All I Ask
"I'm sorry!" Those were the last words she said to him before she walked out on what would have been their future together.
He stood in the middle of his office, shock and confusion plastered on his face, not knowing what to say or what to do as he watched his future walk out the door. "But Aaa," is all he was able to muster as the door closed behind her. Trying to process what had just occurred, he stood staring at the door for what seemed like hours, "This isn't the end, this can't be the end," he questioned, "How did this happen, how did I miss the signs, how could I even consider asking her to stay here another three years?" He conversed with himself, still standing, staring at the door. "Oh my god, the party," he exclaimed frantically, "I can't handle that right now, I've got to talk to her!"
Knowing she would be heading back to the apartment, Tony ran to his desk, dialed his phone number and tapped the desk nervously waiting for Mona or the kids to answer.
"Micelli residence," Mona answered.
"Mon, it's Tony, is Angela there?"
"No, isn't she with you?" Her heart skipped a beat, fearing the inevitable.
"No, she left, she left me. If she shows up, do not let her leave!" He pleaded
"Tony, what happened, what do you mean she left you?" She whispered into the receiver so the kids wouldn't hear her.
"The contract Mona, she's not been happy, and I didn't see the signs and now she's gone and said we're thru. I've got to talk to her." He was frantic.
"What about the party Tony? Knowing Angela, she's not coming back here, she's going to need her space right now."
"Ya, I know but I've got to find her. Mona, please make something up, tell them to move the party somewhere else, send them with the food, whatever you need to, just clear out the apartment."
"Okay Tony, I'll take care of it, you just find her and bring her home." Mona's tone filled with concern.
"I will Mon, thank you! I can't lose her Mona." His voice cracked.
Tony ran out of his office and began to wander aimlessly, "Where the hell are you, Angela?" Enough time has passed she could have been back at the apartment, but she wasn't and to Mona's point, she would have wanted some time alone, fresh air to clear her head- "The cornfields," he exclaimed, making a sharp left off the campus in a full out sprint. Reaching the end of the road that turned into a dirt trail, Tony spotted her in the distance. "Angela," he hollered.
She turned towards him slowly, side eyeing him as he approached.
"Angela," he hollered again breathless. She didn't reply, she just stood looking back into the distance as the sun began to set.
"An-ge-la," he stuttered, trying to catch his breath. She turned to face him; her face streaked with tears.
Trying to catch his breath, he bent down, his hands on his knees and looked up, "Eight years and one "I'm sorry" isn't going to cut it," he panted.
"I don't see any other option Tony," she returned, her voice low and somber.
Straightening his posture to face her, he looked into her eyes, "Angela, we spent eight years finding every option but us, now you're telling me we don't have any other options when we finally found each other?"
Unable to hold his eye, she looked down, "Tony, I can't stay here for another three years, and I can't ask you to give this is up, this is where you belong, you're doing what you were meant to do!"
Stepping towards her, he took her hand while raising her chin to meet his face, "I thought we were meant to be?"
Tears welling in her eyes again, "I thought so too but maybe we waited too long? Maybe our time passed and now you're doing what you're meant to do right here, right now?" She took a sharp breath as her words sent daggers into her heart.
"No Angela, I'll give it up, we'll go back home, and I'll find another job. I've got this on my resume now, I'll find another job," he reasoned.
"Tony, can you look me in the eye and tell me that's what you want to do, that you wouldn't resent the decision, then resent me?"
"I love you, Angela!" His eyes pleading.
"I didn't ask you if you loved me, I have no doubt you love me. I asked you if you could give this all up and not resent the decision or me because of it!" She stated pointedly.
He bit his upper lip trying to contain the pooling tears, "I don't know," his voice cracked.
She exhaled the breath she was holding, "But I know, and I love you too much to hold you back from what you're destined to do," her lips trembling.
Tony threw his arms around her, sobbing, "There's nothing I can say that's going to convince you otherwise is there?"
She shook her head, wrapping her arms tightly around him, they stood holding each other as the sun set around them.
"Can I help you pack?" He whispered into her shoulder.
"I'd like that," she loosened her grip on him, "You'll always be my best friend and I need my best friend right now," she gave a faint smile as their eyes met.
"Always," he returned.
They walked back to his apartment in relative silence, neither knowing exactly what to say but knowing the decision was one that had to be made.
"Mona took the kids to the hotel and sent the party elsewhere," he mentioned as they approached the building.
"Thank you," she released a sigh of relief, "I don't really want to face anyone right now."
Arriving at his apartment, Tony took a deep breath while fidgeting with the key to unlock the door. As he opened the door to the home they had shared for the few months of the most private part of their eight-year relationship, the enormity of what had just occurred hit him and his body went numb as Angela walked past him to enter the apartment.
Closing the door, Tony grabbed Angela's wrist and pulling her into his arms, he pressed his lips to hers.
"Tony, what are you doing?" She pulled back slightly, with a shocked expression.
Taking another deep breath, he looked into her eyes, knowing he had one shot to get what he needed to say out, "If I promise to leave my heart at this door and not say another word about what's already been said, can we pretend that we don't know what's coming next and that we're not scared of having nothing left,"
"Tony, we can't," she interjected somberly.
His eyes pleading, "I know there's no tomorrow so all I ask is if this is my last night with you, hold me like I'm more than just a friend. Give me a memory that I can use because it matters how this end."
"Tony," she shook her head, tears welling heavily, "Don't you think that would be cruel and vicious, make it more difficult?"
"Let it be our lesson in love, neither asking for forgiveness of the choices we made but knowing we may never love like this again." He gave her a halfhearted smile. Take my hand and let's do what lovers do," he engulfed her mouth with his.
Melting into his embrace, Angela wrapped her arms around his neck as they consumed each other's being in one another's arms. Tony gently lifted her and walked them into the room they had shared together. They made love for the last time in that Iowa bedroom.
Rays of sunlight invaded the room like an unwelcome intrusion. Tony shuffled slightly, extending his arm out to the other side of the bed. As the cold feeling of cotton made contact with his hand, he rose his head to confirm what he already knew, she was gone. Sitting up, he brought his knees to his chest, cradling himself in his own arms, "I didn't need to tell her what she could see in my eyes, they have always betrayed what was in my heart and no one knows me like she does." He sighed, his eyes burning with tears, "She was the only one that mattered, now who do I turn to?"