On Her Vorlagian Majesty's Secret Service
By
00UCSBdad
Disclaimer: You must know by now that I don't own Castle. In addition, no Vorlags were harmed in the making of this fanfic. Okay, there were some awful Vorlag hangovers, but that's to be expected. Rating: K. Time: Immediately after The Tragical Comedy of Rick and Romeo, Juliet and Kate.
Q went to a closet and removed two garment bags. In each was a dress and a pair of shoes.
"Here you are ladies. You can change in the ladies' rest room." He pointed to a door with the silhouette of a lady Vorlag on it.
"Which one is for which of us?" Alexis asked.
"Oh, it doesn't matter. One size fits all."
Alexis was not at all sure that something that would fit Corrine would fit her but followed the brunette into the ladies' room.
Corrine began to strip, and Alexis could see she looked very much like Kate.
She took out her dress and examined it.
"There's no zipper on it. How do I get it on?" She asked Corrine.
"Just pull it on over your head. It'll adjust. Once it's on you, it'll be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady."
Alexis found that the dress did slip right on and fit perfectly, as did Corrinne's. She also noticed that the dress seemed to incorporate built in underwear, which she hadn't seen when pulling it over her head.
"Do you know how to operate the dress, Alexis?"
"Operate the dress? Do you need to operate a dress?"
Corrine tapped the shoulder of the dress and all at once, the dress changed into a form fitting garment that covered Alexis from head to toe.
"Use this if you need to sneak into someplace. And when you tap here…"
The dress changed into a set of running shorts and a tank top.
"Then this…" Corrine tapped again, and the dress became a mini dress that showed much more leg than Alexis usually showed. She also noticed that the top of the dress was acting like a push-up bra, making her boobs look bigger.
Another tap and the dress became a rather conventional little black dress and once more and it became a full-length gown, slit up one side.
"The slit is so you can run, if necessary." Corrine added.
"And if you tap on this side, you can change colors. First you get the primary colors, red, yellow and blue. Then you can mix them, say, by using yellow and blue to make green, or black and white to make grey. You'll get the hang of it."
When they left the ladies' room, they found that 00Sam and 00Curly were now dressed in tuxedos.
Sam looked over the two ladies.
"Corrine, I think you should show a bit of leg and Alexis, you'll be the classy dame in the long gown." Then Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out some documents. "You'll need phony IDs. Take a good look at them and remember who you're supposed to be."
Alexis checked her ID and wasn't happy with her assumed name, but then again, who'd know it on this side of the galaxy?
"Where are we going?" Alexis asked.
"First, we're headed for Finance to get some long green. I think fifty large should do it."
"Fifty large?" 00Curly squealed. "Fifty thousand Vorlag pounds?"
"Welcome to the big leagues, sport." Sam replied.
The people in Finance handed out the cash as if it were their very own, but hand it out they did. Alexis was sure she heard a strangled sob when 00Sam handed the money to 00Curly.
"Never see that lot again." Someone muttered.
"Where are we going?" Alexis asked again.
"We've got a line on T.O.O.T.H.'s money man, a jamoke named Le Viffre. He hangs out at the Casino Imperiale and gambles for high stakes. We're hoping if we can bankrupt him, we can get him to squeal on his bosses."
"Who's going to do the gambling?" Corrine asked.
"I am." Said 00Curly. "Don't worry, I am brilliant, and I know everything about his favorite game, and I know about all the ways to cheat. This is in the bag."
They decided that they would go in three cars. 00Curly would arrive in a chauffeured limo as befitting a high roller, 00Sam would arrive in a taxi and Alexis and Corrine would come in a fancy sports car as befitted two happy go lucky and rather wealthy ladies out for a night on the town.
They did not arrive together, but they were close enough that they arrived at the table where Le Viffre played within a few minutes of each other. 00Curly arrived last and took a recently emptied seat across from Le Viffre.
Le Viffre was a rather small Vorlag who dressed in a black, double-breasted suit and, oddly for a Vorlag, had his hair slicked back with some sort of gel. He had more than a dozen scantily dressed Vorlag ladies hovering around him.
00Curly tossed his money onto the table.
"Ready to play, Le Viffre?" He asked calmly.
"And 'oo do I 'ave the honor of playing, m'sieu?"
"Bond. James Bond."
"A ver' odd name for a Vorlag." Le Viffre said.
"My parents were a bit eccentric."
Alas, they began to play, and it was all over in fifteen minutes. 00Curly was wiped out. He rose unsteadily to his feet and staggered off. Alexis heard him mutter, "I even lost my allowance from my brother, Moe."
Luckily, 00Sam had had a backup plan. Alexis rose, pulled another wad of cash from her purse, which had somehow appeared when her dress had lengthened and sat down across from Le Viffre.
"Sacre bleu!" Exclaimed Le Viffre. "An' 'oo are you, little girl?"
Alexis grinned and gave her assumed name.
"I'm Scarlet O'Hara. Now are we going to play or are you just going to sit there?"
Usually when Le Viffre played, there were side bets among the spectators, usually about how long it would take Le Viffre to clean out his latest victim. They thought that this was so obviously a mismatch that no one bothered to make any bets.
However, as the game wore on, it appeared that Le Viffre had a real rival for once. Even so, Alexis kept taking small losses that threated to add up. But no matter what strategies Le Viffre tried, the redheaded girl always seemed to manage to slip away without any major damage.
As the game went on and on, the crowd gathered around the two players. Le Viffre even began to sweat, although Alexis remained cool and calm. There were even a few bets on Alexis.
Then, as the game was in its fourth hour, Le Viffre suddenly smiled.
"Voulez-vous coucher avec ma, cest soir?" He said with a nasty grin. "As you can see, I will finally defeat you in three more moves."
Alexis smiled back.
"Too bad you'll never make those three moves."
Then she picked up her remaining red checker and jumped over all of Le Viffre's black checkers.
'I win, and you need to king me." She pointed to the pile of cash in front of Le Viffre.
"I believe that's mine now."
Le Viffre watched in horror as she scooped up her winnings and walked away.
"Zut alors." Cried Le Viffre. "I am bankrupt. Ruined. Skint."
He rushed after Alexis.
"Please, you must help me." He cried when he caught up with her.
"And why is that?" She answered coldly.
"The money is not all mine. Some of it belongs to people who will kill me if I lose it."
She shrugged.
"It sucks to be you, then."
"I'll do anything, please."
"How about you tell me where the headquarters of T.O.O.T.H. is?"
"What? You are an agent of the SIS?"
"No, I'm a Girl Scout working on my anti-terrorism merit badge."
Le Viffre sweated for a moment, then came to a decision.
"All right. The headquarters of T.O.O.T.H is…" Suddenly Le Viffre stiffened. "Ou est la plume de ma tante?" Then he fell over, face first.
Alexis could see a poison dart in the back of his neck. She scanned the surrounding area but saw no one.
Corrine came running as soon as she saw Le Viffre fall over.
"We'd better run, Alexis."
It was too late to run. Two large humanoids approached them.
"Just hand over the money and no one gets hurt." Said one.
"We can't do that." Corrine said. Then she assumed a fighting stance. "Karate." She said. The humanoid facing her assumed a similar pose.
Alexis looked at the other humanoid.
"Purse." She said.
"Purse?" Said the confused humanoid.
It was too late for him. Alexis swung her purse in a mighty arc, bringing it down on his head. He collapsed.
Glancing at Corrine, Alexis saw she'd defeated the other bruiser.
"Purse?" Corrine asked,
"Something I learned on Earth. I always carry an Acme Corporation anvil in my purse. Luckily, the purse is bigger on the inside than the outside. It doesn't work for everyone, of course."
00Curly and 00Sam arrived soon after and they hurried off.
Once back as SIS headquarters, 00Sam made a discovery.
"I grabbed Le Viffre's wallet and other goodies before we left. Interesting, he didn't always win. He lost regularly to some bozo named Dr. Auric Furryfinger. We should probably look into the good doctor and see what's what."
00Sam Voogled Dr. Furryfinger and found he had a web site.
"Seems he makes toupees for Vorlags who are losing their hair. Not much of that goes on with us, so maybe it's some kind of a scam?"
"I think Alexis and I should go visit Dr. Furryfinger. Humanoid women are often interested in wigs and hair extensions. We can get phony credentials saying were from Galactic Fashion magazine, looking for a story." Corrine said.
It took a few days to set up an appointment with Dr. Furryfinger and to get credentials establishing Alexis and Corrine as fashion experts from Galactic Fashion magazine.
The two ladies were ushered into Dr. Furryfinger's office while 00Curly and 00Sam loitered across the street in a public park in case they were needed.
"Gut mornink, ladies." Dr. Furryfinger said with a distinct German accent. "Velcome to mein business. I am happy to see Galactic Fashion magazine taking un interest in my vork."
"We at Galactic Fashion like to think of ourselves as being on the cutting edge of fashion." Corrine said briskly. "This is my assistant, Red Ridinghood. I'm Collette Stenger. So good to meet you, Herr Doktor Furryfinger."
Dr. Furryfinger led them around his business, which both Alexis and Corrine found to be quite boring. But finally, they got to something interesting.
"Dis iss mein laboratory vere ve do our most important vork. Vill you come in?"
They went through a steel door with a substantial lock on it to a room filled with Vorlags in white coats running all manner of experiments using unfamiliar equipment.
"Oh, I must introduce you to mein henchvorlag, Over Time."
Hearing his name, a truly huge Vorlag came out from behind a door. He was not quite as gigantic as Don Squeaky, the strong right paw and consigliere to Da Boss, Don Vorleone, but he was very big indeed.
"Really." Dr. Furryfinger said. "Is the SIS so stupid that they think they can yust send two agents into mein business and get avay with it? Did V. actually think he could ruin mein brilliant plan to take over all of Vorlag by sending two females?" He laughed sinisterly. Okay, all villains laugh sinisterly. "And don't think your friends in the park across the way will help you." Furryfinger turned on a closed-circuit TV showing the park. As 00Curly and 00Sam sat there, a young Vorlag girl walked past them and smiled, then sprayed them with something. Both males began grinning foolishly.
"Oooh! The colors." 00 Curly said.
"Far freaking out." 00Sam replied.
"Free concert at Golden Gate Park."
"Groovy."
"Now I'm afraid I'll have to have Over Time kill you. Please note that he is wearing a hat made of solid collapsium. When he hits you with it…Well, you won't feel a thing."
TBC