In This Life
Chapter 4
Author's Note: This baby is unbetaed. So apologies for any mistakes!
'Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe
Whoa, breathe, just breathe
-"Breathe (2AM)," Anna Nalick
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Hermione Smithson sat at her desk staring at a photo of her with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. She turned it over, staring at it as she did every day before she went home. Her eyes started to mist over, and she shook herself out of her reverie, standing up and getting her bags. Pushing some of the small desks and chairs out of her way, she walked out the door, turned around, and locked it. She smiled at the door, looking over the drawings that were covering it. The heading at the top said, "Mrs. Smithson's First Grade Class" in large block letters.
She looked at her watch. It was already 6:30, and she was, once again, late to pick up Isobel. She sighed and ran outside to her car.
It was a fifteen-minute drive to Susan's house, where Izzy stayed every day until Hermione was finished with work. When Hermione pulled up at 6:50 and knocked at the door, Susan opened it tiredly and smiled at her, saying, "Hey, honey, how was work today?"
Susan had been like Hermione's second mother, taking care of Izzy any day that Hermione needed to work and refused pay for it. She was the first grade teacher that was retiring when Hermione was offered the job, and had taken a shining to Hermione, and later, Izzy. Since she was retired and all her children were grown up and had moved away, she was glad to take care of Izzy.
Hermione smiled back at her. "It was pretty good. Richard, one of the boys in my class, made me the cutest drawing. He's so adorable. They all are."
"Yeah," Susan said softly, "but are you happy?"
Hermione shrugged. "Of course I'm happy. I love teaching."
"No. I mean, are you happy?"
Hermione cast her eyes down. "I don't know. I'm not sure. I mean, I've got Izzy, what else do I need?"
There was an awkward silence, and the answer to that question was hanging in the air. Hermione cleared her throat. "So, is Izzy ready?"
"What? Oh, yeah, come on in, she's just finishing her grilled cheese sandwich."
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Harry pushed his chair back and stood up, both shocked and angry. In fact, he wasn't just angry. He was positively fuming. "Ginerva Weasley Malfoy, you have ten seconds to explain why you didn't contact me as soon as you found out where she was."
Ginny paused, deliberating. What was she supposed to tell him? Deciding not to make things worse, she chose the truth. "Well, to start off, I knew where she was the entire time." Harry started to say something, but Ginny kept talking. "And, not that this lets me off the hook or anything, but…"
"But what?"
"…She didn't want me to."
As quickly as he had stood up, Harry sat back down. He felt lifeless. There had been many reasons why he thought that maybe Hermione wasn't trying to contact him, but this was most definitely not one of them.
Ginny stood up and walked around the table to him. "Come here," she said, holding her arms out in a hug. Harry stood up resignedly and wrapped his arms around her, sighing.
"Look," she said, pulling away. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to tell you where you can find her, because Lord knows you need each other."
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Hermione followed Susan into the kitchen, where a little girl with a very large and voluminous head of hair sat eating a sandwich and watching television. "Izzy, sweetie," she said, walking up to her and bending down to give her a hug. "It's time to go home."
Isobel gave a large, over-dramatic sigh. "Mom, there's ten more minutes left of Spongebob left. Can't I watch it? Pleeeease?"
"All right," Hermione said, smiling lovingly at her daughter. "We'll be in the living room if you need us. I'm coming to get you right in ten minutes, okay?"
She didn't respond; her eyes were already glued back to the television.
Hermione and Susan walked into the living room, and Hermione collapsed onto the couch, suddenly very tired. Susan sat down next to her. "Hermione? Are you all right? You just never seem like you're all there anymore. What's going on? Do you want to talk about it?"
Hermione closed her eyes and, for a moment, Susan thought she was asleep. But then her eyes opened again and, this time, there were tears shining in them. "Oh, God, I just miss him so much!"
Susan's eyes filled with pity for the poor girl; she moved immediately closer and wrapped her in a warm embrace, feeling her body shake with sobs. "There, there, darling, it was almost three years ago. There's nothing you can do about it. It wasn't your fault."
Hermione pulled back suddenly, eyes puffy and nose red. "I don't think we're talking about the same person."
Inwardly, Susan smiled. She had known that Hermione had left someone behind in England. She didn't know his name or anything about him, because Hermione didn't want to talk about him.
"Do you want to tell me about him?"
"He was the most amazing, gorgeous, and caring person that has ever lived. It all started out when I was at my first year of school in Europe…"
Hermione told Susan all about Harry, being careful not to mention his name. She was at the point in the story where she left Harry when a small pair of feet pattered into the living room. "Mommy?"
Hermione glanced, horrified, at her watch. She had been talking for two hours, and now her poor daughter was tired out of her wits. She looked at Izzy and something set in her mind. "Susan? Do you mind if Izzy stays with you tonight? I have somewhere I need to go."
"Oh, certainly, dear," Susan said, reverting into grandmotherly mode. "I would take her any day. Just call me and let me know when you will pick her up." (Susan was a Muggle.)
"Thanks so much, Susan!" Hermione stooped down and gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek. "Mommy will pick you up tomorrow, okay, sweetie?"
Izzy nodded, blinking blearily. "Bye, Mommy. Can I go to bed now, Grandma?"
Susan smiled softly. "Sure, sweetie." She went and gave Hermione another hug. "I'll see you tomorrow sometime, then? Remember, it's Saturday. You don't have to work."
"All right. Bye, Susan."
Hermione opened the front door and stepped out into the warm night. The ocean waves sounded in the distance as she walked back to her car and got ready for the long time to Ginny's house.
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Harry croaked, "Ginny, I changed my mind. I don't hate you anymore."
Ginny smiled. "I know, Harry, I know. Why don't you come and sit down with me again? I haven't really talked to you in years."
"Sure," Harry said, feeling incredibly lighthearted. "And you can tell me where I can find her."
"Absolutely."
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By the time Hermione reached Ginny's house, it was 11:00 at night. The sun had set. Tears were streaming down Hermione's cheeks as she thought of the foolish choices she had made. She had been so stupid! Now, though, it would all be okay. She would get Ginny to contact Harry for her, because Harry surely wouldn't want to talk to Hermione just yet.
She knocked on the door quietly, a fresh wave of sobs hitting her hard. Everything would eventually work out.
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"So, look, Harry, Hermione lives in Rhode Island now. It's about a two-hour drive from here to there. You could probably make a day trip over, if that's what you wanted to do," Ginny was saying.
Harry was barely processing what she was saying. He was still in such blissful happiness over the fact that he had found Hermione again! He was only broken out of his reverie when a piece of wadded-up paper hit him square in the face. "What was that for!"
"You weren't listening or paying any attention, and when I tried to hand you her address you didn't respond."
"All right. So this is her address then? I'll just take a look at Shelley's map to figure out how to get there."
A knock sounded at the door. Ginny stood up. "Could you excuse me? Wow, it's late. I wonder who it is."
She stood up and walked down the hallway. Harry heard the door open, and a surprised Ginny saying, "Oh, no, you've had one of those days, haven't you?" There was some indistinct murmuring and Ginny said, "Come on, sweetie, you should sit down in the living room."
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Hermione sat in a crumpled heap on Ginny's couch. It always happened this way. She would go to Ginny's, totally composed, and by the time she arrived she would be a blubbering mess.
"Ginny, I've made such a stupid mistake! I just… I think back on all the things that we could have been doing. I have so many regrets right now. I just wish I could go and turn things around. I could go back there and I could've turned things around, or I could've made myself stay, or something! But now I can't, and I'm old, and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life anymore. Everything is a mess."
Inside, Ginny was kicking herself for having been so supportive her friend all those years ago, when instead she could've spoken her mind. But now was not a time to look upon the past. "It's okay, Hermione, everything will turn out all right in time."
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Harry sat at the kitchen table, tapping his finger. Ginny had been in the living room for quite some time now. He stood up and went upstairs to get Shelley. On the way out, he tapped on the door frame and Ginny, who was currently hugging a head of frizzy blonde hair, looked up. "I'm just going to go," he whispered. Ginny nodded, and Harry and Shelley made their way out of the house.
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Author's Note: I only wish I could blame this on my beta not getting things back in time. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I'm just lazy. I'm sorry!
Two weeks later: So sorry about this. It's un-betaed because my beta hasn't responded. So... yup.
So, why didn't Ginny let Harry know that Hermione was sitting there? Why didn't Shelley recognize her cousin? Why wasn't Hermione's hair brown? What was the other man that Susan was referring to? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! Or, well… eventually…