Two hours. The team had been sitting in the chapel, more or less in silence, for two hours. Two hours that felt like a blink and a lifetime all in one. There was everything and nothing left to say; between zero and a million tears left to fall from six sets of sorrowful eyes. Any comfort that could be verbalized had already been said over and over and over, from a different mouth each time as though that made it more likely to be true.
After awhile, Spencer let his eyes drift closed, the initial adrenaline crash having yielded to waves of grief and despair. For once, he didn't share the relevant facts for the problem they were all facing. He knew that JJ would have been rushed into emergency surgery minutes after arrival at the hospital; and, given the angry brusing already painting her skin, it likely wouldn't be hard to find the source of the bleed.
What happened after that was anyone's guess. Had there been multiple sources of hemorrhage? Had they not been able to stop the bleeding? Had she lost too much blood and coded? Was she still fighting for her life while her best friends, her found family, sat in silence and dread?
Spencer fluttered open his eyes, suddenly feeling stifled by his racing thoughts. The light had changed over the course of the afternoon, bathing them in the golden hour before the darkness took hold. The single small stained glass window behind the altar cast fragments of colorful shadow across the faces of his team, who met his eyes wearily.
"I'm, uh, gonna get some air." His soft voice broke the silence, the shaking in his tone not going unnoticed to the group of profilers. "It's getting hot in here."
"So take off all your clothes," Morgan and Garcia responded immediately, deadpan. Garcia let out a horrified gasp at her automatic response, which earned her a handful of smirks and gentle snorts. It wasn't the time for humor, it really wasn't. But the crushing weight in Spencer's chest lightened just a little at the small reminder of one of the reasons he loved this group.
"Can I come with you?" Emily asked, already rising to her feet to follow Spencer out the door.
"Yeah, of course." The pair headed out of the chapel and back into the fluorescent lights and sterile hallway. The energy was more frantic out here, a reminder that people were fighting to save lives all around them - their own or the lives of others. Emily sighed as they walked out the front door into the chilled air. A light dusting of snow coated the grass, and more flurries were starting to drift down as they moved towards a bench just off the sidewalk.
"Sometimes the cold helps calm me down. Kind of a shock to the system, you know?" Emily muttered, blowing out a long breath and watching the tendrils of fog spiral away.
Normally, Spencer would have made a quip about how a lot of people were bothered by the cold for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which was cold-triggered asthma symptoms. But today, all he managed was a shrug.
"Emily." Spencer abruptly started, shifting to meet her eyes. "When we thought we lost you... When we buried you-"
"Spencer-" Emily flinched ever so slightly at the reminder of the guilt she still felt over what happened.
"When we buried you," Spencer continued, undaunted. "I broke. And if... If we lose JJ..." Spencer broke off on a sob.
"We won't let you break again, Spencer," Emily tried to soothe, but Reid was already shaking his head.
"I already am. But please don't let me do it alone." Spencer had leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, fighting to control the sobs and his breathing. Speechless, Emily wrapped her arms around him and held tight, willing him to feel what little strength she had left.
"Reid, Prentiss." Both snapped to attention at the sound of their boss's commanding tone. Hotch stood just outside the doors of the hospital. The combination of the interior lights and the rapid onset of dusk cast moving shadows onto his grim face. Hotch was already turning to head back into the hospital as Spencer and Emily hurried over. "There's news."
The team had gathered in a too-small room with the same doctor from earlier. When Hotch, Reid, and Prentiss burst in, Garcia was the only one sitting. Reid sucked in a sharp breath, knowing what rooms like this usually meant.
"Please go ahead, Dr. Anderson," Hotch directed. Despite the rapidly escalating terror, a rush of warmth flooded Reid at the realization that Hotch refused to know a word of update about JJ until his team was there to hear it with him. Tears started to prick at Spencer's eyes, which he hurried to blink under control.
The doctor - Dr. Anderson, apparently - cleared his throat and consulted his clipboard. "As you know, Agent Jareau was admitted unresponsive and with life-threatening hypovolemic shock. Exploratory surgery was successful in determining the sites of hemorrhage. Her blood pressure bottomed out several times, but we were able to revive her and transfuse several units of blood."
Reid lowered himself onto the couch next to Garcia, head spinning with the information that had just been delivered. Garcia immediately shifted over and latched onto his arm, nails and all. "But... she's okay?" Garcia choked out hoarsely.
This earned a small smile from Dr. Anderson. "We are cautiously optimistic. She's in recovery and should be waking up soon."
A collective exhale washed over the room.
"Your agent is one hell of a fighter, Agent Hotchner," Dr. Anderson informed Hotch.
"That she is," Hotch replied. None of the profilers missed the tiniest break in Hotch's facade; the clenched jaw and the suddenly glassy eyes the only tell of the rush of emotion washing over him.
"That's my girl," Derek muttered softly, closing his eyes in relief.
"When can we see her?" Reid spoke up, suddenly needing to reassure himself that JJ was okay with his own eyes.
"I can have a nurse take you to her now."
And then the team was rushing down the halls again, full of nervous energy where they had been only panic before. Reid was the first to step foot in the room and catch a glimpse of JJ lying in bed, eyes closed. She looked tiny, and fragile, but she was alive. "JJ?" Reid whispered as he moved to her. He knew she needed to rest, but he needed to know she was okay.
This time, JJ's eyes easily fluttered open. Tired, but clear and blue. A soft smile rose to her lips. "Hi, Spence," she greeted him. A choked sound escaped Spencer as relief flooded through his veins.
"You're okay," he murmured, voice breaking, as he moved to sit in the chair next to her bed and take her hand. "Thank God you're okay." His eyes kept scanning over her, trying to reassure himself she would be alright.
"I'm okay, Spence," JJ agreed softly. She gave his hand a surprisingly hard squeeze, reminding him exactly how strong she was. Spencer huffed out a soft laugh at the idea that she of all people was comforting him right now, but he couldn't stop a few leftover tears from making their way down his cheeks. He hadn't realized the certainty he'd had that he was going to lose JJ until he was proven wrong.
A soft knock, and a blur of blonde hair as Garcia rushed forward, teary eyed, to give her friend the gentlest hug she could manage."I was so scared," Garcia whispered. The rest of the team entered as well, quickly crowding the small room.
"You almost weren't okay," came Hotch's voice next, his expression as stern as he could make it. Still, the relief was plain on his face as he looked over his agent.
"I know. I'm sorry," JJ sighed, her face a mask of contrition. "I didn't think it was that bad... and then the next thing I knew I was falling."
"Just don't do it again. We need you around to help keep our heads on straight," Emily advised, her warning accompanied by a smile.
"Oh, she won't." Derek's tone was ominous. "So much as a hangnail on her from now on, and we're going to the doctor."
JJ barely stifled a groan, even as her smile grew. Rossi shook his head as he approached, matching her grin with a warm smile of his own. "Welcome back, kiddo." The love and concern of her team settled over JJ like a cozy blanket, her heart filling with gratitude.
"I love you guys," JJ murmured, visibly struggling to fight off sleep. "Thank you for taking care of me."
"You tired?" Reid asked softly, noticing JJ starting to drift off.
"Exhausted."
"Then rest, agent. We'll be right here when you wake up," Hotch commanded. "Sleep well, JJ. That's an order."