I'm only writing this for the enjoyment of myself and other QaF fans, do not sue.
The sunshine streamed through the loft windows as the clock changed from 8:59am to 9:00am. The familiar beep beep of the alarm woke up Brian, who, as usual, was in no mood to wake up. Some people might have different ideas about how much partying was too much, but not Brian. Although right now he wished he had. As usual Friday night consisted of a few backroom blowjobs followed by some unknown substances before heading home.
He wished he didn't feel this shitty but he knew there was nothing he could do, and no amount of alcohol or sex would take it away. It was his fault, he knew it, Justin had left because he failed to do the one thing that meant the most to him. He never thought 3 stupid words would cause so much trouble. He also never thought he would regret not saying them. Everyone thought they knew Brian Kinney, no regrets, no apologies, sorry is bullshit, you know the rest. But Justin was the one person who saw past that, who understood words that were never said. Or at least Brian thought he was, maybe he'd been fooling himself, maybe Justin really did need those words so many people threw around meaninglessly. And maybe Justin finally realized it and found someone who was able to appreciate him the way Brian didn't. But wait, he did appreciate Justin, although he may have never verbally expressed his feelings, they both knew they were there.
As Brian got up and started the shower he hoped Justin was happy, and that he would always know Brian cared for him and always would.
As he finished up and walked out of the bathroom, he nearly had a heart attack as he saw a familiar blonde, blue eyed young man standing in front of the door. Brian noticed how tired Justin looked as his blue eyes never moved from Brians face. Finally he looked down at his feet, making him looked ashamed, as he quietly said "It wasn't supposed to be this way." Brian just stood there looking confused.
"I was supposed to leave, be happy, and never have to think about you again."
Brian opened his mouth to speak but Justin put up his hand to stop him. "Don't..." Justin whispered "...Just let me finish."
So Brian stood there waiting for Justin to continue. "For so long I thought I didn't need you or want you." Justins eyes were becoming watery and he knew this wouldn't be easy.
"I thought my life was finally starting, and I would be able to forget you." The truth to these words stung Brian a little as he continued to listen. "I thought..." Justin paused and looked up at Brian for the first time in what seemed like forever. "...I thought the longer I stayed away from you, the less I would miss you so much."
Brian wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.
"But the truth is, the longer I stayed away, the more incomplete I felt." Justin looked back down at his shoes as he continued. "I know you may not want to hear this, and you probably don't care, but..." Don't care? Brian thought. How can he stand there and tell me I don't care? "...I feel like a part of me is missing, and I can't stand it. I feel like there is this giant hole inside me, and nothing will ever feel the way it did in the beginning."
"Things change." Brian mumbled more to himself than Justin. "I know that!" Justin practically sobbed, as tears started to roll down his now rosey cheeks. Brian really didn't like where this was going. He fought the urge to run up to Justin and hug him as he waited for him to finish.
"I just never realized everything I'd ever wanted, I already had." Justin looked up at Brian again as he slowly started walking towards him. Brian knew he couldn't let this happen when Justin was so upset, and when they so obviously needed to talk.
"Look.." Brian started, causing Justin to stop "..You obviously knew what you wanted, and realized I wasn't giving it to you, so you left, it's o-"
"-No, it's not okay, and I'm starting to wonder if it ever will be." Justin cut in. "I thought I loved you when I first met you, but now I know that was foolish, now I know I love you."
"But.." He began, eyes starting to well up again. "..I hate you!" He sobbed loudly. "I hate you for making me feel this way, and I hate you for bringing me into your life, but most of all..." Justin stopped looking at Brians eyes, trying to read him. "...I hate you for letting me leave it."
Brian quickly closed the distance between them as he wrapped his arms around Justins slim waist, leaning his forhead against Justins. He stared into the crystal blue eyes until he could barely breathe as he softly pressed his lips against Justins.