..hmn, yeah, sorry for denying this for so long.

Oh yeah..."gong hay fat choi, lai xi gao loi" means "happy chinese new year, give me red bags" just a translation. Because you'll need it for this fic. XD

ANd now...chapter three.

Hello.

...aw, how cute. You're all trying to do the evil glare thing on me! That's so sweet. Hey, YOU! Evil glaring does not require lip service! Gods, now stick that bottom lip back in or you'll look like Ryou when he doesn't get what he wants!

...(sarcastically) Oh gods...do you really need me to classify what the hell you're doing so you won't do it again?

Fine.

It's called "POUTING"! Gods, do NOT POUT in my class! For one, it does not work on me, (or I'd be surrendering to my hikari's salad tongs every half an hour), and two...it is the essence of innocence! The soul of the Lights! The trademark of the hikaris!

AND I'M A YAMI!

Darkness! Evil! Destruction, terror, fright! POUTING DOES NOT INDUCE THOSE TRAITS THAT ARE REQUIRED FOR A EVIL, DESPICABLE, REVENGFUL TOMB ROBBER!

... Hey, don't get all uppity with me. You try being crammed in a blasted golden toy for five thousand years in the darkness. WITH NO NIGHT LIGHT!

(blushes) NO I DO NOT NEED A NIGHT LIGHT! Maybe YOU do...because I AM THE DARKNESS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAA! Yes, of course..you'd need a night light to find me, wouldn't you? To illuminate my features while I'm watching you in the dark, peering from your closet, watching you slip into bed...

...gods, I'm a tomb robber! Not Peeping Tom! I'm sadistic, not perverted!

And get used to it. You'll be waiting in the darkness for hours at a time if you're not careful enough to time your thievings right enough. So better hop into the nearest closet and hope with all your heart that the romping and jumping on the bed between two shadows can be simply just a baka with a seizure. If it is, great! All the more advantage for you to take whatever you want and go! But if it isn't...

...well, just make sure you don't steal any garment wear if something like that occurs. It'll make everything in your treasure bags wet. Really wet. Sticky too.

And yes, for those-young-females-who-love-the-relationship-classified-under-(cough) YAOI (cough), please do refrain from being distracted should something of the same gender happen in that...bed. I highly doubt anyone would appreciate to have a thief drop their treasure dead center and go"OH MY RA THAT'S YAMI MARIK SEXY"

Especially Yami Marik.

HEY! Don't look at me like that! I've actually had these encounters before! (shudders) You try hiding in the closet with your hands over your ears crouching against the corner for half a night straight!

Oh sure. Go try it after you attempt to stay in the darkness for five thousand years straight.

Now, while we're on the subject of hiding in houses and choosing what things to steal...

(eyes glints) Do you guys know what holiday is coming up?

No, it's not Christmas. Ew...please NEVER remind me of that grouch...grinch...that stole Christmas. Disgusting. Not even evil looking. He just looked as though he evolved from a green furry Kuriboh that ate too much green jelly. Something like that, of any sorts. Ew.

No, not Hallowe'en, either. What can you steal on Hallowe'en, anyways? Oh sure, you can dress up as your favourite hikari and slip into the Pharaoh's house pretending to be your hikari until you suddenly steal his Millennium Puzzle and scream"TRICK OR TREAT" as you run away from his grasps. Hmn, that's a possiblity..too bad I'd have to wait for one more year...

...no, not Valentine's Day, either. (smirks) Planning to steal-buy-rob-pickpocket-little hearts for your fav. hikaris? Make sure you get the chocolate ones made with real milk. A wonderful source of calcium!

But you're getting close. Now..which is the holiday that will gaurantee a thief's ultimate riches? What is this, powerful source, this ominipotent power, that renders even Christmas presents worthless!

They're not gold, they're not silver, they're not even Millennium Items.

They're...

...RED BAGS!

YES! RED BAGS! Small, rectangular, red bags with golden scriptures and slips of hundreds of bills within! RED BAGS!

(Sings) That's why every crook we know believes

...do your dirty work on New Year's EEEEVVVEEE...

Chinese New Year's a holiday...

...for THIEVES!

Haha, didn't believe me, did you! Haha! (grins) Take adavantage of this upcoming holiday, my thieves! And let me teach you the methods of such a wondrous of stealing mounds and mounds of red bags!

Now normally the red bags always have hundreds of dollars within them...they're at least usually more than five dollars, and they range anywhere from five dollars to five hundred dollars! Parents keep them in their rooms awaiting the next day when they will give them to children of the family.

Now, you can go with the Bakura approach... or the Ryou approach. The Bakura approach just allows you to hack into the house...

..and just steal the entire pile, stuff the red bags in your thieving bags, and jump out the window. In fact, just for sarcastic, cold, ruthless sardonic measure, you can even wake up the parents and bow, with a feral grin, and go,

"Gong hay fat choi...Lai xie gao loi"

...oh yes. And if they don't understand? Then:

"Gong xie fa chai...hong bao na lai"

AND THEN JUMP OUT THE WINDOW, LAUGHING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

...the Ryou approach?

...well.. it's sort of a "more-innocent-Bakura-pretending-to-be-Ryou-approach". Heck, it's a lot more innocent, anyways.

So: first step. Dye your hair black.

...oh fine. So I forgot that I'm the only albino so far currently in existence as far as I know. Forgive me!

Then, wear a lot of red, celebratory chinese clothes instead of your usual frightening garb...I do think they can tell the difference of color between a red shirt and a just a plain blood stained shirt.

Though I perfer the blood stained shirt.

At any rate, hop over to any one hosting a chinese new year party...

...pretend to be a family friend...

...be polite..

...STEAL ALL THE RED BAGS...

..AND JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!

Oh yes..

and if they dont' have money in them? Big deal! Chocolate wrapped in golden wrappers are even better! Then you can get all high and hyper and scare the crap out of anyone else who has a red bag! Then you can hop over to the nearest Dim Sum with all the stuff you stole and eat yourself silly!

And refill yourself after an hour when you're hungry again from eating Dim Sum!

Now if you will excuse me...I've had my eye on a girl from the KC Grand Prix for quite some time... OH, VIVIAN! GONG HAY FAT CHOI!

Oh? (runs back)

Oh sorry...I forgot you guys. (bows sincerly) Gong hay fat choi. (looks up, then runs away, and you see a packet of red bags that have been stolen from YOU)

...LAI XI GAO LOI!

Um, yeah, celebrating chinese new year. Those weird song lyrics Baku sang were acutally from "Silent NIght" the animated version, you know, with the two mice and the...well, it was. There were like, these two bandits who tried to steal the church's donations and they were like, singing"That's why every crook we know believes, do your dirty work on CHRISTMAS EVE." So ...I changed it..to fit Baku's incentives. XD

Sorry I haven't been updating this story lately. It's hard for inspiration to come to someone who just doesn't write humor! I suck at writing humor!

Oh yeah..Baku and the salad tongs? That's from my friend willowindaudorois' fic"The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great". She has..Ryou posses...many odd kitchen ware to scare Baku with. (beams) Thanks, Willow-san!

Yeah, and sorry if I got the cantonese version of "gong hay fat choi"...i'm not cantonese. I'm Mandarin. So..sowwy! (hands you red bags) Enjoy!

Bakura: YOINK! (snatches)