Chapter Five

A Brief Look at InuYasha's Emails

One quick A/N- PLEASE DO NOT TRY THE EMAILS IN MY STORY! That I had to say. No, I do not believe that anyone is truly that stupid. Sorry if you clicked for curiosity. But HONESTLY.

5:32 P.M. November 18. Man, I've been lazing around the whole day in my nice white terry cloth bathrobe and bunny slippers. SHHH! Don't you dare tell. Shesso-maru left his adopted daughter here. She is driving me insane. She just stares constantly at the computer screen, not blinking, barely breathing. She just asked me why there is a green line underneath happiness. Why does she care? WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT A GREEN LINE? AAAAAAAHHHH! Hmm…that scared her away. I think she went into my personal home theatre room. I have Dolby 4.5 digital surround sound. I hope she doesn't go deaf. I have it on full volume since I enjoy the screams when they're louder. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Auto response from InuYasha: brb stupid comp messin' up

All I'm going to say is that you NEVER EVER want to hear the Barney song on a home theatre system with the volume on full blast. And I don't give a damn how many lovely purple pixels he is, either.

Miroku is shattered. He won't leave his room. Sango, on the other hand, is bouncing off the walls in ecstasy. As in joy. Happiness. The first time the Red Sox won the Word Series…in wait for it…. 20XX-2004…. Uh… whips out pocket protector just kidding more than 86 years. He bet Sango that he wouldn't flirt with any girl for a week if the Red Sox won the World Series. This will be difficult for him to keep. Ooh boy! I can't wait to see him fall to his knees and beg her to change his punishment. Want to place bets to see when he'll crack?

That's too cruel? Why? The best thing about other people's miseries is to take advantage of it. Would you prefer I torture him by popping in and out of his room singing, "THE YANKEES LOST! THE YANKEES LOST!" Or maybe I should send him a gnome! No, that's cruel even for me. Yawns That party last night was extreme. I better go take a nap now.

AAAAAAAHHHH! IT'S 1:23 P.M. ON NOVEMBER SIX! AHHHH! A WHOLE um…let's count…6,7,8,9,10,11,12,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,1, 23 minutes. I'll leave you to figure out the time lost.

A cappuccino is by my bed. Nice and hot and steamy, still. I better make sure I don't—awww, shit, I spilled some on my white bathrobe.

Hmm, my computer has just informed me that I've received an email. Let's go check it out, shall we?

From: Miroku,

To: InuYasha-sama, , Sango-san, , Kagome,

Subject: World Domination

yo sup guys? dont mind the subject its 1 of my preset ones ;-D so, inuyasha-kun, wens th ball? o, my bad i meant to quote u exactly "the um formal celebration thingy" let me kno ASAP k, I mite have plans w/da grls that nite. Ttyl and cya

Miroku-san

The hottest guy dead or alive.

Ps sango the red sox suck

One word. BLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH! That guy has ego issues, not to mention grammar. I'm going to reply to it now.

From: InuYasha-sama,

To: Miroku (aka corrupt monk), , Sango-san, , Kagome,

Subject: Re: World Domination

Miroku, you never cease to disgust me. Not only are your spelling and grammar terrible, but the excessive use of "da" simply makes me want to retch. And I so did not call it "the um formal celebration thingy." I most definitely worded it as, "The….er…. ball I'm holding to celebrate the….you know, thingy." And for your information, it's Friday.

InuYasha-sama

Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

There. hits enter key with satisfied look Now I will wait for a reply from somebody. While I'm waiting let's go outside and harass bystanders again. Last time was fun. I'm going to get my revenge on that lady, though. She whacked me in the head with her Gucci bag when she walked by. And I'll bet it was on purpose, too. Image of InuYasha's head with a big bulge on it, anime style

Hang on a sec! I'm due for a big interview about my ball thingy. Yep, there's the reporters now. Butler just let them in. They are entering my door. There's nowhere to hide! I must face them myself with my machine gun! Image of InuYasha dressed like James Bond

"Um…is this InuYasha-san?" A newbie reporter stuck her head timidly through my door.

"'Course, honey, walk right in." A cameraman whose manners rivaled my own swaggered in, Hawaiian print shirt, bulky bags and all.

"I like the newbs better. And it's InuYasha-sama to you. Now buzz off. I'm only going to talk with the head of your reporters."

Another woman walked in. She was wearing a blue business suit and a microphone with a hat that shaded her face. "That'd be me, InuYasha." She tipped her hat.

"AHHHHHHH! I'm having a nightmare all over again!" I shriek and dive under my blankets, quaking.

"Chill, InuYasha," she said casually. "I'm not here to eat you, I'm here to interview you."

I stare at her. "What's the difference?" Standing before me was Tsubasa Hiroge. The most infamous reporter in all of Japan. The bigwigs only sent her out if they wanted her to destroy the better known corruptees of Japan. Or people they didn't like.

"I didn't do it! I swear!" My voice came out slightly muffled.

"Hey, they're just curious about your court case," she offered. "We're not trying to make you look bad, they just want the truth. Besides, I lied. I'm just here to prepare you. Our REAL best reporter is waiting in the wings in case you give me a hard time."

I peek out. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

I straighten. "You better not use what just happened as blackmail," I warned. "Or my lawyer will rip you to shreds."

Tsubasa winked. "Wouldn't dream of it." She gestured at the newbie. "This is Sakura. And that is Hazu."

This is how our interview went.

Tsubasa: So, Inu-Kun—you don't mind if I call you that, do you? (Glares)

Me: (pretends to ponder for a bit, just to annoy her) Well, I suppose…. Hmm, since it's you….

Tsubasa: (gives up, annoyed) All right, InuYasha-san.

Me: SCORE!

Tsubasa: Beg pardon?

Me: Never mind…

Tsubasa: (clears throat) So, why the sudden change in court plans?

Me: Eh? What court plans? What ees zis court plans you speak ov?

Tsubasa: Are you stating that you are racist against people with thick, Romanian accents?

Me: Eh? Sick Rrrrromanian accents? Me? Rrracist? Vhat are you speaking ov? I just 'ave a slight 'ead cold, zat's all.

Tsubasa: (looks at cameraman) Apparently InuYasha-san is too busy mocking other people than to speak with a lowly reporter like me. I think it's time for us to send out our newest reporter, who has recently risen to the top.

Me: Oooh, I'm scared now. (Makes tough looking face)

Drumroll

Top Reporter: Tada!

Me: (groans) You are kidding me, right?

Top Reporter: (smirks) We gave you a chance to save face, Inu-kun.

Me: KAGOME, GET OUT!

Kagome/Top Reporter: That's why I never told you my job.

Me: Ms. Hiroge, come back! (attempts to escape room)

Kagome: (grabs back of coffee-stained bathrobe) I don't think so, Inu-kun.

Me: (growls) You are enjoying yourself WAY TOO MUCH.

Basically, the rest of the interview was Kagome and I spitting into each other's faces. Our um…. impeccable choice of vocabulary leaves me with no choice but to leave out the rest. Let's just say that Kagome's words were more colorful than that of a rainbow's.

In the end, I must say that I prevailed. As I always do, of course. bows, accepts flowers

Here, I'll write down what was shown on TV. Darn those people, censoring our deeply thoughtful conversation.

"And now, to our exclusive interview with the most famous half-demon in all of Japan, InuYasha!" The bimbo reporter exclaimed excitedly, emphasizing non-important words such as interview, half, and in.

Then there was a horrible, zoomed in picture of me. I was probably half-asleep, dazed, and annoyed, not the most beautifying combination in the world. But of course, I'm always beautiful. Ego pushes everyone out of the room ;-D You know it! Ehehe, sorry about that.

TV Kagome said all perkily, "So, Inu-kun, what prompted you to redo a court case?"

TV me blinked stupidly at her. Real me jumped up from bed and screeched, "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN! STUPID TECHNOLOGY ADVANCES ALLOWING CAMERA MAN TO EDIT STUFF!!! NOOOOOOO I'M BEING RUINED!!!" Angrily, I slammed my fist down on the table, juggling a few delicate china teacups. With my skilled demon reactions, I whizzed out of the comfy massage chair and caught all the cups, including the one teetering dangerously on my nose. I picked up the phone, determined to call and yell at Kagome.

Suddenly, TV Kagome said, "Just kidding. Your top notch technology manufacturer is not a fat, tired, pathetic fool." Under her breath she said, "Though he may act like one." But I heard it only because my super duper demon senses honed in on it.

Just as I lifted a finger to press the speed-dial button for Kagome's number, the phone rang, causing me to leap backwards from my chair and nearly shatter the teacups I worked so hard to save. "What?" I growl crabbily.

"Did you like my documentary?"

"I shoulda known," I muttered.

"Ask pardon?" Kagome said airily.

"Don't you mean beg pardon?" I replied snottily.

"No." I could just see her stick her nose up in the air. Fine, I do have a camera phone. Or whatever you call it. But you know what I mean. "I never beg."

I snorted. "Mhmm…what about that time when—"

"That was an exception!" she protested. "Come on! We were young, innocent. I was a girl with ideals. You were a conniving young man. You had what I wanted. I had to gave up some of my dearest values."

"By begging?" I rolled my eyes. "How?"

"No. By asking something from a guy without demanding it."

My forehead had an abrupt meeting with the table. "Sexist much?"

Kagome grinned. "Not at all. But perhaps my experience with guys hasn't really made me look better upon them."

My eyes rolled all the way so that if there were a light I'd be able to see the inside of my head.

"Oops. There's somebody call waiting. I'll get back to you later." Click…. Beep…. Beep…. Beep. I stared at the phone.

Well, they didn't really destroy me. I think it was a publicity stunt. They want as many people to show up as possible on the day of my case, so that if I lose, WHAMMO. Big story, big destruction. You know what it's like. But if I win, even BIGGER story, and bigger destruction. They'll be buzzing around, pecking at the police who accused me. This is too much for my poor brain. I'm gonna check some more emails.

Welcome, InuYasha-sama! You have 72 unread messages:

Inbox (2), Bulk (999)

Stupid telephone companies/spammers. Sending me all those idiotic pieces of spam. As if I would have read them if they were in my own inbox.

Myoga, who somehow turned up again, piped up, "You did. You were so happy to see '999 messages' that you would waste hours online, pretending that someone appreciated you. That's why we had to add the 'bulk' feature in your email account."

"WHO ASKED YOU, YOU OLD FLEA BAG?" I roared, spit flying unattractively from my mouth.

He took this opportune moment for his escape. I'm too tired to chase after him. AHAHAHA. This was forwarded to me by Sango.

From: Sango-san,

To: InuYasha-sama, , Kagome,

Subject: Fwd: icantbelieveyoumiroku!!

He should check the title before opening any attachment. I'll bet our good friend thought it was either pictures of certain things or coupons for free food.

Sango-san, wrote:

Miroku, hon, even I thought that was low. Using your ahem…associations with certain unsavory females as an excuse to avoid InuYasha-san's ball. I will have to forgive you, though, if you open this attachment.

Attached: File justdesserts.exe

Miroku, wrote:

SANGO U MORON I HATE U 4EVA U KNO WUT THAT VIRUS DID TO MY COMP? IT MADE A PERMANENT I LOVE RED SOX BANNER AS MY BACKGROUND i cant even get it off and now i'll have to xplain y i cant do ne of my reports to inuyasha cuz seein that makes me sick i'll get u 4 this, sango!!!!!

Miroku-san

The hottest guy dead or alive

Don't fail—get fastmail.

Call 1-800-BEG-ONE to get rid of demons in your area today!

HA! I can't breathe; I'm laughing so hard.

Must reply!

From: InuYasha-sama,

To: Sango-san,

Cc: Kagome, , Miroku,

Subject: LMFAO

Sango, I applaud your brilliance. Miroku, no can do. All those reports are still due. Close your eyes while you work or something. But you're going to have to do something amazing to top Sango's work. I expect you at my gala, by the way. The chicks will have to wait. Besides, don't they come along with you to all these events, hanging off your arms? You are such a typical human womanizer, Miroku. Get a life and a girlfriend. Sorry if I sound harsh.

InuYasha-sama

Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

Phew. That was way to moral and noble to have come from my fingers typing. I'll deny all evidence of it later. Once I send them all a program to delete that email from their computers, and all computers that contain it. Two more emails left to check.

From: Kagome,

To: Inu-kun, , Miroku, , Sango-san,

Subject: Re: LMFAO

yo dawgs sup? Sorry, my brother insisted on writing something. But I made him go away, so we're all fine and dandy now. Amazing, Inu-kun. I always knew there was a cutsey fluffy little puppy hidden inside you. KAWAAI'I! Lol, jk.See you all at the ball.

From: InuYasha-SAMA,

To: Kagome-CHAN,

Subject: Fwd: Re: LMFAO

Attached: File i'llshowucute.exe

8:05 P.M. November 18. See? I am not one to be messed with. Sorry that I didn't get out and GREET THE WORLD. You are stuck with a journal entry of my boring day today. I will stop being a bum and get out sooner or later. After all, tomorrow is Friday. Gotta go out and by my tux tomorrow. We shall have some very interesting adventures…

A/N- I have NO clue what the names mean. I took them from "Change the World" And I'm not sure about the way I split up the chapter. It was basically completely diary. The conversation with Kagome he wrote down. So sorry it took so long. I've got exams in less than two weeks, regional auditions (I play violin) in less than two days, yet I still find time to work on my fanfiction. BE GRATEFUL! Lol, I'm just kidding.