A/N- I have NO clue what the names mean. I took them from "Change the World" And I'm not sure about the way I split up the chapter. It was basically completely diary. The conversation with Kagome he wrote down. So sorry it took so long. I've got exams in less than two weeks, regional auditions (I play violin) in less than two days, yet I still find time to work on my fanfiction. BE GRATEFUL! Lol, I'm just kidding.

Chapter Six

The Calm Before the Storm

A/N- I don't own InuYasha, or, as shown in the little excerpt in this chappie, Gollum or Smeagol or anything concerning LOTR. As much as I wish so….

The sun rose merrily over a brisk November day. The few birds still remaining chirped their morning call. In a beautiful estate overlooking the countryside, a 17-year-old half

"InuYasha, HURRY! The taxi meter's running!" Kagome's voice bellowed at me from about two stories down. She came by my house –er—manor, at 6:30 in the morning. I am not even kidding you. And she expects me to be bright and cheery and happy and joyful to go tuxedo shopping. Puh-leese.

"COMING!" I hollered back, barely putting on my jacket. "IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE METER, I'LL PAY THE BILL."

"Coming from the guy who was more stingy about a better cause," Kagome muttered.

"Hush, or you'll pay it."

Kagome shut up immediately.

"Sir, I don't think you should be riding a taxi—" my butler interrupted.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine." I hurtled out of the door and barreled into the taxi, much to the driver's consternation.

"Bring us to the nearest boutique." I ordered.

"Yessir." The taxi driver zoomed off. Along the way, he tried to make pleasant conversation. Actually, to call it pleasant would be lying. "Boutique shopping, eh? Your girlfriend making you commit at last?"

"She's not my girlfriend," I said between gritted teeth.

"He wishes," Kagome muttered at the same time.

"Oh." The taxi driver was not deterred. "Well, then why are you going to shop for a suit?"

"Because I'm going to a formal dance."

"For school?" The driver was shocked.

"No, fool. One I've organized."

"I'm only accepting that comment because you're paying me," the driver informed me. "But what about your date? Why aren't you going with her? You don't want a suit that'll clash with her dress."

"What clashes with black?" I said with a derisive snort. "And that's assuming I have a date."

"Black!" The taxi driver was shocked. "Who wears black suits these days? It's spring olive or wood brown. Maybe even courage red."

I'm sorry to say that for the first time in my life I was speechless. Even when I was a baby I always had a retort for everything, whether it be "Goo" or "MINE."

"Besides," the oblivious driver continued blandly, "You have to have a date. I mean, if you organized it. It'll be so tacky if you show up at your own celebration without a date." Oblivious to my obvious anger, that is. Steam was puffing from my ears and flames were shooting out of my mouth.

Kagome, sensing the impending danger, covered my mouth with her hand.

"My friend isn't feeling very well, so I think he won't be talking for the rest of the ride there. OW!"

I bit her hand.

"SIT!"

"Ahm ghonna keel mfgu fahmome." I said through muffled tones since my face was squashed against the seat. Let me tell you, old leather doesn't taste very good. (I'm going to kill you Kagome)

Kagome sat back, a serene smile on her face. "I'm sorry. I couldn't quite hear that last comment. It's almost as if your face is squashed into the seat."

The taxi driver snorted.

"Mhfm gapfh you phmermishun mtfo thalc, foo?" (Who gave you permission to talk, fool?)

There was no response. Not only am I feeling undignified, but I'm feeling unappreciated too. Sobs hysterically. Sudden crowd of insane fangirls, clamoring around me asking me to sign anything they have, including certain areas of their bodies, screaming, "OMG U R DA HAWTNESS INUYASHA WE LUV U LIKE SO TOTALLY MUCH!"

I mean it. With all the IM abbreviations/misspellings. Sighs Illiterate fangirls depress me. Pushes away picture On second thought, I prefer being mashed against the seat.

Finally, I could feel myself being able to move again. So, as revenge to Kagome, as soon as we stepped out of the taxi and I paid our fare (an outrageous 1000 yen) I began to warble in a horrid opera voice, "NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME, THINK I'LL GO EAT WORMS." Even insects and wild animals cowered and fled beneath my dulcet tones. Kagome covered her ears and shrieked, "INUYASHA SI—" before I managed to sweep her off her feet and continue singing in my loud obnoxious voice. "Revenge is sweet," I hissed into her ear.

"I'll get you for this…mark my words," Kagome threatened.

Humph. So not fair that she's got the whole "sit" thing over me. Evil plot forms in InuYasha's head

Schizo conversation between "angel" and "devil" side of InuYasha. Or rather, less corrupt and malevolent/vengeful side. (InuGollum and SmeagolYasha!)

InuGollum: (Hisses) Let's make her pay, preciouss…let InuYasha get a spell to cast over mean nassssty fat Kagome. evil glint in eyes

SmeagolYasha: (cowers) Kagome isn't fat. No, no! green shine in eyes

InuGollum: Maybe, but she's not nicccccee….no, preciousss, not nice like Master.

SmeagolYasha: Who's Master, preciousss?

InuGollum:….Shaddup. That's besides my point.

SmeagolYasha: Oh, how we wishes we could get rid of nasssty InuGollum.

InuGollum: What was that, preciouss? (rubs hands menacingly)

SmeagolYasha: Nothing….nothing at all. (puts hands behind back and whistles innocently)

InuGollum: (sneers suspiciously) Ssssure that'sssss what they all sssay, precioussss.

SmeagolYasha: (takes control) Back to the debate—Kagome is nice to us, preciousss. She only makes us ssssit when we're bad, preciousss.

InuGollum: But we're never bad, preciousss, yet she makes us ssssit anyway. She deSSSSERVESS to be controlled with a word like usss.

SmeagolYasha: No, no!

InuGollum: YESSSSS!

SmeagolYasha: (cowers and cringes in a corner. Suddenly, eyes light up.) We don't need you anymore. Master's going to take care of us now.

InuGollum: Who'ssss masssster, precious? Ssssango's precious taters?

SmeagolYasha: Stop taking other people's ideas. Shame on you. BEGONE, FOUL BEAST!

InuGollum: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SHALL BE BACK!

Whoa! I never knew how many weird personalities were bottled up inside of me. I guess they're right about not keeping your emotions inside! Kagome just grabbed my arm and led me into a store called, "Ted's Terrific Tuxedos."

I can tell you that I already hate it.

A man bustled over, apparently Ted since that's what his nametag said. "Hello good morning welcome to my shop I hope I can help you if there's anything you need and don't forget if you like something come back and buy more and or tell all your friends about Ted's Terrific Tuxedos thank you very much for your patronage." Ted is a guy who's obviously going through a midlife crisis, since his hair is five different shades of brown and blonde, just as if he couldn't decide what color to dye it. I'm serious. It's not layered or anything, it's just like he dyed it over and over again but missed many large splotches. Then the clothes he's wearing, ugh. Not even Armani loafers. A fake Rolex and such prominent plastic rings give this guy an air for "sleaze." Fine, fine. I know his reputation. But his suits are good. Just overpriced.

How about, no. With a guy who doesn't know the definition of pause, I'm certainly not going to buy anything. Kagome, on the other hand, might have been able to understand him……. I'll bet you anything that cheapskate is going to make ME pay for the tux.

What? You said that because it's my tux I should pay for it? What do you mean, MY tux. I'm not going to put a hideous thing like that in my stylish wardrobe. I'm going to wear it once and then take a shower with hot water and disinfectant. Then I'll bleach everything in my house that touched it. I don't want to wear a tux. I ought to wear my bling and my Eminem shirt. Yeah, that's what I'll do. And you can't do anything to stop me!

Er….maybe Kagome can. Damn that girl! She's so annoying! Insert scene of Kagome poking InuYasha. "Are you annoyed yet? Are you annoyed yet? Are you annoyed yet?" and InuYasha screaming, "YES I'M FUCKING ANNOYED!"

See? She is annoying. It's just like I said.

Ted just came with this revolting suit that is every shade of brown imaginable, and a few that aren't.

Rather vomit inducing, now that I think of it. Pardon me for a few moments. And Kagome squealed, "IT'S SO CUTE! INUYASHA, YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY IT ON!"

Whereas my reaction was slightly different. "Hello? 911? Does being forced to go shopping a breach of Article XIII Section 1? The amendment of no 'involuntary servitude?'"

Stupid cops. They said that if I didn't hang up they'd prosecute me for wasting time with prank calls. IT'S NOT A PRANK CALL I'M DEAD SERIOUS! She kidnapped me at 6:00 in the morning and forced me abide by her rules and serve her. Is that not more or less slavery? Wait—one of them said something. Let me write it down.

More intelligent cop: Let me tell you something, sir. That's called daily life if you're with a woman.

I have nothing else to do but sigh. As soon as I put on that appalling clownsuit, Kagome and Ted nearly rip it off, saying, "This won't do at all."

I ain't no fashion expert, but I'm telling you I knew that before that thing even came within arms reach of me. The next suit to come is a crimson red that nearly rivaled the shade my cheeks turned. The suit and I came to a mutual agreement—neither wanted to defile him/itself by touching the other. This thing also came with an orange and yellow striped necktie. Shudders. The mere thought nauseates me.

However, in the end I didn't have a choice. My pleading (or rather, off tune singing) led them to give me a black suit to try on. Unfortunately, they didn't mention that it's PINSTRIPED. WHO WEARS PINSTRIPED SUITS NOWADAYS?

Apparently everyone, or so I'm told. To me, apparently women. And they want me to wear a top hat and cane and monocle with it. Are they trying to make me get the repulsive red robe? Wait…rhetorical question. Don't answer that, or I'll be irritated. So what if I'm always irate? I'll just be even worse. Then you ought to be scared.

"Come on, InuYasha. The red one makes you look so…..um….." Kagome stopped.

"You couldn't even try to think of a flattering word?" I snapped.

"Well," Kagome drawled. "Red is so daring. It would match perfectly with the dress of your date."

I snorted. "What date? My invisible one is wearing purple, and I really don't think we'll match. OW!" I shouted as Kagome smacked me on the head with her purse. "What do you have in there, rocks?"

"No. Things you would not be able to comprehend."

"Oh, really?" I challenged.

Kagome just shook her head.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. I began to guffaw. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE MY DATE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I fell onto the floor and continued being hysterical, much to the dismay of Ted.

"I don't see what's so funny about that!" Kagome defended, turning red.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The stiches in my side made it impossible for me to make a snide remark. But my laugh was cruel enough, I guess.

Kagome didn't say anything, but stormed out. Uh-oh. I think I hurt her feelings…. I jumped up from the ground and chased after her, still wearing the flaming red suit with the tags flapping behind me. I chanced a peek at one of them and nearly had a heart attack at the big ¥5,000,000. And she expects me to buy it! Not until we have some extreme haggling. "KAGOME! WAIT UP!" I shouted.

She turned around and stared blankly at me, then buried her face in her hands. "Look," I wheezed. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. Um…if it makes you feel better, you know, I really, um, wouldn't mind if um…you…um….kind of…"

"—wanted to go with you?" she finished, peeking up.

The restrained tears threatening to leak from the corner of her eyes were like a stab to a heart. Whoa. How cliched. I can't believe I said it! AAAAAAAAAAH DESTROY THE EVIDENCE! runs around with a match trying to burn out section What do you mean, just press delete? You can't just "press delete" when you're writing a diary. It's supposed to be your honest thoughts. Not honest deleted thoughts. Wait, must stop jotting down notes to write down what I have to reply.

"Yeah. That's it. So, erm, do you want to, or will I have to find one of my invisible girlfriends, or worse, one of Miroku's 'chicks?'"

I couldn't tell if Kagome's reply was a laugh, a snort, a chuckle or a sob. But I patted her gently on the shoulder and said, "Come on. Let's go have some fun haggling. Then we'll look for your dress."

Kagome stared at me. "Are you crazy? There's less than twelve hours until your ball starts! I've got my dress already. But I still have to buy accessories."

"I'll pay for them," I said, trying to be charitable. Insert everyone oohing and smirking and giving each other obvious looks Boy. What a mistake. Who knew how many earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, mascara, eyeshadow, eye liner, blush, lipstick, lip gloss, nail polish, hair gel, body glitter, the whole lot, not to mention shoes a girl could buy? But that is a story for later. Right now, we're going to haggle. Yay!

Me: Ted, would you go out and spend ¥5,000,000 on a suit you'll only wear for one day?

Ted: (not a fool) Of course, sir, if it was good quality.

Me: (also not a fool) But what if it wasn't? What if there was a ripped seam on the side, a stain on the lapel. Then would you buy it?

Ted: (pales) There is no such thing!

Me: Of course not now. But there will be if the price isn't lowered.

Ted: You wouldn't! I'd sue you!

Me: (snorts) Who'd believe the word of a corrupt old guy who dyes his obviously brown hair ditz blonde five times, wears fake brand names for everything, and overprices all his merchandise over smart, intelligent, beautiful, rich—

Kagome: And egotistical.

Me: (waves hand) And egotistical me?

Ted: Uh….no one?

Me: (beams) You catch on quick. Now, a quick ¥1000 and I'll be out of here before you can blink.

Ted: (gasps) What? That's barely nine American dollars!

Me: All right, ¥10,000 and stop whining.

Ted: THAT'S ONLY 90 U.S. DOLLARS!

Me: (shoots out claws)

Ted: (backs down meekly) All right, all right, it's yours. Now get out!

"Phew," Kagome sighed. "You make quite a bargainer."

"Naw," I said, waving a hand, pretending to be embarrassed. "He waaay over priced it and he knew it, otherwise he would have made me pay around ¥500,000."

Kagome whistled. "Still, my respect for you has increased by a nano."

"Who cares about your respect?"

Insert everyone chorusing, "Oh no, not again!"

Personally, I have no clue what they're talking about. Why does it matter, anyhow? Kagome is dragging me into a Nine West. She is currently trying on every single stiletto heel that exists in the shop.

"Do you like this one?" She points to a pink flip-flop that has a heel the width of a needle on the edge.

"S'okay," I said apathetically.

"How about this?" She holds up a pair of indigo pumps.

"Meh."

"And this?" She wore a black sandal that laced halfway up her knees and at the heel a silver spike glinted menacingly.

"WHOA!" I jump back, away from the dangerous tip.

She beams and turns to the saleswoman. "I'll take it."

I nearly pass out when I see the price pop up on the little screen. It's amazing how great the contrast is in little green numbers against a black background when the numbers are high enough. All I can say is that the debt against Kagome is paid with interest. Next off to Off Saks Fifth Avenue. And then to Nordstrom. And then to Coach. And then to many other places I lost count of. This is all that I can say:

Nine West stilettos: ¥275,000

Off Saks nighttime dress: ¥999,999

Nordstrom accessories: ¥10,000

Coach handbag: ¥11,000

Seeing Kagome trip down the stairs loaded down with all the crap: Priceless.

Some things just can't be bought, but for everything else, there is my bank account.

A/N- Hey everyone! My baby brother sends his best regards: ?? ooo /b vcx b87hynbgv b n,kjuyhg, mn mn mnbv nbvc. These two guys on my debate team wore "spring olive" and "wood brown" suits, so that's what gave me the idea. YAAAAAAARRRR. Sorry you had to wait so long for a new and improved chappie. Oh, by the way, I am NOT slamming LOTR. So I want NO reviews saying, "OMG I cant believe u was making fun of lOTr I luv it and curse you #$ (expletives)" I LOVE, and I mean LOVE as in obsession, The Lord of the Rings. I wrote a HERO paper on Tolkien. So, even though I believe people are smarter than that, well, better safe than sorry. About InuGollum and SmeagolYasha, it probably should be InuSmeagol and GollumYasha since Smeagol is the "nicer" part, and Inu is the kanji for dog, whilst Gollum is the "nasstier" one, and Yasha is the kanji for a violent, demonic sort of thing. But InuGollum and SmeagolYasha sound better, so I'm keeping it. I combined the diary and reality part today….. I am in no ways biased against women, me being a girl myself. However, seeing as how this is in InuYasha's p.o.v., he's gotta make fun of Kagome sometimes. YAY FOR REVIEWS!!!! Thank you ALL who read this one's fanfiction. To come….InuYasha gets a little fed up with Kagome and meets a shady dealer…dun dun dunnnnnn...Sorry for previous error of 900 yen....