A/N: This is an answer to the last Unbound Improv challenge but it's mainly a post ep for Nesting Dolls. Okay to clarify a few things: 1) I know that Grissom's mom lost her hearing when she was eight but for this story's purposes I'm sticking with what I wrote. 2) I don't know if there were family ASL classes back when Grissom was a kid but let's just say there were. 3) We know practically nothing about Grissom's childhood so consider everything I wrote as literary freedom. Please don't take it against me but I thought there was something other than fear of commitment and all the other obvious factors that were stopping him from having a relationship with Sara. That said, I went over the top again with the words. Also if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes please let me now so I can correct them. Thank you for reading.
SPOILERS: 1-5, Snakes, especially Nesting Dolls.
DISCLAIMER: All the characters are owned by Anthony E. Zuiker, the CBS Worldwide Inc. Alliance Atlantis Corp. The purpose of this story is purely for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.
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An upside down photo lay tattered on the floor. Papers and files were strewn around making small piles. There were books and journals lying scattered in every corner and he noticed some of the furniture was moved out of its original place. He treaded carefully through the room, seeing her slumped on the floor, leaning against the armchair, where he left her curled up more than an hour ago.
She didn't have to look up to know it was him. "So," she sniffled a bit, wiping at her eyes, "What's the verdict?" she asked, with a hint of resignation. She just wanted him to say it and leave. She hated feeling this way; exposed and vulnerable. He should never have seen her cry. Her hand was still tingling from where he had held her with his own.
"What happened here?" he asked, taking a look around her uncharacteristically disorganized apartment. He failed to hide the worry in his voice.
She didn't fall for his attempt to change the subject but answered anyway, "Would 'I got a sudden urge for redecorating' be enough as an answer?" she said softly.
"No." he muttered barely audible.
She sighed. "I thought as much." she said and continued, "Now back to the issue at hand. Should I be packing my bags, Grissom?" she asked and this time raised her head to meet his concerned eyes. She noticed he was approaching her slowly, like she was a caged animal with a tendency to attack.
"I don't think that's necessary." He simply replied, finally reaching her.
"Am I fired?" she asked as she slowly eased up into the armchair, curling up into the fetal position. Then he realized that this probably wasn't the first time she sat this way.
She did it when they had their talk earlier but she's probably done it a lot of times in her childhood. It was her defense mechanism. She probably used it when she wanted to protect herself from those around her. From her father, her mother's pain, her father's murder. From her mother's jail sentence.
"No," he breathed out and looked down at his hands. "Not exactly." he added as he sat down on the couch next to her.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Would you stop being so vague and just tell me what happened?" she said without anger.
"Okay…after our talk," he locked eyes with her and continued, "I went down to Ecklie's office. Catherine was there."
"Great, now they're both plotting against me." she said.
"Sara." He warned gently.
She looked down at her hands and sighed. "Sorry. Please go on."
"I told Ecklie I'm not firing you."
She looked up at him, almost surprised and that hit him hard. Did she really not trust him? Did she really think he was going to fire her?
"Catherine asked what action I am taking." he said, still surprised with Catherine's almost vengeful behavior.
"What action are you taking?" Sara asked on a sigh.
"We'll talk about that later but for now you're still suspended for a week."
"Fair enough."
"No it's not…fair but it has to be done."
"I understand. You don't need to worry."
"Yes I do." he said determinately and continued, "I said your behavior was the direct result of my management.
She snorted and added, "We both know that's not the case."
"I may not be the main reason for your behavior but I am the part of the problem."
"Don't flatter yourself." She said bitterly at which he raised his eyebrow in a questionable manner.
Uncomfortable silence settled between them until he decided to break it.
"Did you really mean it, what you said earlier?" he asked, almost whispering.
"What?" she asked confused.
He looked down at his hands and said, "That you look for validation in inappropriate places?"
"Why do you want to know?" she asked curious.
He sighed, "Because it sounded like something a PEAP counselor would say. Did he tell you your childhood history might be affecting your life decisions? That you're aiming to be better…to look better than how others perceived you?"
"How did you know?" she asked surprised. "Did you talk to my counselor?"
"Personal experience." He simply stated.
Sara was shocked into silence. His willing admittance of personal information was not something she expected from him in a million years.
Ignoring her expression he continued, "My past doesn't even come near the horror you went through but it haunts me all the same in my nightmares." He locked eyes with her and said, "I know you have them too, Sara."
Then he looked away to her window and added, "My counselor said that the failure of my parents' relationship was what prevents me from having a one of my own."
"A relationship?" she asked.
"Yes. They used to fight a lot. I might have been five or six, I don't know. I would hide behind the door and watch them. My father would yell a lot and my mom used to throw things at him. He would often accuse her of cheating on him."
He sighed and continued, "He was always suspicious of her, one of those jealous types. And it got even worse when her condition deteriorated…" at her questionable look her clarified, "She had this hereditary illness called otosclerosis and it was affecting her hearing until she finally lost it all together."
By the look Sara was giving him he knew she had realized what he was hiding from her for so long. He knew that if he stopped now, he was never going to say what he had to say. He needed to do this, if not for himself, then for her.
"My mother was a strong, independent woman, much like you." He said. Sara sensed a hint of pride in his voice. She never thought that he would compare her with his mother.
"She didn't let her 'disability' affect her life. So she started going to those family ASL classes, I would go with her and we caught on it pretty quick. My father didn't want to go so most of the time he didn't know what went on or what we were signing to each other. That's when he accused us for deceiving him, plotting against him. He accused my mom of having an affair with one of the men from the class. He said I had the nerve to confront him and then he hit me. It was just a slap to the face but it hurt the same. Mom told him to leave us alone. We never saw him again. I don't even remember his face."
She noticed his hand was shaking so she decided to return the gesture and took a hold of his hand, gently squeezing it in reassurance. He didn't back away.
"You think you could be like your father?" she asked with disbelief. "But you said that genes aren't a predictor of violent behavior."
"I know," he sighed, "I know that now."
"Why are you telling me all of this?" she asked.
"Because you shared so much with me already even though you didn't have to and it was only fair I did the same."
"Quid pro quo."
"Yes." He nodded and added, "And because I'm trying to help you…with your other problem."
"What other problem?"
"Choosing men who are emotionally unavailable." At her shocked look he stated, "I'm trying to be more available." He shrugged.
He saw her silence as a sign to continue. "You remember a few years ago when you asked me if I wanted to sleep with you?"
She looked down at their intertwined hands, slightly embarrassed by the route their conversation was taking.
"Yeah. How could I forget? That was not one of my best moments." She shook her head at the memory.
"Maybe that's what we need." he stated like it was obvious.
She raised an eyebrow. "You want to sleep with me?"
"No…not yet. Not in that sense anyway. We need to face our nightmares. And it will be easier if we did it together." he said a bit more cheerful this time.
She gaped at him and finally managed to croak out, "Did you just say what I think you said?"
"Yes." He was now openly grinning at her, noticing she used the same line he uttered back then.
She beamed right back at him and said. "So what does this mean, we're stuck with each other from now on?"
He cupped her face gently and said before leaning in, "So it would seem. "
The End