Author's Notes:

Leentje--This chapter took three days instead of two, but still a pretty quick update for me. Hope you like!

Famous99--Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you thought I wrote that Ryan/Seth scene convincingly, because I was a bit intimidated when I started writing for Seth. Which I guess is part of the reason he's spent a good chunk of this story up at Berkeley.

Elzed--This isn't quite as light as previous chapters, but still a lot of healing going on. And I promise that things won't come crashing down. Ryan's still got a few bumps to get through before the end, but nothing compared to previous chapters.

Cheekymice--Glad you liked the bonding! Seth's a lot of fun to write now that I've gotten the hang of him. Brooding monologues are probably my favorite things to write, which is why I enjoy writing for Ryan so much, but random babblings are fun too. ;)

Christina--Thanks for your review. This upcoming chapter is the family therapy scene, so you don't have to wait for it. ;) I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Melanie39--Glad you liked chapters 15 and 16. I felt like I had to give Ryan some fun and relaxation, considering what I've done to the poor boy in this story. I think he's earned it!

HateToSayIToldYouSo--I was planning on begging/cajoling/demanding an update of your story, but you've already updated so I don't have to! Yay! I don't have a basement, just a studio that's the perfect size for me and my cat but doesn't have much in terms of storage space. So I'd have to keep Ryan in my bed, which…okay, sounds just as creepy, but I'm sure that pretty much everyone who is reading this would do the exact same thing.

Please forgive any errors, it's entirely too late at night/early in the morning and I need to sleep.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Five minutes into the family therapy session, the Cohens had spoken a total of ten words, give or take a few. It was a rare sight, seeing Seth and Sandy at a loss for words, and part of Ryan wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the fact that he was the most comfortable one out of all of them. "Geez, guys," he joked. "I thought you were supposed to be the experts at talking."

"I don't know what to say," Seth protested. "We talked already. We're cool. What's the point of bringing it up again?"

"Family sessions are never easy," Brad agreed. "But there are obviously a lot of unresolved emotions and issues surrounding what's happened. This is more than just about Ryan."

"I'll give it a shot," Sandy sighed. "I suppose what's been hardest for me was having no idea anything was wrong. I thought Ryan was just a little depressed over what happened to Marissa. I keep feeling like I missed some sign, something that could have told me what was really going on."

"It wasn't your fault," Ryan protested. "I was trying to protect you. I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"You weren't trying to hurt anyone?" Seth jumped in. "You thought killing yourself wouldn't hurt us? Ryan, that's just stupid."

"Seth, don't," Kirsten pleaded.

Ryan shook his head. "Seth's right. It was stupid and selfish of me. I wasn't thinking."

"I don't understand why you didn't feel like you could come talk to us," Kirsten added softly. "I know we got off to a bumpy start, Ryan, but was that why? I know I wasn't too welcoming when you first came to stay with us. Is that why you tried to hurt yourself like that?"

Ryan stared at her in astonishment. He had no idea that Kirsten had felt that way. "Kirsten, no, you've been great. All of you."

"But we failed you somewhere," Sandy persisted. "Why didn't you come to us, Ryan?"

Ryan bit his lip and cast a nervous glance in Brad's direction. His therapist nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "I guess because…because I thought I was too screwed up, that you'd give up on me."

"Ryan, dude, the first summer you were here, you beat up half the water polo team, we snuck out to a party and got the Rover trashed, oh, and we told Mom and Dad we were going to a comic convention and went to Tijuana instead," Seth argued. "How much worse can you get?"

"I knew you didn't go to IMAX!" Kirsten exclaimed.

"Shit," Seth swore. "I mean, sorry. But, Mom, considering that was over two years ago, hasn't the statute of limitations run out? It would seem rather silly to punish Ryan and me for something that happened so long ago."

"I know I've been a lot of trouble," Ryan insisted. "I was always getting into fights or getting suspended or some other kind of difficulty. I didn't want to do anything else to you."

"How could you think that?" Sandy demanded. "Did you honestly believe we'd rather have you dead than help you through this?"

Ryan shook his head as he looked down and tried not to cry. "I don't know. It made sense at the time."

"Lay off him, Dad," Seth intervened. "Ryan's already heard that speech from me."

"This is what I didn't want to happen!" Ryan shouted. "I didn't want you to be upset and hurt because I didn't tell you! I didn't want to fuck things up like I always do! I never would have done it if I hadn't honestly believed I was going to die!"

Kirsten began to cry softly as she furiously wiped her cheeks. She didn't want Ryan to see how upset she was. It would be yet another thing for him to feel guilty over. But what his words had wounded her to the bone. "Ryan, we love you," she pleaded. "What do we have to do to make you believe us?"

"Everyone in my life has abandoned me when things got rough," Ryan continued. "My mom. Trey. Marissa. Even you abandoned me when Oliver was going crazy. You thought I was just a jealous boyfriend or a screwed up kid. Weren't you wondering why you'd taken me in? Didn't you think you'd made a mistake?"

Sandy winced. "I was wrong, Ryan."

"But you never told me that!" Ryan shouted at him. "You never believed me until Oliver almost blew his head off in front of us! And after all that, the next day you're arguing about Valentine's Day and pretending like it never happened!"

Sandy rested his forehead in his palms. "Ryan, you're right. I wish I could take back everything about that time. We failed you--I failed you--and I'm sorry."

"I've always been afraid that someday I would get in trouble one time too many, and I'd end up in a group home or somewhere," Ryan finished in a shaky voice. "When things are too good to be true, they usually are. At least, they are for me."

"Ryan, you're our son," Kirsten added softly. "We would never abandon you any more than we would Seth."

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered. "I've screwed everything up again."

"Ryan, were you listening to what Mom said?" Seth argued. "Of course you do stupid things. It's practically a requirement for being a Cohen. I know you didn't have the greatest family, but Mom and Dad are pretty tolerant of stupid mistakes. After all, they raised me for eighteen years."

"Ryan, we're always going to be here for you," Sandy added. "But it goes both ways. You have to let us know when things are wrong before we can help you."

"I know," Ryan admitted. "I've been working on that. I really have."

"Of course you have," Kirsten agreed. "Sandy and I know how hard it is for you."

"And me too," Seth interrupted. "I know Atwoods are more inclined to brooding than to babbling."

"Which is perfectly okay," Kirsten said with a smile. "Between Sandy and Seth I almost forget what silence sounds like."

"You guys have done everything for me," Ryan mused softly. "If it wasn't for you I'd be in jail, or at best, working some minimum wage job in Chino. You saved my life when you took me in. And now you've saved it again."

"This goes both ways as well, Ryan," Sandy added. "I couldn't even begin to describe how you've changed our lives."

"It sucked without you here," Seth grinned. "Seriously."

"Just…don't give up on me," Ryan pleaded. "All I want is to make you proud of me and glad you took me in."

Sandy got up and walked over to Ryan's chair, putting his arm around the boy's shoulders and wiping away a lone tear that was sliding down his cheek. "We always have been, Ryan."