EVERY SM LOVESTORY
Ahoy hoy! Another chapter. gosh, this fic is getting long! Is it getting worse? The next chapter will be filled up with all the rest of the cliches I can think of (if anyone has ideas,please let me know!). This chapter's very harmless and mushy, so please enjoy! And now, for the:
DISCLAIMER. shoves Austin Powers onto the middle of the stage> "Really, it's not mine!" Neither are the Village People, that episode of Friends, the Mighty Ducks, or the president of the united states. (phew!).
CHAPTER SEVEN: All Innuendo. All the time!
Usagi and Mamoru sat crosslegged on the rug of Mamoru's spacious but very locked closet.
Mamoru shifted his weight. "So…what do you wanna do?"
"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"
"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"
"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"
"Usagi, stop it!"
"Usagi, stop it!"
"Stop repeating after me!"
"Stop repeating after me!"
"Usagi, you are so juvenile!"
"Usagi, you are so… uh…." Since she didn't know what that meant, Usagi was unable to continue. She decided to explore her new surroundings.
"Wow, there are a lot of empty bottles in here," Usagi murmered, looking around the carpeted floor. She gazed abruptly at Mamoru, her tone accusing.
"Mamoru...do you drink alone? In your closet?!"
"N-no!" cried her oddly nervous companion.
Usagi shook her head. "That's really unhealthy, Mamo-chan. Do you have a problem? I mean, I know you're lonely, but geez…"
"I do NOT drink alone in my closet!" Mamoru protested. "I've got friends!"
"Suuuure. Invisible friends, I bet." Usagi rolled her eyes.
"Nuh-uh! I've got a magical dream princess!" said Mamoru.
The flaxen-haired girl paused meaningfully and patted his handsome dark head. "I'm just gonna let you think about that one for a sec."
Mamoru muttered something darkly.
"What was that?"
"I SAID," he whispered through gritted teeth, "I thought of something to do! We're gonna play 'spin the bottle'."
'Heh heh,' he thought. 'I've been losing too many of our little arguments lately. This'll unsettle her a bit! She'll refuse to kiss me and then maybe she'll let me braid her hair in exchange; I've always wanted to run my fingers through it. Oo, and maybe we can paint each others' toenails, too! Hee hee!'
Mamoru's…weird…and kind of disturbing…thought process was interrupted by Usagi, who was pouting cutely.
"What's 'spin the bottle'?" She asked innocently.
Mamoru's jaw hit the rug. "are you serious? Have you ever seen a teen movie?!"
Usagi shook her head. "I like rainbows," she said sweetly.
Mamoru's undernourished little orphan heart twitched a little in his chest. 'She is so innocent, and sweet'… he thought. 'And annoying', he reminded himself hastily.
"I am innocent and sweet!" Usagi sang to herself. "Tra la."
SOME MINUTES LATER:
"Okay, let me get this straight," Usagi was saying, with the intense concentration of a neurosurgeon performing a brain operation on a tightrope, "you spin the bottle, and whatever it points to, you have to kiss?"
"Yes."
"Ooh, fun! Okay, me first." Usagi twirled an empty glass soda bottle. It spun around quickly, slowing…slowing…slowing…until… it pointed to the wall of the closet, just behind Mamoru's left shoulder.
Usagi scrambled upright, stumbling a bit towards Mamoru, until she had almost reached him; she climbed onto his lap, and then, almost nervously, kissed the wall.
She made a face and giggled. "Ok, Mamo-baka, I did it! Your turn." She sat back down in her spot. "Weird game."
Mamoru just nodded dumbly. He spun the bottle. It pointed to a pair of his very oldest, dirtiest, stinkiest gym sneakers.
Usagi cackled with glee. "Kiss 'em! C'mon, it's your turn, you've got to!"
Mamoru paled. "This isn't how you usually play, you know…"
"Hey, it's your stupid game! Now go kiss those stupid shoes or…or…I'll tell Motoki you've got the entire collection of Sailor Moon manga in your closet! AND plushies!"
(AN: Which he did).
Mamoru scurried over to the sneakers, gingerly picking up a shoelace, and kissed a grody white canvas heel. He turned green and wheezed, "…your turn."
Usagi giggled. On her next spin, she kissed the door.
Mamoru kissed a shirt.
Usagi kissed a wire hanger.
Mamoru kissed a pen. "Darling!" he breathed, clutching the writing utensil and batting his eyelashes.
Not to be outdone, Usagi bowed to a pair of polka-dotted suspenders and kissed them tenderly. "Schnookums!" She laughed and examined them more closely. "Wow, someone had a good time in the eighties."
Mamoru's next spin pointed to the radiator. Caught up in the moment, he embraced it warmly and pressed his lips against the metal surface. "Sugarpie… gyahhhhh!"
He rolled on the rug, clutching his mouth in pain.
"Mamoru!" Usagi cried, bending over his thrashing form. "Are you ok?!"
AT THE CROWN ARCADE:
(AN: Bet you forgot about these guys, no?)
Popcorn fell from Rei's open mouth. "He didn't."
"He did!"
From the floor, Luna looked up, concerned. "I didn't see what happened. Are they still kissing inanimate objects? Why do teenagers like this game anyways?" she looked around suddenly. "By the way, where's Artemis?"
"Oh, I stepped on him an hour ago," said Minako absentmindedly. "Oh my God, she did NOT just say what I think she said, did she?!"
MAMORU's CLOSET:
"Do you want me to pee on it?"
Mamoru stopped rolling around on the floor long enough to look scared. Really scared.
"Do I WHAT?!"
"I said, do you want me to pee on it! I heard somewhere that if you pee on people's burns, they don't hurt anymore," Usagi offered sensitively.
"Actually Odango, that's only the case for jellyfish," he explained patiently, "and NO I WAS NOT STUNG BY A JELLYFISH AND NO I DO NOT WANT YOU TO PEE ON ME, especially not on my FACE!!"
Usagi's eyes turned into miniature lakes as she turned away from Mamoru. "Fine," she sniffled. "I was just trying to be a friend."
The injured man sat up, his pain temporarily forgotten. "You think of me as… a friend?"
Usagi blushed and stared at her knees. "I mean… I'd rather think of you as a circus clown or a truck driver or one of the Village People, preferably in drag, or maybe as that little kid in those old car commercials who's always whispering, like, 'Zoom zoom!', or—"
"focus, Usagi."
She sobered, drawing abstract designs in the rug with her pinkie. "What I mean is—maybe, we've survived in here so far without killing each other, maybe we can sort of call—a truce. You know, start again."
Mamoru could hardly slow his beating heart. 'Why am I so excited about this? I don't care what Odango thinks of me. And we haven't even braided each others' hair yet! She's just an annoying brat who's totally babe-liscious and is the only naturally blond-haired blue-eyed Japanese girl in the five-foot radius of the only street I ever walk on and the only arcade I ever visit!"
And yet…he was drawn to her. Like a moth to a moth-house. Like a fan to a fanfic. So he said. "Okay. Truce."
They shook hands solemnly. Not one to back down from a challenge, he passed her the bottle. "I think it was your turn," he said, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
Usagi spun. She followed the line of the bottle top, and pressed her hands against her mouth in horror. It was pointing right to…
"I am NOT kissing… THAT!!"
Mamoru grinned. "Oh, but you have to. It was the rules, right? Unless you're… chicken."
Usagi looked shaken at the prospect of losing the fight. "I am NOT!" she cried. "But there are some points where a girl's just got to draw the line. I am not." She said emphatically. "Not not not kissing that green blazer!"
The green blazer, one of…thousands?…swung evilly from the closet rack, uglier than the ugliest Dark Moon youma…uglier than Katsy's tutu (the black and pink one, with the stripes)…
Usagi shuddered. "I can't!" she explained. "It's too horrible. Look, Mamo-winkie, I'll do ANYTHING else, really…"
Mamoru winked thoughtfully and remembered his burnt lips. He pointed to them and said, "If you can do anything to make these feel better, you're off the hook."
Usagi thought carefully and, remembering how cold her face still was from the storm outside, she took a deep breath, and before she could remember how much she hated his man, she pressed her mouth against his.
In that moment, there were birds singing. Rockets going off. Gospel Choirs singing. The Mighty Ducks were making a seamless Flying V. George Bush making a sound presidential decision. All the impossible wonders of the earth. Little baby turtles were being born on a beach. Peace everywhere. Trees being hugged. Stars exploding, Teletubbies sent to prison. Fireworks bursting.
AT THE CROWN ARCADE:
"Uh, Makoto, I don't think you should be setting off those fireworks inside the building…"
"Oh, loosen up, Motoki, come dance on the tables with the rest of us! This is a celebration!!" Makoto turned to her blue-haired friend, who appeared to be sobbing on the floor. "What's wrong, Ami-chan?"
The girl pushed an aqua lock out of her eyes and cried, "did you just see that? I knew this was an ill-made decision from the start. They've gone insane in that closet and have resorted to cannibalism to survive!"
Minako, the soldier of Love, hopped off the soda machine upon which she had been dancing and patted her friend's arm comfortingly. "Usagi and Mamoru weren't trying to eat each other, Ami-chan," she explained. "What they're doing is called 'kissing'."
"Wow, who'd have guessed that this girl is the smartest human being on the planet," whispered Rei, elbowing Makoto in the side.
The senshi of Lightning tried to hold back her laughter, but it burst out of her, along with a burst of electricity that penetrated the electrical wiring inside the walls of the arcade. The little tv screen they had been watching went blank.
"Oh, no!" cried Ami, making furious typing motions on an invisible keyboard (force of habit). "I fathom that we have commenced to become devoid of closet feed!"
Everybody blinked. "In English, Ami-chan?"
She sighed, and started miming. "Us. Tv. Closet. Show. Bye-bye!"
Minako gasped in understanding. "We've teleported to the moon!" Everybody hit her and she fell down. Then, the power went out.
Three women, two cats and one Motoki screamed.
Suddenly, the arcade doors swung open. Lightening flashed and torrential rain torrented inside as four dark silhouettes appeared in the doorway. Motoki screamed again and the girls prepared to transform, when suddenly the figures stepped forward to reveal themselves as four astoundingly handsome men, all wearing strange grey uniforms.
Immediately conscious again, Minako sat up. "Military men?"
The silver-haired one grinned dashingly. "Actually, madam…"
The other three responded in unison. "We're generals."
BACK TO THE CLOSET:
Mamoru and Usagi stared at each other, beyond speechless, after the most glorious kiss of their young lives. (AN: Except for that time with Mamoru and Brittany Spears, because that was pretty swell too).
Usagi felt her forehead. "Hey!" she cried. "My fever's gone! Does that mean that you're…." she gulped, and sunk a little deeper into Mamoru's eyes, "my soul-mate?"
"There's only one way to find out," he said, just as the power went out in his apartment. The closet was plunged into blackness.
"Gahh!" Usagi cried. "Blackness!"
"What's wrong with that?!" said Mr. T.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Hi guys! I seem to like inflicting lots of pain on these poor characters. Especially poor mamo-chan.
Thank you, reviewers! I never realized how motivational reviews are. You guys are really great.
Lady Wise: gasp!> IS THERE A LIVE ACTION SM? Hoo baby, is there ever!! And it's just finished airing in japan, it's amazing; so many sparkles. If you download bittorrent you can download it andwatch it for free with subtitles on TV Nihon's bittorrent page.
For info, google a site called"shingetsu" (i can't make the email address appear here) or sailordream dot net.
Princess serena-mo: glad you liked it!
Rockfreak(lotsa numbers): go crazy? don't mind if i do! Actually, i've got no idea why Motoki put a camera in there. He's a wierd bird.
animix-chix: update complete! please enjooooy and keep readin.
Meara: sick? yes. How'd you know i have a cold?! Evil... also yes :) OHMYGOSH, i can't believe i forgot crossdressing AND extra sailor soldiers. They'll make an appearance soon, muahaha :) Thanks!
Yunyin: haha, yeah, that part was fun to write. I'll try to do better!
e-chan: try the dollar store. I bought an eyepatch there, although it was a little uncomfy. Who's oscar?
pisxiepam: Thanks for the review! Luckily, bad fanfiction hasn't killed anybody yet.