Chapter 2
(this part gets a little darker)
The bed shifted snapping me out of the weird state I was in, between being asleep and being tiresomely awake. I watched Beka tiptoe through my room with one shoe in her hand. I could tell she was looking for the other, kicking around the mess I had created during the several tantrums I had last night. She had stayed with me through the night helping me when I cried and soothing me when I yelled. Tears gathered in my eyes just thinking about how devoted a friend Beka...Captain Beka Valentine was. She finally found her shoe and crept over. She watched me while I pretended to be sleep. I didn't' want her to have to explain why she was leaving, I already knew why. She was leaving to explain to Dylan that I was crazy, over morning coffee. She would tell him that I had a sever form multiple personality disorder and that I have had it since I was 9. She would tell him how my data port was installed when I was 15 to suppress.my altar. and how it was malfunctioning. She would also have to tell him that I couldn't go to just any doc to get this fixed but the one who had installed my data port in the first place. Using a data port to suppress an altar personality was an experiment that only Dr. Keets ventured into. To her misfortune she would have to be there when he exploded in frustrating. She would have to tell him that he resides on the hell whole called earth and that we would have to find a way there before the neural components of my implant are absorbed by my brain. She sighed heavily in rhythm with my mental sigh. She kissed my forehead and left the room leaving me to my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I was dealing with this again. This issue of sanity. It just didn't seem real. I hadn't had...him here to bother me in 10 years. His presence has brought all my childhood memories flooding back much to my horror. I can remember how my parents use to cry. Every night wondering what was wrong with me and I use to cry cause I didn't have an answer.
He started out as my imaginary friend named Shane. He would be there to protect me and give me encouraging words when I was frightened. I couldn't wait for my mom to tuck me into bed at night cause when she closed the door Shane would be there and we'd talk and jump on the bed...even though we weren't suppose to. He was my height and age. Short and thin just like me. His eyes were a piercing blue and his hair was long and brown. His features were somewhat feminine, his chin was slender and his hands were little and petite. He always wore the same clothes, dirty brown pants and a huge shirt that hung off of him leaving his chest exposed through the huge neck hole. The memory made me smile but it soon turned into a frown when I remembered how he had drastically changed. One day out of the blue he started to talk for me and I couldn't make him go away. I remember I was standing in front of the slumgang. They had caught me coming home from the little makeshift market the Anderson's had made about a 10 minuet walk from my house. I tried to hide the bread I had bought behind my back but they saw it anyway. I can still remember how scared I was, how my teeth chattered cause I was trembling so hard. There was over 20 of them and then there was a 9-year- old me. Standing there shaking in my filthy rags. I could hear Shane talking in the back of my head which wasn't unusual. He was always there when I was scared but this time he wasn't telling me to run he was telling me to tell them off. I was too afraid to open my mouth or to even run. They kept advancing on my position Flipping out pocketknives, shives and pipes. Shane started to yell but I couldn't respond. Then all of a sudden my body wasn't mine...I wasn't controlling anything. Words came poring out of my mouth and the gang became instantly enraged. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. I got the courage to run but my legs wouldn't move. He kept talking and they finally had had enough. They tackled me to the ground and beat me till I couldn't' stand and then they beat me some more. They didn't even bother to take the bread when they were done. Beating me seemed to satisfy them enough. I sat there in my own blood...spitting out my teeth and wondering what had happened. I can still remember what Shane said to me.
"You deserved to be beaten...If you never stand up for yourself you will always be the victim. And anyway look.... You still have the bread." He stood over me with his hands on his hips. He smiled wildly and reached out his hand to help me up. I just stared at him covering my bloody mouth. They had slit the corners of my mouth...they said to keep me from talking so much next time. I whimpered loudly and Shane frowned deeply. His eyes squinted and he threw his long brown hair over his slender shoulder.
"You're so pathetic. I have to do everything for you! You would have just taken that! Don't you see...That was the only way to keep the bread...So your hurt...Get over it!" He yelled. His face became pale and his eyes turned from blue to a deep void like black. His nose flared in disgust and he slowly stepped toward me. I tried to move...I tried to get away from him but my legs were broken and my ribs ached when I breathed. The agony I was in was surpassed by my extreme fear of my own imaginary friend. He didn't seem so imaginary anymore...He didn't seem like much of a friend anymore. He knelt down inches from me and shook his head.
"I always thought you were weak. I just hoped you'd grow out of it." He said and then he sunk into me like a ghost. I felt a strange pinch at the base of my skull and my vision narrowed. My skin felt tingly and I couldn't help but shiver. I looked down to see all the blood I had lost. I could hear my mom calling my name in the distance. Someone must have told her what happened and I was relieved. I noticed the crowd that had formed around me. There hands covering their mouths in shock. At first I thought they were mocking me but I realized that they were horrified at my mangled state. I didn't seem to feel the pain All I saw were there faces and all I heard was my mom calling my name over and over. A voice interrupted it all, a voice deep in my mind.
"Run to mama." He whispered and then laughed. I knew at that moment I had to get rid of him. I knew he was dangerous. My mom finally made it to me, kicking up dust with her rapid approach. She tried to move me but I screamed out in agony uncovering my blood filled mouth. She stopped and gasped grabbing my chin and examining the damage. A river of tears ran down her face and were soaked up by her shirt.
"Get Mr. Keets! Get Mr. Keets!" She screamed over and over. No one moved so she screamed louder pulling everyone's attention away from me to her important words. The crowd dispersed running in different directions screaming for the Mr. Keets. Most mumbled and went on their way never looking back. She rocked me and rubbed my back and I sunk into her. No one could soothe me like she could. I could feel her tears fall into my blond bloodied hair. The last thing I remembered as I looked down at my hands was wondering how much time had past cause the blood on my hands had hardened and flaked. Then everything went black.
I realize now why Beka was able to soothe me. She reminded me so much of my mother. I shook the memory away and forced myself out of bed. I ran my hands through my hair and stretched. I could feel a slight hum in the back of my mind and I knew Shane would soon have something to say. There was a knock on my door and I debated on answering. I didn't wanna talk to Dylan. Even though I knew it was necessary. The knock came again and I opened the door mindlessly only to find who I thought would be at the door wasn't. I opened my mouth to gasp but was yanked from the room with an extreme force. I closed my eyes against the harsh bright lights of the corridor. My back slammed into the far wall knocking all the wind out of me and making my eyes snap back open. I slid to the floor agonizing over my back and wiping the spit that had flown out of my mouth off my chin. Tyr stood in the doorway of my room just staring at me. He seemed to move in slow motion, his hair gently swaying before finding their resting-place. His face dropped into a tight grimace and a loud growl rumbled in his throat. My eyes drifted from his face down his flexed muscles to the broken bone spurs on his bandaged forearm. He followed my gaze and when I looked up he was even angrier then before. I lifted my hands to cover my face.
"I'm sooo sorry Tyr! I didn't mean it. I couldn't stop myself. It was an accident." I rambled incoherently. My fear had stopped all blood flow to my brain apparently. What do you say to an angry nietzschean? Obviously sorry wasn't it. He grabbed me and roughly pulled me to my feet putting excruciating pressure on my collarbone with his grip. Disembodied whispers filled my mind and I tried to shut them out.
"Tyr please forgive me! I'm really sorry...Those will grow back right?" I said with an awkward laugh. He roared and revved back sending me flying against the wall. I grabbed my chest and wheezed weakly.
"I guess that's a no." I said under my breath.
"Tyr. You seriously don't wanna play this game with me." I said feeling an aura of power come over me. I knew what was happening and I didn't know who to be more afraid of. Shane or Tyr? Tyr once again reached down for me and in a flash I swept him off his feet and onto his ass with an oomph.
"Soo...breaking the ones on your left arm wasn't enough? Let's try your right!" Shane had taken over. I yelled in my mind for Shane to stop but he kept struggling with Tyr. Punching and kicking him while he was on the ground.
"You're so pathetic!" he screamed at me and punched Tyr in his face. I had had enough. My body is my body! I'm not that 9-year-old anymore! I struggled to regain control, throwing Shane off balance. We tossed back and forth between control. The pain in my head was excruciating. I screamed out holding my temples and stumbling like a drunk. Tyr could have taken advantage of my instability but he just watched quietly. His eyes were as big as saucers.
"Ohh god. Tyr help me." I said trying to blink away this horror that was tugging at my brain. My voice pleaded with him and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't do this alone. I needed help. I stumbled toward Tyr like an infant learning to walk. I was using all my energy fighting for control that I had lost motor skills. Tyr scooted away from me, eyeing me with disgust.
"Get Beka.please!" I said between sorrowful wails. I gritted my teeth feeling my control breaking down rapidly. It felt like I had bolted a door to keep him out and he was bursting through. I wanted Beka to rub my back and tell me it would be ok. I needed her support.
"You can't keep me in here forever." Shane said laughing hysterically. His light childlike voice was misleading.
"I CAN TRY!" I screamed staring at ceiling in agony. My face felt stretched and worn from holding this grimace so long.
"Who looks like a lunatic now.your talking to yourself you idiot. And look at Tyr.he won't even lift a finger to help."
"What is wrong with you!" Tyr bellowed slowly getting to his feet. He inched away with each step getting bigger then the last. From his vantage point this must have seemed ridicules. I had to remember that they didn't know about Shane.They didn't know about my disorder. This was all new to them. I opened my mouth to explain but ended up biting down on my lip to keep Shane from speaking. I could tell Shane wasn't as strong as he use to be or he would have taken me over completely without hesitation.like he use to. But I also knew that if I didn't get help he would soon take over my life completely. I couldn't keep this up forever. I was exhausted. Sweat covered my body and my eyes rolled around in my head. I fell to my knees swaying from side to side. That hypothetical door was hanging on by a thread. I couldn't hold him back any longer.
"What's going on!?" Dylan asked when Tyr backed into him, startling the freaked out neit.
"Harper is a lunatic." Tyr said pointing at me as if he were tattling. I lifted my eyes. All I heard was a white noise in the background. There was someone next to Dylan. I squinted to see who it was.
"Humm...I see its shay and his little friend "shame" back together again." The man beside Dylan said. I couldn't believe what I saw. My mind flashed back to all the times I had encountered the slumgang. Oh My God it was him. The leader! In all my shock I failed to notice the hot shiver running up my spine. I heard a loud snap that rang in my ears. That sound was all too familiar. The darkness glazed over my eyes. I was to tired to fight.
"No." I said weakly before the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared.
(this part gets a little darker)
The bed shifted snapping me out of the weird state I was in, between being asleep and being tiresomely awake. I watched Beka tiptoe through my room with one shoe in her hand. I could tell she was looking for the other, kicking around the mess I had created during the several tantrums I had last night. She had stayed with me through the night helping me when I cried and soothing me when I yelled. Tears gathered in my eyes just thinking about how devoted a friend Beka...Captain Beka Valentine was. She finally found her shoe and crept over. She watched me while I pretended to be sleep. I didn't' want her to have to explain why she was leaving, I already knew why. She was leaving to explain to Dylan that I was crazy, over morning coffee. She would tell him that I had a sever form multiple personality disorder and that I have had it since I was 9. She would tell him how my data port was installed when I was 15 to suppress.my altar. and how it was malfunctioning. She would also have to tell him that I couldn't go to just any doc to get this fixed but the one who had installed my data port in the first place. Using a data port to suppress an altar personality was an experiment that only Dr. Keets ventured into. To her misfortune she would have to be there when he exploded in frustrating. She would have to tell him that he resides on the hell whole called earth and that we would have to find a way there before the neural components of my implant are absorbed by my brain. She sighed heavily in rhythm with my mental sigh. She kissed my forehead and left the room leaving me to my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I was dealing with this again. This issue of sanity. It just didn't seem real. I hadn't had...him here to bother me in 10 years. His presence has brought all my childhood memories flooding back much to my horror. I can remember how my parents use to cry. Every night wondering what was wrong with me and I use to cry cause I didn't have an answer.
He started out as my imaginary friend named Shane. He would be there to protect me and give me encouraging words when I was frightened. I couldn't wait for my mom to tuck me into bed at night cause when she closed the door Shane would be there and we'd talk and jump on the bed...even though we weren't suppose to. He was my height and age. Short and thin just like me. His eyes were a piercing blue and his hair was long and brown. His features were somewhat feminine, his chin was slender and his hands were little and petite. He always wore the same clothes, dirty brown pants and a huge shirt that hung off of him leaving his chest exposed through the huge neck hole. The memory made me smile but it soon turned into a frown when I remembered how he had drastically changed. One day out of the blue he started to talk for me and I couldn't make him go away. I remember I was standing in front of the slumgang. They had caught me coming home from the little makeshift market the Anderson's had made about a 10 minuet walk from my house. I tried to hide the bread I had bought behind my back but they saw it anyway. I can still remember how scared I was, how my teeth chattered cause I was trembling so hard. There was over 20 of them and then there was a 9-year- old me. Standing there shaking in my filthy rags. I could hear Shane talking in the back of my head which wasn't unusual. He was always there when I was scared but this time he wasn't telling me to run he was telling me to tell them off. I was too afraid to open my mouth or to even run. They kept advancing on my position Flipping out pocketknives, shives and pipes. Shane started to yell but I couldn't respond. Then all of a sudden my body wasn't mine...I wasn't controlling anything. Words came poring out of my mouth and the gang became instantly enraged. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. I got the courage to run but my legs wouldn't move. He kept talking and they finally had had enough. They tackled me to the ground and beat me till I couldn't' stand and then they beat me some more. They didn't even bother to take the bread when they were done. Beating me seemed to satisfy them enough. I sat there in my own blood...spitting out my teeth and wondering what had happened. I can still remember what Shane said to me.
"You deserved to be beaten...If you never stand up for yourself you will always be the victim. And anyway look.... You still have the bread." He stood over me with his hands on his hips. He smiled wildly and reached out his hand to help me up. I just stared at him covering my bloody mouth. They had slit the corners of my mouth...they said to keep me from talking so much next time. I whimpered loudly and Shane frowned deeply. His eyes squinted and he threw his long brown hair over his slender shoulder.
"You're so pathetic. I have to do everything for you! You would have just taken that! Don't you see...That was the only way to keep the bread...So your hurt...Get over it!" He yelled. His face became pale and his eyes turned from blue to a deep void like black. His nose flared in disgust and he slowly stepped toward me. I tried to move...I tried to get away from him but my legs were broken and my ribs ached when I breathed. The agony I was in was surpassed by my extreme fear of my own imaginary friend. He didn't seem so imaginary anymore...He didn't seem like much of a friend anymore. He knelt down inches from me and shook his head.
"I always thought you were weak. I just hoped you'd grow out of it." He said and then he sunk into me like a ghost. I felt a strange pinch at the base of my skull and my vision narrowed. My skin felt tingly and I couldn't help but shiver. I looked down to see all the blood I had lost. I could hear my mom calling my name in the distance. Someone must have told her what happened and I was relieved. I noticed the crowd that had formed around me. There hands covering their mouths in shock. At first I thought they were mocking me but I realized that they were horrified at my mangled state. I didn't seem to feel the pain All I saw were there faces and all I heard was my mom calling my name over and over. A voice interrupted it all, a voice deep in my mind.
"Run to mama." He whispered and then laughed. I knew at that moment I had to get rid of him. I knew he was dangerous. My mom finally made it to me, kicking up dust with her rapid approach. She tried to move me but I screamed out in agony uncovering my blood filled mouth. She stopped and gasped grabbing my chin and examining the damage. A river of tears ran down her face and were soaked up by her shirt.
"Get Mr. Keets! Get Mr. Keets!" She screamed over and over. No one moved so she screamed louder pulling everyone's attention away from me to her important words. The crowd dispersed running in different directions screaming for the Mr. Keets. Most mumbled and went on their way never looking back. She rocked me and rubbed my back and I sunk into her. No one could soothe me like she could. I could feel her tears fall into my blond bloodied hair. The last thing I remembered as I looked down at my hands was wondering how much time had past cause the blood on my hands had hardened and flaked. Then everything went black.
I realize now why Beka was able to soothe me. She reminded me so much of my mother. I shook the memory away and forced myself out of bed. I ran my hands through my hair and stretched. I could feel a slight hum in the back of my mind and I knew Shane would soon have something to say. There was a knock on my door and I debated on answering. I didn't wanna talk to Dylan. Even though I knew it was necessary. The knock came again and I opened the door mindlessly only to find who I thought would be at the door wasn't. I opened my mouth to gasp but was yanked from the room with an extreme force. I closed my eyes against the harsh bright lights of the corridor. My back slammed into the far wall knocking all the wind out of me and making my eyes snap back open. I slid to the floor agonizing over my back and wiping the spit that had flown out of my mouth off my chin. Tyr stood in the doorway of my room just staring at me. He seemed to move in slow motion, his hair gently swaying before finding their resting-place. His face dropped into a tight grimace and a loud growl rumbled in his throat. My eyes drifted from his face down his flexed muscles to the broken bone spurs on his bandaged forearm. He followed my gaze and when I looked up he was even angrier then before. I lifted my hands to cover my face.
"I'm sooo sorry Tyr! I didn't mean it. I couldn't stop myself. It was an accident." I rambled incoherently. My fear had stopped all blood flow to my brain apparently. What do you say to an angry nietzschean? Obviously sorry wasn't it. He grabbed me and roughly pulled me to my feet putting excruciating pressure on my collarbone with his grip. Disembodied whispers filled my mind and I tried to shut them out.
"Tyr please forgive me! I'm really sorry...Those will grow back right?" I said with an awkward laugh. He roared and revved back sending me flying against the wall. I grabbed my chest and wheezed weakly.
"I guess that's a no." I said under my breath.
"Tyr. You seriously don't wanna play this game with me." I said feeling an aura of power come over me. I knew what was happening and I didn't know who to be more afraid of. Shane or Tyr? Tyr once again reached down for me and in a flash I swept him off his feet and onto his ass with an oomph.
"Soo...breaking the ones on your left arm wasn't enough? Let's try your right!" Shane had taken over. I yelled in my mind for Shane to stop but he kept struggling with Tyr. Punching and kicking him while he was on the ground.
"You're so pathetic!" he screamed at me and punched Tyr in his face. I had had enough. My body is my body! I'm not that 9-year-old anymore! I struggled to regain control, throwing Shane off balance. We tossed back and forth between control. The pain in my head was excruciating. I screamed out holding my temples and stumbling like a drunk. Tyr could have taken advantage of my instability but he just watched quietly. His eyes were as big as saucers.
"Ohh god. Tyr help me." I said trying to blink away this horror that was tugging at my brain. My voice pleaded with him and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't do this alone. I needed help. I stumbled toward Tyr like an infant learning to walk. I was using all my energy fighting for control that I had lost motor skills. Tyr scooted away from me, eyeing me with disgust.
"Get Beka.please!" I said between sorrowful wails. I gritted my teeth feeling my control breaking down rapidly. It felt like I had bolted a door to keep him out and he was bursting through. I wanted Beka to rub my back and tell me it would be ok. I needed her support.
"You can't keep me in here forever." Shane said laughing hysterically. His light childlike voice was misleading.
"I CAN TRY!" I screamed staring at ceiling in agony. My face felt stretched and worn from holding this grimace so long.
"Who looks like a lunatic now.your talking to yourself you idiot. And look at Tyr.he won't even lift a finger to help."
"What is wrong with you!" Tyr bellowed slowly getting to his feet. He inched away with each step getting bigger then the last. From his vantage point this must have seemed ridicules. I had to remember that they didn't know about Shane.They didn't know about my disorder. This was all new to them. I opened my mouth to explain but ended up biting down on my lip to keep Shane from speaking. I could tell Shane wasn't as strong as he use to be or he would have taken me over completely without hesitation.like he use to. But I also knew that if I didn't get help he would soon take over my life completely. I couldn't keep this up forever. I was exhausted. Sweat covered my body and my eyes rolled around in my head. I fell to my knees swaying from side to side. That hypothetical door was hanging on by a thread. I couldn't hold him back any longer.
"What's going on!?" Dylan asked when Tyr backed into him, startling the freaked out neit.
"Harper is a lunatic." Tyr said pointing at me as if he were tattling. I lifted my eyes. All I heard was a white noise in the background. There was someone next to Dylan. I squinted to see who it was.
"Humm...I see its shay and his little friend "shame" back together again." The man beside Dylan said. I couldn't believe what I saw. My mind flashed back to all the times I had encountered the slumgang. Oh My God it was him. The leader! In all my shock I failed to notice the hot shiver running up my spine. I heard a loud snap that rang in my ears. That sound was all too familiar. The darkness glazed over my eyes. I was to tired to fight.
"No." I said weakly before the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared.