Haunting Regrets
Sometimes, when I'm alone at night I remember. His hugs, his kisses and it are at those times I regret leaving him. I wonder how I could have been selfish, but then I realize that I never lived before this, before any of it. So I close my eyes tightly and hold on to the memories of him and of us... I pray for a future together, but deep inside I don't know if it'll happen. If I'm ready to go back to him, if I ever will, this place that I've come to has become a part of me, with each setting of the sun it casts its spell on me; weaving its way farther and farther into my heart, into my being. And I can honestly say I don't know if my love for Nathan is enough to pull me away...
My mother says that I've made the biggest mistake of my life, leaving everything I've ever known behind and planting myself in a middle of no where town. But I've grown so accustomed to the way of life here... it's so peaceful. I don't know why anyone would ever want to leave. I went to everywhere I've ever wanted to go, I traveled to the biggest cities. And I hated every minute of it, and it was exactly the same in every city, this uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach... All the poverty and bleakness, why would anyone want to live there? The saying "on god's green earth" was just that, a saying, with all those grey buildings everywhere you turned it was hard not to feel suffocated... So I left that too, and I found myself here in this middle of no where town, with lush green trees and plants galore...
But god how I miss him, it wasn't supposed to turn out this way. He was supposed to stay behind with my past. But he's not; I take him, his love everywhere I go. Yeah, I wonder if he still feels anything for me, but I can't let that rule the decisions I make... I need a sign I need something to tell me it's time to go home, because honestly I don't think I can do it on my own...