All I need is your cooperation…All I need is your cooperation?
All I need is your cooperation! I couldn't tell which one of those statements applied. Couldn't figure out which tone was accurate. The words seemed out of place and in the wrong text. Maybe it was because cooperating with him seemed ridiculously funny and wrong. The fact that I knew his name sickened me because knowing his name almost made him human. The words that came out of his mouth didn't correlate with his past actions. I didn't completely trust him…in fact I didn't trust him at all, but I am desperate enough to try anything.
I had had way to much time to think, lying in the med lab for the last two days while Dylan and Drake came up with a game plan. I felt it strange how they were deciding my fate without me but there wasn't anything I could do. I stared at the wall and contemplated the silliest of things. I thought about how there had been so much advancement during the commonwealth era but they couldn't find a way to make these med beds comfortable. What was up with the triangle pillows? And you would think that they would find a way to make a medical deck less intimidating when in fact it was a lot scarier. All the tools and lasers lying ominously around. I shudder to think about all the surgeries and procedures that had gone on in here over the years. I also wondered if there had ever been an incident like mine to ever grace this deck. I wondered if that person had been strapped to this very bed contemplating the purpose of triangle pillows and grey bedding.
Trance has been working with me. Trying to get me to talk about my feelings but I don't need a counselor…I need an exorcist. I knew she had my best interest at heart but I still couldn't open up to her. She was just too innocent to bother her with my silly dribbles. I would feel like I'm tainting her if I spilled all the horrid details of my life and explained the way my twisted mind warped and stretched reality. It would be like dropping black ink in white paint. I breathed out heavily because I was having one of those famous Harper moments right now. One of those moments when I know my thinking is flawed but I can't shake the irrational emotions building in my chest. Why I was angry? I didn't know. All I knew was that I hated any and everyone at this moment and the frustration of knowing that I can no longer perform my duties, the duties that made me feel human…the frustration seemed to be burning red hot in my chest and throat. I wanted to scream and to lash out and break everything…but that would be feeding into my already established insanity wouldn't it? I could see the crew running in armed shaking their heads and sucking their teeth
"tsk tsk Harper. Your so damaged." That's what they'd all say in unison before retreating to there lives, turning up my sparky's and crushing them playfully and teasingly on their foreheads because…hell, I'm not gonna need them where I'm going. It was strange how vivid these little daydreams I've been having have been. Seeing statues of me with sad quotes, watching Shane snap Trances neck and now this…I could still see them laughing and pointing while chugging my sparky's. I could especially see Beka…shoulders bobbing and her eyes watering because she's been laughing so long. My mind was slowly making her a villain. Even though I knew if anything I was the villain. I just couldn't win…I was torn between crying and laughing at how ridiculously pathetic I was laying here mindlessly gritting my teeth and scratching at the bed, clawing at the gray drab. Trance had removed the restraints but I could still feel them, digging into my arms and legs…A constant reminder that I'm not normal and shackling me was necessary. That I'm sick and mentally unstable to the point that I'm not fit to even eat or hold conversation with the crew but cause I'm no longer on their level. None of the crew had been in to see me other then Trance. I was in my own personal padded room and trance was my pleasant little therapist. You know the kind that tells you that everything will be all right but pumps you full of meds just in case. Even if I had the strength to get up and run where would I go? And Rommie would probably strike me down with a well placed and super charged bolt of lightning before my feet even hit the ground. I didn't blame them for shying away. Beka…Well, she must hate me for what I did to her. I knew she had been confined to quarters by dylan and couldn't see me...but I don't think she would have come to visit anyway. Not after what I did to her. When I signed onto the Maru I never thought that one day I'd physically attack her, but most times do you ever imagine your life turning out the way it did? I never thought I'd make it off earth, or become an engineer…I never thought I'd create Rommie or that I would work side by side with a Nietzchien and a Maggog. Hmm…. Nietzchean. Tyr…I don't even know what to say. I've lashed out at him on two different occasions and the fact that he hasn't snuck in here to snuff me out during the wee hours of the night has completely surprised me. I was waiting every night for him to stuff his broken bone spurs down my throat and whisper something in my ear before death glazed over my eyes. Once again I got a vivid visual and shook it away.
I've been trying to keep my thoughts from straying to the negative but it's hard when you can hear a voice in your head. It's especially hard when you have to call for your best friend to get out of bed so you can get more meds, to stop the disembodied whispers that seem to purposely frustrate me to the point where I dig these huge scratches in the bedding. I ran my hands over them sadly. It seemed like no matter what I had to destroy something. Trance would never say that she hated the fact that she had to get up, throw on a robe and sedate me every night because I was screaming at nothing but I could tell she dreaded it.
"How do you feel today?" My med loving therapist said while walking into med lab. She was as bubbly as ever and if it had been anyone else I would have resented their misplaced happiness during this horrible time in my life, But her happiness was different and her exuberance tugged at my lips and just like every other time I forgot that I was suppose to feel uncomfortable and awkward around her. I smiled a little consciously covering the scratches I had made in the bedding.
"Tired…" I said letting my eyes fall half-mast. I had been pumped full of anti psychotics and sedatives. So many that I had lost count but they were keeping Shane at bay and that's all that mattered.
"Sorry, it's Dylan's orders. He just wants to make sure…" Her happiness was starting to dwindle and I hated to see it go. I interrupted her…
"..That I won't hurt anyone else. I understand." There was an awkward silence. Trance mindlessly winded her tail in her hands biting her lower lip. I knew she had something to say but I didn't feel like talking about my feeling so I wasn't going to help her feel comfortable with spilling whatever was on her mind. I wanted her to be Trance and not my counselor. I wanted the smile that I had grown to love…I would yearn for it, racking my brain for a witty joke or remark just so I could see it spread across her face. I would be weirdly satisfied afterwards and able to take anything on.
"Harper why didn't you tell me?" She finally said yanking me away from my mental slideshow of Trance's smiles over the years. She looked at the floor and her skin seemed to blush a deeper purple. I remembered her lips turning that crusty deep purple illustrating her death and I gasped inwardly. I couldn't help but think that I was some how killing her. Not as cruelly as Shane but slowly and sneakily I was killing my best friend. Was this irrational thinking again?
"At the time Trance…it just wasn't necessary. I never thought I'd have to deal with this again…" I said hoping that that was enough explanation. I was hoping that her light pigment would return and we could joke about flippant things again but she still stared at the ground. Her sadness was crushing me and I didn't know how to make it all good again. I sat up slowly feeling like I was underwater. My movements were slow and fluid which would have been quiet humorous under normal circumstances but at the moment I couldn't find anything funny to take away some of this pain.
"But you told Beka…" She said and looked up with her eyes glazing over slightly. The pressure on my chest multiplied and I wanted to run away from those eyes. It was my turn to look away. All this time I had thought I was protecting her from my disgusting flaws. When in reality she would have preferred me confiding in her. I reached out and grabbed her innocent chin and relished in our closeness. She even smelled purple and I smiled slightly.
"Trance you are my best friend…and because of that what you think of me is very important to me. I could already see you worrying about me because of my shitty immune system and I didn't want to add anything more to that. I didn't want you to be disgusted with me like you are now." A sadness was in my voice and I could tell by her reaction that she could hear it. She leaned in a little and laid her head on my chest and my pulse quickened. Her wild hair sat just under my nose and I breathed in deeply. The smell of spice and purple filled my nostrils. What does purple smell like? I don't know …just take a whiff of Trance and you'll be just as baffled at the sweet and exotic fragrance. We had been this close before…but this time it felt odd. Like it was more then what meets the eye. I felt compelled to give my heart to her. I wanted to tell her everything so she could rub my hair and tell me she understands but once again. I didn't want to taint the purple with a drop of black ink…
"I'm not disgusted…and no cursing." She said quietly.
"Well, you may not be disgusted, But I know you feel sorry for me and that might just be worse" I said ignoring her cursing comment. I regretted saying it because it made her stiffen. I wrapped my arm around her and blinked away the fuzz of the drugs. She snuggled deeper and I fought against crying into her hair. There was something about her, so caring and so open with her emotion. I knew she'd listen if I told it all. I bit back the tears and refused once again to tell.
"Was that you in my head Trance? Did you help me two days ago?" I said filled with curiosity. If she had helped me before then Shane would have a personal bone to pick with her. She would be his number one target if he ever…if he ever broke free again.
"I wasn't supposed to do it. I'm not supposed to…interfere like that. I did it cause I couldn't stand to see your pain. I couldn't stand watching him whisper to you like that." She said grabbing a handful of my shirt. God this felt to good. I didn't deserve to have something feel this good. The fact that someone cared for me this much…even with the insanity. I got the feeling that she would be there for me no matter what.
"You could see him?"
"I saw what you saw…I felt what you felt. Your pain and desperation was heartbreaking. I care for you too much to just let you suffer like that. No matter the repercussions…."
"Repercussions?" The thought of her being in trouble scared me.
"So are the meds helping?" She asked pulling away rather quickly. Her sudden movement made the room spin and she grabbed me before I toppled off the bed. My head felt heavy and each eyelid felt like they had weights tied to them. I felt pissy drunk…
"They are keeping me tired and sedate enough to keep Shane at bay. You know what Trance…You're a master of mystery. I don't think I'll ever figure you out." I realized that she had changed the subject but I didn't wanna push. I didn't want to switch roles with her and become her counselor by trying to pry into her life. Her mystery is what made her wonderful, exotically beautiful. All fairies and pixies are majestically magical….they come from a secret land full of lush gardens and sweet smells. I couldn't help but picture Trance in a little pixie land amongst flowers, There was bright yellows and reds, blues, and of course greens. Everything would be singing a song even the trees and she'd dance lively to the music. Her hair would be as wild as ever harboring every color of the rainbow and her eyes would be bright and full of magic. She fit the description of a pixie perfectly and I smiled despite myself.
"Sometimes I feel the same about you…" She said turning away. She was referring to how secretive I have been about Shane's origins…about why I hated Drake…about my life on earth, and about how I felt for her. The little pixie land that I had mentally created around her dissolved and left the cold drab of med lab. I wanted to say I'm sorry but I wasn't. I didn't want her to know…I wasn't ready to share yet.
"Harper…" She said making eye contact with me again.
"Don't ever give up like that again." She cocked her head to the side and her face had fallen into a painful frown. I had really hurt her when I almost gave up…when I almost let Shane take over me.
"I won't." I said. I really meant it too. If giving up hurt her that much then the thought of doing it again was so sickening that my stomach turned. I help my hands out and she cuddled back close to me. This was something more…This was a lot more then just friendship I was feeling…
"All this time…It took something like this…all your pain for me to realize how I felt about you…and to find out that I…" She said only to be interrupted by Rommie angrily fizzling into view a few millimeters away.
"Sorry to interrupt but Dylan has requested your presence in obs." I sighed heavily and so did Trance. Sorry for interrupting? Please!
"Is he sedated heavily enough to be moved" Rommie said coldly. I had never felt more like a freak then I did right now. Trance looked at me with woeful eyes and answered Rommie without removing her eyes from mine. He lip quivered a little and I smiled at her reassuringly.
"Yes, he's sedated enough." She said feeling my pain. I kept the smile on my face for her sake. I really wanted to break down and cry. I held back the urge to swing on Rommie…I knew I wouldn't be able to hit her…she's a hologram but it would feel good just to get my aggression out. She stood there and stared until we both moved and she had a maria bot follow us the whole way to obs.
So here I was sitting in Obs listening to Drake speak. Mostly I was just watching his mouth move slow and meticulously. Catching glimpses of his teeth and shuddering. It was one of those things that hurt to watch but for reasons unknown I couldn't look away. The whole bruised crew was present and there eyes kept shifting back and forth between me and Drake. I could tell they all wanted to make eye contact with him to make sure he new they were listening but was compelled to keep an eye on me to make sure Shane was eyeing them as his next victim. I felt like a side show attraction. I was waiting for Dylan to pass out the popcorn so they can pelt it at me during my insane song and dance number. I hummed clown music in my head and snickered a little at the mental picture. I felt immature at best. Finding stupid little things to past the time had become my sad life the past couple of days. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs or one of my many defense mechanisms. Did it really matter? It was keeping the little bit of sanity I had left in tact. Dignity on the the other hand…I didn't have anymore of that stuff. There was a quick flash of Shane smiling devilishly next to Drake. I looked around frantically but no one noticed. Why would they? It didn't really happen…I screwed my eyes shut and listened to Drake. This was about me for the divines sake…if anyone should be paying attention it should be me.
"…So transporting Sha…Harper to the drift is absolutely necessary." He said. I had caught the end and was confused. I was going to a space station? Tansporting? Am I cargo now? Dylan nodded and then spoke shifting uncomfortable. He held his ribs a little and I grimaces at the stray looks I got from the crew. Beka's stare hurt the most. I couldn't tell how she felt…just that she seemed sad and tired. Was she mad at me? Tired of me? I couldn't tell, and it hurt so much. She finally blinked and then looked away leaving me wondering.
"Alright, but one of us has to present at all times during the procedure." Dylan said standing slowly. Both Tyr and Beka stood as well, and Drake followed. They all shook hands and nodded and at this point I realized that I should have been paying more attention. I fidgeted restlessly which only managed to get a low and deep growl from Tyr. He started toward me and I leaned back cowering in my chair only to fall over comically.
"ouch." I said rubbing my head. I found it hard to stand because of the meds so I just laid there pathetically. Tyr scoffed and squinted frighteningly at me. He pointed and opened his mouth to say something but saw Dylan eyeing him dangerously.
"Take Heed little one." He said before sauntering out angrily. His shoulders were squared and even his hair seemed angry…Like snakes waiting to strike. Drake and Dylan continued to discuss things walking side by side. They finally left and Beka stepped up to the door and stared. Once again I couldn't figure out how she felt. She just nodded at me…a quick slight nod and then walked out.
"Trance what just happened" I asked while she shuffled over and helped me to my feet.
"You weren't paying attention" She said putting her hands on her hips with a motherly authority.
"Haha…sorry the meds…"
"Well, Drake says he doesn't have the tech or the know how to make your data port suppress Shane but he has the technology to fix you data port to the point were you can interface with a computer at the drift that will separate you two in a virtual plane. That way he can talk to Shane about the antidote. Once he gets the info he said that he can use Dr. Keets notes to cure you. Isn't that great Harper." She said excitedly her eyes twinkled and I smiled. Still rubbing the back of my head. She walked around me and searched the back of my head for any damage. Her touch was so light and I leaned into it unconsciously. She finally finished and started tugging me along and out into the hall.
"There's only one problem Trance. Shane's not gonna just give it up the informat…" I stopped because I could see Shane leaning casually against the wall down the hall. His clothes were different. There weren't like anything I would ever wear. Black and sleek, tight and dangerous.
"I see him too Harper…hang in there ok." Trance whispered in my ear and continued to tugged me along. I was frightened…What if he hurt Trance. I quickly started to pull against her but she kept encouraging me to move forward.
"Like the new clothes? Everyday I'm getting stronger…Just because your choking down meds every five minuets doesn't mean that I stop existing. You're just giving me time to devise a plan for domination." He smiled happily which made him look young again. He started walking toward us and Trance stood her ground. I tugged at her to run but I was so weak and so out of it. Damn these sedatives!
"Trance come on! Please" I screamed but she just stood her ground. I sounded pathetic. Like a little boy fighting with their mother because they didn't' wanna leave the playground.
"He can't hurt you Harper…I won't let him." She said eyeing me reassuringly and then turning back to Shane who was now only a few feet away and gaining. Under normal circumstances Trances reassurance would have been enough to quail my fears but not this time. I knew just how evil Shane could be and her innocence didn't stand a chance against his unpredictable rage. He kept walking with an aire of power in his step. His hair bobbed with each step and his lips were pursed together with satisfaction which made him seem young and feminine but his strut was interrupted when he seemed to hit an invisible wall. He looked shocked at first rubbing his bruised nose then he became dark again…and the hall way looked as if it was closing on itself. suddenly I realized it wasn't the hallway closing it was my vision. I tried to shake it away but I couldn't. I mentally watched the key on the cobblestone wall shake and then fly into the lock with gust of force.
"Noooo…" I knew what was coming next. I let go of Trances hand and held my temples. Mentally I lunged for the key stopping it from turning. The small key dug deeply into my fingers and I gritted my teeth. This wasn't really happening right? It's all in my mind right? Then why did it feel so real?
"Harper do you trust me" She said loudly. I looked around my mind and saw her behind me. A deep blue glow shown through the cracks in the door and I knew I didn't have much time left. The door bulged out hideously in the center like a great pressure was on the other side. I lost all ties with the real world…all I saw was what was in my head.
"I trust you Trance." I said feeling the edges of the blunt key cut into my fingers. Sweat poured into my eyes and the blood from my fingers made it almost impossible to keep a grip on the small golden key.
"Then move aside." She said stepping forward.
"Ok" I said moving aside hesitantly. I trusted her…I was just so scared. She stepped forward and said a few words in a language I had never heard before. The key continued to turn slowly and I had to stop myself for lunging out again and grabbing it. She asked me if I trusted her and I said yes…I trust her to help me. Just then the key melted hotly into the lock dribbling gold down the warped door. I looked at Trance and she smiled at me.
"There's no way in or out without a key right Harper" She said seeming to prompt me along.
"Right…" I said happily. He couldn't get out now…I could hear him banging heavily on the door spewing obscenities. I just smiled. Was it finally over? He couldn't get out now. Trance walked over to me and grabbed my shoulder. She looked a little tired and I frowned. She grabbed my chin this time and leaned in. I closed my eyes in response and breathed in her aroma only to have her turn my head and peck me on my cheek. I smiled it off and rocked from heal to toe being the silly Harper she knew. She looked around the dark cellar we were in and shuddered.
"Let's get out of here." She said and just like that I found myself lying on the floor in the middle of the brightly-lit corridor. Trance stood over me looking down at me grinning. She helped me to my feet but I was still disoriented. Andromeda stood with a wide stance behind Trance and her face was that of utter disgust.
"Get him to med lab immediately and strap him down." She said then flickering out of view. Maria bots came pounding around the corner and if they had facial expressions it would be that of disgust. Trance looked at me and I looked at her and for the first time in a long time I felt like everything was gonna be ok if I just hung in there. From what Drake said we would be at Titans Drift by tomorrow morning. Tomorrow...I just had to keep hope alive...and keep Trance by myside.
To Be Continued...