I LIKE BOYS BUT I LIKE YOU MORE
By: Escarlata
Precure belongs to Toei, plot is mine
===o===
Nagisa sighed deeply as she looked at the new handful of admiration letters she had found in her shoe locker. All those letters were from other students at the school, of course, all of them girls like her. Why didn't any boy send her a love letter? Nagisa had not woken up in the best possible mood because of one and more things that had happened during the week. Her first month as a high school student was being pretty chaotic.
On the other hand, Honoka understood why her friend had a hard time smiling. First of all, the news that spread like wildfire throughout the school was that Fujimura already had a girlfriend, that knocked Nagisa down, and that only happened at the beginning of classes. Honoka met her childhood friend's girlfriend because he introduced her. Nagisa met her too, by the way, but it was Honoka who rushed to end the brief meeting so she could escape with Nagisa.
Honoka knew that her best friend wanted a sweet romance now that they were free from their duties as the legendary warriors of the Garden of Light. Honoka herself was enjoying that time in her own way, she was doing it studying, giving her all in the science club (and blowing up gadgets in the process) and spending time with her closest friends. With Nagisa especially.
Of course, even though Honoka knew that her best friend liked boys, that fact didn't stop her from flirting with her at times. Honoka always made small gestures that could look like things of love when she offered Nagisa a bite of her own lunch, or when she wiped her friend's cheek when it got dirty, also when she took Nagisa's hand or when she let her dear friend lie on her lap after a long day. Nagisa was always embarrassed but never refused those gestures from her best friend. Although Nagisa was flustered and blushed every time, she didn't really pick up on Honoka's teasing and flirting. Everything was just an innocent joke between friends, or at least that's what Nagisa thought. For Honoka those flirtations were serious. She internally wanted her words and feelings to reach Nagisa's heart.
"You're quite popular even with the older students, Nagisa," Rina said jokingly as she looked at the half dozen cards on Nagisa's desk. "Where do I sign to join your fan club?"
"Very funny," Nagisa murmured.
"Oh come on, it's not that bad, Nagisa! They all look up to you and want to express it, don't make that face or your fans will be sad," Shiho continued the assault on the already upset Nagisa.
"They're right. Besides, I've already told you this, when you get letters like these it just means that you're a great person," Honoka said as she took a look at the cards as well, at least until she noticed one that didn't have a name on it. "Oh, this one…"
"Huh?"
Nagisa noticed the same as Honoka and took the letter that was different from the rest. This one had no name of the sender, the envelope was bright pink. Even the paper sheet had a faint scent of perfume. Nagisa decided to open the letter and read the content. Honoka, Shiho and Rina just waited for Nagisa to finish reading.
"This is a love letter", a surprised Nagisa said.
"Really?" Shiho and Rina tried to look at the letter in Nagisa's hands, but Nagisa wouldn't let them and folded it. She even put the letter back in the envelope. "Meanie!"
"I'm not! Also, the letter is for me", Nagisa sighed and put the letter in her backpack. The content of the letter was simple and the person who wrote it didn't want to establish any romance with her, this person simply wanted to express her feelings. She didn't even write her name.
"So?" Rina teased her.
"What?"
"Are you going to answer her letter?" Shiho asked her.
"No, she didn't put her name on the letter, so I don't know who she is, and she doesn't want me to fall in love with her either, so there's nothing I can do," she quickly answered, "also, I'm not planning to date a girl, I don't like girls, I like boys!" Nagisa was serious. Even if her crush with Fujimura ended, there were still plenty of fish in the sea, weren't there? She could still meet some cute boy; go on dates with said boy and strike up a romance like she had always wanted. In fact, no longer having a chance with Fujimura was liberating to Nagisa's heart. She was free to fall in love with someone else.
Unfortunately for Nagisa, she was unaware of the true weight of her words.
Honoka felt those words like a punch to the face. Somewhere in her mind, Honoka thought that she might have a chance with Nagisa since things with Fujimura were over. Confessing her feelings to Nagisa for a moment was a tempting idea, but…
Nagisa's next words finished Honoka off.
"Listen, I know there are girls who fall in love with girls, and boys who fall in love with boys and that's great for them, but those things are not for me."
Honoka felt breaking inside, but didn't show it. She was an expert at keeping her true feelings to herself when she really wanted to.
Shiho and Rina, for their part, teased Nagisa to encourage her to say more. Normally Nagisa wasn't so honest and they weren't going to waste the opportunity.
"If you had a boyfriend right now, what would you do with him, Nagisa?" a smiling Shiho asked.
"I want what every girl wants, you know… Hold hands with him, share lunch, make the homework together, feed each other, and go for a walk and even kiss, right?" Nagisa stuttered. "And… W-Well… Even you two want that! That's something every girl wants, isn't it?" A blushed Nagisa mumbled and quickly sought the help of her best friend. "Right, Honoka?"
Honoka looked distracted, absent.
"Honoka?" Nagisa insisted.
Honoka jumped a bit and quickly turned her attention to her friends. To tell the truth, she heard everything but her mind was a bit lost due to the harsh statements of her best friend. Still, she smiled at them.
"All the girls want their romance to come true", Honoka answered with a soft voice.
"See?" Nagisa smiled. "Let's forget about this, okay?"
"By the way, Nagisa, I hope you haven't forgotten that you have to give a presentation for history class", Rina said and expected Nagisa to panic like always, because she always forgot about homework.
However, Nagisa smiled widely.
"Well, who do you think is my best ally, huh?" Nagisa exclaimed proudly as she grabbed Honoka by the shoulders. "Honoka has helped me!"
Honoka smiled softly.
"I only gave you the guidelines, all the work was done by you, Nagisa".
"See?" Nagisa was proud.
"You're lucky to have Yukishiro with you, Nagisa."
"I know," and Nagisa playfully hugged her best friend. "Honoka, you're the best, I love you!"
Honoka's smile softened, her heart still breaking.
I love you too…
=o=
"Honoka, your lunch looks delicious today", Nagisa said as she drooled and smiled at her.
Normally, Honoka would take a piece of her food and offer it to Nagisa using her own chopsticks. That was exactly what Nagisa was waiting for, it was something they both shared, it was normal, she was ready to open her mouth and receive the bite, but it didn't happen. Instead, Honoka brought the box closer to her best friend with a cute smile on her lips.
"Go ahead, choose whatever you want, you know I never finish all my lunch", Honoka said with her soft voice.
Nagisa blinked twice but still laughed and thanked her for the food before taking a small piece of chicken and eating it.
"Thanks!" The girl cleared her throat, "want something?" She asked, showing her own lunch box.
"I'm good, thanks", Honoka answered and kept eating.
"Okay".
=o=
"I'm dead tired! The training was very hard, the coach made me run ten laps because I made a few plays wrong!" Nagisa bemoaned as she sat next to Honoka under the tree where her friend was reading who knows what book after school. Nagisa still didn't understand her best friend's varied reading tastes.
Honoka was waiting for her to leave together.
"Sorry about that," Honoka chuckled. "But you're training very hard and I'm sure that all your work will be rewarded in the next game."
"Thanks, Honoka," Nagisa smiled and leaned on her friend's shoulder like always, but the position only lasted a few seconds. She could feel Honoka tense up but she couldn't say anything.
"I'll go and get you a juice, you need to recover fluids after training", Honoka said and quickly stood up while brushing off her skirt. "I'll be back soon. You stay here and rest, okay? You deserve it."
"O-Oh, okay…"
And Honoka left, leaving a puzzled Nagisa behind.
=o=
"I finished! We finished our homework, Honoka! We'll have the whole weekend to ourselves!" A Happy Nagisa exclaimed. "Thanks for helping me!"
"You're welcome, Nagisa," Honoka smiled at her. "I asked my grandmother to buy odango for us. I'll go get it so we can eat it to celebrate," Honoka stood up. "Want more tea?"
"Yes, please".
Before Honoka left the bedroom, Nagisa grabbed her skirt to stop her. Honoka was slightly surprised and looked at her friend with concern.
"Nagisa, what's wrong?"
"Oh, it's nothing, sorry! I just…!" Nagisa tried to say something but she didn't even know what she wanted to say to her friend. "It's nothing, don't worry."
"Okay."
Both girls smiled. Honoka went for the tea and Nagisa leaned on the bed. Why was Honoka acting so strange? Why didn't she hold her hand like before when they came home or when she encouraged her to walk faster?
On the other hand, Honoka felt like she was dying inside for acting like this towards Nagisa. She had to do it because sooner or later Nagisa would realize that all those actions were totally romantic and then she might walk away, or worse, Nagisa would feel uncomfortable around her. The best thing, it seemed to Honoka, was to put all her wishes aside so Nagisa could have the love she wanted with a boy and with everything a proper romance had.
Leaving Nagisa like that was cruel, but explaining to her the reason for her cold actions was something she shouldn't and didn't want to do. Confessing to her straight friend that she was romantically and sexually attracted to her was something Honoka couldn't do.
It was for best.
=o=
Nagisa looked like a zombie, lifeless and without energy, she only needed to moan like an undead and she would be a zombie altogether. Shiho and Rina looked at her, Nagisa was slumped over her desk.
"Nagisa, are you okay?" Shiho asked.
"Of course she's not," Rina said a patted Nagisa on the back. "Nagisa, what's wrong?"
"Guys, I said something wrong? Did I say something bad to Honoka or was I inadvertently rude?" Nagisa mumbled.
Shiho and Rina looked at each other and then smiled. Nagisa was a dumb, but even if they told Nagisa directly what her mistake was, she wouldn't understand at first. Nagisa was clumsy in many ways.
"No, you don't. What's the problem? Is she upset or something?" Rina insisted.
"No... Yes… I don't know", Nagisa finally sat down properly and looked at her friends. "I mean… I can't believe this…" Nagisa ruffled her own hair with both hands. "Lately, Honoka doesn't walk holding my hand anymore... And... And even though she shares her lunch with me as always, she usually feeds me and lets me rest on her lap and pampers me a lot and lately she hasn't. If I did something wrong, I want to know so I can fix it!"
The girls smiled a little more, Nagisa seriously didn't get it.
"Nagisa, you're not Yukishiro-san's girlfriend," Shiho said and almost laughed at Nagisa's confused look.
"What?" Nagisa was really confused by those words.
"Nagisa, all those things you say she doesn't do anymore, are the things you want for when you have a boyfriend. You said it yourself! And Yukishiro-san is not your boyfriend," Rina explained and looked at her absent friend's empty desk. Yukishiro Honoka has club activities at the lab.
Nagisa opened the mouth but no world left her mouth.
"Still, I think it's better if you ask Yukishiro-san directly", Shiho said, trying to calm down her confused friend.
"Yeah, better ask her, it's better than trying to guess why she's behaving like this, right?" Rina nodded.
Nagisa couldn't answer at first; her friends' words kept spinning in her head. She mentally reviewed the days that had passed since the incident with her fan mail and her anonymous love letter and, yes, indeed after that day, Honoka's behavior changed. Shiho and Rina were right, it was best to talk to Honoka directly. If it was because of what had happened that day with her letters, then Nagisa had to make it clear to Honoka that she didn't mind her acting like that towards her.
"I'll talk to Honoka," Nagisa said with a confident tone of voice. "I'll wait for her until she leaves the lab." Then she scratched the back of her neck in a clear sign of shame. "Thank you for... For helping me."
"That's what friends are for, Nagisa, you don't have to thank us," Rina said and ruffled Nagisa's hair. "Good luck."
Shiho and Rina left and Nagisa decided to wait for Honoka under a tree near the building where the lab was, Nagisa would be able to see her and they could leave together like she was used to.
And Nagisa waited while playing some cell phone games.
Time passed and an hour later, Nagisa raised her face as she saw the girls from the science club come out of the building. She immediately stood up and waited for Honoka to appear. But Honoka didn't show up and that worried her a little. Nagisa held back one of the girls and asked about Honoka and the girl replied that Honoka stayed behind because someone wanted to talk to her. Perhaps it was someone who needed Honoka's help, and everyone knew that Honoka was a girl who liked to help with advice or direct actions.
Nagisa decided to go look for Honoka. Nagisa had an irrepressible desire to see her and also admitted that she missed Honoka doting on her.
Meanwhile, Honoka was on the roof of the building together with a second year girl. Both of them looked down while being silent. The girl was from the science club just like Honoka.
"Take your time, Tanaka-senpai, I'll listen to everything you want to tell me," Honoka said as she looked at the girl softly, trying to comfort her.
"Thanks, Yukishiro-san," said the flustered girl. Then she took a deep breath and looked at Honoka with more confidence. The older girl still looked nervous but she was able to tell Honoka everything she wanted to say. "Yukishiro-san, I…" The girl was so nervous that her hands moved clumsily, as if she was trying to hold onto something, without success.
Honoka's first reaction was to take the girl's hands gently, obviously trying to calm her down. She made it, the girl sighed deeply.
"Go ahead," Honoka gently insisted and the girl nodded.
"Yukishiro-san, I like you! Please go out with me!" The girl almost screamed her words, but she really made it! She was even the one to hold Honoka's hands to reinforce her love confession.
Honoka widened her eyes in genuine surprise. A loving confession! A love confession from a girl! Honoka couldn't help it, she felt her face burn.
"I…"
"Surely you like boys, I'm sorry if my words make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to tell you that I really like you, Yukishiro-san. You're very smart and gentle, and whoever needs help can look for you, and you're also very beautiful. I seriously fell for your charm."
Those were too many words, more than Honoka thought she would ever hear. However, Honoka quickly recovered and was once again the one who gently held her schoolmate's hands.
"I don't like boys, but I can't accept your feelings either, I'm so sorry."
The older girl's eyes misted with tears, but she was still able to smile and nod.
"It's normal, you don't know me very well. It must be weird to ask you to go out with me when we barely know each other."
"It is not completely true, senpai," Honoka smiled at her. "I also admire you a lot, you're very smart and have great ideas, I'm learning a lot from you and I know that you will go far in life thanks to your brilliant mind."
"Yukishiro-san…"
"If there were other circumstances, I would say yes. But right now, my heart is not ready to receive someone."
"I… I understand," The older girl said. "Thanks for listening."
"Thank you for the way you feel about me, and I'm sorry again that I can't reciprocate your feelings."
They both fell silent and finally released their hands, they leaned back against the fence to look down while they let the atmosphere calm down a bit.
"Do you like her?" The older girl asked her.
"Yes," Honoka smiled bitterly.
"I see… Good luck, Yukishiro-san."
"Thanks, senpai."
The older girl left, leaving Honoka alone with her own thoughts.
=o=
Nagisa couldn't believe what she just heard. It wasn't her intention to spy on the scene, but seeing and hearing all this made her heart race too much. She couldn't believe it. Honoka liked girls! And apparently her best friend already liked someone. Nagisa escaped from the scene as the second year girl said goodbye. She didn't want to be caught spying on them. Nagisa decided to go back to her original waiting spot and pretend that she hadn't moved from her spot.
It didn't take long for the second year girl to come out of the building and notice Nagisa's presence. The girl merely bowed slightly in greeting and continued on her way in silence. Honoka hadn't arrived yet.
It took another ten minutes for Honoka to finally get out of the building. What Honoka didn't expect, was that Nagisa was there waiting for her.
"Hey," Nagisa smiled at her friend.
"Oh, Nagisa," Honoka was confused, her face said it. "I thought you already went home."
"I was waiting for you," Nagisa replied as she felt her cheeks heat up. "To tell the truth, I wanted to talk to you about something."
"You know you can always talk to me about whatever you want, Nagisa, that's what we're friends for."
"I know… I mean," Nagisa sighed and held Honoka's hand. "Can we?"
Honoka was startled a bit but her own hand moved on its own and gently squeezed her friend's hand.
"Yes, we can."
"Let's go home."
And the girls left the school on their way to Honoka's house, or so Honoka thought before realizing that they were on their way to her favorite part of the riverbank.
"Hey, Honoka...why don't you hold my hand like before or feed me at lunchtime anymore? You also haven't let me sleep on your lap and you've stopped doing all those things with me."
Of course, Nagisa must have been confused by her change in attitude. Honoka had no problem telling her the reason for her actions, or rather, the lack of those very actions.
"Because all those things are typical of people who have a romantic relationship, it's something you look for in a boyfriend and at that moment I thought that it was not appropriate for me to behave like that with you. It's not correct." Honoka took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry if that confused you, I should have told you sooner."
Nagisa pouted.
"But I like it when you do those things."
Honoka didn't quite know what to say to that. She just smiled as she looked at the river. Nagisa didn't know how to interpret Honoka's silence, she started to feel nervous and decided to take a risk with her next words.
"I really like what we have, I want things to go back to the way they were. I don't mind if you tease me a bit, I don't mind if you make me blush on purpose either."
Honoka could only smile sadly as her heart was a mess.
"Sorry, I can't do it anymore."
"Eh? Why?"
"Because you want a boy to do that with you, not a girl. You want to have a nice romance with a boy, not a girl." Honoka felt the words make her own throat ache, she suddenly felt sad. "You like boys, not girls", she managed to smile again. "And I want to do all those things with the girl I'm in love with, but I don't want to bother her either..." Honoka took a deep breath before opening up completely. "I do not want to bother you. I don't want my feelings for you to bother you."
Nagisa definitely couldn't believe what she just heard.
Honoka was in love with her...
Honoka was in love with her!
It was true that Nagisa wanted to share many things with a cute boy, she'd never deny that. But what Nagisa also couldn't deny was that she liked to share all those things with Honoka. Only with Honoka and no one else.
"It doesn't bother me that you're a girl, Honoka, I like what I have with you..."
"And I really like what I have with you, and I like more that you're a girl, Nagisa."
Nagisa lowered her gaze to the ground. The situation was confusing.
"I… I feel dizzy. I think… Maybe… I… You know that you are very important to me, right?"
"Yes, I know… But what would happen if that cute boy you want so much came and offered you this?"
Nagisa couldn't say anything back, Honoka talked first.
"You like boys," then Honoka shook her head a bit, she was talking nonsense. "Sorry… I'm sorry, I'm saying things out of place, you're free to love the person you want and I want your happiness more than anything."
"Honoka…" Nagisa took a deep breath. "I'm happy with you."
"And I'm a girl… The girl who wants to kiss you right now."
Nagisa swallowed hard and stared at Honoka firmly, her face was on fire and her heart was beating rapidly, but she was able to hold her ground.
"I know what I said, but we all have the right to change our minds, right?"
"Nagisa?"
"I like boys, I've never felt anything more for a girl, but I definitely have feelings for you. Something I can't live without."
"Nagisa…"
"I'm very sorry if my words that day made you feel bad, that was never my intention," Nagisa was able to smile at her friend as she looked into her eyes. "I don't like girls, but I definitely like you. And for a boy to take your place in my heart, he must be someone much better than you, and I don't think there is someone so perfect in this world."
Honoka almost fainted.
"Na-Nagisa…"
It was Nagisa's turn to almost faint.
"Please do something before I pass out first…"
And Honoka kissed her. Nagisa felt her legs weak and she sat down on the grass with Honoka almost on top of her. The kiss continued and Nagisa returned her kiss shyly and then with awkward emotion.
"I want us to continue walking hand in hand," Nagisa was able to speak as they paused in the kiss, her lips brushing against Honoka's as she spoke, "and that you feed me your lunch, I want to be by your side and I want you to do everything you want to do to me. I love you, Honoka... Now I understand..."
"I love you too, Nagisa, I love you so much."
They both laughed, their laughs were full of nerves, of the typical adolescent embarrassment of first love, and full of that affection that both have always felt but hardly dared to express. They kissed for a few more seconds before falling back onto the grass, Honoka lightly on top of Nagisa.
"I can go to your house for dinner, I seriously miss you feeding me in my mouth."
Honoka laughed.
"Okay, I'll cook beef stew for you."
"Great!"
"But first, can we stay like this a while longer?"
"Yeah…"
They stayed like that for about half an hour before getting up and done with it for the day. Now they were together.
FIN