Chapter 4: days off and airport hell
Ceras and Maxwell arrived at the airport 3 hours before there flight, reason being as anyone who has ever taken a plane at a large airport knows is that it takes a long long long time to go through baggage check and security check, let alone having to walk from one side to the other. So there they were in baggage check waiting
5 mins later
still waiting
10 mins later
still waiting
20 mins later
yep waiting
ceras: for the love of god can this line go any faster
maxwell: please dev.. .. .. miss. Victoria keep your voice down
ceras: well this is taking so bloody long and that bastard at the front clearly doesn't have any identification so why the hell does he keep trying
maxwell: not in public please
ceras: bloody wankers YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS
ceras in dramatization threw her arms out to the side hitting two people in the face and sending them flying back into other people making more people fall down. it seems at that moment everyone turned to look at the vampire turned psychotic priest, Maxwell covered his face in shame
maxwell: I said not in public
random guy in line: I don't want to go to hell
other random guy: neither do I
random kid: holy shit that was almost to the wall
everyone in front for some odd reason moved to the side to let the priests to the front of the line.
Maxwell looked at the abashed woman turned man and shrugged before he picked his bags up and walked to the front of the line
Lady: g..good m..morning si..se.. sirs who.. how can I help you?
Stuttered the woman at the front desk looking over to the people who were knocked over from ceras's outburst.
Maxwell: oh yes here are our bags (maxwell hands bags over)
Lady: and where are you leaving to sirs?
Maxwell: England
Lady: and did u pack these bags yourself
Maxwell: yes ma'am
Ceras: he packed mine for me
Lady: I see.. well here is your tickets sir
The lady at the counter handed the tickets over shakily
Maxwell: thank you ma'am and have a nice day
Ceras: and god bless ye
The lady just nodded as Maxwell and ceras in Alexander's body moved on the security
Meanwhile back in London where gentlemen kick ass in suits and don't end up with a spot of blood (least in the movies)
Alexander: I am bored as hell
Alucard: so play with yourself
Alexander jumped slightly to the appearance of another voice
Alexander: what's that supposed to mean you filthy heathen
Alucard: are you really that virtuous of mind
Alexander: pervert
Picking up the nearest object he threw it at alucard but since he was a shadow in the wall kind of thing it kind of hit the wall.
Alexander: bastard
With these words Alexander stormed out of the room in a huff and down the hall
Alexander: one of these days I am going to steak him with a blade made of silver from a cross blessed by the pope, I am then going to rip the bastards black heart out and burn the bloody thing before his eyes, I am then going to cut his arms and hands off and throw them in a box burying them 6 feet under Notre dame, I am going to rip his legs off and beat him over his head with them I am then going to….
Male voice: CERAS
Alexander let out a very high pitch scream that put a cockatoo to shame
Male voice: oh I em so sorry ceras
Alexander: who the bloody hell are you and what the fuck do you want!
Alexander looked at the man who just scared him he had long light colored hair tied back in a braid and a patch over his right eye, a bandage covered his nose, and by using the great use of common sense Alexander figured out by the mans uniform that this guy was part of hellsing.
Male: it zis me Pip and I was only saying 'ello
Alexander:.. … .. .oh.. … so who the fuck are you again
Pip: are you feeling okay
Alexander: am I feeling fine? Am I feeling fine? AM I FUCKING BLOODY FEELING FINE? YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN A WOMANS BODY HOW IT FUCKING FEELS TO HAVE A BASTARD VAMPIRE CONTANTILY EGGING YOU ON? HOW IT FEELS TO BE THE UNDEAD ALL BECAUSE OF SOME PYCHO BITCH DEMON? HOW I FEEL I FEEL LIKE SHIT
After the small outbreak Alexander was standing in the middle of the hall hyperventilating
Pip: it was only a question
Alexander now beyond pissed turned a kicked pip square in the jaw before he jumped on the poor mercenary pounding his now her fists into Pips face.
Meanwhile back in the land of Italy where Rome used to be where they had coliseums that had seen better days and lots of blood.
Finally after much walking and even more waiting luckily without another incident ceras and maxwell were finally at security check. Maxwell walked through fine without any problems but ceras on the other hand..
Security guy 1: sir please take off your coat
Ceras took it off handing it to the guy while security guy 2 used those scanner thingy's after being done the guy was about to hand Andersons coat back when a blade fell out of a pocket.
Ceras: that's not mine
Security guy number 1: uhh sir you have to come with us
Ceras: I swear to god that isn't mine
Security guy 2: sir I am sure that is yours
Ceras: how could it be mine look at me I am a priest I am appalled to violence why on earth would I ever own something like.. ..
Just then after shacking the coat slightly 12 more blades fell from the coat
Ceras: that.. .. look what's that
Having pointed at something random ceras turned and ran like hell sadly thought it wasn't far before she was tackled and dragged away by security.
Meanwhile back in London where guards with big fluffy hats stand guard the palace of Buckingham
Alexander: you… fucking.. Bastard.. Go.. to.. Hell..
Alexander with each word slammed Pips head against the floor s/he was currently strangling the mercenary who was turning a unusual color of blue
Alexander: filthy.. Heathen.. Die
Lucky for pip Walter walked into the room
Walter: oh mr. anders.. … . .WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM, GET OFF HIM, GET OFF HIM
Walter ran forward managing to pry Alexander off of pip, Alexander not wanting to finish trying to kill the poor man started to kick and scream
Alexander: let me go now
Walter: please settle down Mr. Anderson
Pip had rolled to the side and started to cough violently getting air into his lungs
Pip: what 'cough' the 'hack' hell 'wheeze' is the matter with her
Alexander: I am not a woman damn it I am a man, A MAN I TELL YOU A MAN
Walter: keep it down before sir Integra hears you
Alexander: I don't give a damn let the whole world hear me I AM A MAN
Integra: WALTER!
Walter: to late.. pip hurry take her down to her room and lock her in her coffin, hide her from site, please I will explain later
The last part Walter added after seeing pips face turn to horror, sighing the solider complied grabbing the kicking and screaming Alexander and dragged her down the hall, for good measures he covered her mouth to muffle her screams
Walter quietly: I promise I will repay u later
Just then Integra came storming around the corner
Integra: Walter what the devil is going on here, and who was shouting at the top of there lungs I am a man
Walter quickly thinking up a lie: I was practicing
Integra: practicing?
Walter: yes for a play, Me and some of them men are planning to put on
Integra: a play?
Walter: yes its called.. ..I am a man, thus all the shouting.. its about a man who wakes up looking like a woman and later finds out he switched bodies with someone else who was a woman because they angered an evil ancient sorceress
Integra: is see.. Walter?
Walter quietly: yes ma'am
Integra: I know you may be practicing but please keep it down I have a headache
Walter: yes ma'am
After Integra left Walter silently sighed
Walter: well at least it wasn't a complete lie
Meanwhile down the stairs
Pip: stop zit now
Pip was dragging Alexander down the hall kicking and screaming, Alexander bit pips hand hard making it bleed
Pip: ouch you son of a bitch
Alexander tried to make another break for it stomping onto pips foot making him let go of Alexander long enough for the human made vampire to make a run for it, sadly thought as it reached the corner it was closed lined knocking it back and hitting the floor hard enough to fall into unconsciousness
Alucard: need help?
Pip: thank you
Alucard: don't mention it, aren't you supposed to have a frenchish accent
Pip walked forward picking up the unconscious wo/man
Pip: well uhh 'hack' 'cough' what zis wrong with her
But when pip turned towards alucard he was gone leaving the mercenary alone in the hall
Pip mumbling to self: well zat is vampires for you, one minute zey are zere helping you next zey either have disappeared leaving you alone to contemplate or doge bullets and wonder what ze hell is going on, that or bite you bloody head off in a bloody mess.
With this said pip walked soundly down to the basement where ceras coffin was.
What shall happen next will ceras get out of security? will Alexander regain consciousness? will alucard ever appear again? will Integra ever find out? will pip get rabies from being bitten? and will everything ever go back to normal? The answers to this and much much more next time.. .. .by the way the answer for the last one is no
A/N: ello folks long time no scribble scrabble write, anyways been busy haven't gotten much done lately but yeah.. have fun, stay safe, don't drink and drive, and read and review.. .. . mostly the no drinkey drivey one and the read and review
Kyo clone 1: till next time folks
Kyo clone 2: same place same time, same insane idiot
Author: HARRASEMENT