Chapter Eight

Ah, Finally we can relax. Wait, never mind, it's Christmastime.

"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains. And the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains." Taking a deep breath, Miroku bellowed"GLOOOOOOOOR, ORORORORORRRRRRR, ORORORORORRR, ORORORORORIA, in excelsis daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyooooooo." We were outside on the streets singing for a charity. He looked absolutely ridiculous, with a lime green beanie jammed on his head and an orange ski jacket. Freshly pressed chinos and hiking boots topped off his horrible ensemble. While he sang, his head bobbed up and down. Bright blue gloves were on his hands, which he was waving around to emphasize his singing.

Kagome, Sango and I were placing bets on how long it would take for Miroku to get arrested. Huddled underneath a tarp, we were rubbing our hands and cheeks, trying to get rid of the cold. Myoga was chattering his little flea-fang thingys. And he's hidden somewhere in Kagome's muffler, too.

"10 minutes." I said immediately, rubbing my red gloved hands together. Steam puffed from my mouth with each word. I checked to make sure my red ear warmers were still intact.

"I think we should measure by stanzas" Sango said sagely, a hood over her head and her hands in her pockets. "After the second chorus of 'Gloria.'"

"I don't know, Sango. If he hasn't gotten stopped yet, I think he might squeeze in 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing" Kagome said, shaking her head, the tassel on her head flopping around.

"Perhaps they are too scared of him" I paused, considering this idea.

Looking at each other, they agreed. "Yeah. Probably."

We leaned back to watch.

"GLOOOORORORORORORRRRRRR, OROROROROR, ORORORORORIA, in excelsis dayyyyyayayayaaa OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Putting his hand to his chest he threw his head backwards to finish the last word with gusto.

Simultaneously, we all plugged our ears and cringed. But to our great surprise, we heard someone clapping. Soon, it was more than just one person clapping. It was tumultuous applause. Coins and even dollars were being poured into Miroku's bucket. We could only stand there, mouthing wordlessly.

Miroku came over, grinning from ear to ear. The collecting tin rattled happily. "Look, guys! ¥10,000"

A few mutterings were exchanged before Sango said"Great job, Miroku"

"Yeah…" Miroku beamed. "Why don't you guys give it a shot"

"Sure" Kagome said, jumping off her seat.

She clears her throat and sings, opera-style"SIIIIIIIIIIIILENT NIIIIIIIIIIGHT, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT" before being hit in the head by a snowball. "WHY YOU" she fumes, before taking a deep breath, and continuing"AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL IS CAAAAAALLLLLLLLM, AAAAAAAALLLLL IS BRIIIIIIIIGHHHHHT" and being walloped by anther mound of snow.

I snorted. "Calm and bright indeed."

She glares at me. "I don't think they can aim right, that's all. They were really trying for Miroku" who, by the way, is standing next to me, about five feet behind Kagome and at least two yards to the left.

I snorted again.

"Keep this up and you'll become a pig. Literally." Kagome warned.

"At least I'm not one already" I retorted.

Miroku, jumping into the conversation, squealed"Oooh! Burned"

We both glared at him. Many a person hardier than Miroku would have quivered under our steady stares. He of course, broke down immediately and hid behind Sango.

"Sure, hide behind Sango's skirts, why don't you" I turned around.

Pausing, Miroku appeared to think. Then a wide grin lit up on his face, and Sango groaned, sensing a remark that was most likely going to be about her. "Yup. Get a great view of her ass that way."

Meh. Her, her rear-end. Same difference. Didn't matter whatever Miroku would refer to, she would decapitate him anyway. And within moments, lo and behold, Hiraikotsu miraculously found its way next to Miroku's throat. But Sango relaxed and laughed, Miroku laughing with her until a volley of snowballs bombarded him. Shrieking very much like a girl, he dove towards the ground and hastily assembled his own ammunition. People on the streets were starting to stare. I noticed a few passerbys trying to steal the money in our collector's tin. They changed their minds and even stuffed a few bills through it once I was through glaring at them. Turning back to the ongoing snowfight, I even got a few of my own throws in. Kagome decided to hurl snowballs at whoever happened to be losing at the moment, until Sango complained that she favored Miroku.

Suddenly, I remembered something I had to ask our dear friends.

"So, er—Miroku" I said in what I hoped was an offhand tone. "Have you thought about what you're getting your girlfriend"

Everyone froze. And not because of the cold. "What girlfriend" Miroku asked, confused.

I jerked my head pointedly at Sango. "You two were getting all chummy at the ball last night."

"Psh. Girlfriend" Miroku snorted. "I can't have a girlfriend. Not yet, anyhow." To emphasize his point, he grabbed a random woman from the street. Here is their conversation word for word.

Miroku: Excuse me, ma'am?

Lady: (more than a bit miffed at being grabbed, especially in a certain area in which she was rather endowed in) What do you want?

Miroku: (takes her hand) Will you bear my children?

Lady: Hmm…let me ask my boyfriend. (Huge, hulking football player about three times Miroku's size and at least five times his weight looms behind her. He cracks his knuckles ominously.)

Miroku: Um…never mind. You can go now. (flees)

"Not much success with the ladies, no" Kagome said, amused.

Sango, however does not look quite as jolly. "I think it's time for me to go shopping for presents. I will see you all tomorrow night."

Tomorrow night! I realized with a jolt. Two days until Christmas Eve! I've done all the presents for important people, i.e. Kagome, Sango, Shippo, Miroku and even Myoga. But Kagome is helping me pick out stuff for people I don't quite like. Such as Shesso-maru, Totosai, the like. It was a shame that Shippo couldn't attend the ball last night. But his guardian (a stuffy old man by the name of Laotou) deemed that it was too late for him. And it turns out that he caught a cold! Poor little guy. If he didn't annoy me so much, I'd feel sorry for him.

"Um…since we all seem to be dispersing at this time, I think Kagome and I will also take our leave."

"Alright, leaves me to take the money back to charity, then" Miroku sighed in his self-suffering tone.

"You do that" Kagome said, smiling serenely.

I waved a hand and my limo pulled up. Slipping in, I asked Kagome"Where to"

"The mall, where else"

"OH, the MALL. And there was silly little InuYasha, thinking we might POSSIBLY look for BARGAINS along the STREET. I mean, how stupid was I? I can't BELIEVE that I didn't even CONSIDER going to the mall, where EVERYTHING is OVERPRICED." I nearly bellowed.

Kagome winced. "All right, I get the picture. But I don't trust the stores."

"Come on. I'm a guy. I don't care as much about designer brands."

Kagome stared at me. "Says the guy who imports his clothes from the United States."

There is just so much abuse a guy can put up with. "Well, that's because US clothes are better quality. They don't fall apart after one fight."

Kagome snorted. "Good comeback, I'll grant you that."

I made a false bow. "Thank you."

Suddenly, the limo screeched to a halt. If it weren't for a handy-dandy invention called a seatbelt, InuYasha would be squished like roadkill. InuYasha is referring to himself in third person because he feels like it. Now stop complaining about it.

"What the fuck" I shrieked. "Which idiot stopped suddenly? I'm going to kill that asshole dead"

Kagome was so petrified that she didn't point out that normally, when one says kill, the other assumes to death.

I shove open the door and stomp out. Fuming angrily under my breath, I muttered sinister threats. Without warning, I slam into something that feels rather like a cement wall. Looking up, I saw a gigantic demon. "Naraku" Myoga hissed into my ear. Apparently, he had fallen out of his sanctuary in Kagome's scarf.

"I know he's Naraku. But what the hell is he doing here for" I hissed back.

"Well, if it isn't ickle InuYasha, the human lover half demon" he drawled lazily.

Craning my head back, just enough to see his face, but not to show any sort of submission, I spat"Feh. Like you should talk. You're just a host for a bunch of demonic sources. And you're the one who fell in love with Kikyo. Who said anything about me being a human lover"

If Kagome were here she would have murdered me. Fortunately, she was in the car. Thank goodness for the cold weather.

Naraku narrowed his eyes. "What did you come out of your car for"

"I came to kill the fool who stopped so suddenly when there was no stop sign."

"Well, aren't you lucky. That fool happened to be me. Still care to fight"

"Good. I have an excuse to kill you now."

"You wish."

I opened my mouth for a retort when Kagome comes out of the car. "InuYasha! Stop picking fights and let's go."

Naraku glanced over at her, looked back at me, and cackled. "Well, I won't be keeping you from your human any longer. Go on. There will be plenty more opportunities for us to fight."

Storming back to the car, I slammed the door shut behind me. "Stupid fool." His last threat echoed in my mind. Opportunities to fight…With a jolt I realized that he was actually talking about court.

Realization dawned on Kagome when she saw who that was. "Was…was that…" She was trembling so ferociously that she couldn't even speak his name. Of course, that might have been because she was cold.

I nodded grimly.

Kagome made a face. "Just our luck, eh"

"Let's not dwell on it" I said. "Come on, weren't you going to help me pick some gifts"

Kagome's face brightened considerably at the thought of spending money. My money, to be precise. "Okay" she said happily. To my driver, she ordered"Step on it"

Needless to say, we all lurched forward again as the limo went from 0 to 100 in a record speed of a nanosecond. Coughing slightly, I repositioned myself and once again gave thanks to the genius that invented the seatbelt. With my face pressed against the window, I must confess that I behaved like a six-year-old. Everybody: Quick! Get a recorder! InuYasha just said he acted like a little kid

Shoves everybody out of the way The decorations and lights were pretty, okay Everybody: Awww, how sweet
Anyhow, back to work. We pulled up at the mall, and my driver pulled a few strings (and neck ties, but you didn't hear me say that) to get us in quicker. Grabbing Kagome's hand, I led her in.

She stopped before we ever reached the door. "What" I asked crabbily.

Looking quickly at me, astonished as if I missed something obvious, she said"Never mind."

"What" I insisted.

"I said NEVER MIND." Kagome yelled.

"Fine, fine." I noticed that quite a few people were now staring at us. "Let's just go in." I steered her towards the entrance.

Kagome went in and immediately forgot whatever the heck she was talking about.

Audience: loud whisper Isn't it OBVIOUS

Ithil-san: SHHHH! Takes out Mighty Hammer of Writing and bonks them on the head.

After looking and rejecting at least fifty presents, all of which I thought were pretty dandy, she sighed. "Let me see your list."

Here is drum roll The almighty list of InuYasha-sama!

Presents for People I Either Don't Know, or Don't Like

Shesso-maru: I dunno. Something impersonal. Like a tie or something Totosai: er…I mean, ¥¥¥ I ain't giving him United States money. That obnoxious secretary who corrects my grammar: A 5 pay raise, or maybe some perfume set. Koga: A certificate that will prevent me from beating him up. One use only. Ithil-san: Who the heck is she? Probably one of my fangirls. I'll give her my autograph. Other fangirls: A glimpse of me ought to be enough.

The violent side of Ithil-san edits: Feh. How'd InuYasha like it if I told him I was a member of a Shessy guild on this forum I do? The nice side of Ithil-san: That's only because your friend made you join it

Presents for My Friends/People I tolerate

Kagome: Not writing here, cuz she's looking at it. Miroku: A years subscription to CENSORED Sango: A ¥5000 gift certificate to any US brand store of her choice. Shippo: What do little fox demons like, anyhow? Chew toys? Forget it. He's getting candy. Myoga: Break time

Hmm, Kagome was apparently so impressed that she was speechless. Wait, she's turning red. Most impressed people aren't the color of tomatoes, are they?

"Well" I prompted.

She spouted some gibberish I could not comprehend.

"What" I asked, cupping my ear.

"You" she said, jabbing me with a finger"obviously" jab "don't" jab "know" jab "anything" jab

Looking down at Kagome, I grabbed her finger. "Enough jabbing. What do I not know"

"What" Kagome asked, staring off into space. I followed her line of sight to see what intrigued her so much. Feh. A couple thousand dollars Louis Vuitton bag.

"Never mind" I said smugly.

She replied with a jab to the head. "OW" I exclaimed. Grumbling, I followed her into the center of the mall. First stop was the Ralph Polo Lauren store, where she pulled out an assortment of ties. "How's this one for Shessomaru"

It was a blue silk patterned ¥15000 tie. Much better than the reddish nightmare she made me get for the ball. "Fifteen thousand yen" I yelped, causing all the rich patrons to give me an evil eye.

"For you, that's like a little kid spending ¥100 yen for a sticker or a piece of candy" Kagome protested.

For you people who don't know, that's like paying 25¢ for a gumball.

"It's too nice for him." I turned my back on Kagome stubbornly. "Why can't I buy him some cheap, run of the mill necktie, eh"

Kagome sighed, and said very slowly"Because then YOU will look cheap and run of the mill."

"Feh." I snorted. "How could I ever appear like that"

"Ever hear of the expression you are what you eat? Well, it's the same, only different."

"Did anyone ever tell you what brilliant logic you had" I snapped. I was getting more than a little fed up with Kagome. Who died and made her ruler of the world, anyhow?

She decided not to reply to this. The rest of the afternoon passed dreadfully slow without conversation. What would happen is that she would find something and pass it to me. I'd examine it with a critical eye, and I would either affirm the gift or shudder and put it back with disdain. After two hours, I finally grew bored of gifts and I dragged her over to the café.

I'm too tired to write now, and my idiotic parole officer wants the diary in. They changed him to Ithil-san, that crazy fangirl. She's forcing me to write more often and faster now. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Until next time, then.

A/N- Hullo, everyone. Look at this miraculously fast update! I scare myself sometimes. Niana, congrats for being the first reviewer to Chapter 7. Never fear! Matchmaker Kagome is now here. Next episode of My Life as a Teenage Half-Demon: Kagome and Inu-kun have a fight; Kagome overuses our favorite word, sit, and InuYasha, storming off, finds a "shady dealer" who might have a cure to his problem…. Later on, there is an emphasis on InuYasha's night schooling, but I will have an occasional mix of Sango/Miroku romance. P.S. Anonymous reviewers—if you guys want to give me your email, I can let you know when I update, since it takes anywhere from 3 days to 3 months. Snappy, thank you for not one, but TWO reviews! You guys rock. I'm making a new rule. The faster/more the reviews come, the faster/more I'll update. Of course, that means corrupting more people…I've decided that when the audience comments, I'm putting myself in too. You will occasionally see comments from Ithil-san, which is me. Sorry for my horrible botching of the spelling of Louis Vuitton or is it right? I have no clue how to spell his name.