she was thinking. It'd been just a week ago that they'd been having their almost daily phone conversations, where everything was clicking and easy. Now it seemed more often than not he was setting himself up to get his heart trampled on. This was definitely the girl that could accomplish this feat.

&&&&

Luke came home, dreading having to cook as he heard the noise of a crowd even before he opened the back door. He was surprised to see the kitchen table filled with sandwiches, and bowls of chips, and various other dinner items. He felt a surge of love for his wife, as she must have anticipated his being dead on his feet this evening. He'd gone in extra early, for a bread shipment. Christmastime was great, having the whole family around, but he had to admit now that he was older, he was glad to be alone most of the time with Lorelai. They'd had a short courtship, well, after they started dating, and soon were blessed with Will. But now, with everyone grown and living their own lives, they could relax and really enjoy each other.

Lorelai came down the hall into the kitchen, and smiled warmly at him. "I thought I heard the door."

He nodded. "Yep, it's just the delivery man."

"Mm, did you bring me a package?"

He smirked at her, and she giggled. "So, what are you doing all the way over there?"

"I was thinking about you, actually."

"I like the sound of that," she said, nuzzling up to him and pausing before she kissed him. It was that half second of teasing that was her trademark with him, like he should be appreciative of how she was worth the wait. As if he wasn't painfully aware of that fact anyway.

"So, we made sandwiches, and it's a crazy house tonight."

"Do tell."

"Well, Ella is in a mood. A bad one, she's mulling over the college thing, and I don't think it went too well with Billy earlier."

"Great."

"Jules and Jake are being especially talkative with each other, which hasn't happened since they were little. Ambrose keeps looking at them, like they've joined some secret club," she continued.

"O-kay."

"And Rory and Tristan keep watching Jess like he might need medical attention every time he coughs."

"What?"

"I'm just delivering info, I have no idea what's going on. Except with Ella. And Will, who isn't here, by the way."

"You're making me tired."

"That's what I do," she murmured, and moved to get him a plate.

"Oh, hey, Rory and Jess came into the diner earlier, and they both looked upset. What was that about?"

"I have no idea. They were in the diner, and you didn't spy?"

"No, I respect people's privacy. Besides, they went upstairs."

"They went up to the office?"

"Yeah, why?"

"And they were mad?"

"Well, at first. They looked pretty chummy when they came down."

"That's odd."

"I thought so."

"Man, so many people to grill, so little time," she groaned.

"Good luck with that," he said, piling his plate with food. He had no doubt that Lorelai would be omniscient by morning. It was what she did. People were drawn to her. And those who didn't offer it up freely were pounced on. He would eat, chat with the family, and retire to bed. If something broke, he'd fix it. That's what he did. Well, that and cater to her whims. But that was just the icing on his cake.