The Writing on The Wall
i Dear Lily /i Sirius wrote on the wall
i I want you to know I have been here. This is from Sirius Black, your old friend. I want you to know that I am dead to. Isn't it strange how these things happen? I'm dead, yet I'm not. Where are we? What is this place? I fell down that veil….the veil at the place where you used to work. How is James? Do you know where he is?
I can't find anybody in this place. Everything is black and heavy and when I walk it feels as though I am sinking in quicksand. Luckily, there are things to grab onto that are attached to the walls, but they are covered with spikes and they pierce my hands. I have so many scars. I'm holding on to one right now and I can feel the blood dripping.
I can barely see. Please forgive me if I make a few mistakes. Actually, forgive me for all the mistakes I've made in my whole life. The first was being born. The second was coming to know Peter Pettigrew, that bastard. Remember him? Yes, he was the one who got you and James murdered. I do not lie. It was all his doing. And it was my fault, because I suggested that he be the secret keeper. I was so stupid back then. Have I gotten any wiser?
I loved you so much, and I never said a word. Did you feel the same? I was so jealous at the wedding, watching James put on his bowtie, smiling at the thought of you and he together forever…I wanted to strangle him. Please forgive me for this. I loved you so much then, Lils. I still do.
Don't you remember that day before you were pregnant, when James was out? I stopped by and you let me in. Don't you remember how I looked at you? Do you remember how I tasted when we kissed? Do you remember how it felt when I was in you, sharing your body? I remember how you felt, innocent and beautiful as always. That's saying something, that you /i felt i beautiful. I remember touching your skin, running my fingers through your lovely hair and down your neck. I think about that still.
I wish I knew where you were…if you read this, please write a reply. I need to find somebody – anybody – soon. I am afraid I will go mad. I've outdone insanity twice now, please help me outdo it a third.
Love,
Sirius /i
6/5/95
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i Dear Sirius /i Lily wrote in reply,
i How good it is to know you are here, but how I wish we were alive again! Where are you? I wish I knew. How is Harry – no, how was Harry? I wish I could see his face again. I'm afraid I've already gone mad down here, with the darkness and the 'quicksand' and the bloody holds on the walls. I wish you were here so I might see you before I go completely insane.
I never found James in the whole time we were down here. An hour before we died, he promised me that if we ever left this world to separate sides of oblivion that he'd find me somehow. He hasn't fulfilled that promise yet. I miss him so much, and I'm wondering if I'll ever really see him again.
How was Remus before you left? That poor bloke. He's the last man standing, assuming Peter's dead. And then there's Severus…how was he? Greasy as ever? Oh, with what wistful humor do I write these words.
All I can do to keep myself 'alive' is think of you again…your body, your hair and your smell. Your eyes and your hands and arms. Your legs. Your fingertips. Your tongue. So much more…I want to hold you again. I want us to share me again. Do you think it possible? Perhaps I should wait here if you shall ever return.
And that is exactly what I'll do.
-Lily /i
8/14/02
center /center
Lily held on to the spiky handle in the wall for many years, all of which passed as seconds. Time was no matter to her, but she counted anyway. She remembered Harry's birthday, James and her anniversary, the day she had first come to Hogwarts. She thought about her past and miserable present and excruciating future. It really wasn't much of a future, sitting here, and waiting for her love to emerge from the inky black abyss.
Finally, one day, she heard approaching footsteps. With them came a tiny light. In it, she saw the face of Sirius. She was overwhelmed with such happiness that her feet could barely lift her. She scrambled out of the 'quicksand' and rushed over to meet him. He was crying, and so was she.
Only three feet away she was now. She ran even harder, pumping her legs in order to get through the 'quicksand'. She was almost there, only about a foot more. The tears were impairing her vision. His smile gave her pleasure, as bright and amazing as it was. It was the first human thing she had gazed upon in years besides her own features.
She was almost there. She could probably reach out to touch him now. Three steps more…two steps more…just one more step…
Suddenly, she hit something and bounced backward. What was going on there? She went forward again, and hit it again. What was this about? She banged on the invisible force field with her fists. Nothing happened. On the other side of it, Sirius' smile shattered. They had both begun to sob. Lily put her hand up to the force field and whispered, "I love you." Sirius put his hand next to hers and mouthed, "I love you too."
After that moment, the both of them went mad.