The Joy of Rediscovering
Awakening her were his soft, barely audible cries.
"Maris…" he whimpered out her name.
She pushed herself off the chair she had fallen asleep in, waiting for him to waken and walked over to the side of the bed and turned on the lamp. His wet cheeks glistened in the lamp's low glow, as a fresh batch of tears rolled down them.
He restlessly tossed and turned.
"I'm so sorry…" he implored for her forgiveness.
Even though she had no idea what he was asking forgiveness for, her heart broke as she listened to his heart wrenching cries and pleas, concluding with his vow.
"I'll do better the next time."
"Do you remember what you were dreaming about?" she asked.
He dropped his head and his shoulders sagged, he looked like a man who was defeated and put through the wringer.
"No," he sniffed and placed a finger under his nose.
"Are you sure?" she cautiously probed, not wanting to push him if he wasn't ready.
"I-I…" he stammered. "I was asking Maris..."
She decided to follow Dr. Crane's suggestion to question Niles on things she already knew the answer to (but naturally wouldn't if Dr. Crane hadn't told her). Dr. Crane had explained to her by doing that it would be a good way to test what Niles did in fact remember, and how he was remembering it.
She would do anything to help.
She would share everything she found out with Dr. Crane, and together with Mr. Crane, they would help Niles on his lengthy road to recovery.
"And she is?" she questioned, pretending not to know.
"She is…" He stopped.
"What is it?"
"She was..." he corrected and started again.
She smiled. He remembered.
"My wife and I was asking for her forgiveness."
Her smiled quickly faded.
While it was great that he was remembering, they all had secretly hoped he wouldn't remember the abuse Maris had inflicted on him as well.
"Do you remember what you were asking forgiveness for?" she very cautiously asked, not wanting to lose the trust she was starting to reestablish with him.
"I had let her down the first we ever…you know," he hinted, too ashamed to come right out and say it.
"She came right out and told you that?"
She commented more than questioned. Even though she was not surprised by Maris' tactlessness (she already had a pretty good indication of her ruthlessness thanks to Mr. and Dr. Crane's stories of her), she was still appalled.
"No."
Unlike Niles, Maris never had any problems expressing what she felt were Niles' shortcomings and inadequacies.
"I believe the words she preferred were 'inferior and incompetent loser'."
Her heart broke at his admission. It was no wonder he had such low self-esteem. It just broke her heart to see him beat himself up like this.
"I think what you need is another opinion," she suggested.
"Are you sure you don't mind me doing this?" he nervously questioned her, just like he had the first time.
She dropped her eyes down and saw that his hands were almost as, if not more, shaky than his voice.
The poor sod was more nervous than before.
"I'm sure," she whispered encouragingly to him.
He continued to lie there, shaking like a scared schoolboy.
His inner voice was in overdrive.
What if he disappointed her again, just like he had Maris? Maris never did forgive him. Just to remind him, she would belittle him every opportunity she got, whether privately or publicly.
He couldn't stand it if he lost Daphne.
He had already lost Daphne once because of, as Maris accurately would have been quick to point out, "his own rapaciousness", only to find her again. Did he want to gamble that against his known shortcomings?
Sensing his hesitation, "Please let me in. Let me know what you're thinking. What you're feeling right now."
Niles wasn't sure how to react.
From what he could remember of Maris and their marriage, she always told him what he should think and what he should feel.
"If only you could see what I see," he attempted to explain.
"I see someone who has stood by me even after I ran away. I see someone who allows me to think and to feel. I see someone who allows me to be as I am and not as she demands. I see someone who I could devote my life to. I see someone I will love forever. I see someone I never want to lose again. I see someone no one else but my own eyes and my mind alone can see."
He felt the tear slide down his cheek.
She wiped away his tear with her thumb.
"That was lovely." She sniffed, attempting to hold back her own tears.
He rolled over on his side and turned away from her.
He started to profusely sweat and his chest started to tighten, constricting his airways.
He now found it hard to breathe.
He was on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack.
His chest fell and rose quickly, as he nervously gulped for more air.
He tried to stifle his wheezing from her.
He shoved his right hand into his half unbuttoned shirt and started to massage his chest muscles, hoping that would help him breathe easier.
"Here, let me," she offered and rolled him back onto his back.
She picked up his hand and brought it to her mouth and kissed it.
She slid her own hand onto his chest.
She kneaded his chest, causing every chest hair to stand on end.
Slowly, his chest muscles loosened and his breathing returned back to somewhat normal levels.
She slid her hand over his heart.
She could feel it beating under her hand. She removed her hand and leaned over and kissed his chest making her way to his heart.
He felt her as she laid her head down on his chest.
Like a puppy wanting to be stroked, she nudged her head into his chest, resting it atop his soft and massive nest of chest hair.
She placed her ear to his heart.
With a trembling hand, he combed his long fingers through her equally long, velvety locks.
He leaned in and sniffed.
A smile formed on his face.
"What is it?" she inquired, even though she already knew what the answer would be.
"Cherry bark and almonds," he gave the already known reply.
His breathing started to get heavy and unsteady again as his nervousness again kicked into overdrive.
"I-I love y-you D-Daphne…" he stuttered and confessed again and against his better judgement.
He kissed the top of her head.
Her own actions surprised even her.
She lifted her head off his chest.
This time, she cradled his face in her hands.
She never noticed just how blue his eyes were or that little cleft in his chin.
"I love you too Niles."
She returned his declaration and brought his lips close to hers.
To be continued…