I snarled faintly. I didn't want to stir up anymore worry then there
already was. All eyes were already on me studying my reaction. Everyone in
the room even Trance stilled and watched while both Dylan and Rommie palmed
there force lances pointedly. The bruises on Dylan's face had grown...Either
that or my guilt had grown.
"What are you doing here Drake?" I said through clenched teeth. I had reason to hate him, Reason to wanna kill him and reason to shoot him. I had all the reason in the world to shoot him. I just know in real life...I wouldn't have. Shane became a loud clatter of noise in my head. He was extremely agitated and once again I fought to keep a handle on reality. Drake hobbled a little closer and I realized I'd shot him in his lower abdomen. I snickered inwardly.
"It's a shame isn't it shay...I was aiming for his balls." Shane said with a chuckle in his voice and I had to work hard not to laugh. I understood the seriousness of this situation...But it was my routine defense mechanism to find something funny in every moment. A defense mechanism that was both a gift and a curse. It made me the annoying little manic depressive lunatic I am today but it also helped me to survive all those cold desperate days. Drake opened his mouth to speak and once again I saw those big pearly teeth. They seemed to tease me. The same teeth that caught me with that loaf of bread and the same teeth that had grinned down at me after breaking my legs and slitting the corners of my mouth. Those teeth were a contrast to the bloody teeth I had spat out onto the blood soaked ground. All of a sudden nothing was funny anymore.
"I'm here for a very important reason. I know you probably hate me and I know I deserved being shot for what I did to you, but can we look past that and try to work together." He said. His expression changed...or did it just seem different because the words coming out of his mouth wasn't as caustic as I had expected them to be. I studied his lazy brown eyes in confusion. I wanted to hate him...and Shane's anger boiling under the surface only reinforced my desire to rip his head off.
"Yeah I remember you, and you deserve more than just being shot." I said eyeballing him with hate. I would have said more but the fact that I was strapped down to a table and he was standing freely didn't escape me.
"Yeah he deserved to be shot in the balls...don't you agree?" Shane said.
"SHUT UP SHANE!" I screamed. And I regretted saying it out loud the moment it left my lips. But I was frustrated and he had said and done enough already. I scanned the room for beka but she was nowhere to be found. Was she disgusted with me? I thought she would be the first person by my side but maybe I had finally crossed the line and lost her friendship, lost her love.
"Ha-ha...Well someone looks crazy." He said. He would always say that....so redundant and stupid. But I'd believe him...believe I was crazy and worthless. He taunting me, telling me I was a fool, from slight whispers that I could easily take for a trick of the wind to loud all consuming nerve rattling screams. Even to this day...even when he wasn't around I'd doubt myself just because I was use to someone second guessing my decisions all the time. The self-esteem he had stripped from me I had never gotten back.
"Sorry...I'm just not use to this...it's been a long time." I said looking away. It had been a long time. Long enough for me to forget that Shane had even existed. Long enough for me to stop hating myself and to start believing that I was a worthy if not an equal member of this crew. I guess I was a fool...I should have known my past would come back and haunt me. Trance walked up to me timidly and injected me with something. Her face shared my pain and it sadden me that her face was creased because of something I had done. I had prided myself on being the one thing in her life that she could count on...The quirky engineer and his little pixie. When in real life I was the masked lunatic waiting to pounce on his unsuspecting fairy. I was thanking the divine I hadn't hurt her. She was to innocent...to vulnerable. Glimpses of Shane strangling her flashed before my eyes. I closed my eyes but the scene still played out on the inside of my lids. She screamed out, asking why. I stiffened at the sound of her neck snapping...fast and sharp like the crack of a whip. She hung loose in his grip and her lips turned a deep shade of purple Shane laughed loudly and then to my horror he morphed into me. I stood there holding my dead pixie laughing my ass off like it was a good thing. I shuddered and balled my face up in an attempt not to cry. I shook the image out of my mind and focused on the nice purple alive Trance that was administering a shot.
"What was that?" I asked. Checking the color of her lips unconsciously.
"It's an antipsychotic" She stuttered. I wish she could tell me my future, tell me that somehow everything would work out and that I wouldn't be responsible for my friends death...or responsible for the death of Dylan's dream. I imagined Statues of me with a quote on the base. 'The lunatic who killed Dylan's dream' or 'The lunatic who killed the universes dream for peace'. I knew that would never happen but the image still stood. Standing solidly in marble...my fault for everyone to see. Once again I shook the image away.
"Those don't work very well on me" I said remembering all of the meds the doc had scrounged together to help me. Only to find out that it either didn't work or made things worse.
"I didn't think it would since you had to do the drastic and get a data port to suppress it...but it should help to..." she hesitated not knowing the polite way to say it.
"It should help a little to quiet the voices and the ...delusions" She winced and I nodded. At least she had tried to be kind. Anything other than calling me a lunatic was a pleasant remark in my book. I watch Trance quickly retreat and I realized that even strapped down everyone in the room was afraid of me. They didn't know that Shane could easily get out of these restraints. Should I tell them? Or should I let myself break free to rip Drake's head off while I know I can. Would that be right? He deserved to die didn't he? Not just for what he did to me...but for what he'd done to so many others. But if I followed those rules then I'd be just as deserving to die for all those I've hurt. Do I deserve to die? I became frustrated at the unanswerable questions that streamed non-stop through my head. I looked over to a blank monitor and saw my wide eyed reflection staring back. At least my hair was ok...I smiled weakly. I realized that my hair was the only part of myself that I completely accepted. It was also the only part of me that described me. My hair was short yet wild. Thick and sharp to the touch. My hair was untamed just like my mind. It was an expression only i could see...I saw all those charactereistics in my hair while everyone else thought it was just some weird quirky fashion statement. It felt good to have something all to myself.
I looked back over to Drake. Who had been patiently watching the scene before him. He looked like an older version of his evil self. The key word was older. Had he changed?
"Why are you here?" I muttered.
"Here's the long story." He said bracing himself against a nearby wall. He looked like shit and Trance tried to lead him back to his bed but he waved her away.
"My name is Drake as you probably already know, but what you don't know is my last name is Keets."
"What? Keets?"
"Yes, Keets as in your Doctor, Mr. Keets, son. He died a few years back and left all of his research materials to me. Including your file marked urgent." He studied my face for a moment and then continued.
"As I was reading I found that my old man had gotten himself in a lot of trouble with the Orca pride, Back when they were something. Seems he was ordered to create a biological weapon, one that could survive in space, multiply, and kill whole planets in days. The only people who would be immune would be the Orca Pride because they would be the only ones with the antidote. My father gave them just that by created a substance called O.M.S which means One Man Standing. The Orca pride would then use the antidote as a Bargaining tool, of course bargaining for a planets allegiance in exchange for their lives. After my father created the chemical he saw the error of his ways and removed crucial characters from the formula and ran. He ended up hiding out on earth, running a shabby little clinic and adopting me as his son. Then I skimmed down the document to the interesting part...you wanna hear?"
I rolled my eyes at the unecessary drama. Inside my mind was exploding...Trying to see if I could remember anything that would serve as proof to his statements.
"He said that during your surgery while separating Shane from your mental processes He shut your part of the brain down and in the small window of time before you brain suffered irreversible damage, he told Shane not only the missing characters to the equation, but the antidote as well in hopes of hiding the antidote. He never guessed that a little kludge like you would someday find a way off earth. Through my contacts I have found that the Orca Pride, through kidnapping more biochemists, has been able to complete the deadly equation without the help of my father.
If this weapon is released it will destroy us all before we could even come close to finding an antidote. That is without your help. If we could somehow get to the information your have stored up there...we could save lives shay."
He explained this in what seemed to have been one strained yet pleading breath. He breathed out tiredly letting even more color drain from his already exhausted face. I didn't know what to think. Should I be angry? Should I be confused? I understood all his words but they just seemed to make no sense. So I said the first thing on my mind...
"Whatever...." I said in my usual Harper-the-silly-engineer tone.
"It's all true, I have the documentation to prove it." He said taking another step forward.
"Who cares about documentation...it's just not true....Dr. Keets is too smart to have left something so important with my alter on now. This is bullshit." I looked around for reassurance but only silence filled the already awkward med lab. They just stared...wide eyed like I was some sort of creature, some sort of monster. They are all against me.
"Let me go! It's all lies!" I struggled feverishly.
"There all against you Harper...They always have been. This is there excuse to get rid of you" Shane snarled. He stood next to my bed and tapped the restraints. I don't know when exactly he became visible to me. All I knew was that he was there asking me to release him from the locked chamber in my head. I wasn't sure whether it was that Drake's tale was highly unlikely or whether It was the ridiculous notion that Shane could hold something that could save lives, but I just couldn't believe his story and it was making me see red.
"You don't have to listen to this bullshit...I could let you go." He whispered eagerly and he seemed so real. I could feel his breath hissing on my cheek. I could almost smell his breath and hear the beating of his heart. There was a darkness around him. The darkness lived in his eyes and under his lids, it lived in his hair and was the deep dark that was the back of his throat when he laughed. He look at me from under his long lashes and laughed because he knew I was breaking. Should I listen? All these questions and no answers! I didn't know what to do and I realized that Shane was relishing in the fact that once again I was relying on him to make my decisions for me. I mentally reached out...taking the key off of a near by hook and putting it in the lock...slowly turning it knowing that once I opened this door Shane would have free reign and I would have to live with whatever Shane decided to do. Why was I so easily persuaded? I could only think that it was part of the sickness and part of Shane's overall plan. Stripping me of my self-esteem until I could only see through his eyes.
"Harper Stop!" yelled a voice in my head sultry and sweet. I looked up from my insanity and stared at Trance and she stared back innocently. It was her voice...in my head. She was here with me.
"Listen Harper." She said and the key flew from my hand and back onto the peg I had gotten it from. I seemed to have been pulled from the nightmare world and slammed back into my own body with enough force to make my teeth rattle.
"Shay...I have a cure!" Drake blurted. I guess he could see the inner turmoil. The sickness swelling up inside me.
"What?" I said watching Shane fade from my sight. Was Trance doing all of this? Was she helping me?
"He's lying! Let me free and I'll prove it!" He said frantically, desperately trying to hold on to my reality. Then his eyes landed on Trance. He stared and frowned a deep dark frown that made Trance shudder and teeter a little from side to side.
"your next..." he whispered playfully before he was completely gone.
"I have a cure for your multiple personality disorder." Drake said. He seemed to be fighting Shane...like he knew he had been there. Was I making it obvious? Did everyone know I was seeing things? I looked around the room and watched as everyone stared at me in confusion. Trance's eyebrows were raised in sadness and even Dylan seemed to understand the desperation. His anger had melted away and only pity was left. I wasn't sure whether that was better or worse. Rommie folded her arms but her eyes looked down on my like I had disappointed her. Like she knew I had given up for that split second and had almost unleashed Shane onto this crew.
"Dr, Keets created it just before he died...." Drake said...
"Well isn't that convenient! It's bullshit!..." I said. It was too convenient...He couldn't make a cure in all those years I was on earth but miraculously he could make one before he died. It was convenient that Drake had found me just when my data port had malfunctioned. It was too convenient to believe...
"I thought you'd say that...." He pointed to a monitor near by and my eyes widened at the sight. I didn't see my reflection this time only horrifing images of me scuffling with Dylan, Punching and kicking with all my might. The pleading look on Dylan's face broke my heart. Then the scene changed...I saw me slap Beka...No it was Shane, In my clothes and in my skin. He slapped her so hard she spun and hit the ground with a loud whimper of protest. Her usually neat hair spun and fell with her dramatically and she looked up at me pleadingly...my cold creased face showed no remorse as I struck out again. I couldn't' stand the sight. I had hit Beka...It was like hitting my mom! My eyes watered and I couldn't believe that all this was happening to me. I blinked thinking that maybe, just maybe it would all go away. But it didn't and I watched myself beat Beka on the bridge of the maru...yelling about codes like a madman.
"Stop it! I get it!...." I shouted letting spit and tears fly.
"So you see shay...do you really wanna take that chance...do you really wanna turn me away when I could make all of this go away?" Drake pointed at the screen and I couldn't' tell whether he really wanted to help or whether he was being disgustingly manipulative. But did it really matter? Did I want to take that chance?
"Don't call me shay...My name is Harper...What do I have to do?"
"All I need is your cooperation." He said smiling again only this time I didn't hate it so much.
"What are you doing here Drake?" I said through clenched teeth. I had reason to hate him, Reason to wanna kill him and reason to shoot him. I had all the reason in the world to shoot him. I just know in real life...I wouldn't have. Shane became a loud clatter of noise in my head. He was extremely agitated and once again I fought to keep a handle on reality. Drake hobbled a little closer and I realized I'd shot him in his lower abdomen. I snickered inwardly.
"It's a shame isn't it shay...I was aiming for his balls." Shane said with a chuckle in his voice and I had to work hard not to laugh. I understood the seriousness of this situation...But it was my routine defense mechanism to find something funny in every moment. A defense mechanism that was both a gift and a curse. It made me the annoying little manic depressive lunatic I am today but it also helped me to survive all those cold desperate days. Drake opened his mouth to speak and once again I saw those big pearly teeth. They seemed to tease me. The same teeth that caught me with that loaf of bread and the same teeth that had grinned down at me after breaking my legs and slitting the corners of my mouth. Those teeth were a contrast to the bloody teeth I had spat out onto the blood soaked ground. All of a sudden nothing was funny anymore.
"I'm here for a very important reason. I know you probably hate me and I know I deserved being shot for what I did to you, but can we look past that and try to work together." He said. His expression changed...or did it just seem different because the words coming out of his mouth wasn't as caustic as I had expected them to be. I studied his lazy brown eyes in confusion. I wanted to hate him...and Shane's anger boiling under the surface only reinforced my desire to rip his head off.
"Yeah I remember you, and you deserve more than just being shot." I said eyeballing him with hate. I would have said more but the fact that I was strapped down to a table and he was standing freely didn't escape me.
"Yeah he deserved to be shot in the balls...don't you agree?" Shane said.
"SHUT UP SHANE!" I screamed. And I regretted saying it out loud the moment it left my lips. But I was frustrated and he had said and done enough already. I scanned the room for beka but she was nowhere to be found. Was she disgusted with me? I thought she would be the first person by my side but maybe I had finally crossed the line and lost her friendship, lost her love.
"Ha-ha...Well someone looks crazy." He said. He would always say that....so redundant and stupid. But I'd believe him...believe I was crazy and worthless. He taunting me, telling me I was a fool, from slight whispers that I could easily take for a trick of the wind to loud all consuming nerve rattling screams. Even to this day...even when he wasn't around I'd doubt myself just because I was use to someone second guessing my decisions all the time. The self-esteem he had stripped from me I had never gotten back.
"Sorry...I'm just not use to this...it's been a long time." I said looking away. It had been a long time. Long enough for me to forget that Shane had even existed. Long enough for me to stop hating myself and to start believing that I was a worthy if not an equal member of this crew. I guess I was a fool...I should have known my past would come back and haunt me. Trance walked up to me timidly and injected me with something. Her face shared my pain and it sadden me that her face was creased because of something I had done. I had prided myself on being the one thing in her life that she could count on...The quirky engineer and his little pixie. When in real life I was the masked lunatic waiting to pounce on his unsuspecting fairy. I was thanking the divine I hadn't hurt her. She was to innocent...to vulnerable. Glimpses of Shane strangling her flashed before my eyes. I closed my eyes but the scene still played out on the inside of my lids. She screamed out, asking why. I stiffened at the sound of her neck snapping...fast and sharp like the crack of a whip. She hung loose in his grip and her lips turned a deep shade of purple Shane laughed loudly and then to my horror he morphed into me. I stood there holding my dead pixie laughing my ass off like it was a good thing. I shuddered and balled my face up in an attempt not to cry. I shook the image out of my mind and focused on the nice purple alive Trance that was administering a shot.
"What was that?" I asked. Checking the color of her lips unconsciously.
"It's an antipsychotic" She stuttered. I wish she could tell me my future, tell me that somehow everything would work out and that I wouldn't be responsible for my friends death...or responsible for the death of Dylan's dream. I imagined Statues of me with a quote on the base. 'The lunatic who killed Dylan's dream' or 'The lunatic who killed the universes dream for peace'. I knew that would never happen but the image still stood. Standing solidly in marble...my fault for everyone to see. Once again I shook the image away.
"Those don't work very well on me" I said remembering all of the meds the doc had scrounged together to help me. Only to find out that it either didn't work or made things worse.
"I didn't think it would since you had to do the drastic and get a data port to suppress it...but it should help to..." she hesitated not knowing the polite way to say it.
"It should help a little to quiet the voices and the ...delusions" She winced and I nodded. At least she had tried to be kind. Anything other than calling me a lunatic was a pleasant remark in my book. I watch Trance quickly retreat and I realized that even strapped down everyone in the room was afraid of me. They didn't know that Shane could easily get out of these restraints. Should I tell them? Or should I let myself break free to rip Drake's head off while I know I can. Would that be right? He deserved to die didn't he? Not just for what he did to me...but for what he'd done to so many others. But if I followed those rules then I'd be just as deserving to die for all those I've hurt. Do I deserve to die? I became frustrated at the unanswerable questions that streamed non-stop through my head. I looked over to a blank monitor and saw my wide eyed reflection staring back. At least my hair was ok...I smiled weakly. I realized that my hair was the only part of myself that I completely accepted. It was also the only part of me that described me. My hair was short yet wild. Thick and sharp to the touch. My hair was untamed just like my mind. It was an expression only i could see...I saw all those charactereistics in my hair while everyone else thought it was just some weird quirky fashion statement. It felt good to have something all to myself.
I looked back over to Drake. Who had been patiently watching the scene before him. He looked like an older version of his evil self. The key word was older. Had he changed?
"Why are you here?" I muttered.
"Here's the long story." He said bracing himself against a nearby wall. He looked like shit and Trance tried to lead him back to his bed but he waved her away.
"My name is Drake as you probably already know, but what you don't know is my last name is Keets."
"What? Keets?"
"Yes, Keets as in your Doctor, Mr. Keets, son. He died a few years back and left all of his research materials to me. Including your file marked urgent." He studied my face for a moment and then continued.
"As I was reading I found that my old man had gotten himself in a lot of trouble with the Orca pride, Back when they were something. Seems he was ordered to create a biological weapon, one that could survive in space, multiply, and kill whole planets in days. The only people who would be immune would be the Orca Pride because they would be the only ones with the antidote. My father gave them just that by created a substance called O.M.S which means One Man Standing. The Orca pride would then use the antidote as a Bargaining tool, of course bargaining for a planets allegiance in exchange for their lives. After my father created the chemical he saw the error of his ways and removed crucial characters from the formula and ran. He ended up hiding out on earth, running a shabby little clinic and adopting me as his son. Then I skimmed down the document to the interesting part...you wanna hear?"
I rolled my eyes at the unecessary drama. Inside my mind was exploding...Trying to see if I could remember anything that would serve as proof to his statements.
"He said that during your surgery while separating Shane from your mental processes He shut your part of the brain down and in the small window of time before you brain suffered irreversible damage, he told Shane not only the missing characters to the equation, but the antidote as well in hopes of hiding the antidote. He never guessed that a little kludge like you would someday find a way off earth. Through my contacts I have found that the Orca Pride, through kidnapping more biochemists, has been able to complete the deadly equation without the help of my father.
If this weapon is released it will destroy us all before we could even come close to finding an antidote. That is without your help. If we could somehow get to the information your have stored up there...we could save lives shay."
He explained this in what seemed to have been one strained yet pleading breath. He breathed out tiredly letting even more color drain from his already exhausted face. I didn't know what to think. Should I be angry? Should I be confused? I understood all his words but they just seemed to make no sense. So I said the first thing on my mind...
"Whatever...." I said in my usual Harper-the-silly-engineer tone.
"It's all true, I have the documentation to prove it." He said taking another step forward.
"Who cares about documentation...it's just not true....Dr. Keets is too smart to have left something so important with my alter on now. This is bullshit." I looked around for reassurance but only silence filled the already awkward med lab. They just stared...wide eyed like I was some sort of creature, some sort of monster. They are all against me.
"Let me go! It's all lies!" I struggled feverishly.
"There all against you Harper...They always have been. This is there excuse to get rid of you" Shane snarled. He stood next to my bed and tapped the restraints. I don't know when exactly he became visible to me. All I knew was that he was there asking me to release him from the locked chamber in my head. I wasn't sure whether it was that Drake's tale was highly unlikely or whether It was the ridiculous notion that Shane could hold something that could save lives, but I just couldn't believe his story and it was making me see red.
"You don't have to listen to this bullshit...I could let you go." He whispered eagerly and he seemed so real. I could feel his breath hissing on my cheek. I could almost smell his breath and hear the beating of his heart. There was a darkness around him. The darkness lived in his eyes and under his lids, it lived in his hair and was the deep dark that was the back of his throat when he laughed. He look at me from under his long lashes and laughed because he knew I was breaking. Should I listen? All these questions and no answers! I didn't know what to do and I realized that Shane was relishing in the fact that once again I was relying on him to make my decisions for me. I mentally reached out...taking the key off of a near by hook and putting it in the lock...slowly turning it knowing that once I opened this door Shane would have free reign and I would have to live with whatever Shane decided to do. Why was I so easily persuaded? I could only think that it was part of the sickness and part of Shane's overall plan. Stripping me of my self-esteem until I could only see through his eyes.
"Harper Stop!" yelled a voice in my head sultry and sweet. I looked up from my insanity and stared at Trance and she stared back innocently. It was her voice...in my head. She was here with me.
"Listen Harper." She said and the key flew from my hand and back onto the peg I had gotten it from. I seemed to have been pulled from the nightmare world and slammed back into my own body with enough force to make my teeth rattle.
"Shay...I have a cure!" Drake blurted. I guess he could see the inner turmoil. The sickness swelling up inside me.
"What?" I said watching Shane fade from my sight. Was Trance doing all of this? Was she helping me?
"He's lying! Let me free and I'll prove it!" He said frantically, desperately trying to hold on to my reality. Then his eyes landed on Trance. He stared and frowned a deep dark frown that made Trance shudder and teeter a little from side to side.
"your next..." he whispered playfully before he was completely gone.
"I have a cure for your multiple personality disorder." Drake said. He seemed to be fighting Shane...like he knew he had been there. Was I making it obvious? Did everyone know I was seeing things? I looked around the room and watched as everyone stared at me in confusion. Trance's eyebrows were raised in sadness and even Dylan seemed to understand the desperation. His anger had melted away and only pity was left. I wasn't sure whether that was better or worse. Rommie folded her arms but her eyes looked down on my like I had disappointed her. Like she knew I had given up for that split second and had almost unleashed Shane onto this crew.
"Dr, Keets created it just before he died...." Drake said...
"Well isn't that convenient! It's bullshit!..." I said. It was too convenient...He couldn't make a cure in all those years I was on earth but miraculously he could make one before he died. It was convenient that Drake had found me just when my data port had malfunctioned. It was too convenient to believe...
"I thought you'd say that...." He pointed to a monitor near by and my eyes widened at the sight. I didn't see my reflection this time only horrifing images of me scuffling with Dylan, Punching and kicking with all my might. The pleading look on Dylan's face broke my heart. Then the scene changed...I saw me slap Beka...No it was Shane, In my clothes and in my skin. He slapped her so hard she spun and hit the ground with a loud whimper of protest. Her usually neat hair spun and fell with her dramatically and she looked up at me pleadingly...my cold creased face showed no remorse as I struck out again. I couldn't' stand the sight. I had hit Beka...It was like hitting my mom! My eyes watered and I couldn't believe that all this was happening to me. I blinked thinking that maybe, just maybe it would all go away. But it didn't and I watched myself beat Beka on the bridge of the maru...yelling about codes like a madman.
"Stop it! I get it!...." I shouted letting spit and tears fly.
"So you see shay...do you really wanna take that chance...do you really wanna turn me away when I could make all of this go away?" Drake pointed at the screen and I couldn't' tell whether he really wanted to help or whether he was being disgustingly manipulative. But did it really matter? Did I want to take that chance?
"Don't call me shay...My name is Harper...What do I have to do?"
"All I need is your cooperation." He said smiling again only this time I didn't hate it so much.