Vulnerability

by Sam I Am the gate fan

While on a mission to find the Spring of Eternity, SG-1 are captured, but little do they know that Apophis has already found a unique way of making his unbeatable enemy, SG-1, vulnerable!

2. Vulnerability Part Two

Vulnerability

By Sam I Am –

Rating: PG-13 (can't honestly be any more than that)

Warnings: Sam/Jack (that's a warning for anyone who don't like that) also Daniel/Janet, but not in great detail. Major Character death (and don't let that put you off it!)

Category: Character death, Sam/Jack Romance, mild Daniel/Janet, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, probably AU fic as it couldn't happen in the series, friendship and a little bit of SG-1 Humour thrown in for good measure. (If there's anything I missed out someone tell me!)

Spoilers: Bits and Bobs from Seasons 1-4!

Time frame: Sometime during Season 4, after 'Divide and Conquer' (I think!)

Summary: While on a mission to find the Spring of Eternity, SG-1 are captured, but little do they know that Apophis has already found a unique way of making his unbeatable enemy, SG-1, vulnerable!

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission. 'The Scientist' is sung by Coldplay and the lyrics were used without permission (Sorry!) No Copyright intended, it just fits the story... and it's a really cool song! If you want to archive my story TELL ME, or, to borrow a phrase from our beloved Colonel, I am SO gonna kick your ass!

Author's Notes: The first Fan Fic I'm going to archive anywhere! WOO HOO! This has probably taken me the longest out of all my works in progress and the very few I have actually finished. Any feedback would be SO useful. As a young author competing against all the older fanfic writers I'm in need of encouragement, support and, if necessary, constructive criticism! And if you think it's good recommend it! I'd love to hear my stories actually being read instead of sat in an Archive somewhere collecting digital dust!

Dedications: To my Best pal/Editor. You know who you are and you have been such an Angel putting up with my incessant babbling about every story line I've created (if only in my warped imagination) and understanding, even when said story lines altered so many times I can't believe you haven't lost track! Thanks Hon. Also to all you S/J fans and all those writers (there are too many to name you all!) whose masterpieces have been a true blessing to this admirer! Finally, (and this may sound slightly weird) to Freddie Mercury. Though I was barely old enough to string a coherent sentence together when you died, your music has always been my inspiration. Thank you for the music, Freddie!

And so here you are... Vulnerability!

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Part Two

Jack looked up to see about thirty guns pointed at them. There was a sound of metal scraping against metal and Jack looked behind him to see a metal shield slide across the gate as after a few seconds the gate shut down. He looked at Sam, who lay beside him as cold as the metal ramp. Something was beginning to frighten Jack and whatever it was it was to do with Sam's unconsciousness.

"Come on, Sam," he repeated desperately, shaking her shoulder as gently as possible, "Wake up."

A man's voice came from all around him, "Who are you? Why do you have SG-1's codes? If you tell us, we will not harm you."

As the voice echoed through the speakers Teal'c stared up. Jack followed his eye line. Behind a glass screen stood a man. Whoever he was, Jack had a lot of respect for him.

"General Hammond, it is I."

Once the words had been spoken the man ran out of the room and came through a rising metal door to the left. He approached looking absolutely confused, "Teal'c?" The man stared at the small boy he then turned. His eyes connected with Jack's, "Colonel?"

Jack felt tears in his eyes and immediately swiped at them, "Please, Mister. You've gotta help Sam. She's really hurt. I don't know what's wrong. She won't wake up!"

He felt his eyes still prickling as the short man nodded, "Get a medical team in here. You can tell me what happened later, Colonel."

Suddenly the room was crammed with yet more people. They lifted Sam onto a stretcher as the dark haired woman exclaimed, "What's the emergen...? Oh my God! Sam? Alright guys, I need fluids stat..." She had a good-natured face and Jack knew she was his friend. She began calling out orders as Sam was rushed out of the room.

"Right SG-1, go to the Infirmary."

"Infirmary?" Jack was so confused. He looked at Daniel who looked equally oblivious to what the man was talking about. He then looked back at the short man, "What's the Infirmary?"

General Hammond stared at him in disbelief. Teal'c spoke, "I will debrief you fully later General Hammond, but first I must lead Colonel O'Neill and Daniel Jackson to the Infirmary."

"Yes. I think that would be a good idea Teal'c."

Å

Jack lay on the bed. He couldn't sleep. He looked at his watch. 1:13am. He was too nervous to sleep. He didn't know where he was or what he did. He couldn't remember any of the people who called him by name and... Dr. Fraiser, yeah that was it, was not telling him anything about Sam's condition.

She'd prodded and poked them for hours and finally Dr. Fraiser had declared they were who they said they were. Teal'c had told the General all about their memory loss and torture. Daniel had been asleep while Teal'c had told the General, but Jack had been awake. He was still shivering uncontrollably from the sickening memories and he couldn't stop. The Doctor had given him something to stop the shock and Jack must admit that he only made small shivers now and then, instead of shuddering permanently.

His eyes were fixed on the screen cornering off Sam's part of the Infirmary. Nurses had been bustling in and out from behind the surgical green curtain all day and had got him even more worried. He wanted to know what Doc. Fraiser hadn't told him.

"Speak of the Devil," Jack muttered as Dr. Fraiser came out from behind the screen. She gasped at his voice. She looked up at him shocked. Was she crying?

"Colonel! I didn't expect you to be awake!"

"Doc? What's wrong? It's Sam, isn't it? What's wrong with her?"

She gave a small gasp trying to control her sob. She couldn't make too much noise because Daniel and Teal'c were sleeping.

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so," she said gently coming to sit at the edge of Jack's bed, "Do you want to see her?"

Jack was out of the bed in a flash and the woman smiled warmly at him beneath her tired features. She took him to the curtain and led him around it.

A lamp was on, its strong luminescence lighting up the pale face that lay on the slightly paler pillows. She looked terrible. An oxygen mask was hooked over her face that was so ashen that her skin was almost translucent. Her hair laid sweat sodden around her forehead, where the nasty gash showed up violently as did the burn on her cheek. She had dark rings beneath her eyes and what looked like a bruise on one side of her face.

Jack lowered himself into the chair beside her. She looked like a corpse and if it wasn't for the steady rise and fall of her chest she could have been.

She had at least twenty wires and tubes going into her body. It was scary how much she resembled some kind of lab experiment. He touched her hand. It was cooler than usual and Jack felt the warning in his heart increase.

He stared up at the doctor who fought back more tears, "What's wrong with her?"

She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly, "I think that when she severed the link between you and the ribbon device that the blow hit her full on here," she pointed to the side of Sam's head where a large purple bruise had formed, "I tried to stabilise her. The good news is that her brain is still active, but the bad news is she's slipped into a coma..."

Jack stopped listening. Sam was in a coma because of him. Oh God!

He stared at their fingers entwined on the bed cloth. He loved her. He truly loved her. He squeezed her hand tighter as if willing her to wake up.

"She won't wake, Colonel."

"No, she will. I know Sam. She's a fighter!"

"Sir, she won't wake up. About fifteen minutes after you got her through the gate she stopped breathing. She can't breathe on her own..." Jack stared at her in absolute horror as she continued, "I know Major Carter was more than a friend to you Colonel and I know if you could've you would've told her how you felt sooner, but..."

"She knows how I feel. I've already told her."

"You have? But what about the regs?"

Jack frowned at her not knowing what regulations she meant. He sighed, "I can't remember anything about my life up until a few days ago! One of the only things I know is that I love her. In fact, it's the only thing other than their names that I can remember."

The Doctor moved over to him as she spoke, "Sam was one of my closest friends. I know she felt the same way, Colonel..."

And with that she left Jack alone.

The heart beat monitor beeped frequently as Jack stared at the girl. Sam. The girl he loved. The girl who was being kept alive by a machine. The girl who would never remember who she was. The girl who may never wake up again...

"Sam?" he murmured quietly, "Sam? You in there?" He felt his heart ache as there was no reply. He spoke softly, "Well, I'll just assume you can hear me. I was wondering if you could wake up soon. You've got everyone real worried."

After a short silence he muttered to himself, "Don't be such a dumb ass, O'Neill! She can't hear you!" He paused. This was stupid! She couldn't hear him! But Jack could remember something about comas. People sometimes came out of them!

He continued, "Guess what? I really am a Colonel. Teal'c wasn't just making it up. Apparently you're a Major. My second in command. I couldn't ask for anyone better. You've got a PHD in Astrophysics. You're a real brain box! Did you know that? I bet you did! Daniel's an archaeologist... well... something like that. He digs up rocks for a living! You know? Of course you do!"

She lay still and cold faced. 'She can't hear you, Jack! So what's the point in talking to her!'

Jack shook away the thought and continued, his voice faltering slightly, "Your Dad is coming to see you soon." Maybe if he just kept talking he wouldn't break down, "He lives off world. He's a Tok-thingee. You know? Of course you do!"

Jack found himself repeating himself. He shuddered as he felt all the pain and loss hit him. He let a tear fall bitterly from his eyes as he stared at her.

"God I'm sorry, Sam!" He murmured quietly, "This is all my fault! Why did you come back? Why!" He spoke louder frustration taking over. He calmed down, "I can almost hear you now. 'You would have done the same for me, Jack'! And you know, you're right! As always! I would go back for you... because I love you, Sam."

Silence.

He smiled slightly and wiped his watery eyes. He stretched out his right hand and stroked the hair from her face, "You just hang in there, Sam. You can make it. I know you can."

He got up and kissed her softly as if wishing it was a fairy tale, but it wasn't. She wasn't going to wake up.

He sighed and then whispered, "Sweet dreams, Sam."

He sat back down in the chair and watched over her until the Doctor dragged him back to bed a few hours later. Jack drifted back off to an uneasy sleep with endless nightmares that circled in his mind like buzzards. Sam was as good as dead... and it was his fault.

Å

Fog. Goddamn Fog. It was ridiculous. She couldn't see a thing. She felt as though she was floating on water. Or in water. She was so cold. Suddenly her eyesight cleared sharply. A memory flashed through her mind...

Sam opened her eyes blearily. Instinctively she glanced down at her arm. The 'superman' device now lay on the floor cradling her arm, no longer attached to her. It was then she remembered. She'd hit the force shield.

She sat up and stared in front of her. He was lying there on the other side of the shield, unconscious. His armband was also lying on the floor beside him...

He was Jack. There was now not even a shadow of a doubt as to who the mysterious man in her dreams had been. She only had to see him lying there unconscious to know it was him...

She spoke as loudly as she could. He had to wake up. "Sir?" He didn't stir. She began to worry about him. If he didn't wake up soon... She spoke louder and more urgently, "Colonel!"

This time he jolted back awake. First he glanced at her and then down at his arm muttering, "Should've brought more snacks."

Humour was his way of covering the fact that the situation was bad. Very bad.

Sam answered him, "I don't think that would've helped."

He nodded slightly and then glanced at his wristwatch as he pushed himself off of the floor, "1: 56."

1: 56? Sam couldn't remember what that meant. She tried to think hard and then the answer suddenly came to her. Everything about the memory came flooding back. They'd been on a mission to destroy Apophis's new mother ship. They'd planted C-4 in the generator and when it went off they had ten minutes before the whole mountain exploded. 1 minute 54 seconds was how long they had before the C-4...

Jack hit the force shield with balled fists as if checking it was there. Sam spoke desperately, "Sir, you've gotta get out of here."

As if denying her implications of leaving her behind, he muttered, "So do you." He then began to hit the force shield panel beside him with a piece of pipe or something he'd ripped from the wall.

She spoke again feeling her desperation growing, "Sir, there's no time!"

He looked up in shock and fear as they heard sounds of Jaffa approaching from behind her. She glanced behind her and then turned back to face him.

They stared at each other for a moment as Sam felt herself pleading silently, 'Get out of here, Jack. Leave me.'

Sam could feel the desperation of that moment still inside her heart. She could still see clearly the look of extreme anxiety in his eyes. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her...

He began to whack the force shield with the pipe fiercely. He hit it again and again. Sam spoke to him urgently, "Sir...!"

Jack interrupted her as he finished hitting the shield with the pipe. His voice cracked slightly under the sudden fear that had gripped him, "I know! I know!"

He dropped the pipe and began pulling at the panel with all his might. He finally prised it open and began to hit inside with the pipe.

Sam could feel tears of terror in her eyes. He had to get out of here or he was going to die... She felt herself saying loudly with absolute urgency, "Sir, just GO!"

"NO!"

The one word was shouted with such ferocity that Sam felt her eyes wanting to release their tears more. He stood on the other side staring at her his eyes wide as if he'd finally realised why he couldn't leave her here.

Sam stared at him pleading with him to leave in that instance, but he continued to stare at her with sad, brown eyes, panting gently. She could see moisture glistening on his cheeks, but whether it was sweat or tears she didn't know.

She was about to whisper, 'Please, Jack. Go.', but the moment the words came into her head the Jaffa appeared around the corner...

Suddenly her mind clouded again, but she could hear voices murmuring inaudibly. Her hearing became sharper as she heard a familiar voice breaking through the dense mist...

"Sam?"

'Jack?'

"Sam? You in there? Well, I'll just assume you can hear me. I was wondering if you could wake up soon. You've got everyone real worried."

'Jack! Oh, Jack, I'm here!' She called through the smog.

"Don't be such a dumb ass, O'Neill! She can't hear you!"

'I can hear you, Jack!' She let a small sob go, 'I can hear you'.

"Guess what? I really am a Colonel. Teal'c wasn't just making it up. Apparently you're a Major. My Second In Command. I couldn't ask for anyone better. You've got a PHD in Astrophysics. You're a real brain box! Did you know that? I bet you did! Daniel's an archaeologist... well... something like that. He digs up rocks for a living! You know? Of course you do!"

Sam smiled in her mind though her body remained inactive. Even when she couldn't see him, he made her smile! "Your Dad is coming to see you soon. He lives off world. He's a Tok-thingee. You know? Of course you do!"

My dad? He's a Tok'ra...?

"Sam, I've got cancer." His deep comforting voice rang in her ears, causing her heart to ache.

Dad! He was alive and well because of the Tok'ra. She remembered him so vividly now. He was coming to see her. And she couldn't say a thing!

She was brought back to Jack as she heard him. His voice cracked as he spoke, "God I'm sorry, Sam! This is all my fault! Why did you come back? Why!"

'Oh Jack. I should be sorry! It's not your fault! You would've done the same for me, Jack!'

"I can almost hear you now. 'You would've done the same for me, Jack'! And you know, you're right. As always! I would go back for you... because I love you, Sam."

'I love you too, Jack. Please! Please say you can hear me!'

"You just hang in there, Sam. You can make it. I know you can."

She felt his lips touch hers as he kissed her gently.

"Sweet dreams, Sam."

'Jack...' Her mind filled with mist as his voice echoed in her mind and she fell deeper into purposelessness.

Å

Jack woke the next morning to find the Doc stood by his side. She was smiling gently, "Good Morning, Colonel."

Jack wished it was, but Sam was in a coma and he hadn't slept for more than an hour last night between all the restless hours of insomnia. His head ached dully as he sat up in his bed. After his talk with Sam, he'd finally realised that she couldn't hear him. She was beyond his aid. He prayed she was not beyond the Doctor's.

"Colonel? You OK?"

"Don't call me that!" he said a little harsher than he had meant to.

"I'm sorry... Jack, but I think I know why Sam's in a coma and why you guys can't remember anything."

Suddenly Daniel said, "Sam's in a coma? Oh God!" He paused confused, "What's a coma?"

"Danny, she'll tell you later, but will you let the good Doctor finish!"

Jack was sat bolt upright and listened attentively as Daniel slid out of his bed and came to perch on the end of Jack's gurney. Jack could feel Teal'c's presence from behind him obviously he was standing still and silent as usual.

The Doctor began her eyes shifting between them, "Teal'c told me you were dipped into the Fountain of Youth," they all nodded in agreement, "Well, I discovered a new and unique type of bacteria in your blood stream. It appears to have reversed your aging processes, but I think that the liquid was actually designed for use on Jaffa or Goa'ulds."

"Why do you say that?" Daniel asked confused.

"The bacteria are meant to place Goa'ulds or Prim'tas into a deep sleep or hibernation so they are not damaged. The reason your memories are blocked is because instead of the bacteria affecting your non-existent symbiote it is affecting your brain that is except for Teal'c. The reason you have been sleeping instead of Kel'no'reem is because your symbiote is dormant. You were behaving like a normal human."

"Can whatever the hell has been done to us, be undone?"

"Yes, Colonel, uh... Jack. Once the bacteria are destroyed you should take a maximum of a week to get back to your original age. The process will be quite painful, but your memories should return during the process..."

"What about Sam?" Jack asked almost hesitantly, "Is there anyway you can get her back to normal?"

"I'm not entirely sure. The reason she is in a coma is because of her memories of Jolinar. The bacteria are confused because she doesn't have a symbiote, but she still does, if you see what I mean..."

"Sam was a Goa'uld!"

"No, Colonel. Sam wasn't a Goa'uld. She was a Tok'ra."

"Indeed. Major Carter was a Tok'ra for a few days, O'Neill," Teal'c said answering Jack's exclamation. It made Jack jump. He'd always found Teal'c had a knack for speaking suddenly and making someone jump.

Dr. Fraiser continued, "She slipped into a coma because of the bacteria won the battle. Teal'c, you said Sam began to remember things?"

"Indeed, Major Carter retrieved a few of her memories."

"I think that's why the bacteria won. Sam breaking into her memories weakened them and the bacteria took over..."

Jack growled, "They don't sound like bacteria to me!"

"In every physical respect they are, but they seem to be... intelligent forms of life."

Daniel and Jack said in unison, "You what?!?"

"You heard me right." She sighed, "I'm sorry. I can kill off the bacteria in all of you, but whether Sam will come out of the coma or not... I have no say over."

Jack groaned as suddenly the claxons broke into the uneasy silence.

"Off World Activation. Repeat. Off World Activation..."

The claxons halted abruptly. Jack felt sick to his stomach suddenly, the upcoming confrontation already fraying his nerves. It was gonna be Sam's dad.

The phone rang as Janet ran into her office to answer it.

"Dr. Fraiser... General... Yes, Sir... Send him up straight away, Sir... No, Sir there's been no change... Alright, Sir."

She put down the phone as Daniel made his way back to his bed, "Jacob's on his way up."

Jack groaned again. He'd have to meet Sam's dad. No, scratch that, he'd already met Sam's dad.

"Doctor, when can we see Sam?" Daniel said quietly.

"After Jacob's seen her and, Daniel, its Janet," She smiled, "Though you guys probably don't remember me!"

"No I don't," Daniel said smiling back, "But I know you're part of the gang!"

To Jack's surprise she chuckled, "Yeah. The Gang... Hey! I know! Would you like to see some photos?"

Jack seemed to like the idea. He couldn't remember what they had looked like before their metamorphosis. He got up from the gurney and nodded. He walked over towards Sam's bed, but couldn't bring himself to walk around the screen.

Janet rushed out the room into her office and brought out a dark blue photo album. She passed it to Daniel as suddenly the doors of the Infirmary burst open and a man skidded in. He was dressed oddly, Tok'ra uniform no doubt, and his eyes were filled with worry. He was balding and had dark brown hair and eyes.

He looked over at them and gasped slightly, "Dr. Jackson? Teal'c? Colonel?" He shook his head from the distraction and turned back to Janet, "Where's Sam?"

Janet pointed to the curtain and Jack watched as the man jogged past him and then behind the partition. Jack followed him as his eyes fell again upon Sam beneath the wires and leads.

"Oh God, No!" Jacob Carter collapsed into the chair beside her bed as he groaned, "Sam? Honey? You in there somewhere, Sammy?" He clasped her hand tightly and turned to Colonel O'Neill or rather the younger version.

He stood by the partition his eyes transfixed on Sam's face. He knew that look. He'd seen it in the depths of Jack's eyes before, but nothing as outright and vivid. It frightened him slightly, as he realised what the look meant. He was a boy again, barely older than 16 and he could love with that capacity...

He spoke to the kid as he began to edge forward, "How old do they reckon she is?"

"We're still the same age, but we've been altered to look and, well be younger, not to mention we don't remember a lot." He cleared his throat as he mumbled quietly, "We guessed fifteen."

"Yeah," he turned back to look at his daughter's face, "That's about right." He glanced at Jack as he came to rest on the other chair at his side. His face was full of worry and it unnerved him, "What actually happened?"

Colonel O'Neill's eyes connected with his momentarily and then he began to stare at his hands as he recounted all he could remember of the mission. From waking up in the cell to running through the gate as they were chased by the Jaffa. He, of course, left out one part of his story. It was private and precious to him and he would be insane to mention it to her dad of all people.

As he finished he saw tears in Jacob's eyes. Now was a good time to leave. He got up and left leaving the man to himself as he rejoined Teal'c and Daniel.

They were both going through the photo album. Daniel's mouth gaped opened, but Teal'c's face was unreadable. He perched down next to them and stared at the photo.

He felt his own jaw drop. Was that really them?

It was an air force photo. One man and a woman stood in blue uniform, while two other men stood in fatigues. The woman was obviously Sam. Her hair was air force short, but still made her look feminine. She was smiling; her teeth even and pearly white, and her eyes sparkled like sunshine on water. She was beautiful! She wore a hat with her uniform that suited her short hair quite well. Her grin seemed to be infectious even when she was in a photograph and Jack could fell his mouth curving into a warm smile.

Behind her and slightly to her left stood Teal'c. His skin was darker than the others and the emblem gilded on his forehead was a bit of a give away! He towered over the rest of them and stood solemn faced. He was muscular and brawny and looked nothing like the kid, who sat silently beside him.

He looked at the other man in the leaf green fatigues. He was smiling and Jack couldn't help, but notice that his glasses were slightly askew. The small figure was obviously Daniel. He looked rather awkward next to all the others in the photo because there was Teal'c tall and brawny, Sam well-shaped and beautiful and then...

As Jack's eyes fell upon the man he uttered a Goa'uld swear word, the only swear word he could remember. He gaped at the man stood next to Sam. He was taller than Daniel, but not as tall as Teal'c. He was quite well built, but not stocky. Under his air force cap, you could see dark greying hair and even darker twinkling eyes. He was grinning. And that grin was unmistakably his own.

"Jack...?" Daniel glanced up at him a look of utter bafflement on his face.

"Yeah, Daniel. It's weird," Jack nodded.

Jack glanced up as Dr. Fraiser approached. She gave him a small smile, "If you want I have the antidote ready. I'm warning you it will be quite painful, but your memories will return. You'll be normal again."

Jack glanced at the veiling curtain and then at Teal'c and Daniel. He turned back to Janet and nodded.

Å

Three weeks later...

Janet glanced up at her clock as he stepped into the Infirmary. 'Right on time as usual', she thought to herself as she watched him give her a small wave. She watched as he walked over to the silent woman slowly.

Janet's prediction that she would go back to the way she was with the antidote had been correct although it had taken her slightly longer than the others, but Sam was still in a coma and it looked as if she would never wake.

Janet sighed sadly as the Colonel sat down in the chair as usual smiling slightly. She could lip-read what he said as he said it every day he was down here.

"Hey Carter. Fancy some company?"

Today she saw the sadness in his face. Today was the day. The day the machines were switched off. Jacob had finally given consent after a month of waiting and hoping that Sam would cling on. Even though there was brain activity, Janet knew that it was almost impossible for Sam to come out of it after so long. He'd be arriving later.

Sam's brother, Mark, was not coming to see her. For a start he couldn't because there was no way they could move her and the SGC was a top-secret facility. Also, he hadn't wanted to because as far as he was concerned she was already dead. Jacob and him had already had another huge fight and without Sam being the peacemaker they were still at each other's throats.

She continued to watch the man in the Infirmary. He stared at his boots and Janet could tell what he was saying to the seemingly oblivious Major.

The door to her office was open a jar and she could hear his voice as it floated through the small gap, "I guess I came here to say... goodbye," the look of shock his face made Janet's heart tug painfully. He gave a small smile, "But we have a few hours, so it's not goodbye just yet."

Janet couldn't bear to listen to the Colonel pouring out his soul. He'd seen enough pain and suffering in his life and he'd already lost more than anyone should loose. Janet thought she might breakdown into tears, but curiosity stopped her from closing the office door and she listened for a few hours as the Colonel talked to her. He talked about everything and nothing for three and a half hours. About how those damn TV producers didn't put 'The Simpsons' on the TV enough. About how frustrating it was that he couldn't do anything to help. About how his Hockey team were still on a winning streak. About how much he wanted her to come back to him. About how he'd talked to her plants for her and how they were missing her very much. About how much he loved her...

Janet glanced at her watch as she realised that Jacob would be arriving in 30 minutes and then as she glanced up that Daniel and Teal'c had now walked into the Infirmary.

Daniel looked like he was mourning already and even Teal'c looked unusually sombre. Janet stood up and walked out to them.

The Colonel ignored them as he continued to talk to Sam quietly. Janet could tell that the only thing that would stop his conversation with her would be the moment the machine was switched off.

Janet walked over to Daniel and signalled for them to step outside the Infirmary. She fixed Daniel with a worried gaze. No one really knew about her and Daniel. Even Daniel didn't remember how they'd been before that mission. Janet had to admit she loved him and since about a year ago every time he went off world her stomach would be twisted into a tight knot the size of Texas!

"Daniel, are you alright?"

He looked at her now and whispered, "No, I guess not."

"It will be a significant loss."

Daniel snapped at him, "It's more than a significant loss!" He sighed gently and then murmured, "I'm sorry, Teal'c. I just can't believe it."

Teal'c inclined his head, "I apologise also. You must accept that my use of your language is quite frank."

Daniel just gave him a small smile and turned back to Janet, "How are you?"

Janet stared at the floor and didn't answer. Daniel didn't push for an answer and glanced up at Jack. He was now holding Sam's hand as he spoke and Janet could tell he knew that the final goodbye was advancing.

The claxons signalled Jacob's arrival loudly and Janet noticed the absolute look of despair on Jack's face as he stared at the body lying before him, but he continued talking. Even though she couldn't hear him she knew he was stumbling over the words he spoke.

She strode into the Infirmary and back into her office, as Daniel and Teal'c made their way to the gate room.

She heard Jack mumbling, "Please wake up, Carter. If you don't you're going to die and... I really don't want you to die."

Janet stared down at her papers and then she heard a small blip noise and glanced up at her computer screen.

Something was wrong with Sam's breathing apparatus. The pump was being forced with increased air pressure.

Janet looked up at the Colonel and saw him stood staring at Sam with worry and fear. Janet's eyes immediately moved to the figure. The woman was choking violently. She rushed out of the room. The Colonel looked at her, "Doc, there's something wrong!"

"I know, Colonel, but there's only one explanation for increased air pressure in that tube," she strode over by Sam and pulled the tube from Sam's mouth slowly. She continued to shake with violent coughs, before she began to stop choking and her breathing became shallow, her chest rising and falling by itself.

"Holy... Lazarus!" Janet said as a shocked tear found its way from her eyes. She swivelled around to the Colonel, "And that explanation is that the person is breathing on their own! Keep talking to her!"

He obeyed immediately and grabbed her hand tightly as he said, "Come on, Sam. Wake up! You can do it. Please wake up."

Janet heard a surprised, "What the...?" from behind her and turned to see Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond and Jacob stood by the door.

Janet's eyes went back to Jack who was stroking Sam's hand in his, "Please, Sam."

He continued to hold her hand tightly staring at her face. They were stood in the Infirmary for what seemed like hours watching Jack murmuring encouragement to Sam.

Suddenly, Sam's eyelids began to twitch silently. Jacob ran to Jack's side as did everyone else, but Jack didn't let go off her hand.

He whispered quietly as everyone held their breath, "Sam?"

As the woman's eyes opened slightly she said, "Jack?" He voice was hoarse as she whispered, "You know... a girl needs her... beauty sleep."

Janet found tears pouring from her eyes as Daniel suddenly whooped for joy and grabbed her in a tight hug planting a kiss on her cheek. The two Generals were laughing with relief as Jack whispered, "You're back... I can't believe you're back!"

Sam fixed him in her eye line and whispered, "It's not time... for goodbye... not yet."

Jack stood up as she continued to watch him. Jacob quickly took Jack's place knelt by her side and kissed her and began to cry slightly as he told her how much he loved her and other things.

Jack continued to move to the back of the group and finally made his way out of the Infirmary a shocked grin on his face.

People who past him looked confused by his expression and all stared at him as he strolled by. Suddenly, he fell to his knees in the middle of the corridor and yelled up at the ceiling, "I owe you one, Big Guy!"

Å

Jack returned to the Infirmary in the dead of night after Jacob had finally gone to bed. He guessed it was the only way of being able to see Sam as everyone else was always crowding her.

He entered quietly and walked over to the woman's bedside. She was still deathly pale, but she slept peacefully, the sound of her soft breathing relieving him to no end.

He gently stroked her hair as he murmured, "I'm so glad you're OK." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead as he whispered, "I love you, Samantha Carter."

A ghost of a smile appeared on the woman's lips as she continued to sleep. He smiled slightly himself and turned with a jump to find Janet stood feet away from him, one eyebrow raised slightly.

He felt himself blush as he murmured, "Hi Janet. Uh..."

She smiled, "No need to turn into a tomato, Colonel," She spoke seriously, "I think that was extremely cute."

Jack flushed even more as he murmured, "Well, you women are always big on romance."

Janet chuckled softly, "So are you, as it would seem."

"You know me. I just say whatever comes into my head first. I'm too simple to say the right things."

Janet's smile was sincere as she murmured, "You say all the right things, Colonel."

There was a short silence as Fraiser continued to smile at him. Jack noticed the woman hadn't stopped smiling since Sam had spoken softly.

Jack glanced at the sleeping woman in the bed again as he murmured to the doctor, "How is she?"

Janet's smile faded slightly, "She's better, but..." She glanced at the pale and weak woman and then murmured, "Let's talk in my office."

That worried Jack immediately, as the Doc lead him into her office...

Å

Four Days Later...

Ever since Fraiser's analysis, Jack had been avoiding the Infirmary. He couldn't face Sam. It was so much to digest. She'd never be the same again. She still had her memories, but Doc Fraiser had said she was extremely lucky not to have amnesia or something similar. That was the good news! The bad news was instead of amnesia her bodily defences were literally damaged beyond repair and that she was much more susceptible to viruses and diseases.

The worst part had been when Fraiser had said that in her condition she would never be able to be in SG-1, let alone, work again. With her immune system so degraded she would have what to everyone else would be the common cold, but to her it would be like getting pneumonia. She wouldn't last more than a dozen missions going off world.

The part Jack couldn't digest was the fact she wouldn't be his 2IC anymore, which was good and bad. The Big Guy in the sky had a funny way of putting things. Sam was the best damn 2IC in the world. She was loyal, dependable, brave, and smart, not to mention she could kick Goa'uld arse, but... The Big Guy had made her gorgeous. Oh, he must have had a lot of laughs about them. Jack couldn't help, but feel that God was finding their situation extremely funny, but he was obviously feeling slightly sorry for them now and was giving them a chance.

Jack found that wandering aimlessly around the base was not a good way to ignore Sam. He'd ended up in her lab, as it seemed his feet always led towards her lab unless he was purposefully going some place else.

He looked around and immediately found the part of him he'd been trying to avoid. Part of his heart would always be with her and looking around at her possessions he realised that he needed them. Carter's organised chaos. The endless piles of notes he'd never understand, the computer with the keyboard so worn you could barely see the letters, the box full of CDs and Floppy disks all in alphabetical order (after his tidy up), the mug of cold coffee lying half drunken, all the gadgets and doodads in pieces strewn over the desk, the books on Astrophysics in the old bookcase and the photo frame propped up against the base of the computer. He picked it up. SG-1. His eyes fell on Sam, grinning as she put her arms around his and Teal'c's shoulders, and he realised he needed her...

Before he could stop himself he was striding as fast as he could to the Infirmary. She must think he was an insensitive bastard! He hadn't been to visit her since she'd got the news. What a jerk!

All he could think about was her. Jack realised it had been pretty much the same for years, but now instead of pushing his thoughts aside and denying to himself he'd ever had them, he focussed on them. Images of her he'd not remember yet kept popping up in his brain. Just little things. Something she's said at a certain moment that had made him want to smile, the cute way she frowned when she was trying to concentrate, the way he always put her coffee mug the wrong way round on her desk so that she had to do that funny thing with her wrist when she swivelled the whole mug around...

As he entered the Infirmary everyone who was in there found an excuse to leave immediately. As the last nurse rushed out for some incoherent reason, Jack's eyes fell on the dazzling blue eyes he'd wanted to see for almost a month.

Sam sat in the bed her back propped up by snowy white pillows. She was still incredibly pale, but at least she didn't look like a machine anymore. Her hair was dishevelled and she still had dark rings under her eyes. Jack had to admit she'd looked better.

"Colonel," she said warily as he walked slowly towards her.

"Carter."

"Janet said I was in a coma for almost month..."

"Yeah," Jack said quietly. There was a lengthy awkward pause...

"Sam..."

"Jack..."

They both spoke at the same time and then both laughed self-consciously. Sam signalled for Jack to speak first. He stared at his hands as he mumbled, "Sam, I...," he sighed and looked up from his fidgeting fingers, "Never scare me like that again!"

"I won't," she smiled tenderly and Jack realised he'd missed her smile. How soppy could you get!!! And yet he had. He had missed her warm smile a lot more than he cared to admit.

"Jack?" she asked hesitantly breaking the spell that had fallen over him.

"Yeah."

"I heard." She murmured quietly as her beautiful blue eyes transfixed him where he stood.

Jack looked confused for a second and then sighed. She meant when he'd been speaking to her in the dark days when she'd been in the coma, "I'm ... I'm glad you heard. I was worried. I was worried you couldn't. I was worried..." His voice trailed away as he stared at her.

"I was yelling, but I couldn't speak. I smiled, but I couldn't smile," she whispered quietly, her voice choked with emotion, "I was reaching out for you, but I couldn't move."

She gave a little cough trying to shoot the sadness out of her throat. Jack came and sat in the chair beside her as she coughed again.

Her body quivered with each cough, reminding Jack of how frail she was at the moment. Jack rubbed her back gently as she coughed harder. He could feel her spine sticking out. It was frightening and Jack knew then that Fraiser was right. She wouldn't last off world. There were so many illnesses and strange diseases that would kill her while everyone else would just get a slight stomach-ache.

When she finished choking, Jack spoke softly, "You OK?"

"No," she gave a small sob.

Jack pulled her into a hug as she cried into his shoulder. He spoke gently and continued to rub her back, "I know how you feel."

"How can you! How can anybody understand!" She moaned quietly, "I can never work again. I'm not aloud to go outside too often! Janet says if I catch flu, I'm more likely to die than a normal person who gets a serious form of cancer!" She began to cry large tears rolling down her pale cheeks, her back shuddering violently, "I can't do anything without putting myself at risk! I'm like a huge sensitive baby! People have to keep an eye on me whatever I do saying things like 'Don't smell that flower', 'Don't' eat that', 'Don't go outside'! I could die tomorrow! I could die today!"

Jack just pulled her closer. He didn't know what to say. Sam was right. No one could even begin to understand. Who knows how many pills and medicines she would have to take everyday of her life for the rest of her life. Who knows whether she'd ever be able to sniff a flower again without going into some form of serious shock. Who knows how anyone could ever comprehend the kind of confinement she'd have to live with for the rest of her life.

Her back stopped shuddering and Jack felt her chin resting on his shoulder. He looked at her. She stared around her, "Janet says I'm being moved to the air force hospital. I'm just a waste of space around here."

"Don't say that, Sam," he cupped her face in his hand, "You never have and never will be a waste of space. You are amazing. You're smart, loyal, friendly, kind, not to mention..." he paused, "...absolutely gorgeous!"

She smiled quietly, "Really?"

"Would I say something soppy otherwise?" She gave a small laugh, as Jack continued, "If you go there I'll visit everyday. Even if I'm meant to be here! If I can't come I'll send Daniel to bug you. I'm sure Teal'c will be there almost 24/7, you know what he's like when it comes to his friends."

"No, actually," Sam grinned, "Can't remember anyway!"

"Don't worry. I'm still remembering as I go."

She nodded. Her head rested on his chest as she stared into his eyes, "Thank you."

"What for? I'm just doing Daniel's job while he's... translating or cataloguing.... whatever he does when he's not in here clucking over you."

Sam chuckled gently, "No. Thank you... for loving me."

Jack looked surprised. She was grinning. He knew she was right. She knew she was right. Jack smiled, "I should be thanking you for letting me love you," she shook her head gently still smiling as he whispered, "And I do, Sam. I really do."

She smiled happily and rubbed her cheek on his shoulder, "I love you too." She yawned slightly and Jack fluffed up her pillows as she rested back down.

"I better get some sleep," she yawned, "Janet will kill me if I don't!"

"Sweet dreams, Sam."

She clasped his hand gently as she closed her eyes, "Night Jack." She opened them again suddenly and stared at him, "When I leave the air force..."

"You're coming fishing! No, buts!

Sam gave a small smile, "I'll take a rain check."

"For once in my life, I'm being serious, Sam. Once you're well enough to come home I was kinda hoping you'd come... stay with me for a while."

"Yeah I'd like that," she closed her eyes, "But I'm not sure about Minnesota. Too much outside for me to handle," she said gloomily.

"Even if I have to put the whole damn state in a force shield, you're coming to Minnesota!"

Sam smiled her eyes still closed; "You'd do that for me?"

"Sure! Why not?"

"I'm warning you. Janet has hearing as good as a dog. Don't speak too loud. She might hold you up to the force shield idea!"

"Why?" Jack asked confused.

Sam kept her eyes closed as she yawned, "Because I've wanted to come to your cabin for so long and Janet knows that," She yawned again, "Whatever drugs she's pumping into me they're working! I can barely stay awake!"

"Then don't," Jack murmured, "Go to sleep."

"Good logic..." Her voice faded away as she drifted off.

Å

Eight months later...

"It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!"

Jack smiled and opened his door. His foot made a crunching sound as he stepped on the snow that covered his drive.

He lifted the crutches out of the back and opened her door. She unfastened her seat belt as he helped her out of the passenger's seat. She slid her hands through the cool, plastic rings of the crutches and leant on them heavily.

She looked around. The fir trees were covered with the snow as was the cabin. It reminded Sam of a Christmas postcard!

She'd only been released seven months ago after the long month she'd spent in the hospital. After another month of being pushed around in a wheelchair she'd made Janet give her crutches. They were much easier to use and eased the pain in her legs. Though at first she'd found using them difficult after six months of using them she was a pro.

Her body was still not working properly. Her arms and legs were weak and she found it hard to stand without the crutches. In fact, it was almost impossible. It made her miserable.

One thing kept her trying. Jack. He was always there smiling and encouraging. He'd spent almost the whole time she'd been recuperating trying to convince Janet to let her come to Minnesota with him. Janet had finally caved, but only for Christmas.

The ebbing light of the cold, December day cast a fresh light over the forest landscape and made the snow glisten and the icicles that hung from the cabin roof sparkle.

She smiled slightly as Jack waved his hand in front of her eyes. She looked at him. He was grinning, "Don't need you drifting off, Sam! I'd have to carry you inside!"

She nodded as he locked the truck and then without warning lifted her up, "What the heck? I'll carry you in anyway." Sam let out a surprised shriek of laughter and realised it had been the first time she'd laughed properly in a while. He'd noticed as well and the look of joy on his face was almost indescribable. They stepped inside and Jack placed Sam down on a couch.

She collapsed and stretched her legs out. They cramped so easily, that they usually ached after car journeys. She looked around her. It was wonderful and just as Sam imagined it. Pictures of Earth and stars on the walls, a telescope propped by the window, a few pictures of SG-1, a comfy couch and an armchair, an open chimney, chess board that had been left half-way through a game and in the corner she noticed a fishing rod.

Jack came back from where she assumed was the kitchen with two beers. Sam smiled as he gave her one. She took a swig, as he collapsed on the couch beside her.

"Welcome to Jack's Cabin!"

Sam grinned, "It's great! I'm so glad you convinced Janet to let me come! I would never have forgiven her if she hadn't."

Jack smiled obviously pleased with himself, "Hey! Don't give me too much credit! You know what Danny's like when he gets hung up on an idea!"

Sam gave a small laugh, "Oh Janet's probably regretting ever saying 'Yes'!"

"Yeah, well so would I if I realised my name was gonna become Janet Jackson!"

Sam laughed. Daniel had proposed to Janet a month ago and still Jack seemed to slip in that quip whenever he could!

She stared at him. It would be Christmas Day tomorrow. She'd had the best Christmas present ever in November!

And at this present time it glittered on her finger. She looked down at the engagement ring and found her lips curving into a smile. Jack and Daniel had had a pact. An 'if-you-propose-then-I-will' pact. Janet and Daniel were getting married in the summer, but Sam had wanted to get married sooner. She would be Mrs. O'Neill in a month! The thought made her smile even wider.

She then noticed Jack was grinning as well. He was just watching her quietly.

"What?" she smiled.

"I'm just glad you're smiling and laughing again. It feels like forever since I last heard you laugh," he spoke sincerely, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Sam snorted although there was a small pain in her deep blue eyes, "Yeah I'm usually a miserable invalid, aren't I?"

Jack shook his head and looked at her seriously, "You're not an invalid, Sam."

"How do you work that one out?" Sam said wretchedly.

Jack's eyebrow rose as his face became a quirky expression, "Can invalids be that good in the bedroom?!?"

"Jack!"

"What? I'm your fiancé! I'm allowed to say stuff like that!"

She shook her head fondly and got up slipping her hands into her crutches, "Can I call Janet? I wanna thank her again."

"Sure," Jack smiled again, "I'll go see what provisions there are. You hungry?"

"Yeah."

"I'll start making supper then," he got up from the chair and walked into the kitchen. Sam checked he was busy. He turned on the radio and began searching the cupboards. She grabbed the phone and sat as far away from the kitchen as she could.

She dialled Janet's number. She listened to it ring until the ringing stopped abruptly and a familiar voice said, "Hello? Janet Fraiser speaking."

"Janet, Hi!"

Janet gasped happily, "Sam! How are you? Are you calling from the cabin?"

Sam grinned, "Yes. Oh Jan! It's fantastic. It's so beautiful up here. We're gonna have a great Christmas."

"I don't doubt that..." Janet paused awkwardly, "Are you phoning about...?"

"Yeah," she said in a hushed voice, "It's about what we discussed."

"The abortion? Are you gonna...?"

"No," Sam checked the kitchen door, "But I'm worried. What if... because I'm so ill..."

"Sam, I honestly don't think anything bad will happen to the baby."

"I just... don't want to get his hopes up and then..."

"Sam," Janet spoke softly, "The worse that will happen is that you might have to have caesarean, but other than that the baby is perfectly healthy. I'm assuming you haven't told him."

"Christmas present," Sam said quietly.

Janet sounded slightly doubting, "Sam, you should tell him. Have you got the ultrasound?"

"Yeah," Sam smiled slightly, "He'll love it..."

"He'll love what?" Jack said as he came into the room.

Sam moved into defensive mode, "Me and Janet were just discussing what she got Daniel for Christmas."

Jack gave her a small smile although she could see the slight disbelief in his eyes at her excuse, "Oh, let me guess. It's really old and needs translating..."

"Close enough," Sam said gently.

Jack spoke again, "I was just wondering if you wanted pizza or pasta. We have both."

"Pasta would be great," Sam said as Jack went back into the kitchen.

"That was close," Janet said. She went back to the original subject, "You should tell him.

Besides you won't be able to hide it forever. You shouldn't underestimate him. He's noticed the fact you now wear really baggy clothes and the fact you won't get into bed with him anymore. Jack's worried about you. Apparently, he asked Daniel if you'd been acting weird lately. Daniel, being Daniel spoke a little too guiltily when he said he hadn't noticed anything abnormal about you and ever since Jack's been more edgy than usual around him. Daniel's keeping the secret, but Jack's bound to realise some time, Sam."

"Yeah. Thanks Janet. I'll tell him."

"OK. Merry Christmas, Sam."

"Merry Christmas."

Å

Jack watched Sam worriedly. She hadn't spoken to him, since she'd made that phone call. She was avoiding him and Jack had no idea why. And that worried him. For once he had no idea what he'd done wrong!

Jack looked up at her, "Look, whatever I've done, I'm sorry! Just stop giving me the silent treatment!"

She looked at him a small, sad smile creeping onto her face, "It's not you. Don't worry. I'm not mad with you..."

"Then what?" Jack sighed frustrated, "Sam, you've been acting really weird lately." She looked at him in surprise as he continued, "In fact, you've been acting strange for about two months. Why? What have I done?"

"Nothing," Sam whispered sadly.

"Then what in God's name is up with you? I'm worried sick. You hardly let me within a foot of you anymore. Is it you've stopped loving me? Did you even love me in the first place?"

"Of course I love you," she said sincerely as he stared at her.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I-I can't tell you..."

He spoke slightly angrily, "Jesus, Sam! It's me. Jack. Your fiancé. You know. The guy who's going to marry you because he loves you. If you can't tell me, the guy who'd do anything for you, then who the hell can you tell?"

Sam felt like she was about to cry. They sat staring into each other's eyes for a few minutes until her eyes dropped to her plate and she whispered, "I'm sorry, Jack."

He got up from the table, "I'm going for a drive."

He grabbed his jacket and his cell phone and shut the door behind him. She heard the truck pull out of the drive and began to cry, "I'm sorry..."

Å

Sam hadn't slept a wink, but she'd heard him come in. It was early in the morning, about 1am. He'd gone into the spare room.

It was technically Christmas Day now and Sam got up. She grabbed her crutches and quietly walked into the spare room. Jack was asleep in the single bed. She stood in silence and watched the man. She could always tell when Jack wasn't sleeping well. He was curled up in a ball beneath the duvet his arms clutched around his chest. Her heart was in physical pain as she watched him. She felt so sorry for him. Yet another man she seemed to have hurt badly during her lifetime.

Sam grabbed the stocking she'd bought for him. It was one of those SG-1 traditions. Usually they all spent Christmas at someone's house and in the morning everyone's stocking would be filled with presents from their friends. Sam slid the picture into the stocking with a note and slipped it on the end of his bed.

She watched him for another second before she turned and left, hobbling back to her room. She almost dropped her crutches and collapsed on the cold bed. She shivered feeling extremely lonely and crawled beneath the covers pulling them close around her. She wrapped her chilled body into a tight ball and pulled her head beneath the covers as she cried herself to sleep.

Å

Sam opened her eyes slowly and then closed them remembering what had happened the night before. This was the one Christmas that she never wanted to get up for, except perhaps that year she'd had that awful hangover.

She crawled out of bed and grabbed her crutches. She hobbled over to the window and pulled back the curtain. It was still early and the sun hadn't risen over the mountains yet. A sprinkling of snow continued to fall from the heavens and dust the already blanketed landscape.

"What a beautiful day to fuck up you life!" Sam muttered to herself angrily. She wouldn't be surprised if he left her after the way she'd been treating him. She sighed softly. Well, she'd have to face him at some point.

She gently pushed open the door and move a silently as she could towards the spare room. She gave a small gasp as her eyes fell on the living room. The place was decorated with tinsel and a sparkling Christmas tree, laden with softly twinkling white lights and a tiny angel Charlie had made when he was six, sat proudly atop. All their presents had been placed beneath the spindly branches and the fire was crackling and flickering in the fireplace.

She knew the way Jack's mind worked and knew he must have felt guilty after having a go at her and so when he'd returned home, undoubtedly drunk, he'd just collapsed on the single bed and dozed straight off. When he'd woken alone, Sam guessed he'd realised what he'd said and decided to make it up to her as best he could.

She gave a small sigh barely audible as she realised how much she loved him. It hurt to know that he thought this was all his fault. He had a tendency to blame everything on himself. Probably thinking he hadn't loved her enough or hadn't looked after her enough. He'd always given her the space she needed to get used to her 'new' body. Now he probably thought he hadn't smothered her enough...

She continued to shuffle silently to Jack's room feeling her heart aching and just wanting for him to hold her again. The door was open a crack, so she peered through the small gap as she stood outside the room.

Jack was sat on the end of the bed, head in hands. He was muttering to himself, "That's two now, O'Neill. Two women you've cared about more than any other and they despise you." He sighed, "Ah crap! Why am I such a dumb ass...?" He suddenly looked up and saw the stocking. He grimaced proving to her that either he'd forgotten or he was already feeling guilty enough without her giving him the traditional stocking. She watched as he lifted up the stocking and the picture and note fell, face down onto the duvet.

He frowned slightly and picked up the note. He turned it over and began to read, "Jack, I'm sorry about the past few weeks. I never meant to make you unhappy and I love you. I hope you'll forgive me for being so stupid and understand why I was acting so weird. Merry Christmas, Love Sam." He closed his eyes sadly and murmured, "Oh God. What have I done?"

She held her breath as he opened his eyes again and looked straight down at the photo lying face down. He reached for it, lifted it up slowly and turned it over...

He froze. He sat there staring at the picture. His eyes wide and his jaw slackened into a fish-like expression and Sam had the feeling if he'd been standing, he would have keeled over.

After what felt like hours of silence, he spoke in absolute shock, "Oh my God..."

Sam decided to face the music and gently pushed the door open, stepping inside with as little noise as possible.

It was only when her crutch collided with the doorframe that Jack looked up from the picture and saw her. She looked quite a mess. Her eyes had red marks under them and they were bloodshot. Her hair was sticking up all over the place and her lip was trembling. She was on the brink of tears as she whispered, "I'm sorry..."

Jack just sat there staring at her in surprise and shock, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sam stared at her crutches as tears welled to a dangerous level in her eyes, "I was worried. That... because I'm this way... the baby would be hurt... I was considering abortion..."

"Why?" Jack whispered.

"I was worried that the baby might die... I couldn't cope. You'd be so devastated," her words came out in a shaky sob, "I thought... you'd hate me."

Jack stepped towards her until he was right in front of her, "Oh, Sam." Tears rolled down her cheeks as he tilted her chin up so she stared into his eyes, "No matter what, I could never hate you." He lifted up her hand and pointed to the engagement ring glinting on her finger, "Through think and thin, through sickness and health, through glad times, sad times and all those times you become so pissed with me that I have all manner of electrical appliances flying towards my head..." Sam gave a relieved smile as he whispered, "I will still love you. Always."

She gave a relieved sob, as he pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close. She spoke her voice a frightened whisper, "I was so scared..."

He could feel the lump of their unborn child pressed against his own stomach and realised she'd been hiding it from him all this time. He pulled back and pulled a face, "Now, how did I miss that?" Sam gave a tearful laugh and he pulled her back into a tight hug, "Now I understand why you wanted to get married so soon and then wouldn't even let me hug you."

"It's bad enough I'll be a miserable, sickly, invalid bride, let alone a fat, miserable, sickly, invalid bride!"

Jack fixed her with another serious glance, "But you're none of those things, Sam. The only part that you will ever be is the bride part," Jack grinned, "And well, you might get a little plump..." She gave him a glare as he let out a small chuckle, "God, when you weren't talking to me I was worried you hated me or that you were having an affair..."

Sam snorted, "Me?"

Jack gave a small smile, "That's the problem with falling in love with the most beautiful woman in the world," he shook his head, "Guys kill to even have you smiling at them!"

She felt herself smile, but then it disappeared and she looked down at the icy metal of the crutches, "They used to, Jack. Once, they did. Now, all they are doing is watching me with pity."

Jack smiled sadly as he whispered, "Guess that rules out competition! I was beginning to worry that... well, you and Daniel...!"

"Daniel!?!" Sam snorted again at her fiancé's confessions.

Jack spoke embarrassed lowering his gaze, "Well, when I asked him if he'd noticed you acting peculiar and he went 'No. Of course not. How should I know?' He spoke so guiltily I thought...

"Daniel's already taken anyway!"

"I know, but Daniel's 'I'm-going-to-act-like-I-have-a-guilty-conscience-even-though-I'm-only-covering-for-a-friend' routine was very worrying!" Sam didn't laugh or smile and Jack suddenly felt worried again. He spoke anxiously, "Sam?"

She looked up at him and then down at her crutches, "I'm glad I have someone who loves me, the way I am."

"I can't believe I'm the only one, Sam," Jack felt slight relief, but he was still worried. He sighed as they stood in silence for a long time. He then said with a smile, "Cheer up. It's Christmas. That means we have at least 48hrs to eat as much crap as we want. We'll eat first and then I think its time we got to work on that pile of loot sat beneath the tree," Sam chuckled softly as he smiled back at her, "So, pancakes or waffles?"

Sam glanced up at him and murmured, "Waffles sound great." Jack saw a playful grin cross her lips, "What's for dessert?"

Jack was seriously taken aback and he gave a small laugh, "As tempting as it may be after what feels likes years, remember what Fraiser said in your last examination. You've got to eat and I noticed you didn't eat much yesterday."

She glared at him, "Geez! You sound like my Dad!"

Jack pulled into a grimace, "Really?"

"Uh huh," Sam said a small smile on her lips.

Jack sighed, "Well, then I guess I'll have to change that," with a playful grin of his own, he lifted her up into his arms. She gave a surprised giggle. He spoke, "You know you're right. You have put on a few pounds!"

"Jack!"

"Right, as I definitely DON'T want to sound like your Dad, looks like dessert first!"

Sam kissed him gently, "Now that's more like it!"

Å

Read on in 'Vulnerability (Part Three)'

Copyright © Sam I Am 2004