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Disclaimer in other chapters.

Later that evening Sam and Martin were sitting on the couch in their apartment. Samantha had been distracted all evening, Martin had wanted to bring up the subject that he knew she was thinking about, but was wary of doing so in case of making her more upset. He didn't want to make her more upset than need be, and he also didn't want her nightmares to come back.

Sam sighed softly. "What is it Martin?"

"I'm just worried about you. If you want to talk, I'm here."

"I know." snapped Samantha, really not in the mood to be sociable. All her feelings over Riley, losing the baby, and everything that had happened recently finally catching up to her. All she wanted was some peace and quiet. Martin was wonderful, everything she ever dreamed of but sometimes she just needed her space.

Martin looked hurt, but understood where she was coming from. Sam looked slightly abashed seeing the look on his face, however was still not thinking calmly enough to apologise. She walked into the kitchen to finish the washing up, leaving Martin sitting on the couch. After about 15 minutes of an awkward silence, she rejoined Martin in the living room. He looked at her, seeing how discomposed she was over the whole thing, and found himself wondering again if she would ever be able to fully move past everything.

Since she had lost the baby, things had changed between them. Not much, but it was still enough to be noticeable perhaps not to the others. But they could definitely feel it between themselves. Reaching over Martin embraced her, the warmth and comfort from his hug made her break into silent sobs. Martin frowned when he felt her shoulders shake with crying, and just held her tighter, not knowing what else to do.

The next day was Samantha's day off, however Martin still had to go in so Sam had some time to herself.

She had woken up late, after Martin had already left, her body catching up on some much needed sleep. While she was making breakfast she decided to go grocery shopping, seeing as there wasn't much left to eat. The phone rang suddenly around 10, startling her out of the soap she had been deeply engrossed in. "Hello."

"Hey." said Martin. "Just wanted to see how you are."

"I'm ok. Quite refreshed actually."

"Good. Oh yeah, you heard from your mom recently?"

"Uhhh, no. Why?"

"She left a message here looking for you."

"I'll give her a call later." she replied. "I'm going grocery shopping soon, anything you especially want?"

"Nah, I'm good thanks."

"Alright. I'll see you later then."

"Bye."

"Bye." replied Sam and hung up the phone. Walking back into the kitchen she found the list she had made earlier, not able to think of anything else to add she folded it up and put it in her purse. Glancing out of the window, she shivered seeing the grey sky and general cold looking atmosphere. Grabbing her warmest jacket, she slipped it on and was just about to walk out the door when the phone rang again.

"Hello?"

"Agent Spade?"

"Yeah, who is this please?"

"It's Dr. Hall-"

"Of course." said Sam, trying to think why she would be calling. "Is this about the follow up tests?" she asked.

"Yes. I was wondering if you would be able to come in today?"

"Yeah, that's fine. What time?"

"Would 11 be ok?"

"Sure. See you then." Samantha answered, hanging up the phone. Grocery shopping would have to be put off for a while.

Samantha found herself in the hospital at 11, wandering down familiar corridors.

"Morning." said Dr. Hall. "If you could follow me please." She lead Samantha into one of the rooms.

Sitting down Samantha swallowed nervously seeing the serious look on the doctors face. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"We got the results back from some of the tests we did last time you were here. But there are some quick ones we'd like to do now just to double check. An X-ray and an ultrasound."

"Ok." said Samantha, now even more nervous.

About an hour later Samantha was sitting in the waiting room, she had done all the tests and was now just waiting for the final results. She was idly flicking through a magazine not concentrating on it at all.

"Samantha?" said Dr. Hall.

Sam looked up sharply. One look at the doctor and she decided she didn't like the look on her face. She silently followed the doctor back into one of the consultation rooms.

"What is it?" she asked as soon as she was seated in the room. The doctor sighed. "I'm very sorry to tell you this, but last time you were here we ran some tests, we found that one of the kicks caused some irreparable damage to your uterus. That's what we had to check today, but I'm afraid that it severely decreases your chances of being able to concieve."

Samantha gazed at the doctor in shock. "Are you saying that I can't have children?"

"Not can't, it is possible but it is quite unlikely, and if you do concieve there could be serious complications which would potentially risk your life or the life of your baby."

Samantha couldn't believe what she was hearing, one day she had always wanted to start a family of her own, and now that seemed impossible.

"I'm so sorry to have to give you such bad news."

Not trusting herself to speak without bursting into tears in front of a stranger, she just smiled weakly.

"Do you want me to call anyone to pick you up?" asked Dr. Hall.

"No it's fine thanks." Samantha removed herself from the room, from the hospital where everything thing always seemed to go from bad to worse. Containing her tears, she began to walk home. One thought running through her head. She couldn't have children. This was going to tear Martin apart. She felt so lost, she had always dreamed of having a baby one day, with the man she loved. But that dream seemed to be getting further and further away.

Starting a family was so important to Martin, and the prospect of having a baby had made his whole face come alive with joy, and now...well now that was gone. He deserved to have someone who could give him what he wanted, make him have that look of joy on his face and that entire vibe of 'I'm going to be a daddy.' He deserved someone who could start a family with him and make him happy, and as it couldn't be her then she knew what she had to do. She couldn't ask him to stay with her, if she knew that he would be giving up his own dream. She just couldn't. And if she did conceive, and something happened to her or the baby she couldn't put him through that either. No, she knew what she had to do.