Day After Today
Said I want to live the city life
This small town could eat me alive
I gotta pack my things and go where the railroad takes me
Mama's too poor to send me away
But I've been saving up on most everyday
Little bit out of each check from the Gas & Deli
He always said he was going to leave, be a better man than his father ever was. But I never imagined that it would be with out me... I guess part of me knew that I would be a burden for him, just get in his way instead of help. I was in love, which was and still is the only justification for why I stayed with him, knowing that he would leave. I just always hoped that he would realize that his love for me was too great to leave behind, foolish notions...Nathan always worked so hard at his Uncle Keith's auto shop. Scott Motors was his haven, it was the only place I ever really saw him at peace, with himself, the world, life. His steely blue eyes would clear up in that time, the cloud that permanently shown in them would disappear, if only for those short moments. Although, it was never because he loved to work on cars, that was just a perk for him, but because he knew that Scott Motors was his ticket out. Never did Nathan spend frivolously, quite the penny pincher I would call him. I never could wrap my mind around why Nathan saved his earnings, his father, Dan Scott, was the big man on campus, and owned the biggest dealership in town. He would surely give him whatever Nathan asked for, unlike his mother Deb Scott who couldn't afford to, she'd been previously addicted to heroine and spent all her money on drugs, eventually burying herself in debts. Now she was clean but worked hard to pay back the money she owed, she and Dan had divorced when the town found out about her addiction, so Dan gave her no money. Deep down, I knew why Nathan would never ask Dan for anything, both of us knew that Dan would hold it over Nathan's head. Use it as another way to control him, Nathan had worked so hard, fought for so long to free himself of that, he wouldn't go back.
And the whistle keeps on blowing
And the train keeps on rolling
And he said
I ain't never been to New York City
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas
But you bet your bottom dollar
That's where I'm going the day after today
I remember Nathan telling me the night he staggered into my room in a drunken stupor that he wanted to go to New York. Live the city life, be a worldly man. I was... shell shocked; it was completely out of the blue for me. I had always pictured us living together in Tree Hill with a small family. Nathan was an only child and I had been part of the James clan, Haley James, the youngest out of 7 brothers and sisters. I just always figured we'd have our 2.5 kids, a small house on the outskirts of town, with a white picket fence and a golden retriever. It wasn't like I should have been surprised he wanted something different for himself, we'd never discussed our future together, but part of me knew we'd be together forever. Didn't turn out the way I'd planed it, but then again life never does.
So he locked the door and he killed the lights
Took a six pack to get him through the night
Didn't have a plan just a good sense of direction
And Maybelline, his beauty queen
She cried all night cause the sheet were clean
But he left her a lovers' note there apologizing
The day he left was the saddest of my life, I thought my heart would never heal, that I'd be left a broken girl lost and alone, with out loves light to guide me. It felt as though Nathan had ripped out my heart and taken it with him, leaving me an empty shell. But all hope wasn't lost; he'd write me at times, tell me how different it was in New York, how cold the people were to new comers. If you didn't watch your back the muggers would take the shoes right out from under you. I felt as though he was trying to scare me away, keep me from coming after him, so I didn't. I let him be, and hoped that he would find what he was looking for. But in the dead of night I would wake and rock myself to sleep, crying. Hug his pillow to my chest and breathe in his scent that still lingered even after 4 months.
He said I hear the whistle blowing
Gotta catch it the train is rolling
And he said
I ain't never been to New York City
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas
But you bet your bottom dollar
That's where I'm going the day after today
God only knows how many times I had to remind myself that Nathan was destined for more, he was supposed to be better than the rest of us here. Everyone could see it, ever since he was a little boy; he had this spark, this determination that would eventually take him from this place. It's ironic that, that same spark that was destined to take him from me was what lead me to him in the first place. It had been 7 months since he'd left and he still kept writing, only further giving me hope, hope that he would return and whisk me away from this hell. Hell, that was only hell when he left, before that it was my utopia. I struggled to convince myself everyday that I had to let him live, live before he could return to me and be the man he wanted to be, the man we both wanted him to be. But I was finding it harder and harder to breathe. I knew I had to make myself stop loving him, stop caring, but part of me didn't want to let go.
The air is thick on the concrete isle
Ain't nothing green for like twenty miles
And he ain't use to the sun and moon a hiding
So he took his foot from out his mouth
And he packed his things and went back down south
But Maybelline said "Babe my time's arising."
When he came back, again I felt pain. So much pain tearing at my insides and I couldn't understand why. He was the love of my life and he was back. I should have been happy... but I wasn't. It wasn't until Nathan told me of his adventures that I felt a pang of jealousy in my gut. It was then I realized what the pain meant, and it wasn't pain at all. It was envy, I wanted to be the one to leave and live my life the way I wanted to. But it was he who got the chance, who took it. Now, it was my turn, my turn to spread my wings and fly. I would get out of this town and leave my past behind, leave him behind.
Said I hear the whistle blowing
Gotta catch it the train is rolling
And she said
I ain't never been to New York City
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas
I never seen the L.A lights shine bright
Bright, brighter than your smile was ever
Brighter than my desire was ever
Longer burning than our love was ever....
It was late at night when I left. I felt no remorse, no guilt, nothing, nothing but relief because I would finally get my chance, and take it. I didn't tell Nathan I was leaving, I knew he would try and stop me, tell me he loved me and that we were meant to be together. So I left while he was out, working late at Scott Motors... The only thing I left him was a note; it said "I ain't never been to New York City. I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay. I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas but you bet your bottom dollar that's where I'm going the day after today..."