I know that a lot in this chapter you already know but I just wanted to give you a sense of how crap his life was from that day on.
Also I have a sneaky surprise waiting for you in the next chapter. I just have to decide when Im gonna let you read it. Mwahahaha. P.s. Thanks to Lyny Angell for the review, just to let you know, if you thought I was evil after reading chapter 8, you are going to hate me after you have read 9 and 10. Though please don't hate me too much. xx
All thinking is put in brackets.
Long Time Love
Chapter 9
Remus was still in St. Mungos when Peter told him that Kate's body had been found and that all hope of her being alive was gone. He felt his heart stop beating. His lungs no longer drew air, as they should. Then he felt numb. There was no anger. No sadness. No pain. Nothing. He willed his body to give up on him. He went from one day to the next not living but merely existing. He slept most of the time. The medi-witches would wake him and force him to eat and drink. For what reason he wasn't sure. He didn't deserve their comfort or their help. He had killed the only woman who had ever loved him. If it weren't for him she would still be alive. He had led her to her death. He wanted to die himself but he felt that he didn't deserve the peace that death would bring him.
Sometimes she would come to him in his dreams to torment him. To make him remember things that his waking self was trying so desperately to forget. She would declare her love for him, kiss him, and hold him so tight that he would become lost in her once more. Then the scene would change and it would be just like it was that fateful night. Rain falling. Lightening crashing. The dark figure in the hooded cloak. He would re-live every second until the moment when she disappeared from his life. He would wake screaming. Sweat clinging to him. Blood pounding in his ears. Once again everything would be fresh and raw, so he would hide inside himself until the numbness returned.
Months passed. He was weak. Losing his strength and his grip on reality. They had never seen him like this before in all the years they had known him and they were becoming frightened. He had been moved to the long-term residents ward. This was normally used for patients with permanent spell damage but he had been there for so long already there was really no where else to put him. Lily went to see him one day to tell him that she and James were expecting a baby. She came away crying, saying that she didn't think he had even understood what she was saying. In all honesty, he was only half aware of her being there. She said he had looked like he had been given the kiss. That his essence, his soul had been sucked out of him and all that was left was an empty shell lying there on the bed.
Albus Dumbledore had heard of the incident and would pop in once in a while to see if there was any improvement, as did Minevra Mcgonagall. It didn't look good for him but still his loyal friends came to see him. They talked to him, re-living their adventures together, the good and the bad, hoping that some word, some memory would bring him back to them. The medi-witches weren't very hopeful that he would come out of it, thinking him too far gone.
At the end of July Lily had the baby and once she was strong enough they took him to see Remus. Lily went up to the bed and sat down on the edge.
"Remus?" She said softly. "We've brought someone to see you."
There was no response. Lily placed her free hand gently on his cheek and turned him to face her.
"Remus, do you remember when I told you I was pregnant? When I told you James and I were going to have a baby? This is Harry, our son. Remus please, can you hear me?"
Something stirred in the back of his mind. He vaguely remembered a conversation he had with Kate about perhaps starting a family when the ministry withdrew its marriage ban on werewolves. He blinked a few times and then slowly lowered his head to look at the tiny bundle in Lily's arms. Remus sat and stared at Harry for the longest time before reaching out a hand to him. Lily held her breath, not daring to believe that this child, her son, would be the key to unlocking his mind. Harry closed his little hand around one of Remus' fingers and brought it to his mouth.
"We were going to have a child," he said in a husky voice that showed it hadn't been used in a long time. "When the ministry changed its mind, we were going to have a child."
That was when the door opened. Remus took a deep gasping breath like a drowning man once again able to taste the sweet air. Love, hate, guilt, fear and anger all washed over him at once and he was unable to do a thing to stop it. James took Harry from Lily's arms to allow her to wrap her arms around him. He tried to shake her off but he was too weak. In the end he gave up and leaned against her. Tears escaped down his cheeks as his body convulsed. He cried for a long time. For what he had had, for what he had lost and for what he would never have again.
He had never allowed himself to grieve and that grief was coming back on him 100 fold. He never thought he would feel this much pain. He was consumed by it. Even after his tears had dried up he still continued to sob. A medi-witch came to see what all the noise was about and couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him. She hurried out of the room and returned a moment later with a vial. She placed a hand on Sirius' arm and told him once Remus was calmer he was to give him the potion. It would help him to sleep.
Finally his sobs subsided and Remus was left with a raw throat and an aching heart. Figuring the worst was over Sirius came over and placed the vial to his lips. His throat was screaming out so much that he didn't even question what it was. Lily continued to hold him as she felt his body relax and his breathing become more even. Gently she placed her hand under his head and lowered it to the pillow before getting up and pulling the sheets over him. No one said a word as they made their way to the door. The relief in their eyes spoke volumes.
He was sat on the bed 3 days later when they came to collect him.
He looked better but there was still a sadness in his eyes that would probably never go away.
"Hey, Moony old boy, you ready to rock and roll?" Sirius bellowed, waking baby Harry up in the process.
Remus gave a small smile. Sirius would never change.
"I'm ready," he said. "I have to get back to the real world sometime."
"That's my boy," Sirius replied.
"I think we had better go," Lily said. "Before you disturb the entire hospital."
Remus eased himself off the bed and turned to follow his friends, not noticing that Peter wasn't even there.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The following year went by quickly. Baby Harry was crucial to Remus' recovery. Little did he know that the next blow would soon be delivered. A prophecy was made about the child that had brought him back to life. Sirius was made their secret keeper but it was changed to Peter at the last moment. No one but James, Lily, Sirius and Peter knew who the secret keeper was. That was until Peter went scampering off to tell all. On All Hallows Eve Remus' life was destroyed once again. James and Lily were dead. Peter was killed a few days later at Sirius' hand. The only one left was Harry. It was a miracle. Not only had he survived the killing curse but also he had nearly destroyed Voldemort in the process.
How could this have happened, just when things were ok again. He had had enough. He left. He spent years travelling all over the country, getting work when and where he could. He didn't stop in one place for too long in case they discovered what he was. Once a year he would go to London to see Harry. Always keeping his distance. He was amazed at how much like James he looked, it almost seemed like the good old days again. When Harry started at Hogwarts he felt so proud. He knew that he was going to be a powerful wizard some day.
When Remus received a letter offering him the position of DADA professor he readily accepted. He awoke on the train to find a dementor hovering over a student. Taking out his wand he summoned his patronus. Once the dementor was gone and he realised that the student was in fact Harry, it took all of his self-control not to gather him into his arms. He must remain distant.
He discovered a lot that year. Peter was alive. Sirius was innocent. Peter was the true traitor. He was right about Harry; he was becoming a very powerful wizard. When Remus admitted to knowing Harry's parents his heart ached. He would have given anything to have them back. He quit his job at the end of the school year after Severus Snapes tongue decided to let slip a few things about him. It tore him apart to have to leave Harry but he had Sirius back. That was something.
His joy at having Sirius back was short lived when 2 years later he lost him again, and had to act fast to stop Harry from joining him. He moved into 12 Grimmauld place, headquarters for the order, but he was away quite a lot on missions. He was grateful to be busy. Keeping busy meant that he wasn't dwelling on the past, on what could have been.
5 years later he received a letter from the ministry requesting his presence. He was very curious as to what it was about as he dialled the number in the telephone box. The new minister told him that since he had taken over from Fudge he had been reviewing certain laws. He saw no reason why witches or wizards who were suffering from lycanthropy should be treated any differently from any other witch or wizard. Lycanthropy was an illness, an incurable disease. It was something that the unfortunate sufferer had no control over. They did not deserve to be punished for it.
He later discovered that it was Severus he had to thank for bringing it to the new ministers attention. One benefit was that it allowed Albus Dumbledore to offer him his old job back. He was delighted. He made a mental note to thank Severus by any means possible when he next saw him.
Later that year he was sat in his office grading his students' papers. Unaware that in just a few short minutes a seemingly innocent knock at the door was about to turn his life upside-down one last time.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
To be continued…