The Beginning of the Nightmare
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Remus salvages his and Sirius relationship for just one more night. Set right before the betrayal, one-shot. Slash, naturally.
A.N./ Don't own anything, as you know. I was craving, dying, for reviews. This really doesn't have a plot, just a night in the Black-Lupin flat before everything went down the drain. I decided not to beta this one because I was that desperate for reviews (sorry, Elizabeth). Cheer a girl up and review?
The wind whipped harshly against the weak windowpane and the entire room creaked with the post winter-weather. Small droplets dotted the sheet of glass protecting the small flat from the torturous howls of sputtering rain and cold. They shone like crystals as the streetlight stained the glass with a yellow luster.
Remus was eternally grateful that he did not find himself out in the bitter night, but inside in the secure home. If he got too close to the pane, just enough to look out for the person he was waiting for, he would shiver intensely and draw back to the small couch on the sidewall. Instead of moving toward the window, he opted to watch the door.
The kettle whistled in the kitchen and he shuffled into the dim adjoining room. The tile reflected the dark and frigid weather. When he got the counter, taking the kettle off the stove, his toes curled from the ruthless cold. Stepping from side to side to prolong the needling sensation in his feet, he quickly took a mug from the cupboard and prepared his tea. He thought for a moment to set aside a cup for his lover, but knew that he would make his own if he so wished.
He coiled his hands around the heat and made his way back to the couch. Sinking into the warmth and plush of the fabric he took a sip from fire liquid, timidly letting it run across his lips. He gave the door another short glance and cursed himself for being so upset. Sirius would be home any moment, he told himself. He knew that, but he still found himself playing out horrible scenarios in his head.
He could imagine Sirius body twisted and mangled from a bought of curses, cold and lifeless on a wet cobblestone alleyway. He could feel cold fingers grip Sirius strong chin, lifting his eyes to evil and forcing him into terrible things. But it was the things that he couldn't imagine, things too dark for even his nightmares, that scared him the most.
He felt like Lily, curled up and anxiously waiting for Sirius to come home. When James and Sirius started training to be Aurors, Remus couldn't find any problems in it; if it were legal for him, he'd train to be one too. Now that the rise of Voldemort was reaching its peak, he was having second thoughts. The fact that Sirius and James could be in real danger was now more prominent in their lives.
So, here he found himself watching the door constantly. He had the half thought of Flooing Lily and seeing how she was doing, but he considered that she was a mess of baby and hormones.
Yesterday when they were having tea together she burst into tears, proclaiming that she was the fattest woman to ever exist and that the reason why James stayed out late was because he didn't love her. Remus patted her protruding belly, telling her that she was absolutely radiant and that James was working hard to protect her. She had sniffled into her hands, whipping her tears away, for a good ten minutes before she finally calmed down.
Now, Remus couldn't help but carry the feeling that Sirius might be having second thoughts about their relationship. Lately Sirius would come home, shower, and crawl into bed with very few words to Remus. He would occasionally kiss Remus goodbye before heading off to work, but Remus couldn't feel the same intensity that he had when they had just moved in. Maybe Sirius had grown tired of him. Maybe Sirius had found someone else. These thoughts drove Remus crazy with anger and this made him feel just as hormonal as Lily, which was utterly discomforting.
Sighing roughly, Remus blew into his mug and took a large swig of the scalding liquid. He closed his eyes, temporarily forgetting the tearing feeling of Sirius finding someone else. He focused on the thin blaze running down his throat and forgot the terror of Voldemort looming over their existence. He forgot the cold night, the loads of papers he had to finish, the feeling of emptiness. He even forgot how to breath for a moment, but the sound of a key turning in the door caused him to choke.
When Sirius pushed his way in the door, Remus dropped the mug to the floor and spilled the remaining liquid all over his front. With a loud cry as the scalding tea seeped through his shirt, Remus jumped up and held it out away from him. Sirius quickly shut the door, setting several quick locks before helping Remus out of the shirt.
Sirius reached down and pulled the shirt off of him, his cold fingers brushing against Remus chest. A sharp hiss escaped his lips and Remus withdrew from the freezing digits. To add insult, the room temperature dropped a few degrees without the heat of his shirt and the cooling wetness on his chest.
Sirius' eyes looked dull as he tossed the drenched wad into the hall and started to take off his own cloak. His entire body radiated the cold from outside and his ebony hair was flecked with rain and mud. He smelled strongly of cigarettes and sweat. Remus could smell the fresh pine of James and the aged scent of Mad-Eye, but not the unfamiliar sweet perfume or heavy musk from his lover.
Sighing inwardly and berating himself for being so foolish, Remus smiled and welcomed Sirius with open arms despite that they were both freezing now. Sirius gave him an odd look before leaning in and giving Remus a quick peck on the cheek.
"How was your day, Moony?" Sirius asked monotonously, making his way to the kitchen. Remus was relived to hear the endearing name on Sirius' lips, but could not shake the dry tone.
Pulling on a dry shirt, he waved his hand unimportantly as he followed Sirius. "Worked on stuff for the Order, nothing much interesting though. We still haven't found any leads to what Voldemort is planning. He has gathered many other wizards and we did find some names. What a shame it is that we actually went to school with some—"
Sirius had been standing at the counter, preparing his mug before he sunk to the floor, placing his worn face in his hands. He was shaking all over, his body wracked with dry sobs. Remus swooped down, gathering him in his arms.
"Merlin, Remus. It's Regulus. He—he …" Sirius buried his face in Remus' shoulder, gripping onto his back as if he were a life support. Remus was taken aback, but he held onto him, burying his nose in his spicy smell.
There was a pregnant pause where Sirius fought to control his breathing. When he was ready, he met Remus' eyes. They were blood shot and tired, shining with the knowledge too many woes for a man his age. They all carried such burdens, and Remus would give his life to have one day without this sorrow. He would give his life for the man in his arms, for his happiness.
No words needed to be spoken. Sirius had obviously carried this weight for a while now. That would explain his distance, Remus thought as he filled in the pieces. He immediately felt horrible for rejoicing in the fact, but he knew that Sirius had ultimately ran to him and that was the most comforting news he's thought of for a long time.
Sirius kissed him then, pressing into him insistently. His moves were jerky and desperate and his entire existence screamed in need. Remus poured everything he could into him. All the frustrations of the war, every feeling of emptiness, every night he stayed waiting for Sirius to come home boiled in him. This fuel brimmed his love over the edge, and he wanted to spill into Sirius.
The slide of their bodies spoke much needed words of devotion louder than any declaration of love. Their kisses, messy and sweet, told them comforting words of love and promises. When they connected Sirius screamed hoarsely, sobbing when he came against Remus' belly. It was the most powerful thing that Remus had ever experienced and he held onto it as long as he possibly could.
They stayed on the kitchen floor for a long while after, curled up into each other. When Sirius began to doze, his nose nuzzled right under Remus' chin, Remus began to feel the weight of the world lighten just a bit. Every breath that Sirius took helped Remus' own breath come easier. He then knew that after the war they would be together. No matter what would happen, they would always have this.
Closing his eyes slowly, Remus tightened his hold against Sirius and dreamt no more.