Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Gilmore Girls or Airplane. All I have is way too much time on my hands and not enough friends.
AN: This is a short, all dialogue fic (as was stated in the summary) and I actually think it's pretty good. That's rare for me. That's pretty much all I have to say, so read on!
"You're reading, Rory!"
"No, I'm plotting to take over the world using just 8 differently colored paper clips, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a towel. Hey, do want to join me? With my wit and your frighteningly sophisticated persuasive skills we could convince any world leader to give us important documents without even having to sleep with them."
"As tempting and fully thought out as that sounds I was referring as to why you aren't getting ready for the party that starts in a little over an hour."
"Oh, that. Well, that's entails a slightly less evil, yet far more simple answer."
"Which is?"
"Well, Paris, I'm not going."
"You have to go. This is the first really big party of our sophomore year. It's been published in Obey These or Zeus Will Strike You and Your Momma Down. It's number 63, right next to the law about wearing flip-flops into communal showers and using a spoon rather than a fork to eat soup. Really, Rory, it's common sense."
"That's a really long title."
"Yes, well, the original was even longer. It included something about pasta. They're trying to shorten it."
"Okay, good to know. Now, I promise to pick it up the next time I'm at a book store, but for now can I please continue reading my book?"
"No, you have far too little fun Rory Gilmore, which is why I am going to force you to go this party even if I do have to use my own assortment of colored paper clips. You are going to cause some trouble tonight!"
"Paris, I am incapable of causing trouble. Studies have proven it. Princeton, Stanford, Oxford. They all agree."
"What about Yale? Did they study you too?"
"No, they thought it would be inappropriate and cruel to study their own student. Anyway, all of these studies said that Barney was more likely to stir things up than I am. Can you believe the irony? A big, purple, extinct creature who teaches kids about sharing is more capable of causing trouble than me. It makes you wonder what else prehistoric animals can do that we can't. I bet they strip too."
"You want to strip?"
"No, I just felt like comparing myself to Barney for a second. I was going to use the Tellytubies but there are four of them and their sun is the face of a baby. It creeps me out."
"Well, now that that's settled. What are you going to wear?"
"I already told you I'm not going. It's a complete waste of time. All kids do at these is drink and make a big ruckus. And for what? A party that you probably won't even remember because you're too hung-over to."
"That's why we won't drink. A lot, anyway. But we could pole dance for the frat boys if you want to?"
"I don't want to do either, especially the last part. That was an hyperbole."
"Look, Rory, these parties can be great. Sure, some people get wasted, but you don't have to. You can just come, dance a little, and read if you really don't enjoy it. Just please come."
"Why are you so anxious for me to tag along?"
"No reason, I just thought you needed to get out more."
"No, I know you, Paris. There's something else going on here. I can feel it. It's like when people break their bones and they can predict the weather. Yeah, that's how I am, except without the pain part."
"Okay, I get it. It's just that…I don't want to go if you don't."
"Why?"
"I'm scared. All my life I've been forced to go to these against my will. Now I don't have to, but part of me wants to."
"Paris, you hate parties. You've always hated parties. You are to parties what Jon Stewart is to Republicans. You can't stand them."
"All of that is true, but I can't help feeling left out. I want to experience all of college life, dark side and all."
"Okay, maybe we can make this work so that we both win. I'll go to the party IF we can go around the party and only talk in quotes from movies."
"What?"
"Well, think about it. That way we can make it interesting and confuse some drunk people along the way. What do you say?"
"I say: 'Surely you must be joking.'"
"'No, I'm not joking and don't call me Shirley.'"