When Clark was 12 years old, he would follow Lana into the woods past the fields where his father worked. No one knew he was there. He always did know how to hide. Every once in a while he could step on a stick and Lana would look around, terrified a wild animal would be about to pounce, and Clark would rush away thinking, "One of these days… one of these days I'll actually talk to her. I could 'bump' into her, and say I was just out walking," and it would be just the two of them out in a secluded place. But he never did. He was much too shy. He was afraid he would say something stupid, and then Lana wouldn't ever want to talk to him again. Then one day he decided things were going to change. He would just go out and talk to her, and if he messed up, he would mess up—but if they actually hit it off, Clark and her might actually have a chance. That was one of those "defining moments" to him. That was the day he realized that the harder you try, the harder you fall. He couldn't risk that. Not again.

Clark stood in the grove of trees he had been in a million times before. He leaned against a tree, remembering how simple things were back then. Clark smirked. Simple. Things weren't simple then, but they were simpler. Lana would tie her horse to this tree, and sit down on the logs that had fallen. She would stay there for at least an hour, just reading. Clark would read all the books she would, hoping that one day, when he would "bump" into her, he would be able to say, "Hey, I'm reading that, too!" That was what got him to like reading. He learned a lot from it—seeing other's point of view. Learning from the lessons they learned in their own lives. It was actually a book that gave him the courage to decide to talk to Lana. He had been following her there for over a year—when it was warm enough. He could still remember that day as if it were yesterday. It started off the same—Clark would hurry up with his chores, say Pete and he were going to the creek, and then wait for at the place for Lana to get there. He had taken his own copy of the book Lana and he were reading separately together, just to kill the time. Then he heard the horse steps, and looked up.

"They say it's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all." Clark spun around to see Lana walking towards him. She stopped right in front of him. "Of course 'they' lived centuries ago."

Clark smiled. "They were also the ones who thought people should only bathe once a year."

Lana smiled now. "Do you think they knew what they were talking about?"

Clark didn't say anything. He didn't really want to talk right now. He had come out here to be alone. He wasn't even sure what Lana was doing there. Clark remembered he could talk. He tried his best not to sound mad. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you."

"What made you think of looking here?"

Lana tried to smile. She moved towards some logs that had fallen down, hoping they were still stable enough not to fall as she sat. "You're mom."

Clark followed. He was trying to enjoy someone else's company. "Sometimes I think she's psychic."

Lana was trying her hardest to be friendly, too. "And she saw you head out this direction. Her exact words were, 'He went that way—I have no idea what might be out there.'" Lana smiled as she remembered early days. "As soon as she pointed towards this direction, I knew where you were."

Clark tried to play ignorant. "Why would you think of here?"

Lana looked up at him. "Come on, Clark—did you really think I didn't know you were here the whole time?"

Even though he was busted, his illusion was all he had left. He had to protect it. "What do you mean?"

"Clark, I saw you."

"Maybe you just thought you saw me a lot."

Lana raised her eyebrows. "For a year?"

Clark smiled. He couldn't protect his illusion anymore. "I thought I was being sneaky."

Lana laughed quietly. "Well, for a 12-year-old, I'm sure you were."

They just sat there in silence for a while. Lana decided to break it. "When did you stop?" Clark looked up, questioningly. "You stopped. I hadn't heard you for a while. After a couple of weeks, I sense I was alone." Lana stopped and looked at Clark, waiting for his answer. "You never even said hi. Every day—for a year."

"I guess I grew out of it," Clark lied. He stood up and looked off into the distance, hoping somewhere inside of him that he could will this conversation to be only in his imagination. Then it would never have really happened.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Lana asked. Clark spun around. "I was always hoping you would come say hi to me." Lana smiled, remembering. "I thought, 'This could be the day. Maybe this shy, secretive Clark Kent will actually come out and talk to me today.' I would think of all the lame excuses you would use for being at the right place, right time. Everything from you just 'bumping' into me to someone stealing your cows and you thought you saw them running off into the woods, so you took off after them."

Clark was laughing, too. He missed that. "I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me."

Lana shrugged. "Every girl likes to be liked, Clark."

For a second, Clark thought everything was okay again, as if all the scars in their past had just flown away, leaving them behind.

Lana broke that illusion. "But what ever girl likes more is to have someone they care about be honest with them."

Clark almost rolled his eyes and stepped back. Not here, he thought. Not again.

"I just want to be able to trust what you say, Clark. When you lie to people, they can't know the real you." Lana followed him. "I want to know the real you."

"Just forget me, Lana. Just pretend everything was a bad dream—just stop caring."

Lana stopped. "It's too late for that. You can't just take back your feelings. Once they're given, they're given, and they live and they grow. You can't just kill something that's alive, that's that strong."

Clark stopped. He knew what she was saying—he was feeling the same way himself. That's what made it so hard.

Lana wasn't sure what else to say. "You just don't lie to your friends—you don't lie and keep secrets from people you care about."

Clark was mad. "Well, apparently people do!" For once he let himself be mad. Lana looked startled that Clark would yell at her so fiercely. He was tired of people telling him how he felt. They couldn't read his mind—not even Ryan could read his mind. How did they know whom he cared about? Lana started to leave. This was not the way she wanted this conversation to go. She knew from experience, you couldn't convert people in a yelling match. They would just be set in their own ways even more. Clark saw that she was about to leave and softened. He couldn't really blame them—they had no idea how deep this secret went. They couldn't, and they might never know. "You were 13." Lana stopped and turned around. Clark tried to not to look at her. "I was 13, too. Irony or ironies, I was going to talk to you that day." Clark smiled. "I was going to mysteriously 'bump' into you while I was out for a walk. And had gotten there early, just so I could reread the last chapter of the book, which is what convinced me to talk to you in the first place. I psyched myself up for it—I don't even know why it was so hard now, but my heart was going a million miles per hour when I heard your horse ride up to the grove." Clark stopped and looked at his hands. "Then I saw two horses. Whitney was on one of them. The two of you were talking and having so much fun that I…" Clark let it trail off. He finally spoke again. "He was in high school—he was popular. I could never have competed with him."

There was silence, and Lana looked at the ground, not knowing what to say. "I guess we both missed our chance."

Clark tried to smile, hoping to rectify the mood. "That was the day I stopped coming."

Lana smiled. "I stopped soon after that, too. I guess it was just wasn't as mission impossible without you there."

Clark tried to be more open. "I think that was when I decided that keeping things a secret was safer than risking something important."

Lana looked up to him, wishing for the words that would get him to open up more. But all she could find was, "Life is a risk, Clark."

Clark looked off into the woods. Lana tried to guess what he was thinking, but she couldn't, so her eyes just wondered to where Clark's eyes were wondering, too. It almost scared her when Clark spoke. "I'm not sure if it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Lana looked up at him. "It might be, but all I know is that right now I don't feel that way."